i dont know anymore @dontlookformeimdonewithyou - Tumblr Blog

the purge but in reverse everything is illegal for 24hrs so we all just go to bed and be quiet for a bit

*takes a fat sip of my tea* what a great day to remember that you cannot “detox” your body, nor do you need to!!! your liver works very hard to do that for you (your liver, coincidentally, does not need to be “detoxed” either).

also a fantastic time to remember that detox/weight loss teas are diuretics and are designed to shit yourself to a certain weight, activated charcoal is useless unless administered as poison control by a medical professional, and please get yourself vaccinated!!!

daintydiarist

aaand it’s a great day to remember that weight loss caused by diuretics/laxitives is not actual fat loss

cindersart

illness cancelled my little sister made me honey n lemon tea and if that doesnt cure me then her sheer endearing belief that it’ll work Will

cindersart

i think when illness cancels a person its called death,

dark-jack-lancer

This is fuckin amazing

desirerivalzx

What the actual fuck did I just watch

floofy1224

the original is by galactic hole btw

kafkart-deactivated20190512

shittylifeprotips

SLPT: Confuse those wine snobs by *hearing* the wine

zombiebiologist

so i told my mom about this post before she and my dad went on a trip to napa, and she was delighted to try this out

and apparently, when she straight-faced, lifted her glass of chardonnay to her ear and swirled it, she baffled the other winery-goers so much that they all instinctively did exactly the same thing. that sort of crowd-think, that you aren’t quite sure what’s right but you’ll be damned if you’re mistaken for the plebian that you are

but watching that was enough for my mom to lose her composure, laugh so hard she cried, and spill the entire glass all over herself, in the process getting kicked out of the winery

so long story short do this at your own risk

one-time-i-dreamt

I was sitting in the living room with my dad and sister watching the morning news. The reporter was talking about something while standing on the side of a highway, when the cameraman asked, “Do you hear that?” and he pointed the camera towards an animal behind an abnormally large roadblock. The barrier was tall enough to block the top half of the animal, but the gap under it was large enough to discern that it was a llama by its legs. The llama bolted to some nearby bushes and the reporter and cameraman followed it. When they got closer to it, the llama popped its head out a bit to reveal it had the head of a bloodhound. I thought to myself, “Hey, that’s Rodger!” I then looked at my dad and he gasped loudly and I lost my breath for like 4 seconds.

unlimited-memes

Scientifically formulated dump

dankmemesreasonforliving

snackwizard

adults, while forcing all children above the age of 5 to sit still, be silent, and obey orders for 7-8 hours a day with minimal breaks, reducing their exposure to fresh air and sunlight to almost nothing, forcing them to alter their natural sleeping patterns to increase productivity, and repeatedly telling them their self worth depends on their being able to follow these instructions perfectly for 13 or more years: kids these days are so lazy! they never go outside! they never want to do anything! clearly it’s not because of us!

spirit-of-science

The way we treat children is extremely inhumane, but so many adults want to dismiss it because it’s so normalized

benditlikegumby-deactivated2020

You… You do realize that’s what it’s like to be a working adult…? And our days are even longer.

snackwizard

thats because an 8 hour work day is extortion and should be illegal. next question.

jackary-deactivated20260330

Either you’ve never had a job or you’re just lazy af. There’s nothing wrong with 9 to 5 jobs. Nobody is forcing people to work them and people need the hours to make more money. People get breaks too.

snackwizard

Please take a biology class & get some help. People shouldnt have to do work 80% of the day to survive.

grantairefanclub-remade

@captainjack1999

1. the eight-hour work-day is cruelty

2. capitalism is forcing people to work. i could just quit my job and hang out at home - but then i would lose my house and most likely starve to death, because of the way our economy works.

3. breaks for most establishments are a mere 30 minutes for an 8-hour shift; at my first job, for a 6-hour shift, your break would only be 15 minutes and any longer shift would only get 30. studies say people are more productive if for every hour you work, you get a 15-minute break - meaning, for an 8-hour shift, you’d need an hour-long break, and so on and so forth.

the way modern society views work is unhealthy for loads of reasons, not just what i mentioned here. the fact that we’re preparing children for such a torturous lifestyle is horrific.

questbedhead

Also like…. small children are not adults. Small children should not be held to the same standards as adults. Even if the 8 hour work day WAS healthy, it would be inhumane to hold a small child to the same standard.

biofomission

The school system was literally designed to train people for factory work back when child labour was legal so that should tell you how fucked that is

sith-shenanigans

……….I never realized that.

tarantula-veins-deactivated2023

That’s the tea

glumshoe

Raccoons are the worst. You expect them to go through your stuff and steal your food while you’re camping, but they don’t stop there - half the time, they’ll be curious enough to come over and touch you. They prod your sleeping body with their horrible little people hands, run their claws through your hair, hold your fingers with their own. I’ve never been aggressively menaced by one, but they’ve slapped my ass through hammock fabric on multiple occasions and stroked my face or hands on others. I’ve played tug-of-war with large raccoons through my window when they grabbed the string to the yarn-and-cup telephone I’d set up with my neighbor.

padlocked-quintus

I AM SO GLAD THAT I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HATES THEIR PEOPLE HANDS.

My first year at camp, our tent was infiltrated by at least six raccoons. They made scratching, shuffling noises as they crawled in from all sides. Somehow they were strong enough to shove our trunks across the ground, and started undoing zippers with horror-film slowness. How they didn’t wake anyone else up, I will never know. The shuffling noises suddenly stopped. They chittered to each other, and the sound was much closer than I had expected. Then I felt hands. Tiny fucking human hands touching my arms, not quite digging in with claws, and I whimpered and tried not to scream. This went on all night long.

I fucking hate raccoons.

glumshoe

They come into the cabins at camp every night. I’ve never had one touch any of my campers, but that’s only because I sleep with my hand curled around the handle of a broomstick and have trained myself to recognize their snuffling and scrabbling. I have leapt out of a bunk to sweep them forcefully out of the cabin in the dead of night, to sleepy tween boys whispering “Wow… you’re like a superhero…”

bogleech

What if I want little hair goblins to sneak in at night and gently touch my face with their weird tiny fingers

glumshoe

then boy do I have the place for you

sparkycanteven

I’m sorry I’m over here laughing my ass off because someone got their ass slapped by a raccoon… oh please karma be kind, it’s just so ridiculous sounding but I know every word of it is true. XDDD

glumshoe

There’s nothing more disconcerting than almost drifting off in the coziness of your hammock, only for a wee little hand to pat-pat-pat right on your ass through the fabric.