priime numeratiion

This is Artiifex Captor's Private Blog ICly this is password locked with the same password as his moirail's blog. Unless hes given it to you you do not have this link, I decided to open it OOCly

[yandere-angela]

[post-troy-stress-disorder]

to me the thing about deification is that something fundamental is lost in the process

[post-troy-stress-disorder]

people can’t be immortal. so in order to be immortal you can’t be a person anymore. you have to be distilled. stripped of everything. till you come out the other side as an abstract concept.

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

it is okay to not be okay. it is okay to struggle. it is okay to have bad days. it is okay to complain. it is okay to feel angry. it is okay to cry. it is okay to be pessimistic. it is okay to have negative feelings.

[ad6ration-deactivated20260219]

"i don't wanna burden you" i would literally bathe you if you were too tired to bathe yourself what are you talking about

[greelin]

[EXTREMELY HAUNTED & HOLLOW-EYED LOOK] yeah man i’m doing. Really good

[doomedranting]

ii2 that iit though? II dont have the mental fortiitude two deal wiith people beiing fuckiing tiit2 over nothiing 2o ii what

2pend all my 2poon2 on thii2 2hiit?

that cant po22iibly be iit, becau2e thii2 ii2 al2o pretty exau2tiing

II thiink II'm ju2t two embarra22ed for people two know II cant handle my 2hiit

[doomedranting]

iit2 liike II'm alway2 2tuck iin cu2tomer 2erviice mode, alway2 on, alway2 have two be niice, alway2 have two be up liiftiing, alway2 have two be patiient, alway2 have two careful how ii fuckiing phra2e thiing2

cant u2e two much punctuatiion, cant u2e two liittle punctuatiion, cant make 2entence2 two 2hort, have two vary the cadence2 two 2eem friiendly

why am ii liike thii2, throw iin a few 2miiliie2 ju2t two make 2ure they extra know how iim not fuckiing tryiing two be an a22hole becau2e ii cannot deal wiith one more per2on actiing liike a tiit becau2e ii came off a2 abra2iive

[doomedranting]

One more thiing two add two the 2tack of 2hiit two deal wiith but II'm glad he actually a2ked for help, fuck know2 II've gotten wor2e and wor2e at makiing meaniingful connectiion2 wiith anyone

II dont know iif iit2 the fact that II 2pend the majoriity of tiime watchiing people diie over and over agaiin and haviing two dii2tance my2elf from my emotiional re2pon2e two that

or iif iim ju2t fuckiing broken now

iit doe2nt matter, ii dont have two be hii2 friiend, ii dont have two be anyone2 friiend

a2 long a2 ii drag hiim out of that fuckiing vortex of doom he2 iin

iit doe2nt matter

what the fuck ii2 wrong wiith me

[teaboot]

I hate that thing some people do where it's like. "I left my wallet on the table to see if you'd say anything" or "I wanted to see if you'd wash the car if I stopped doing it"

Cause like

I dont know about anyone else

But I am perpetually hovering three inches above the strong subconscious belief that everyone knows what they're doing at all times except me, so if you change your normal patterns and I notice, then I will assume it is an intentional choice with a thought-out plan behind it and I will avoid interfering

And if I don't notice, because I won't, because why would I, because not much bothers me and if you don't say anything to indicate you are bothered then how would I KNOW

[teaboot]

Alternatives to experimenting on me like a lab rat when you suspect me of being inconsiderate:

"I feel like I'm the only one who does this chore. Can we start taking turns?"

"I'd like you to ask me how I'm doing more often."

"It bothers me when this area stays messy so long. Can you do X when Y happens?"

"I feel like the onus is on me to initiate X, and it's wearing me down. Could you try making the first move more? Like 3-4 times a week?"

"I'm feeling upset right now and I'd like to spend some time with you."

"When X happens, I feel like you're taking my work for granted."

"I'm feeling neglected. Could you do X?"

"I'm burnt out and need help."

"I feel like I'm the only one putting effort into X."

"Do you notice this?"

"Are you bothered by this?"

"I am bothered when this happens."

"X habit of yours bothers me."

"When X is like this, I feel bad. Can you [action] when you notice X?"

[hug-your-face]

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

be the best version of yourself you can be. warning: it will be different than the best version of other people so try not to compare yourself to others. you do a wonderful job being yourself.

[eggsdoodz]

i think i think i think

[whirling-ghost]

[ID: a drawing of leaves and swirling vines. text reading "i think i will keep going despite it all" is woven through them. the leaves are kinda heart shaped, pink in the centre and green on the edges. end ID]

[villainesslove]

yeah sex is cool and all but have you ever had someone just hold you and press your skin to theirs and make you feel safe and warm and loved

[bloodstainedgauntlet]

my knight you have to live you have to get up you have to put your hand over your wound and hold it there. you have to keep walking and walking and walking because you cannot lay down yet, it’s not time. wipe the blood off your breastplate and look up into the sun. lean on your sword if you need to. lift one foot after another. get up. get up. this would be a pitiful grave.

[fucking-relax]

Reminder: Bask in the Warm Glow of Your Achievements like a lizard on a warm rock

if you forgot to do it in the moment, this is your opportunity to Appreciate That You Did It. telling others about it helps make the basking last properly as well.

you did it!! enjoy 🦎

reminder inspired by @skullchicken (see the post for more detail/suggestion)

[lilapetrichorwinteryrogue]

why would you do this to me

[rionsanura]

don't worry, they do this to him also

[storybookprincess]

so a very long time ago, my dad worked with an arson investigator

this guy was often one of the first people on the scene following a suspected arson, once emergency services had done what they needed to do. at times, there were also civilians on the periphery. often, they were freaking out, and understandably so; their home or workplace had just, quite literally, gone up in smoke

this investigator wouldn’t try to calm them down. he wouldn’t comfort them or be a shoulder to cry on.

instead, he’d walk up to the person most visibly losing their shit, hand them a fire extinguisher, and say “hey, can you keep an eye out for any other fires, and if you see one, can you put it out with this?”

of course, there was no actual risk of another fire. he wouldn’t be on the scene investigating if there was even a chance that the fire wasn’t completely put out. but the bystander didn’t need to know that

because that person, without fail, would immediately pull it together, take the fire extinguisher, and stand guard. they were, at least temporarily, calm enough for this investigator to do this job

my dad has told me the parable of the fire extinguisher a hundred times, and i think about it a lot. i think about what it says about people and crises. i think about what it says about the grounding power of having a purpose. and i think about the importance of letting someone help me through something, even if that help is just going to be another casserole to throw into the freezer, because useless or not, that fire extinguisher might be the only thing holding them together

[i-will-not-be-caged]

I feel like we need to talk more about how fucking boring depression can be. I pick up a book and can’t read more than a few sentences, a chapter if I’m lucky, before I can’t focus. I knit two rows of something and then can’t continue. I scroll through all the different options of shows I haven’t watched without clicking on any of them. I hop from app to app looking for content that will spark literally any single emotion. It’s not even 10am and I already feel like I’m just waiting until it’s time to go back to bed.

I hate it I hate it I hate it