I Don't Have To Hide Anymore...

Hers and his.

[dovesdragon]

Very excited about this. I’ve wanted one for quite some time. Oh the possibilities.

[ruinedove]

I have no bracelets. I have no collar. I can rarely kneel. I have to break the bathroom permission rule in the middle of the night sometimes. It’s been days since I was chained at night.

I’m losing myself already. All I can think about is how to be food for someone else.

When people said your life is over… now I know what they meant. It wasn’t supposed to be like this but it’s everything I never wanted.

[dovesdragon]

This stage is temporary, Dove. I promise you this isn’t going to be forever. Soon you’ll have your shackles and then soon after your collar, as well as the chain. You will not lose this, or us. Our life is not over, neither yours or mine.

[ruinedove]

My body has changed so much and it’s still changing and going to continue to change. After so many years of it being one way, it’s disturbing to have things look and feel and work differently. I’ve never been comfortable being in charge of my body in the first place and now it’s really out of control.

And he’s not the typical groping, commenting, radiating lust kind of man. He’s not inadvertently sexually predatorial, which is what I’m used to. Of course it’s a good thing: it’s what keeps me safe, finally, for the first time in my life. But it’s disorienting because I don’t know how he feels about me physically from one moment to the next.

I’ve felt out of control and undesired and while that’s hard for me, it keeps being reiterated to me that it’s a precautionary measure.

I mentioned that I’m not comfortable showering when he’s home and, of course, he probbed me about it. It’s about not being comfortable being naked and free around him -which I’ve never had a problem with anyone else before. I care much more about how he feels toward me, about his opinion of my physicality, than I ever have anyone else. It was obvious they wanted me. With him, it’s not.

When I got out of the shower (because I am not allowed to take them alone for safety reasons right now), he took my towel from me and made me lay out naked on the bed. He sat next to me and looked me all over and caressed me a little and talked about how my body belongs to him.

Then he unexpectedly bound my wrists together and tied them to our cedar chest so I couldn’t move. He touched me and talked to me more and then pulled out the hitachi. He used it on me and made me come for him, stopping me only to remind me to ask permission first.

Then he turned me over on my knees and elbows and fucked me from behind, coming up in me.

He untied me and had me kneel beside the bed and sat next to me. He reiterated that my body belongs to him.

I’d been needing that reinforcement and reassurance for a long time. As things keep changing, I need more of that reassurance so I don’t lose my mind or myself in this process. He is my touchstone.

[dovesdragon]

This is a beautiful reminder of everything we are and continue to be.

[ruinedove]

Sometimes I look in the mirror and think oh yeah that’s why he doesn’t want to have sex with me duh

[dovesdragon]

I hate that you feel this way and I am upset I haven’t gotten my point through. Us having sex less often has nothing to do with your appearance or size in any way. We’ve discussed this.

[ruinedove]

I need his viciousness

I need his cruelty

I need his dominance

I need his violence

I need his desire

I need his control

I need him now more than ever so I don’t lose my way

I need to him to remind me who I am

I am still the same woman

I haven’t changed

I need his power and guidance

The more I fear, the more I need him

Only he can keep me safe and sane

Only he can keep me grounded and remind me that I am capable and confident

He is my only way through this

I need him now more than I have ever needed anyone in my life

His power is my power

His control is my control

His belief is my belief

I need to feel him

[dovesdragon]

It is all here. I’m here with you. You are mine and nothing will take you from me, you are never allowed to leave my side.

Nothing has changed other than current circumstance requiring precaution.

As soon as you are done with your current task and I have what is mine from you, you will return to service as you know it.

I need to destroy you.

You will bleed, burn, and bruise for me.

You will die for me.

You’re believing this is of no consequence.

Either way, it will come.

[ruinedove]

I thought that I was permanently broken and I would always have a part of me that would be constantly searching for that unobtainable thing. I thought after being forced to be a slut that I would never be the same woman I was and wanted to be before he fucked me up.

But here I am, entirely, happily monogamous. My owner is all I think about, all I want, all I crave, all I miss when I am alone. I used to wish I could go back to being wanted by one person and wanting only one person. I used to feel defective because I couldn’t have that. But now I feel whole. I feel loved and complete and satisfied.

[dovesdragon]

This means the world. I cannot place a value on a success this large not for me, but for you. I love you endlessly and this makes me truly happy. You’re an obedient and adoring slave.

You’re a wonderful, and loving wife.

A present and thoughtful partner.

A loyal and true friend.

Lastly and not least, you are mine and only mine.

[prlywhites-deactivated20180511]

[loveage-moondream]

[beautaplinpoems]

[ruinedove]

Unless you recognize it and burn your entire life down to be with them.

Which hardly anyone ever will.

[dovesdragon]

Well said, Dove.

[demilypyro]

Being cheerful is not unmasculine. Being kind is not unmasculine. Being passionate is not unmasculine.

[demilypyro]

Being emotional is not unmasculine. Talking about your problems is not unmasculine. Needing help is not unmasculine. Masculinity should not equate to stoicism. People should not have to feel afraid or ashamed of appearing vulnerable.

[pachumtorres]

[dovesdragon]

This is a perfect depiction of Dove.

[ruinedove]

She still has bigger boobs than me but I have his child in my belly

[dovesdragon]

You’re also better to/for/around me.

Fuck her

Fuck him

I love you. I love this.

[my-ultimate-fantasies]

“He’s a lucky man”

I have been told this many times over the last 10 months. Most recently today. So it prompted me to write something about it.

He’s lucky because I am such a good girl and obey him. He’s lucky because I know my place and what is expected of me. Those are just a couple things among others that I have been told. I’ve heard it all.

But you know what? There is one important part missing.

I am the lucky one. Me.

Because He puts in the time and effort to work with me. He puts in the energy to deal with my craziness. He is patient and understanding when my anxiety acts up and I go overboard on the stupidest stuff.

Also, He’s loving and caring and so amazing that I sometimes wonder why He chose me.

I am the lucky one.

[ruinedove]

I honor him with obedience because he honors me with his care.

[dovesdragon]

And this is why *we* are lucky.

[ice-hear-t-deactivated20180625]

[amysubmits]

Sometimes I see people talk about finding a balance between when to be her man and when to be her Dom. They mean when to be supportive and comforting, and when to be firm and strict. Sure, a balance between those is important, but I guess seeing it phrased as mutually exclusive makes me sad. He is still my partner when he’s giving me the firm hand that I need, and he is my Dominant when he’s providing me with a safe place to land. In fact, I wouldn’t give him my submission if he wasn’t my safe place, too. Dominance can be “soft” things like holding me while I cry, if that’s what I need. 

[dovesdragon]

This is wildly accurate

[ruinedove]

I’m having a more and more difficult time taking care of myself. I can tell that I am not stimulated and I’m plateauing. 

I’m not maintaining my hygiene like I should. I have to take so many fucking pills now and at certain times and with food and I can barely feed myself properly so the pills aren’t being taken like they are supposed to be.

And the thing is, if I’m going to be self-destructive- which, isn’t that what self-neglect is?- shouldn’t I be being destroyed by my sadist instead? I’m tired of the worry. I’m tired of the fear. I’m tired of just getting by on the minimum. I don’t want to feel dead inside.

I don’t feel it now, but I feel it creeping. And I can already feel my own life slipping away. I can feel my life becoming less about me, less about him, less about us. I can feel my body being taken over by someone I don’t even know. And I feel my owner acquiescing to that possession. I don’t want to start resenting this person before I even meet him…

I need more control, more possession, more accountability. But I feel like my owner is so consumed by responsibility already that it’s unfair and inconvenient to ask. I’m an old slave… shouldn’t I be able to just do what’s expected and maintain shit on my own by now?

I’m hoping that this is all hormones and it’ll just pass. It’s just a phase, like everything else. If my experiences have taught me anything, it’s that nothing lasts forever.

[dovesdragon]

I don’t think it’s fair to assume that it’s all hormones first of all. I do however think that hormones can exacerbate the feelings. It is never inconvenient to ask for what you need, if I felt it was I would tell you when you asked. I love you and I have a very easy solution. Less leniency. In tasks and life in general. That’s not hard for me to provide at all even with the small amount you already receive.

Your right about this feeling not lasting forever. I wouldn’t let that happen to you. I promise this is a simple fix, and we have faced much harder things. You’re mine, I don’t and wouldn’t make a promise I can’t keep.

I have you.

Mine.

[1hatred]

[kimberlylingualarea]

[dovesdragon]

I’ve written on her body, I like this idea however.