moved to @pyropememes!

hey im lexi, im thirteen, and im just a hamburger helper loving, meming, art doer...what I post:funny text posts/pictures/fandomstags: dr-art | cute people 2k14sigh // she/her they/them // pans.

[faglick]

[carbcutie]

I’M HYSTERICALLY LAUGHING I’M TOO HIGH FOR THIS

[pur-puhl-peynt]

There’s no x in espresso

[fkaeros]

I work at a swim school and we occasionally have birthday parties. I over hear a conversation one of the kids had with their mom

Hears conversation between a mom and daughter who is like 6.

Mom: Looking at news article on phone about Sam Smith**

Girl: Mommy why is Sam Smith kissing a boy?

Mom: it’s because he’s gay honey.

Girl: Mommy what does gay mean?

Mom: Like girls like boys, it’s when boys like boys.

Girl: Oh….well why can’t girls like girls?

Mom: They can they’re called lesbians.

Girl: lessions?

Mom: No, Les-Bee-Ens.

Girl: Oh Okay,….can I be lesbian?

Mom: Sure, only if you feel that way, why?

Girl: Cuz there’s this girl name katey and she’s really really pretty like prettier then Elsa.

Mom: PRETTIER THAN ELSA?!?!

Girl: Yeah, I want her to be my girlfriend.

Mom: Okay, wait…what about that other kid you liked, that boy named Jimmy.

Girl: I don’t like Jimmy anymore, I only said that cause I thought I didn’t have anymore options but boys.

Mom: *starts dying laughing*

Me *starts dying laughing*

[shitpostgenerator]

i destroyed homestuck

[johnegberf-blog]

god bless shitpostgenerator

[museifushindoushugi]

[dutchstore]

Thoughts on the way to class 📚📓✏️ by AlliCattt

[losttoy]

Black people killed by police in 2015 Bernard Moore 62 Lavall Hall 25 Jonathan Ryan Paul 42 Jamie Croom 31 Terry Garnett Jr. 37 Monique Jenee Deckard 43 Tony Terrell Robinson Jr. 19 Tyrone Ryerson Lawrence 45 Naeschylus Vinzant 37 Andrew Anthony Williams 48 Dewayne Deshawn Ward Jr. 29 Ledarius Williams 23 Yvette Henderson 38 Edward Donnell Bright, Sr. 56 Thomas Allen Jr. 34 Charley Leundeu Keunang, “Africa” 43 Fednel Rhinvil 25 Shaquille C. Barrow 20 Kendre Omari Alston 16 Brandon Jones 18 Darrell “Hubbard” Gatewood 47 Cornelius J. Parker 28 Ian Sherrod 40 Jermonte Fletcher 33 Darin Hutchins 26 Glenn C. Lewis 37 Calvon A. Reid 39 Tiano Meton 25 Demaris Turner 29 Isaac Holmes 19 A’Donte Washington 16 Terry Price 41 Stanley Lamar Grant 38 Askari Roberts 35 Dewayne Carr 42 Terrance Moxley 29 Theodore Johnson 64 Cedrick Lamont Bishop 30 Anthony Hill 27 Terence D. Walke 21 Janisha Fonville 20 Phillip Watkins 23 Anthony Bess 49 Desmond Luster, Sr. 45 James Howard Allen 74 Natasha McKenna 37 Herbert Hill 26 Markell Atkins 36 Kavonda Earl Payton 39 Rodney Walker 23 Donte Sowell 27 Mario A. Jordan 34 Artago Damon Howard 36 Andre Larone Murphy Sr. 42 Marcus Ryan Golden 24 Brian Pickett 26 Hashim Hanif Ibn Abdul-Rasheed 41 Ronald Sneed 31 Leslie Sapp III 47 Matthew Ajibade 22

Black people killed by police in 2014 Kevin Davis, 44 Eric Tyrone Forbes, 28 Jerame C. Reid, 36 David Andre Scott, 28 Quentin Smith, 23 Terrence Gilbert, 25 Carlton Wayne Smith, 20 Gregory Marcus Gray, 33 Antonio Martin, 18 Tyrone Davis, 43 Xavier McDonald, 16 Brandon Tate-Brown, 26 Dennis Grisgby, 35 Michael D. Sulton, 23 Thurrell Jowers, 22 Travis Faison, 24 Calvin Peters, 49 Christopher Bernard Doss, 41 Jerry Nowlin, 39 William Mark Jones, 50 Rumain Brisbon, 34 Lincoln Price, 24 Eric Ricks, 30 Leonardo Marquette Little, 33 Tamir E. Rice, 12 Akai Gurley, 28 Myron De’Shawn May, 39 Keara Crowder, 29 Tanisha N. Anderson, 37 Darnell Dayron Stafford, 31 David Yearby, 27 Aura Rosser, 40 Carlos Davenport, 51 Cinque DJahspora, 20 Rauphael Thomas, 29 Christopher M. Anderson, 27 Charles Emmett Logan, 68 John T. Wilson, III, 22 Christopher Mason McCray, 17 Kaldrick Donald, 24 Zale Thompson, 32 Terrell Lucas, 22 Ronnie D. McNary, 44 Adam Ardett Madison, 28 Balantine Mbegbu, 65 Elisha Glass, 20 Qusean Whitten, 18 Vonderrit Myers Jr., 18 O’Shaine Evans, 26 Latandra Ellington, 36 Aljarreau Cross, 29 Iretha Lilly, 37 Lashano J. Gilbert, 31 Miguel Benton, 19 Eugene Williams, 38 Tracy A. Wade, 39 Javonta Darden, 20 Marlon S. Woodstock, 38 Oliver Jarrod Gregoire, 26 Nolan Anderson, 50 Cameron Tillman, 14 John Jolly Jr., 28 Charles Smith, 29 Michael Willis Jr., 42 Briant Paula, 26 Kashad Ashford, 23 Carrey Brown, 26 Ceasar Adams, 36 Ricky Deangelo Hinkle, 47 Elijah Jackson, 33 Darrien Nathaniel Hunt, 22 Shawn Brown, 20 Alphonse Edward Perkins, 50 Naim Owens, 22 Kendrick Brown, 35 Eugene N. Turner III, 28 Ronald Singleton, 45 Jeremy Lewis, 33 Vernicia Woodward, 26 Cortez Washington, 32 Steven Lashone Douglas, 29 Desean Pittman, 20 Roshad McIntosh, 18 Anthony Lamar Brown, 39 Arvel Douglas Williams, 30 Darius Cole-Garrit, 21 Kajieme Powell, 25 David Ellis, 29 Luther Lathron Walker, 38 Andre Maurice Jones, 37 Frederick R. Miller, 38 Michelle Cusseaux, 50 Dante Parker, 36 Corey Levert Tanner, 24 Ezell Ford, 25 Robert Baltimore, 34 Dustin Keith Glover, 27 Eddie Davis, 67 Michael Brown, Jr., 18 Michael Laray Dozer, 26 John Crawford III, 22 Daniel Row, 37 Jacorey Calhoun, 23 Anthony Callaway, 27 Patrick Small, 27 Harrison Carter, 29 Vamond Arqui Elmore, 37 Donovan Bayton, 54 Charles Leon Johnson, II, 29 Briatay McDuffie, 19 Jonathan L. Williams, 25 Eric Garner, 43 Dominique Charon Lewis, 23 Michael Reams, 47 Lawrence Campbell, 27 Kenny Clinton Walker, 23 Tyshawn Hancock, 37 Charles Goodridge, 53 Cedric Stanley, 35 Ennis Labaux, 37 Warren Robinson, 16 Christopher Jones, 30 Icarus Randolph, 26 Jacqueline Nichols, 64 Jerry Dwight Brown, 41 Nyocomus Garnett, 35 Rodney Hodge, 33 Paul Ray Kemp Jr., 40 Dennis Hicks, 29 Samuel Johnson, 45 Lavon King, 20 Antoine Dominique Hunter, 24 Samuel Shields, 49 Juan May, 45 Denzell Curnell, 19 Ismael Sadiq, 30 Devaron Ricardo Wilburn, 21 John Schneider, 24 Jason Harrison, 38 Frank Rhodes, 61 Roylee Vell Dixon, 48 Broderick Johnson, 21 David Latham, 35 Lonnie Flemming, 31 Steven Thompson, 26 Thomas Dewitt Johnson, 28 Frank McQueen, 34 Sandy Jamel McCall, 33 Quintico Goolsby, 36 Dominique Franklin, Jr., 23 George V. King, 19 James Renee White Jr., 21 Devante Kyshon Hinds, 21 Pearlie Golden, 93 Jerome Dexter Christmas, 44 Armand Martin, 50 Dontre H. Hamilton, 31 Joe Huff, 86 Emmanuel Wooten Matthew Walker, 55 Daniel Christoph Yealu, 29 Adrian Williams, 29 Gregory Towns, 24 Jameel Kareem Ofurum Harrison, 34 Zikarious Jaquan Flint, 20 Raason Shaw, 20 DeAndre Lloyd Starks, 27 Douglas Cooper, 18 Winfield Carlton Fisher III, 32 Deosaran Maharaj, 51 Daniel Martin, 47 Emerson Clayton Jr., 21 Rebecca Lynn Oliver, 24 Treon “Tree” Johnson, 27 Gabriella Monique Nevarez, 22 Marquise Jones, 23 Kenneth Christopher Lucas, 38 Keith Atkinson, 31 Yvette Smith, 45 D’Andre Berghardt Jr., 20 Stephon Averyhart, 27 Anthony Bartley, 21 Earnest Satterwhite, Sr., 68 Anneson Joseph, 28 Alton Reaves, 31 McKenzie Cochran, 25 Cornelius Turner, 19 Eldrin Loren Smart, 31 Henry Jackson, 19 Jordan Baker, 26 Gregory Vaughn Hill Jr., 30 Paul Smith, 58 Jeffrey Ragland, 50 Kendall Alexander, 34

[luckyshirt]

Dear guy who just made my burrito:

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients from one end to the other, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM TO ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans cannot usually dislocate their jaws to accommodate such methods. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito and not a multi-stage rocket to the planet Fucking Disgustingupiter.

And guess what else, player? You can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer this nonsense. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE: To everyone who keeps saying “WHOEVER WROTE THIS THANK YOU”

You’re welcome.

And to everyone compelled to say “FIRST WORLD PROBLEM CALM THE FUCK DOWN ITS A BURRITO BITCH UR A FAG WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO MAD”:

That’s the joke.

-luckyshirt

[andfirekilledthequeen]

i wish to marry this person and their hilarious rants.

[haramzadeh]

The “Zayn left One Direction to join ISIS” jokes show that Westerners truly don’t care about the struggles, the pain, and the literal life-and-death scenarios that play out every day in the grand scheme of Middle Eastern politics. ISIS isn’t funny, nothing about it is funny.

[bloodyrousa]

do you know how much rose had to study about how reproductive organs work and how babies are made to even like, be able to conceive steven. 

[bloodyrousa]

geckopaws replied to your post:

"yeah greg im totally ready to have a kid. of course i have a *looks at smudged writing on hand* varguba"

[mevrona-deactivated20160222]

Can’t say for sure where the series is going, but I have a feeling the protagonists are going to start looking a lot less heroic. Also several of the gem fragments might be getting objectified by the ladies in order to hide the fact that they’re sentient war prisoners capable of being healed… I mean, it wasn’t exactly their first reaction to help Lapis when she started talking. 

[jakthekiller]

Pearl would rose wanted this.

[fierzz]

you know he’s dead

[soggymoistblent-deactivated2015]

she looks like a predator in that second pic

[urie]

that post that’s like “if you don’t feel up for school then just dont go! you dont owe anyone an explanation” like i really appreciate that sentiment but also have you ever existed in the real world at all 

[angelicheaux]

what really gets me is that the victims of the shooting were good fucking people like there is literally no way to demonize them so the media just isn’t talking about it and that sickens me fuck this country

[twentysomethingday-blog]

RIP Deah Barakat.  RIP Yusor Abu-Salha.  RIP Razan Abu-Salha.

[fruitian-deactivated20150913]

lms if u a lil scared of the dark even tho u grown

[s-a-l-a-m-deactivated20230202]

I go to school in Arlington, TX. Ya rab protect us all. If you’re at school and you see someone following you, please contact the police immediately. Nothing strange happened to me yet but I’m paranoid. When I woke, something in the air was different. Please keep me in your prayers.

[fobmagnet]

To my hijabi sisters, bearded brothers, Sikh brothers, black brothers & sisters- please be careful

[elashley4035]

At my school we have to do something called an ALICE drill. Basically the idea is that if an intruder comes in with a gun it is better to try and escape or barricade your classroom door than just sit and wait for a the guy to come in and kill you. So this is the practice barricade we build in my class to fall on the intruder if he opened the door.

[gernard]

okay, seriously. What person is going to fall for a ton of kids hiding in the corner of the room when all their shit is on their desks, the comptuers are on. It’s in the middle of school hours. What. Fucking. Person. Would. Fall. For. That. This is an amazing idea and should be done in all school instead of having us hide in the fucking corner in a dark room. 

[hailstrm]

They just implemented this into my school, and they said that if the barricades don’t work we get to throw stuff at them or go out the window onto the next buildings roof

[kindakiely-deactivated20210117]

Man, i’ve been saying stuff like this would be a good idea for years! I want this at my school!

[quoth-the-ravenclaw-deactivated]

Okay but can we pause for a second to recognize how seriously fucked up it is that this has become nessecary in American schools? Because it is absolutely 100% fucked up.

[invisiblemanmedia]

[godsonjunioresquire-deactivated]

djsdoingwork:

Red Lobster Suspends Black Employee After Racist Couple Leaves ‘N-word’ On Her Receipt (Photo)

A young, black employee who endured racism at Red Lobster has been suspended by the company. According to reports by Progressive Populist Toni Jenkins, 19 was suspend after posting a receipt she received on Facebook.

While serving a white couple at the Nashville, Tenn., restaurant, Jenkins said the couple was rude to her and would not speak when she attempted to take their orders. They eventually told Jenkins to put all of their food in a to-go box. When Jenkins returned to get the receipt, she found the words, “none n—-r” scribbled in the totals section.

Jenkins showed her manager, who did nothing about the matter. She later posted a picture of the receipt with a note that read, “This is what I got as a tip last night … so happy to live in the proud southern states…God Bless America, land of the free and home of the low class racists of Tennessee.”

Jenkins’ picture was shared thousands of times. However, the restaurant suspended her with pay after it was discovered that she posted the receipt.

Red Lobster is currently investigating the incident.

[totallynotagentphilcoulson]

I am having a hell of a time finding Red Lobster’s corporate contact info since Darden Restaurants hasn’t owned them for the past seven months, but if anyone does they should be sure to contact them telling them how fucking wrong it is to punish this employee