mscarysberen:
Holden was the man that she had loved since she was a young teenager. For as long as she could remember, she would spy on her older brother and his best friend whenever they would be hanging out at her family’s home. He fascinated her, made her think about things so differently than her family would have. As the two grew older, it became harder for her to deny those feelings that were blossoming inside of her like a freshly-planted garden. Some of her favorite moments were the ones where they would accidentally find one another in her family’s kitchen at three in the morning and conversate. Jesse never knew, neither did her parents or MJ, that he got her through so many of her issues simply by sitting there and talking to her.
Carys grew up knowing Holden was safety, knowing that she could count on him if she ever needed protection or a rock to support her. Maybe that was why it was so hard when he hurt her so badly the morning after Kristen’s first baby shower. It felt like someone had stuck a grenade inside of her heart and pulled the pin, not caring about the damage it caused. Holden was the first man she had ever been intimate with, making every other time they were intimate mean more to her than it would with anyone else. She gave herself to him in the most special way, continuing to do so through the years. But every time they ended up in bed together, it seemed to end with her surrounded by the pieces of her heart.
“I know that you would never hurt me on purpose. I’ve trusted you with my life and my heart for most of my life and I refuse to believe that I made a mistake in doing so.” Her voice was soft, trying to get her true feelings out without stuttering or making things worse. It was hard for someone like Carys to communicate how she was feeling due to her near crippling anxiety, a condition that Holden had experience in helping her deal with. It was why she was still attending weekly therapy sessions to work through her issues and become a stronger woman.
His hands on the sides of her face made her eyes move upward to meet his own. How many times had they been in this moment? Him holding her in a way that made her feel as if she were his whole entire world. Her mind wandered to the previous times they had stood like this in the past, her heart screaming for him to realize that she was the one who would make the most sense for him. Even when he was married to Kate, she would hope and pray that maybe one day he would wake up and see that they were each other’s missing puzzle piece. Even if her family were to disapprove and think of it as a mistake, she couldn’t deny the way he made her feel.
“I just…I need to take things slow right now. I can’t just jump right back into something when I’m still struggling to get through the last time it hurt me.” Her eyes stayed on his as she spoke honestly and from her heart, her hands resting on his chest once more. Would he be willing to go slow with her? Would he want to pick up the pieces and put her back together again? “I don’t want to make you wait for me to be okay again…because I don’t know when I’m going to be.”
It was instantaneous -- the moment Carys eased into his arms, her warm hand flat against his chest, Holden relaxed. This was right. This was exactly where Carys was supposed to be. Where he was supposed to be. His heart jumped against his rib cage, fighting against his bones to try and get closer to the hand above. Carys had an effect on Holden unlike any other woman. He had always been attractive. Holden had yet to go through a gangly, awkward phase in his thirty-three years of life. People had always noticed him -- especially women. The man could have anyone he wanted, if he wanted them. But truthfully, he didn’t want anyone. Holden had never been interested in anyone but Carys. It was a terrible, guilt-inducing thing to admit, but Holden never felt for his wife what he felt for the woman in his arms. One touch from Carys was worth a thousand from anyone else. What ran between them was pure, unbridled chemistry.
Love.
Holden would wait forever for that. “Carys,” he breathed, a nervous smile spreading across his face. “You have all the time in the world. Whatever you need -- whatever you want -- you have it. I need you to understand that I’m -- I’m here for us, of course I am, but right now I’m here for you. I broke your trust, but day by day I’m gonna put it back together. You have my word. As long as it takes ‘n longer. I’m here for good.”
“C’mon -- let me start now. Let me drive you home. Let me -- let me at least make tonight one degree easier for you. Please? Can’t we just -- can’t we just try that?”














