I am thief #2991

You don't wanna know what happened to the other 2990 thieves.

[uinferno]

A 2017 classic updated for the new game.

[ispyspookymansion]

if you want me to consume a new media you MUST catch me at the exact moment when the stars are aligned and the air pressure is equal to the current degree of the sun’s peak against the horizon and all the cosmic energies are perfectly unified (aka my old interest is fading out) or i will nod and say “im adding that to my list!” Knowing theres no chance i will check it out

[ispyspookymansion]

“unless its a book!” “unless you tell me it has gay people in it!” “this but only for live action shows” “theres a good chance i’ll get to it eventually” no wrong this post is not for you this post is ONLY for bitches who could have a treasured friend recommend them something that sounds grown in a lab to be your personal catnip and, with no choice in the matter, immediately know it will never be the right time to watch/read/listen to it

[itisiives]

[hellmo]

[catchymemes]

[intercal]

apple blossomed trees / roots with the birds

[intercal]

the whole club was looking at worms

[thepurpleglass]

[thememedaddy]

[valtsv]

the worst thing about writing or any kind of craft is having an idea you're really excited to make a reality but then you sit down and realize how much work it's going to take to get to that point and suddenly you feel like those two little gay guys in the mountain in the lord of the rings

[valtsv]

do you remember how good it was in our head mr frodo

[crazy-brazilian]

[nato-proxy-war-enjoyer]

Teachers when a child shows a single ounce of individuality or creativity:

[space-is-out-there]

As a teacher: the big sharpener should have just made her laugh. It’s funny.

But the 70 sharpeners thing is where it gets a bit dicey because yes it was obviously the child joking and having a sharpener collection but on the other you have to think: Why does this child have so many blades on school property?? Obviously you can know the child won’t do anything awful but you don’t know what some other person might do if they get it or if administration that DONT know your child finds it

[jdeko]

what nefarious thing is a child going to do with 70 intact sharpeners already at school? sneak into the bathroom where they hid a 2x4 and a tool box to build a macuahuitl?

[mobjack878]

hold on i need to google something

[mobjack878]

yeah this is funny

[wolfythewitch]

This too shall pass but like holy fuck

[willgrahamscock]

I had a really bad migraine last night, but I've run out of everything except these hungarian pain killers my dad gave me 9 years ago, anyway I don't remember anything and I can't feel my tongue and the only thing in my search history is this

[willgrahamscock]

anyways can someone drive me to the hospital

[lustcannibalism]

what state are you in?

[willgrahamscock]

pretty bad

[lustcannibalism]

YOUR LOCATION

[thededfa]

my 8 year old has some emotional regulation difficulties, and I've done my best to help him with those.

unrelated, I gave him a shovel a couple of days ago and told him to go have fun in the field because I was tired.

He suddenly seemed happier, having less trouble breathing through disappointment and just being generally all around more cheerful and able to focus in school better. Sure, my partner had to pull him out of a six foot by three foot hole today, but he was stoked about it!

[thededfa]

Marked places in the yard where I needed holes and he happily dug them and helped me plant trees, then helped me turn the compost pile and dig the garden beds. He is happy, my back isn't killing me, and we have discussed erosion and soil quality with the gravitas of an 8 year old discovering something they enjoy

[brosef-von-dudehomie]

Congrats on your future landscaper. Make sure he catches you reading books that will take him up a good path to a rewarding career.

Or gravedigger. Boy might just be in it for the holes.

[spiribia]

it's a shame you can't Cool, Silent, and Mysterious your way to being very close to people. we are unfortunately going to have to embarrass ourselves for this

[spiribia]

my point was that you have to let people know things about you in order for people to know things about you

[micoven]

No, I don't know a single thing about a single celebrity. But this fictional man? this extremely sad, traumatized man? Why yes, I hold an encyclopedic amount of knowledge of him in my silly brain. Why do you ask?

[adoring-suggestion]

The adhd modes of food

1. You ate that burger so fast. You ate that burger so fucking fast and now the whole Red Robin is staring at you god what the fuck

2. You started eating like a normal person, but then you started talking or daydreaming and now the waitress is handing you the check but you’ve still got half a plate of cold fettuccine

3. You were going to go out to eat, but then you saw a video in your YouTube recommendation that drew you towards it like moth to a flame, and now it’s 10 pm and you’ve got an empty bag of tortilla chips in your hand and shame in your heart

4. Mac And Cheese

[prettysicksupply]

5. You got engrossed in a project, suddenly you feel like you’re going to die, or faint, or both? Oh. you’re hungry.

6. You’re hungry.  But every food you can think of sounds disgusting.  Time for your 15th day of lunchables for breakfast in a row.

[academicblorbo]

7. The food you’ve been obsessively eating for the past 2 weeks and you relied on is now the grossest thing you could put in your mouth

[escuerzoresucitado]

[z-mizcellaneous-z]

Fucking CRYING IM USING THAT PHRASE FOR EVERYTHING NOW

[caats]