Take me back to 2012

you're in a cave, there's lisa frank stickers on the rocks and fairy lights and it smells vaguely of patchouli. your breath tastes like watermelon gummy candy and you can hear the tinny speaker noise of "What a Wonderful World" echoing from deeper beneath you- perhaps the sound is coming from hell itself ko-fi shop

[hoejangles20]

[suns-up-bunshine-deactivated202]

Bitches be like ‘I’m so tired and sleepy’ and then stay up doing hyperfixtation shit for the next 5 hours

[feline17ff]

...

[naewitchcraftinvolved]

Tips on how to curate a good fandom experience?

get some gross sicko pals to be a gross sicko with. having at least one or two who you can be a hater with too is a must. helps you save face from airing your grieviances in public. and honestly nothing more satisfying that sending some stupid shit into the group chat being like “lmao u seeing this???”.

stay away from anybody who acts like fandom is serious business/activism

never feel like you need to justify your likes/dislikes to some dumb cunt on the internet

something making you uncomfortable isn’t the end of the world & often it’s actually quite good to examine your own discomfort/disgust and what it stems from. builds character.

block/mute/unfollow at the drop of a hat

make sure to cultivate your interests outside of fandom and read things other than fic, this one, i’d say, is ESSENTIAL

[toskarin]

me: if I become the evil overlord I will never harm my minions

[5 years later]

highly throwable imp: hoohoohee

me: hmm

[ellohcee]

The idea of dragons in modern times is so fun because imagine a hot summer day on your vacay and go to use the hotel pool and staff is like "valued guests we regret to inform you that the pool area is out of service at the moment, we apologize for the inconvenience"

And people like "wtf why" looking out their hotel room window and there's this. This dragon just curled up in the pool chilling, literally, cooling itself down

Some of the staff are trying to gently shoo him away and the dragon does a soft little "rrrrrr" like a grumpy cat and a warning puff of smoke and they're like "fuck it i don't get paid nearly enough for this" and no ones using the pool today sorry!

[ellohcee]

[dykecadence]

every moment of every day i am thinking about this tiktok

[purrfectly]

Lumpfish come in a variety of shapes and colors.

[He scoops up the fish, it spits water and he turns it toward the camera]

This one is stumpy and green. Very beautiful, very powerful.

[He picks up another fish and turns it toward the camera]

This is what a normal lumpfish looks like. It is more elongated, but still a vibrant blue color. Very beautiful, very powerful.

[He picks up another fish and turns it toward the camera]

This is one of the stumpiest ones we have. Its hump is very high. It is very stumpy, but yet very beautiful, and very powerful.

[He pans over a lot of fish, all looking up at the camera]

My fish army is ever growing, and soon I will over throw the world. Very beautiful, very powerful.

[saint-batrick]

because of this tiktok, i frequently murmur "very beautiful, very powerful" at myself, and i cannot recommend it enough.

[casualcarnage]

[secondbeatsongs]

[iatrophilosophos]

Eating four leaf clovers is like, the Right Response to finding a four leaf clover yknow. You find a four leaf clover and you're like "oh sick! A four leaf clover" and then what the fuck are you supposed to do? Carry it around until it gets smushed and lost? Press it and have it be clutter? No, you eat that fucking son of a bitch. Absorb its power. Instant closure

[cartooncoyote]

This is actually the best intro to a porno that has ever existed

[satanblessitt-deactivated201608]

There is no way this is a porno

[zombiesahoy]

This is the best porno there has ever been.

[usingtimewisely]

The way he says “HEY WHAT THE FUCK” shaped me as a person

[thebibliosphere]

It’s been over a decade, and I still think “I’m a lemon stealing whore” to myself every time I take fruit off a lemon tree.

Which isn’t often, but it’s often enough.

[cowboy-outlaw]

Saw a couple of mourning doves taking a shower during this rain storm. It was the first time I ever saw birds exhibiting this kind of behavior.

[toadalled]

I would say we had a good run but I’d be lying

[bugologies]

Gulmp.

[phlebasthebroenician]

My favorite rejected New Yorker submission

[wolfskulljack-art]

Back again

And look who came crawling back, I know! I’ve not used Tumblr in a hot minuet. Hi everyone

[mutant-distraction]

Jennifer Wheeler

Ruff (philomachus pugnax) male displaying breeding plumage.

[grawly]

i wish i could see this picture for the first time again

[azzandra]

Every time I see some gamerbro edit of a female video game character to make her 'prettier', I always see something I have mentally dubbed Cockroach Wife Syndrome (in honor of the guy who accidentally conditioned himself to only be aroused by a fantasy of his cockroach wife Ogtha).

That is to say, there is a certain subset of gamerbro who interacts so rarely with real women, that his primary touchstone for how women look is fiction: often video games and anime. So when a video game woman looks too realistic--too close to having traits that one might find in real flesh and blood women--this is foreign to them. This is unattractive. They have been jacking it to hentai and blender animation porn for too many years, and have inadvertently conditioned themselves to only be sexually aroused by the exaggerated cartoonish traits of animated women.

So now every time I see one such edit, I can't help but think. My. What a coincidence you've made her look more like an anime waifu. Truly dedicated to your cockroach wife.

[moth-grrrl-mavis]

You can’t just breeze over something like “the guy who accidentally conditioned himself to only be aroused by a fantasy of his cockroach wife Ogtha” without at least linking a 20 minute video breakdown of this man’s descent into madness.

[kunosoura]

Oh is Ogtha not common knowledge? Eight years ago this was posted on reddit:

Two years ago, we got this update on the life of this roachfucker:

TLDR it's a guy who became obsessed with human-sized roaches with human intelligence after reading Kafka in high school, an obsession which eventually came to monopolize his romantic interests (and has sporadically had catastrophic impacts on his life ever since).

[grawly]

what the fuck happened to my post

[milf-adjacent]

Shh... We're reading about the cockroach wife tulpa

[donkeysaur]

Making Twitter jabs is less cute when you're trying to copy their UI