Dom Tsui

"How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live."

[domtsui]

Innate Confidence

Hey guys, I wanted to thank you all for your support over the years. Just letting you know that my coaching business is now up and running.  I'm currently running a free coaching offer - but for those of you who have followed me over the years and who would like to see what I'm offering, I will continue to offer free introductory coaching sessions indefinitely. I'm touched that so many of you have got in touch with me in the past, and I'm hopeful that I can be of service to you all in the future. My website is currently under construction but you can contact me at my facebook page www.facebook.com/innateconfidence Much love to you all!

[domtsui]

3 Principles, 1 Paradigm

I've just come back to the real world after 4 days at a retreat with Keith Blevens and Valda Monroe, in association with Rudi and Jenny Kennard of Innate Wellbeing and Three Principles Movies. What an amazing, game changing experience that was. I've been playing around with the Three Principles as taught by Sydney Banks for the last couple of months. This was by far the most rigorous and in depth examination of those principles and the Single Paradigm that I've encountered, to the point that I feel like my understanding has shifted to a much, much deeper level. It feels entirely different to the kind of meditation retreats I sat on in my Vipassana days. There were hours of talks every day, and constant discussion amongst participants. No exercises. No games. No demonstrations. Just an incredibly thorough exploration and explanation of the principles and the implications they have. Simple takeaway? You are not broken. You never have been. You do not need to be fixed. Everything that you are feeling is being created in the moment. Years of conditioning, of habitual and contaminated thinking, can disappear in an instant when you understand the nature of thought. It arises and passes away. You don't have to do anything to change.

[domtsui]

New Year, New You

Goodbye 2014, hello 2015! A new year, a fresh start and a perfect chance for a clean break with the past. Or is it? New Year’s resolutions can be a double edged sword. It’s an opportunity to set new goals. Everyone’s doing it, so you have company on your quest to lose weight, quit smoking, take up a new hobby, or whatever else you’ve decided you should do this year.

So why do so many resolutions fail, and how can you make them stick? The simplest explanation is that people just don’t expect to be successful. The New Year’s resolution is basically a running joke. You’re pretty much expected to fail before we get into February. It’s the socially acceptable way to put off actual change: no-one will criticise you for not following through because everyone has their own story of resolutions which were never resolved. Another reason is that we often make resolutions because we feel we should, not because we genuinely want to. That’s a guaranteed failure: there’s no way we’re going to change if we don’t actually want to. There are the hopelessly ambitious resolutions, the ones that we never even believed were possible, or the half-hearted ones we never wanted to make.

Of course, sometimes we make resolutions with the best of intentions. We start with all the enthusiasm in the world, but the initial excitement soon wears off as we encounter difficulties. Or maybe we put off starting as we search for a way to begin: we start the New Year by looking for a new gym or for a new hobby and we never really get started. There are a few ways to improve your chances of sticking to your guns. Try and get started as soon as possible: if there’s something you really want to change then it’s best to start straight away. Postponing it until the New Year can be just another way of putting off an unwanted change. This could be as simple as getting started now, doing a few days in the gym before New Year’s Eve just to give you a little head start and build momentum. You could start planning and researching your new diet now so that everything is in place for when the time comes. You could decide what new hobby you are going to take up and then look into classes near you or research what you will need to get started now. January will be hectic, so getting these things out of the way first may help you get straight down to business when you need to. Another thing to bear in mind is that change can be hard. If you slip from your resolve for a bit, never mind! Focus on getting back on track rather than the fact that you slipped up. You’re trying to develop a new way of thinking or acting. Like anything new, you’re going to have to practice until it becomes perfect. Every time you slip (and might well happen a lot), just start over again and see if you can stick it out a bit longer the next time. The final and perhaps most important requirement for success is the way we see ourselves. Self identity is a powerful thing that I will discuss in another post, but for now let’s consider how it affects our resolutions. Simply put, you have to really want to change. Odds are, if you want something enough, you’ll make the effort. And if you don’t, you won’t.

“When people are ready to, they change. They never do it before then, and sometimes they die before they get around to it. You can’t make them change if they don’t want to, just like when they do want to, you can’t stop them.” ~ Andy Warhol

[domtsui]

Life Coaching to Kickstart 2015... and end 2014 on a high!

A while back, I wrote a post about how making Resolutions often fail to make the desired impact in our lives. I also offered free Life Coaching sessions, but due to a change in situation I didn't manage to speak to many of you. Well, the offer is back.

I'm offering free Skype conversations throughout December/January. I've spent years working on changing my life - from shy, geeky kid to the man I am today. I've been involved in coaching for years, helping people learn from my successes - and my mistakes! I've coached people on matters such as confidence, self image and lifestyle design, using methods ranging from SMART goal setting to NLP. I am a qualified NLP Practitioner and have worked for years as a martial arts instructor. I have meditated for years and have recently begun developing my own system for transmitting the benefits of all these different practices.

If you're interested in making genuine changes to your life in 2015, send me a message to find out more.

[novellaroyale]

[domtsui]

Get Outta Your Way!

Last week I was training with a big guy - someone around 60 pounds heavier than me and a pro MMA fighter. I armbarred him - and he dumped me on my shoulder to try and escape.

I couldn't lift my arm properly for a few days, so today I was taking it easy in training. When it came time to roll, I decided I'd do it, but I'd roll with my arm tucked in my belt like I've done before. My coach obliged by only putting me with smaller guys - or at least guys who aren't spazzy. Normally when I roll with the lower belts, I hold back a lot. I try and make sure that they get a chance to work. But today I cut loose - after all, I already had a handicap. I absolutely destroyed the lower grades - and gave my regular training partner, who is my size and a purple belt like myself - and did as well against him if not better than I would have if I had two hands. The point of this is not to boast or show off - well, maybe a little bit - but to consider the mental aspect of jiu jitsu, or in life. A lot of the time, we hold ourselves back. In terms of jiu jitsu, I do that consciously, when I roll with lower grades - and also subconsciously, against some people around my own level. In some cases, when I've had the upper hand, I've not gone in for the kill because I didn't want to seem like a bully or a try hard. It works both ways - sometimes the competition between us makes us train harder - and sometimes I don't give my best because I hate to be beaten by those at my level.

Today, I didn't hold back. And what's more, I could see some of the guys I trained with holding back. I've had the same problem when training with another guy who was doing the same thing. I felt bad that he was handicapped, so I tried to go lighter. He messed me up. I'm used to training with women, but lots of guys I know struggle. They feel bad about being stronger - they get into their own heads and don't know how to act. Same goes in life. A lot of the time, we're the ones getting in our own ways. Timothy Gallwey described our performance as a simple equation. Performance equals potential, minus interference. A lot of the time we're not even aware of how much we limit ourselves through our thinking - sometimes it takes an imposed limitation to make us work at full capacity. Sometimes we need to be handicapped or forced to work under extreme situations to make us realise just how much potential we have. Think of those times when you've worked frantically at the very last minute. Imagine if you could work like that all the time! The key is simple, although it's not easy: Get the hell outta your own way!

[domtsui]

Interested in free Life Coaching sessions?

Hi guys, apologies for the lack of activity on this blog of late. Let me explain why: I'm currently training as a life coach. Now as part of my training, I need to get a lot of hours worth of practice coaching volunteer clients. While I already have plenty of coaching experience, I'm looking to expand the range of people I'm working with so I'm now offering sessions via Skype. What is Life Coaching? Life coaching, or personal performance coaching, is exactly that. It's about getting the best out of your life and performing to the best of your ability. Sessions focus on uncovering what you really want out of life, then planning the best way for you to get it. Coaching is not about a coach telling you what to do. We all need different things, and deep down, most of us already have an idea of what we need. Instead of telling you what I would do, I focus on bringing out what the best way of doing things is for you. Sounds good, right? All I'm asking in return is that after our sessions, you send me a testimonial saying what you gained from working with me. A perfect win-win partnership! So if you're interested, send me a message and I'll let you know more about what I do. I look forward to working with you! Dom

[domtsui]

A Eulogy for my Grandfather

Dear 公公,

I never knew you as well as I wanted to.

I wish we could have spent more time together.

I knew you as a kind and generous man. Everybody did. Everybody respected you. Everybody looked up to you, because you were honest, determined and full of integrity. You were a leader by example.

We would all be lucky to live the way you did, surrounded by the love and respect of family, friends and colleagues.

Even though you’re no longer with us, you are still a role model for us all. I hope we can all honour you by living in a way that you would be proud of.

I wish I could say this to you in person: I am proud and happy to be your grandson.

Dom

[domtsui]

A Manifesto

My name is Dom. I believe in love. Love for ourselves, for others, for everything in our world. Love and kindness should shape all our thoughts and actions: the world would be a far better place if we did. I believe in passion; in honesty and self expression. I believe in pursuing what it is important to us with dedication and determination. When you have a purpose, a calling, then you must follow it with all your heart or you will find yourself at odds with your own nature. Be yourself, and be yourself completely. Express yourself fully, honestly and without any reservations. Do this in your thoughts and your words. Do it in your actions. Do it through your behaviour. I believe in doing the right thing and making the world a better place. Through constant awareness of our feelings and emotions, we can learn to feel when we are straying from our course and learn to act in a way that makes us truly happy and fulfilled. Let yourself be your own guide. I believe in taking responsibility. For my thoughts, my words and my actions. For myself, for those I love: and for the world I live in.

[domtsui]

“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.” The Brazilian Jiu Jitsu community has been rocked in recent times. Prominent members of one of the leading academies in the school have been implicated in the rape of one of their teammates, while the head of this academy has drawn criticism for his response (or lack thereof) as well as events from his past that he refuses to address. Ryan Hall, a well known BJJ black belt and former student of Lloyd Irvin, speaks out in an elegant open letter. This is an excellent reader for anyone involved in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, the martial arts in general, or indeed in any facet of life. We train to fight, but sometimes we forget what it is that we should be fighting for. Even if you're not a martial artist, this is well worth a read. This is about standing up for what is right, no matter how hard it may be. ~ "The things that will destroy America are prosperity at any price, peace at any price, safety first instead of duty first, the love of soft living, and the get rich quick theory of life." - Theodore Roosevelt "Hello everyone. "Over the past week, certain revelations have come to light about awful, subhuman behavior on the part of a number of members of our community, some of whom I know personally. "The worst of this is certainly the work of some truly reprehensible individuals who seem to think that they have the right to destroy the dignity and innocence of others in the pathetic service of their own desires. Some of them will hopefully bear the full brunt of the justice system’s penalty for the atrocities they have committed. Others may not be liable to judgment at the hands of the courts, but should in no way be excused for their own disgusting acts both past and recent. "Somewhat less grievous, but still staggering in its absurd level of insensitivity, cultish wagon circling, and revolting lack of perspective has been the response of certain individuals who feel the need to blindly defend the actions of those with whom they are associated. I cannot say for certain if this is born out of some sort of woefully misguided sense of loyalty or if it is simply the basest act of self-preservation, aimed at protecting a reputation built on the connection to someone discovered to be wholly disreputable..." Read more

[domtsui]

3, 2, 1, 0... 2013!

'Set them free': photo by Erik Johansson ~ The world didn't end. The year did. Some things never change. Are you planning on changing things in 2013? As I talked about last year, beware of New Year's resolutions. How serious are you about changing your life? Are you happy with your life? Do you have a dream? What does it look like? Now think about what you do every day. Is what you do going to get you to your goal? What can you do right now that will help you get a step closer to your dream? What would you have to do to make your dream come true? What would you gain by realising your dream? Would it actually make you happy? Would you lose something if your dream came true? What would you have to give up to make it happen? Everything comes at a cost. There will be sacrifices to be made, risks to be run. Are you happy with the dream just being a dream? Work out what you want from life. Work out what you have to do to do it. Then do it. Keep on doing it. Of course the road will be hard, but nothing worth having comes easy. Take responsibility for your life. In every moment you have a choice: walk the path that takes you to your goals. That's all. ~ "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

[domtsui]

Andrew Motion 1 Decide when in the day (or night) it best suits you to write, and organise your life accordingly. 2 Think with your senses as well as your brain. 3 Honour the miraculousness of the ordinary. 4 Lock different characters/elements in a room and tell them to get on. 5 Remember there is no such thing as nonsense. 6 Bear in mind Wilde's dictum that "only mediocrities develop" – and ­challenge it. 7 Let your work stand before deciding whether or not to serve. 8 Think big and stay particular. 9 Write for tomorrow, not for today. 10 Work hard.

[domtsui]

BJJ/MMA Celebrity Spotting in Rio de Janeiro

This article appears in full on Train BJJ in Rio, a site dedicated to helping you live your dreams and train in the birthplace of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu

. The author with MMA legend Antonio Rogerio Nogueira in Rio de Janeiro, Brasil One of the attractions of training in Rio de Janeiro is its rich history of jiu Jitsu and vale tudo. Rio is home to some of Brazil’s biggest teams and fighters and if you go to the right spots there’s always a good chance you’ll spot jiu jitsu and mixed martial arts celebrities, from old school heroes to up and coming sensations. There’s something about seeing the likes of Anderson Silva grabbing an acai at his local juice bar that beats waiting in line for a quick handshake and a photo at a convention or martial arts expo. The only problem is explaining to your non-training friends just why you’re so excited about your picture with some guy with cauliflower ears. Where can I meet famous fighters? At the Gym When training at one of Rio’s academies, you might find yourself training under or even alongside some famous faces – or even hanging out with them after class. Many top tier fight teams have separate training for their fight teams, but even at Nova Uniao or Brazilian Top Team you might see pro fighters joining in with regular sessions... Read more:

. The author with BJJ superstar and ADCC world champion Braulio Estima at Connection Rio, Rio de Janeiro

[domtsui]

Date a man who writes with less flattery, who strives for his dreams and not describe it too deep. Date a man who talks about his dream, and not one who uses it to fish. Date a man who talks about how you fit in his dreams, and not why you should love him. But I guess, maybe... go ahead- date a man like this, but don't you dare marry a man who speaks like him.

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.~ T. E. LawrenceOf all the responses I've had to 'Date a man who dreams', this is one of the most thought provoking and interesting.My dreams are always changing, shaped by my experiences, my successes and failures. The details become less important, while the core of what I aim for becomes ever clearer.I never expected that post to reach so many people. I wrote it for a girl, at a time when I felt that we were slipping apart. I loved her and wanted to be with her: I wrote it in part to show her what I would do for her, and in part to convince myself that I deserved to be with her. Dreams are one thing, reality another. Confusing the two can cause a lot of pain, as was the case here.Things didn't work out as I thought I wanted. But on the other hand, this dream inspired me to pursue others, and I also helped her further her own. Even the death of this dream led to others being birthed or becoming concrete. Dreams change: knowing when to hold on to them and when to let them go is an art that I am yet to master.I'm afraid of my dreams sometimes. I'm afraid my dreams are selfish, that I am all style and no substance, or that my dreams will never come to pass. Sometimes I think I am dreaming about the wrong things. I am a most imperfect man, and many of my dreams are far from being actualised. I write to share my thoughts with others. I write to share my dreams. But I also write in order to show myself that my dreams have meaning, to remind myself of why these dreams are so important to me.My dream was always to reach people. But dreams can be dangerous: many people keep dreams that they will never realise, an unattainable goal that they can imagine will make their lives complete. So: do not date a man (or a woman) who dreams but does nothing to make them reality.The worst thing I can imagine would be to leave my dreams unfulfilled. I am not writing for the sake of writing. I write to learn as well as to teach. I write to make things happen. Some of my dreams are unfulfilled, but I know that every day I do something to make them reality. Everyone dreams: not everyone remembers them when they are awake.I stand by that last line: "Date a man who lives his dreams."

[domtsui]

Perfection.

"Have no fear of perfection. You'll never reach it." - Savaldor Dali This is some great advice.

I've had a lot of positive feedback from one of my old posts in the last few days which is always nice. I feel inspired to go out and write again. It's important to have belief in yourself, and your encouragement and support helps immensely. As a writer, and indeed as a person, my worst tendency is probably to avoid doing things if I feel unprepared or unable to do it perfectly. It's why I have several nearly finished articles sitting around, and why I have numerous projects that I've put off starting or haven't finished. The more you work on things, the better it gets. It's as simple as that. Go forth and create!

[domtsui]

Connection Rio x Bruce Lee. One of my favourite sayings from my biggest inspiration. Almost anything is possible with the right mindset. I am now working at Connection Rio as house manager. This means I'm training jiu jitsu, looking after the hostel and the guests and speaking a lot of Portuguese (or something kinda close to it). So far my stay in RIo has been an amazing experience that has fuelled a lot of personal growth, and I can only see this being a catalyst for more. It might be redundant to say I'm excited about spending the next four and a bit months in Rio, but excited barely begins to cover it. I will also be able to focus more on my writing, so expect some more posts on my thoughts and experiences so far. I also have a number of my own writing projects that I can't wait to bring onto the front burner. Now go live your dreams!

[domtsui]

The 12 Commandments of Carlos Gracie Sr.

1. Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. 2. Talk to all people about happiness, health, and prosperity. 3. Give all your friends the feeling of being valued. 4. Look at things from an enlightened point of view and turn your positivity into reality. 5. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and always expect the best. 6. Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are with your own. 7. Forget about past mistakes and focus your energy on the achievements of tomorrow. 8. Always make those around you happy and always have a smile for those who talk to you. 9. Take the time you need to improve yourself, but never spend time criticising others. 10. Be big enough not to feel unsatisfied, be noble enough not to feel anger, be strong enough not to feel fear, and be happy enough not to feel frustration. 11. Hold a good opinion about yourself and show that to the world, not through your words but through your work. 12. Believe that the world will be on your side, as long as you stay true to the best of yourself. Carlos Gracie Sr. Founder of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu