Look who’s back, back, back again! I haven’t really posted much in the last week despite the fact that I obviously have the time (fuck this quarantine) but I figured I should keep up with the episode reviews now that I’ve started them. We all know I wasn’t sad to see Brita go last week, but I was rather upset at Jan not winning the challenge like she should’ve, so you can just imagine how this review is going to go. Let’s get into it!
I’m just going to skip to the runway/airing of the commercials because the first half of the episode doesn’t really matter. The editing always makes the front runners look like they’re doing badly and sometimes the bottoms look like they’re doing well so fuck the producers and their meddling. Anyway.
Category is...Black Wedding!
1. Jackie Cox: Jackie knows her aesthetic and she stuck with it this week while at the same time, telling a story. Was it the most polished look? No, but I still appreciated what she was giving. Also, her commercial was hella funny and definitely deserving of the top.
2. Jan: UGH Jan looked so fucking good! Her face was beat to the Gods and this dress is beautiful! I absolutely loved the “I Don’t” on the back and her whole story line of swallowing the ring was genius! Also, I don’t think her commercial was that bad...maybe I’m just biased. I do see how it was very one note, but at least that one note was enthusiasm. (shade intended) We’ll get into Jan’s fate later on, but I think she looked perfect and deserved to be safe this week.
3. Jaida Essence Hall: I think Jaida looked flawless and expensive, but at the end of the day, it was just a pretty dress that didn’t really tell a story. Also, her commercial was good but not worth writing home about. I feel she was very middle of the pack this week which is honestly not a bad place to be right now. She deserved her safe status.
4. Gigi Goode: Gigi looked so damn good but it’s also what we’ve come to expect from her by now. Her commercial, however, wasn’t great. There were some laughs in there that the judges didn’t even crack a smile at which I found unfair, but I do think the only reason she wasn’t in the bottom two was because Ru loves her so much. Plus, whoever went up against Widow was bound to go home, but more on that later.
5. ...I’m not going to say too much on this one for obvious reasons...but whoever designed this look does need a shout out. Also, to those that felt this queen deserved to be in the bottom two are letting what she did outside of the show cloud their judgement when viewing what she’s doing on the show. The commercial wasn’t terrible, the look was well executed, and we all know she’s unfortunately not going anywhere anytime soon so we’re just going to have to get used to it. Now, moving on to more deserving queens...
6. Heidi N Closet: Before we talk about what happened in the episode, I want to make it well known that it pisses me off that Ru refuses to call Heidi by her full name. I’ve heard worse drag names and I don’t think it’s fair how she gets picked on for hers. Fuck those bitches. That being said, I think Heidi did a good job this week. She looked beautiful on the runway and her commercial was fucking hilarious. I do think someone else was more deserving of the win though, but more on that later.
7. Widow Von Du: DAMN Widow looked so good on the runway! The dress, her makeup, those contacts. Amazing. Her commercial though was definitely the worst of the bunch. It broke my heart to see her crumble like that and I honestly kind of blame Ru for reminding her that she hasn’t won a challenge in a while. Way to shake her confidence before a big challenge, Mr. Charles! And if you’ve watched Untucked, wasn’t it simultaneously heart warming and heartbreaking to see her have such a vulnerable moment in front of her idol?! This will definitely be an episode she’ll never forget. (P.S. Excuse the bad picture. I couldn’t find a better one online)
8. Crystal Methyd: I LOVED CRYSTAL’S LOOK SO MUCH!!! It was spooky, it was campy, it was different, and yet it was kind of glam at the same time? Her makeup looked great and she is probably the most versatile MUA on this whole season, TBH. I also found her commercial fucking hysterical so she was the clear top in my eyes. Great job, Crystal! You and your amazing mullet made me so proud. (Again, bad picture. Not my fault the girls aren’t posting all their looks themselves)
Now let's compare the top and bottom queens to my tops and bottoms.
Actual tops: Jackie, Jaida, Heidi, and Crystal.
MY tops: Jackie, Heidi, and Crystal. I think Jaida deserved to be safe this week, not in the top. However, it seemed you were either in the top or the bottom this week, so I can forgive it.
Actual bottoms: Jan, Gigi, She Who Must Not be Named, and Widow.
MY bottoms: Again, considering it was only tops and bottoms this week, I can agree with this. HOWEVER, I think it should’ve been Gigi and Widow in the bottom two, NOT Jan. This fucking show and their meddling producers. They clearly put Jan in the bottom because they knew Widow could beat anybody and they didn’t want to risk Gigi going home. Plus, their lack of love for Jan has been apparent since the beginning. Fucking assholes.
Winner of this week's challenge: Heidi
MY winner of this week's challenge: Crystal. I really think Crystal did amazing this week. Both her and Heidi’s commercials were great, but I think Crystal’s look was better. And despite my above complaint about the show picking favorites, it almost surprises me that Ru didn’t give Crystal the top spot just for finally embracing her fabulous mullet. I’m not mad that Heidi won though, I just would’ve given it to Crystal.
Winner of the lip sync: Widow
MY winner of the lip sync: Widow OR a double save. It broke my fucking heart to see Jan in the bottom, but I also knew Widow wasn’t going anywhere. She’s a phenomenal lip syncer and she was performing in front of her idol, FFS! I do think Jan held her own though, and I so wish it could’ve been a double save. But I bet you anything the producers thought that Jan’s story line was up and they were going to send her home, even if Widow had thrown the lip sync. Those fuckers didn’t appreciate Jan for the star that she is and I’ll never forgive them for it. #JusticeforJan 💔
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