I'm fine

all for the game blog. mostly. she/her icon: ouijacine header: maywetalkasfriends

[exylover32]

i do find it weird when people draw riko as ugly because it feels like we're equating morality with attractiveness. and because it’s very important to the narrative that both kevin and riko are conventionally attractive, that they're charming, that you would never know from just public appearances that anything is amiss. the purpose of this is to explore how abuse is concealed. for the same reason, as much as i love individual pieces of fanart, i don't love the larger trend of drawing jean with visible scars on his arms and face. the text uses jeremy's pov to emphasize that, aside from a previously-broken nose and uneven haircut, you wouldn't be able to comprehend the horrors jean has experienced by just looking at him, which is why seeing his scarred torso in the locker room is so shocking for the trojans. i have considered though, that some people might draw jean with visible scars as a symbolic manifestation/externalization of what he's been through, which would be a cool creative decision

[exylover32]

we talk a lot about how much of a revelation andrew’s confession is for neil, and not enough about how revelatory neil’s reaction is for andrew. because like. imagine you like this boy. but he doesn’t swing. you know the answer would be “no,” so there’s no point in even asking. then he goes and gets himself needlessly tortured for you, and tells you there’s no amount of suffering he wouldn’t endure for you. not because he thinks you’re weak, but because he thinks you’re worth protecting. he says things that you would interpret as advances if it were literally anyone else. you remind yourself that he doesn’t swing. now you’re at eden’s and he’s asking about your feelings for him in 12 different ways. he really wants to know. so you tell him, in the most casual and crass way you can, thinking that’ll put an end to it. but unfathomably, it doesn’t. he asks you why you didn’t tell him. why would you have? it would have been a “no.” you say that, and instead of confirming it, he just echoes your words, clearly still reeling. you start to leave, and he tells you that he wants to keep playing your game. while the absence of a “no” is obviously not the same thing as a “yes,” you’ve been operating for months and months under the assumption that the answer would be unequivocal. so you keep waiting for that answer, but it never comes. for the first time since you met him, you wonder if maybe it’s not a “no” after all. if maybe you could have this. you can’t remember the last time you were able to have something you wanted. the world tilting on its axis, indeed.

[prettyboyneil]

I know it’s been said but pipe dream is such a crazy thing to call someone Andrew really said you are an unobtainable fantasy that I foolishly desire and it went right over Neil’s head

[stolligaseptember]

#I understand why he had enough and just told Neil he would blow him (via @prettyboyneil)

[falafels]

pt.88: Kevin’s Q&A!! <pt.87

kevin redacted (patrick) day my gorgeous horrible little bitch i love you forever and ever. i sentence you to centrifuge

extra long post because he my wife

also introducing mouse monaghan! not an existing oc of mine (and thank god for it. couldn’t have those in public) so she’s only really here to torment kevin. for now 👀 also bc i think this is gonna open some doors for new flavours of bullshit from non-exy students at edgar allan being like right. what the fuck was all that. mouse is a history and politics student who came to EAU because (from canon) it’s a niche arts university and the week after she started this GODDAMN NERD in her 17th century IR class would not shut the fuck up and he was wrong about everything but never stuck around after class for her to push him down the stairs. but the internet presents so many new opportunities when you find out your class enemy is famous and online.

ANYWAY

tags for the homies ❤️ @andrewsleftarmband @blurryhour @you-know-i-get-itt @notexactlythatgirl @longspacerat @tessasilverswan @minyard-05 @carbon-dated-gal @bisexualchaosdemon @stormiiflies @watercoloureyes01 @vampire-overlord @iron-sides @azure-wing @buffalo-fox @ohgodnotagainplease @pink-hydrangea @jaywalkerss @ohmynoggin-blog @cosmic-marauder @min-getoutofmy-yard @plazybones @disastersappho @leestars13 @the-witch-forever-lives @minyardsss @post-historical-posts @andabuttonnose @hidinginmyhands @aftg4l @allfor-thegames @yaoishida @inafieldofstarflowers @snowcoming @mooniism @fieldsofpoppies-in-salt-air @prometheusthedragon @graveyardviolence @bustedleftshoe @beatrix33 @aftg-bs @yes-i-exist-shutup @milktemproom @all-for-exy @moon-over-ruined-castle @meta-breakers @whatwereyouthinkingaboutagain @dragonslayer26806 @malepresentingleg @lesbiansforkevinday

[domitiwhynottme]

i still laugh every time i remember jerejean wasn't a thing at all for nora and one day after years gone she just came back and went "you know what? fuck it let's do it" and then proceed to write three fucking books canonizing a ship that she didn’t even come up with. what the hell

[medievalthymes]

the foxes talking to the fbi about neil

[moreauver]

just reread the baltimore scenes and my god. andrew physically having to stop himself from punching neil after he said he was sorry because what do you MEAN you’re sorry???? you’re ALIVE and you’re REAL and IN FRONT OF ME and i’m relieved and devastated and you’re HURT and i didn’t PROTECT YOU and you SCARED ME and you LIED TO ME and the people who did this to you are the ones who SHOULD be sorry NOT you so DONT you fucking dare say you’re sorry, not like this, not right now, not to me

[link-links]

when aaron called the armbands andrew gave neil a promise ring i was like damn. didn’t realize i bought a one way ticket to gag city

[twinyardz]

it's so funny and sad how jean thinks he's this unloveable thing meanwhile he's like the people's princess of the aftg universe. he won cat and laila over immediately and the rest of the trojans are completely obsessed with him. neil, kevin, and renee care about him so much and would do anything for him. andrew begrudgingly respects him and took his heavy-handed advice. thea calls him her little duckling. oh and jeremy knox is head-over-heels in love with him. he really is just that loveable

[dustisus]

[viviandarkbloombartylusversion]

Remembering that one of the bravest things Neil did was stay after running all his life and one of the bravest things Kevin did was run after staying all his life and that they were both equally as brave

[whomst-the-hell]

aftg stuff we as a fandom do not talk about or appreciate enough:

neil punching the shit out of riko and wymack having to drag him off

neil repeatedly wanting to hit someone but not allowing himself because he was trying to stay low profile

neil getting back from evermore, realising riko tattooed him, and immediately attempting to carve the tattoo off his face with a knife

neil fantasising about stomping andrews face in at columbia

neil being experienced with guns

neil specifically liking exy because its aggressive and violent

neil grabbing the racket at thanksgiving with the intention of using it as a weapon, then asking for it back after

" "Need anything else?" "A clear shot at Riko and no witnesses," Neil said. Matt grinned like he thought Neil was joking and left. "

[crisis-exystencial]

Never kill yourself, your favorite trilogy that changed your life and mind at a molecular level can be turned into an 8-book series when you least expect it

[laurasauras]

the thing about neil always saying that he's fine is that he's not hearing the same question that other people are asking him. he grew up not only on the run but in such a way that people were constantly on the very edge of catching him! "i'm fine" means yeah i was shot but my legs still work and i can make it to the car. "i'm fine" means i'm in a lot of pain but i won't scream and give our position away.

"i'm fine" means "i can do what is needed of me without failing you", it means "don't worry about me". there were other priorities. neil saying he's not okay is him saying that he needs help.

i think mary would have dropped everything if he said he wasn't okay, because she taught neil to fucking mean it if he did.

[ladystormverse]

watch as the aftg fandom turns nicky into a sweet little bun, and i think: what the hell? he’s just as troubled as the rest of the foxes. he gets offended and yells if he doesn’t like something. he has his own personal boundaries and limits of patience. he might even get into a fight if someone hurts his family. why not? he’s only human. just because nicky is always smiling doesn’t mean everything is fine. in reality, people like that carry a huge burden of problems, and when they explode, their negativity sweeps away everything in its path. they’re like an erupting volcano; a supernova explosion. and it’s bad, and it’s painful, and it’s ugly, but that’s just how it is, plain and simple.

[tinmate]

Kills me that Jean spent so long isolated and lonely. Hated and tortured by his team. Not allowed or not able to get close to the people he cared about. And now’s he on a team that LOVES him SO MUCH and thinks he’s SO COOL and want to hang out with him ALL THE TIME and will fight you for the chance to hang out with Jean and happily team up to go to all of his classes with him and tail him like ducklings and declare themselves his big brothers and get him gifts and want to play with him like he’s a big puppy and HEY HAVE YOU MET MY BUDDY JEAN isn’t he SO COOL he’s just the BEST man and are kind of annoying actually? Why did Jean want friends again?

[thieves-never-say-die]

I am thinking about a Leverage/All For The Game crossover. In which Jean Moreau is Damien Moreau's son

[thieves-never-say-die]

I'd have to fudge a bit of backstory, but consider:

Damien never really wanted a son, and then his wife died in childbirth so he held an unfounded grudge against Jean and decided to basically force Jean to play Exy with the plan of eventually giving him to the Moriyamas

Eliot was the only one of Damien's enforcers that was ever nice to Jean and felt bad for the kid, but he couldn't do anything once Jean was sent away, but he did keep an eye on Jean all through the years

Fast forward a bunch of years later, Neil's plan is still to sacrifice Jean's family as fodder for the FBI's case on The Butcher, so Neil and Jean meet with the FBI around the same time the Leverage team starts working against Damien Moreau

The arrest that happens during the interview is actually Damien's arrest in San Lorenzo, and there's no extradition but the FBI can still use Damien as a fall guy for their case

Once the Leverage team is back in the US, Eliot goes to find Jean with Parker and Hardison in tow (they wouldn't take no for an answer)

So Jeremy opens the door to this group of strangers, one of whom looks like he could easily murder them all, and Jeremy tries to bluff that Jean isn't there except the other two are convinced he is. Eliot yells Jean's name and Jean comes running, Jeremy is prepared to step in between them (even though he's terrified) but instead Eliot pulls Jean in for a hug, and Jean. lets him??? What is going on???

They all get some time to hang out, Cat bonds with Parker over their love of driving fast, they all have a good time, and it ends with Eliot giving Jean his number and saying to call him if he ever gets in trouble

(Bonus points for when the house fire happens, Eliot hears about it immediately and goes to visit and helps wire the kids money to get a new apartment. He Mysteriously Disappears when the FBI show up)

[thieves-never-say-die]

So I wrote the fic

https://archiveofourown.org/works/80696871