w o w

hi

[neopoints]

I can’t fucking open this jar of pickles I’m taking it to planet fitness to see someone stronger than me can

[neopoints]

[fairycosmos]

since the tender age of 11 i have been so Scared due to everything being so Scary

[fagsexuality-deactivated2019090]

me as a defence attorney: [mouthing ‘girl this is bullshit’ to the judge as the prosecutor talks]

judge: [shaking her head and mouthing ‘I know baby’]

[deanwinchesterapologist]

a scientist will see a mouse and say put that beast in a situation

[fairycosmos]

how to combat existential loneliness without starting a nuclear family or like. joining a cult

[lillie-garden]

all writhe for the honorable judge Worm

[shigraki]

i literally CANNOT and WILL NEVER get over that one Sad Pic with the story of how a girl and a guy were on a motorcycle and he noticed a wall in front of them so he stopped to let her off and then he drove into the wall and died

[shigraki]

IT WAS A CAR NOT A MOTORCYCLE IM. STILL LAUGIHMG YHOUGH

[executiveoutcomes-deactivated20]

Men are just like that

[eridone]

[mysharona1987]

[memecage]

WW2 SIREN

[aleksandrsokolovichromanov]

British Sirens warning of an impending Luftwaffe raid during the blitz, c. 1941

[impormable]

Old dude came in the shop and when I said "lemme know if you have any questions" he goes "what was the name of Alexander the Great's horse," thinking he was so funny. I told him Bucephalus, and he was so disappointed. Like his whole day was hanging on beating me at trivia. He says "you're only the second person who knew that" and I said "well, probably the third if you count Alexander the Great." He left without buying anything, and did not say goodbye. I think I honestly hurt his weird little feelings! Sorry I'm a bitch, old man!

[theweirdwideweb]

[hyrude]

my sister thought bdsm was a myers-briggs personality type and i havent stopped thinking about it since she told me

[helloitsbees]

people on twitter will say literally anything huh

[helloitsbees]

im taking these away until you show me that you can use them responsibly

[helloitsbees]

[pinkmanthedog]

My horse Squidward loves the water so I took her out to a river to swim and she got so excited she shoved her whole fat dumb head underwater which I have literally never seen a horse do before

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

This is killing me I love her

[villainous-queer-deactivated202]

i'm sorry but you named your horse WHAT

[pinkmanthedog]

Their names are Chicken Nugget and Squidward, like in the Bible

[cloune]

[mogifire]

friend

[roachpatrol]

this still cracks me up like can you imagine you’re 130 years old and suddenly a gigantic alien baby starts following you around

[honeyglot]

shirt that says “as above” and booty shorts that say “so below”

[depsidase]