you were a dear friend to me
i met you thousands of miles away, a while before them
you were nice towards my persona from thousands of miles away, you were kind towards who i chose to represent me, i reciprocated your kindness
i had just escaped from the mental anguish of a terrible, vile, toxic, poison, only a moment before you entered my life
and unlike them, you didn't make any leaping promises, or insisted on anything you couldn't live up to
you were just, a soul touching mine
and then, out of the blue, you decided to take it one step further, and touch our souls closer together than ever before, i was glad to accept that, i am honoured to have made that decision, because i saw something beautiful erupt from it
you drew our lines, dear friend, after the closeness became too hard to resist
and you put your foot down, we both put our foot down because you cared, you cared about how important that was, you cared about what we had, you cared about me, you cared about what you had with the entire world, you strived to be a decent being at the bare minimum...
but then, one day, you slowly started becoming harder and harder to reach...
one day, the distance was astronomical, i reached out, i reached out and i reached out and i reached out and i reached out, and i felt nothing
this is taking a dark turn, isn't it?
i accepted, i accepted our fate, dear friend, i was upset, but i didn't want to keep reaching out until my arm went numb
but then suddenly, i felt you again, entirely by surprise..!
you had something special for me, you told me something lifechanging
you said you wanted to retire what we had
and you told me that this is all alien to you, that you had never reached out in this manner before, that this was your first ever experience of being so elaborate... on storing away something special
you expressed fear at the thought of it, but you wanted to try, just for me
because you didn't just want to leave me stranded in the darkness, wondering where in hell i was or where the void was headed
it was one of the sweetest, most thoughtful things anyone had ever done for me, you were severing ties, but in doing so you made a beautiful bond
perhaps you can't see it, but i can, i can see it when it gets dark and i need a glimmer of hope, i see you, dear friend, you are there in the fog
the fact that you were willing to try, just to not leave me in purgatory, knowing that there will be permanent darkness ahead...
... that act will always be as close to my heart as you were
the memories are lost to time, but if i ever find your beautiful act, i'll engulf it and treasure it
it's melancholic and nostalgic
but it's nice
that's more than i could ever ask from anyone
i cried ONCE
ONLY once
and then i flowed past it
to this day, i still feel a pleasant aura blooming in the core of my soul when thinking about you, but i am content with it just being a memory
and i didn't lose myself to you
and i didn't lunge into the darkness to you
and i didn't lash out at the thought of you
and i didn't scorch the air that was around us
and, i didn't feel a deep dark void where your soul used to touch mine
i just felt fulfilled knowing i crossed paths with such an amazing soul, like you
i love you
not as a soul who is touching mine
but as a soul who left an imprint on mine
to this day, your act of kindness, it still radiates throughout my life in the darkest of hells, i always think of you when i am putting my foot down, accepting something special, storing away what used to be special, or baring my soul to anything
i always think of you, friend, the one soul in my life who proved to me that i'm not a demon, everyone else is
every time i see someone ache over reaching out in the darkness repeatedly, i realise how little us souls are granted
because the merciful conclusion is real, and you blessed me with it
sometimes, i am appalled, i am appalled at how low the bar is for everyone else, to not want to live up to this
it's beautiful to me, i think it's awe-inspiring
but most of all, friend, what really and truly left your touch on my soul:
you apologised
you apologised...
i didn't have to get on my knees and bare my pain to you
i didn't have to scream for a shred of compassion
i didn't have to tear myself to pieces to reveal your cuts
you just, knew, you knew just by looking at me in the face, a phenomenon that i discovered to be so so rare, friend
and that's one thing I never had from them...
personal responsibility
