[giffingrickandmorty]

requested by anonymous: cop rick in 3x07

Why am I still here? I already confessed to everything. Your case has been reviewed. You’re free to go. But I violated at least a dozen departmental codes. New department. New codes. New citadel.

[nebulagalore]

[nebulagalore]

[nebulagalore]

[eezydeezy]

Visit Original Link

For The Damaged Coda - Blonde Redhead

[fluff-box]

I fucking hate Tammy dude lol

[teakip]

rick commission from ig, did a spruced up screenshot redraw of one of my favorite rick scenes for this one

[hawimmy]

this was such a weird part tbh 

[littlekitty789-deactivated20190]

Rick was not happy with Jerry’s bullshit. Haha. 

[breathofthezelda-deactivated201]

Megamind Sentence Meme

❝ Here’s my day so far: went to jail, lost the girl of my dreams, and got my butt kicked pretty good. ❞ ❝ How’d it all come to this, you ask? ❞ ❝ I had a fairly standard childhood. ❞ ❝ You’re a villain, and you’ll always be a villain. ❞ ❝ His heart is an ocean that’s inside a bigger ocean. ❞ ❝ I’d be watching you, like a dingo watches a human baby. ❞ ❝ And I Iove you, random citizen! ❞ ❝ Now, back to laughing! ❞ ❝ Please talk slower. ❞ ❝ You can’t trap justice. It’s an idea, a belief! ❞ ❝ My spider bite is acting up! ❞ ❝ Imagine the most horrible, terrifying, evil thing you can possibly think of, and multiply it.. by six! ❞ ❝ Let’s just have fun with this. Come on. ❞ ❝ It’s a vacuum, isn’t it? What’s your vacuum like? ❞ ❝ Chicks don’t like bouncy houses, they like clowns! ❞ ❝ I’m not allowed to insult guests directly. ❞ ❝ It’s good that we have this time now. You know, before I destroy the place. ❞ ❝ I’ve looked into the reset button.. the science is impossible. ❞ ❝ I didn’t know you had.. feelings. Are you okay? ❞ ❝ I hope no one’s seeing this! ❞ ❝ This is a very wickedly bad idea for the greater good of bad! ❞ ❝ Ollo? ❞ ❝ You dim-witted creation of science! ❞ ❝ "Exit" is the abbreviation for “exciting,” right? ❞ ❝ I did my best, but he’s too fantastic! ❞ ❝ I was just about to make my frontal assault to rescue you, but then like fifty ninjas tried to attack me, so I had to beat ‘em all up, and I did.. and they were all, like, crying and stuff. ❞ ❝ Can’t wait. LOL. Smiley face. ❞ ❝ You don’t get out much, do you? ❞ ❝ It’s too bad that we didn’t go to the same school. ❞ ❝ All you have to do is save her/him, and she’ll/he’ll be yours. ❞ ❝ This is ________ , cautiously optimistic and pleasantly confused. ❞ ❝ Oh, this is bad. This is bad. You’ve fallen in love with her/him. ❞ ❝ Maybe I don’t want to be the bad guy anymore! ❞ ❝ That doesn’t even make any sense! ❞ ❝ What were you saying? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of me saving your life. ❞ ❝ Say I wasn’t so normal. ❞ ❝ What about everything you just said? About judging a book by its cover? ❞ ❝ Do you really think that I would ever be with you? ❞ ❝ Being a hero is for losers! ❞ ❝ All your gifts, all your powers, and you squander them for your own personal gain. ❞ ❝ Look, I’m not sure where to go with that! ❞ ❝ This isn’t how you play the game.. ❞ ❝ Congratulations. Another one of your genius plans has backfired on you. ❞ ❝ Well.. there is one place I know. ❞ ❝ You know, I think there’s an apology in order for the other night. ❞ ❝ That’s when I got the brilliant idea.. to fake my death. ❞ ❝ If there’s bad, good will rise up against it. ❞ ❝ I say we go back to the evil Iair, grab some ray guns, hold them sideways, and just go all gangsta on him/her. ❞ ❝ You and I have some unfinished business. ❞ ❝ The city needs you.. I need you. ❞ ❝ Here it is, from the blackest part of my heart. I’m sorry. ❞ ❝ We’re gonna die! ❞ ❝ There is no Easter Bunny, there is no Tooth Fairy, and there is no Queen of England. ❞ ❝ Please, let’s have a little respect for public transportation. ❞ ❝ Hey! Remember that night that I dumped you? ❞ ❝ You did the fool thing all by yourself. ❞ ❝ There’s a benefit to losing.. you get to learn from your mistakes. ❞ ❝ What can I say? Old habits die hard. ❞ ❝ What a drama queen/king! ❞ ❝ Sorry! He’s/she’s just not used to positive feedback! ❞ ❝ Funny.. I guess destiny is not the path given to us, but the path we choose for ourselves. ❞

[nebulagalore]

[nebulagalore]

[onlyhuman]

[bethrick]

morty’s repressed emotions rise again

[headstrongmartin]

texts from last night! meme

[roleplayermemes]

[text] Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today? [text] The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here [text] He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after. [text] I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW [text] So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one’s for Team USA. [text] He gave me the “find somebody who wants to date you for who you are” speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants. [text] I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese [text] I just got high off one hit and then Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refrigerator and researching ways to replace it [text] Seriously. I’m like, “Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you’re so fucking intelligent I’m turned on?” [text] Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet? [text] He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I’m keeping him. [text] I’m making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life. [text] It’s a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later. [text] Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I’ve been waiting for this moment forever. [text] Lesson learned. Don’t roleplay with a real knife. [text] We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman’s birthday party for the food. Whoops. [text] He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle. [text] I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I’d say it was a pretty successful Thursday night. [text] I’m wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real. [text] He’s like… An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It’s almost unsettling [text] I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I’ve found the One. [text] Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while… if you happen to find your balls then join us [text] i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”… [text] and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered “Simba” [text] so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. [text] Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. [text] Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me [text] We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sounds logical. Thank you daylight savings. [text] when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was “chug-a-lug” [text] There’s a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork. [text] Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine [text] My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there. [text] He told me he loved me. I didn’t know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him [text] Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten [text] Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly. [text] He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter. [text] we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I’ve ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury [text] I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man’s heart. [text] When was the last time you wore pants? [text] I’ve replaced you with thin mints and masturbation [text] Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast. [text] Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time [text] Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent [text] We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person. [text] I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how’s your day going? [text] I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn’t need it today. [text] We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What’s wrong with this tradition? [text] all i’ve had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila. [text] Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don’t exist? [text] Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special [text] And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention [text] This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the “High While Analyzing Disney Movies” texts begin. [text] Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won’t quit poking me on fb [text] I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes [text] One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won’t be me. I’m drinking liquor out of a fishbowl. [text] You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy [text] im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster [text] just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing. [text] I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on [text] Let’s play a little game called “Chill the Fuck Out” - you’re our first contestant [text] Didn’t get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie. [text] I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion. [text] you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat [text] tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance? [text] We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out [text] maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game [text] i think its awesome that according to your mom i’m your friend that caught on fire. [text] So fucked up. Can’t tell if I’m starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out. [text] I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day. [text] Vodka is such a love hate relationship. [text] you traded sex for a burrito? [text] I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos. [text] You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there. [text] it’s not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher. [text] You’re always adorable, but when you’re drunk, you’re like Chia Pet adorable. [text] this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest [text] I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box [text] I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old’s Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day. [text] It’s like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it’s gummy bears and instead of milk it’s vodka. [text] You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go [text] Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome. [text] we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying “i mean who doesn’t like cheetos” [text] quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you [text] I left a cheeto on everyone’s car trailing to the house i’m at, hanzel and gretel style. [text] Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again. [text] nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs [text] When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar. [text] kinda considering buying a life alert for sophomore year [text] My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something. [text] Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex. [text] you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing ‘follow the yellowbrick road’. i’m pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted [text] It’s like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job. [text] did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes? [text] The world would be so much better with thought bubbles. [text] I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy! [text] You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen. [text] I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter. [text] So I woke up today with someone’s door knob in my pocket. I hope everybody else got out of the house ok. [text] So we successfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know. [text] Because when I say ‘You shouldn’t drink anymore’, she hears, ‘I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks’ [text] okay, this game isn’t funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are. [text] The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing. [text] when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed [text] so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat. [text] You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone [text] never. drinking. again. [text] I’m gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see. [text] got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night [text] I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now [text] i’m out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction. [text] Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.

[bethrick]

Rick, I can handle it if you go, but you’ll break mom’s heart.

[danielkaluuya]