One day, I’m good enough.
This is my first Short Story in English, so please be gentle. (But fair critics are welcome) After my brief thought on Jerry Baynard, I really wanted to make a little story out of it. Here we go...
Rien n'a jamais fait autant de mal ...
With the book of Frankenstein and the porcelain poodle at his feet, which lay in the dirt, the young Baynard stood in front of the bridge on which the otherwise charming Diana Barry left him standing. Jerry had lowered his eyes to the gifts he had given Diana. That's exactly how he felt. As if she lifted him up and now threw it back exactly where he belongs; in the dirt. It hurt so incredibly that he felt every breath burning in his throat as soon as she had turned her heel to stalk across the bridge. The tré charming girl left a tré blessé boy behind.
If Diana turned to Jerry only once, she would have seen that he was standing there petrified and not moving. It is like it is. She had broken his heart. You couldn't talk it over or appease it. His eyes on the floor, focused on his shabby gifts, he wiped his eyes with his arm. He wanted to keep those tears back that shone in his dark brown eyes, which tied up his throat. No, he didn't want to cry. He wanted to be strong, not let it get him down and not lose his value, as Anne might say - just with a flowerier choice of words. For a few breaths he could pull himself together until it overpowered him, his whole body trembled, that he could hardly breathe and so he gasped. And all of a sudden, he couldn't stop the warm tears that soaked his sleeves.
It wasn't like Jerry isn't used to being treated like dirt. Little frog, frog-eater, dirty Frenchman, street dog and what else came to mind for the honorable residents of Avonlea - so there was a whole list that was thrown against the young Baynard before he got his job on Green Gables, so fewer people enjoyed in humiliating him when he was on the street selling newspapers. He hated the city. Jerry has been pushed around for years and not just beaten twice, but four times. The first time for what he is; a little Frenchman with dirty clothes who hardly knew a word of English at the time. The second time because they weren't satisfied with his work. The third time because he was stupid and careless, so he got robbed. The fourth time because he wanted to stand up for someone he liked. Because he wanted to do something right, just once in his life. But none of this has ever hurt as much as this moment. Looking at his origins, it was actually only a matter of time before the rich upper-class girl dropped him, to face a better future he could never offer her. What was he thinking? What hopes had he ever had?
Living in Avonlea, for someone who had to learn the local language with difficulty, without having been to school and always working, was not uncommon to be insulted and treated in this way. They were a large family with three brothers and three sisters who live in a wooden cabin with only one room. Ordinary trappers and the lowest working class. He could never have anything of great value. But Diana knew all that. She knew how he lived and yet ... had she only played with him? Was he a fun pastime until he got too stupid for Diana or better doors opened for her? Was he the first boy she gave some hope? Or was he already the second or even third, who got lost in her fawn eyes and thought he had fallen head over heels in love?
He couldn't even blame Diana for leaving him here. What could the Farmboy of Green Gables ever offer her? Would she want to live in a house where everyone sleeps in one room? Hardly likely! Jerry had seen her aunt Josephine live. In this big house that looked like a palace. With a servant and the many rooms and all the pretty clothes, as well as the most expensive jewelry that could be imagined. It was an incredibly beautiful and carefree life where you never had to worry about not having enough food for the next day.
In the end, he was just the farm boy who is not good enough for a girl like Diana. There was nothing to shake about it. That's the reality. Jerry was a simple apple that could be found everywhere, on every tree in Avonlea, and Diana was a fruity, sweet-smelling, expensive orange, the taste of which he had only gotten once.
But could it be that simple? Couldn't it be that one day he's ... good enough? In his mind he heard the voice of Anne steadily, to knight him or giving him a map, so he can be a adventurer who travels the world because ... anything is possible. Maybe Anne was right. Maybe everything is possible! Carried by these words, his feet led him to a door of a young woman who gave him exactly that feeling when he looked into her brown eyes.
„Miss Stacy, forgive me for the disturbance, I ...“, as soon as the door to the small wooden hut opened, where he was knocking and stepping nervously from one foot to the other, this request for which he came for, was unspeakable. Oh sacrément, what was he thinking? Completely rushed, his eyes flushed with tears, he stood here and did not know where to start. „Um, Jerry, right? What a surprise. What brings you to me?“ A kind and so warm smile came from Miss Stacy's lips that the right words that came to his mind on the way here, got stuck in his throat. The smile on her lips persisted as the boy, who towered over her head, faced her at the entrance to her house. The young Farmboy at Green Gables had never met her before. Not so directly, not personally, and certainly not in front of her door in the early summer evening.
„I thought, well, I was wondering if maybe you could ... help me? I already learned something. Anne, she - she taught me to read and write. Well, I'm not really good at it, but I can do a little bit of that ...“ Jerry joked nervously, sliding more and more into the French accent, as he got unsecure. During his indistinct stammering, Jerry pulled the cap from his head out of courtesy, which was convenient for him now because he was kneading it in his hands. „You want to learn something? Go to school? That's excellent“, said Miss Stacy with joy, who in this case did not seem to really understand where the problem was. Whereby she had noticed the reddened eyes long ago, which gleamed suspiciously after shedding tears. „You can start right away next year. Together with the rest of the class“, Miss Stacy offered for the next school year, whereupon the initial smile faded from Jerry, who became more aware of his situation. „No, I can not do that … I-I have to work, Miss Stacy ... Pardon, I shouldn't have asked, that was stupid of me ...“, Jerry stammered back, as he did so often when he thought he was wrong. „Oh, of course, I understand. Then in the evening, after work“, she promptly said to bring Jerry, who had already put on the cap, to flee from the unpleasant situation back into the conversation.
The way he stood in front of her door, barely able to lift his head, to look the young woman in the eye, as he stuttered with nervousness, made an extremely pitiful and sad impression on Jerry. She hadn't seen him often - but she hadn't remembered the French boy so depressed.
„Merci, Miss Stacy. I don't have much, but I ...“, with another deep breath, Jerry pulled out a bag that was already telling treacherously. It didn't sound like much, but it sounded like it was all he had. Miss Stacy shook her head immediately as soon as she took the hand with the purse in her hands to push it away. „That is not necessary“, she said with a loving smile, as well as her brown eyes looked at the boy. „You come over whenever you have time, and then we'll see. I'm more than happy to be able to help you, Jerry.“ With that admonishing look that raised her eyebrows, she indicated that he should put the hard-earned coins back in.
„Merci beaucoup. I don't know how I should ever thank you for that“, a relieved smile flitted across the sad face. For Miss Stacy, however, it goes without saying, for which he would never have to thank her. Especially not with his hard earned money.
