whether you see mike as straight or gay, it's very interesting that his and will's experiences are the opposite despite the ultimate ideal for them (normal masculine heterosexual boy with a girlfriend) being the same. will's seen as a weak and sensitive queer boy while mike's seen as a defective and undesirable straight boy, before either of them are even really old enough to express significant interest in/be expected to have serious relationships.
mike hasn't been told he's a sensitive and weak fag who's gonna be assaulted and left for dead, and that he deserves it. but will has. and will hasn't been told girls are grossed out by him, that he's ugly, awkward, desperate, and hopeless. but mike has. will's father and his peers expect him to be gay, while mike's father and even his friends expect him to fail to get a girlfriend. this is the root of their respective shame and how they go about proving those assertions wrong (will by repression, mike by performance), and it informs their relationships with attraction and their views on queerness.
mike is prepared to combat homophobia against will and being much more comfortable initiating physical contact — even hand holding — and intimate conversations, but he also holds deep insecurity that girls are grossed out by him, that he's not good enough for el and if she becomes “normal” she'll see it, despite a notable disinterest in girls compared to his peers (other than will) which likely makes him feel immature and weird. mike approached girlfriends as a necessary step toward being normal, which is one of his core struggles, alongside being needed. he doesn't want to be normal or for things to change, but for a time he bows under the pressure to conform, thinking that's how it must be. he lets himself be unabashedly happy with will but can't manage to feel that comfort in a heterosexual relationship that only exists to soothe his insecurities. straight or gay, by dating el he's ultimately trying to seem cool and grown up and "normal".
will is the opposite — he feels intense shame for his attraction and thus polices himself around mike, pulling away when mike initiates, because mike doesn't mean it like will does, and will won't let himself profit off of mike's innocent kindness and friendship. mike makes him feel like he's not a mistake, like he's better for being different, and loving him almost, sometimes, feels okay because it's mike. but the shame he's internalized inevitably crashes down and he diminishes himself to acceptability, without any predatory or greedy desires. will shrinks rather than expanding himself with lies, because he's already struggled with trying to meet expectations of stereotypical masculinity, and he's done with that, and nobody expects it of him anymore, although they see him as lesser for not meeting it. but mike never seems to mind that he's sensitive and soft, even thinks he's strong regardless, and jonathan helped will feel okay with being a "freak". so will's accepted that it's okay if he doesn't like sports or even girls like a normal boy... but that doesn't make it okay for him to like boys. if they knew, their tune would surely change — he should be ashamed for that. so any time he feels too happy for the "wrong" reasons he stifles it, because in his mind his queerness comes with an obligation of misery.
mike strives toward amatonormativity and heterosexuality because people still expect him to want it. unlike will, they haven't yet placed him in a different box. instead they just view him as failing to meet the standard. so he tries to prove them wrong so people don't think less of him for his failure or realise how broken he is for his disinterest, and so he himself can feel worthy and avoid facing the latter. this is why will scared mike in s3 — he didn't try to conform like mike did. mike was abruptly faced with exactly what he wanted to be, but felt the weight of expectations will's no longer burdened by (oblivious to the fact that will's burdened by very different, derogatory expectations), and he didn't understand how will could just... seemingly not care. so he projected feeling broken onto will, because will didn't want to grow up and be normal and date girls, and mike wasn't ready for things to change either but he was supposed to be. will was messing with the natural order of things, and the world wasn't ending, and that was fucked up because mike was trying so hard and will was just... fine as he was. there was possibly even resentment that several girls have liked will, and even though he didn't jump at these chances none of their friends ever gave him shit for it, while girls never liked mike until now, so he leapt to prove that he was wanted and cool and the first of the boys with a girlfriend, and he was still somehow getting made fun of.
meanwhile, mike, too, is doing something that seems infuriatingly easy to will — whether he's queer or not, mike was absolutely romantic toward will due to his lack of the hyper-aware shame drilled into will's brain. and that's so fucking confusing for will, who feels so guilty for wanting it while mike does this like it's NOTHING and will forces himself not to let it mean anything. because mike's not like him, he clearly wants the normal things will doesn't pretend to want, and he could never, ever be broken enough to want what will is so deeply ashamed of actually wanting. will feels guilty and stupid and selfish for even considering mike could be like that for a second.
tangentwithtanner
areudirty
dailybridgerton
stormborns
