Within Peace, There was tragedy.
A couple stood on the beach, warm sand sat under their feet. The softness reminded them of each other, laying in each other’s arms. This was their last night together, they made a decision to part ways. They planned a trip to explore the possibility of reconciliation. A three day get away that would make or break the deflating connection. The sun was setting, time was running out and there were only so many hours left. They stood barely breathing, taking in the energy. The woman silently prayed, she moved silently towards the water. There was a hopeful bounce in her walk ‘The water! It’ll make all this make sense. I need to submerge.’ Her stride opened, almost as if she was running towards the water. He watched, not wanting to crowd her. He watched her as she submerged in the water. She pushed herself further from the shore. He dropped, sitting in the sand and watching her turn into a speck. He prayed, silently to any god who would listen. She always wanted him to be a more spiritual man, and at this moment he didn't know where else to turn. He loved her so much, it took the thought of her leaving to sober him. He hated that he was this way. He desperately wanted to be the man that she needed. He wanted to be her happy ending, the man that she married, the man that fathered her children. He wanted the option of dying together. Why was this ending? This was the most perfect relationship he’d been in. She made him communicate, love, and smile. She made him want to change, unfortunately he hadn’t been able to take a step in that direction. She finally made her way back to the shore. Wet, her feet now dirty from the sand. Her dress clung to her. He could see her breast through the thin fabric.
“You swam in your clothes”
“Yea, spontaneous as usual.”
Their conversation was dry, their silence lingered. The ocean hadn’t worked.
“Let's go back to the room. I'm getting cold.” She shivered through her words.
“Yea, we out.”
They walked back to the room, silent. She took his hand on the walk and for a moment there was bittersweet hope. A person in denial would have seen this gesture as a moment of relief. An answer to the question that made them take the trip. Can this work? But a sober mind knew that this intimate gesture was one of departure. They got to the room. He fiddled with the keys in his pocket, his breathing a little bit shallow. He took a deep breath and opened the door to a beautiful suite. A suite that should have been rekindling their relationship. Instead the bright walls were cold, flushed like there was no light. She stripped in front of him, the dress falling from her shoulders and hitting the floor. She moved towards the bathroom, her head tucked as if he’d never seen her naked. The door shut and the shower kicked on. He sighed, looking at the dress on the floor. He grabbed the fabric, it was drenched and smelled like her. The ocean complimented her natural scent, he wanted to burst through the door and love her even if it was the last time. These moments were their last, he needed to feel her skin. He needed to kiss her lips, he wanted her near him. He pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind. He turned on music instead, jamming to Lauryn Hill and D’Angelo. He honestly hoped to set a mood and get her to open up. He poured wine, sat back and waited, patient as if the world had stopped. The music was loud, she heard it through the wall. She found herself swaying, smiling slightly. ‘Dammit’ She thought, what the hell is he doing? They fell apart, the break didn’t seem salvageable but here they were, on a trip that was supposed to put them back together. She rinsed her hair, washing the salt from her roots. She contemplated, thinking back to the cause of their fracture. There was a moment of sadness that came over her. Her mind thought back to an argument they had. Now the topic seemed miniscule, she was really contemplating why she was still dealing with him. She cried silent tears, weeping at the thought of life without him. She had no concept of him not being at her side. The music continued to play loudly and the couple sat on two different sides of a wall mulling through their thoughts. Their hearts were praying for the two of them to touch. The shower stopped, he patiently waited for the door to open. This was the last moment he had to stop her. He decided that he was not going to give her up. For the first time in their relationship he was going to fight for her. She opened the door, hair wet and dripping. The robe was thick but her curves were still prominent. He was so in love. She avoided his gaze, she oiled her body cloaked in the robe. She didn't want him to look at her. He turned down the music and sat back in his chair. He watched her, she was closed off. It hurt him, she’d never been so reserved. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and finally spoke.
“Lydia” The crack in his voice seemed to echo. She caught his gaze. His eyes pierced into her skin. She sighed, peering. He looked like a child, his soul was tired, aching.
“I don’t know why I act the way I do, I can’t begin to understand my own emotions and I don’t deserve another chance. I know I’ve hurt you, I know how much pain I’ve caused, I want you to understand me again. I want you to care about me again, I don’t know what to do to show you that I’m not bullshitting. I want you to understand I love you. I can’t stop loving you. Please Lyd, love me again, I choose you. There is no one out there that has ever made me feel this way. I’m sorry, Please.” He broke. He finally broke. She watched him cry, eyes red, nose running. Was this the cries of a man who had finally put his pride aside and expressed his love for her? Or was this merely a temper tantrum being thrown by a child who realized that he couldn't have his way. She sat quietly and let him have his moment, she was confused. He acted as if this wasn’t already something that had her mind running, here he was again to inconvenience her life. She suddenly felt angry, her face was hot. How dare he hold this in and she’d been begging him for the better part of three years to talk to her. Why would he wait so long? Why did he wait until she was basically out the door to scream his affections and call her back through the threshold. She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. Her silence was deafening, he’d avoided her glance for a while. He finally picked up his head and wiped his eyes, he saw her anger. He was confused, was this not what she wanted?
“Did you hear me?”
“I heard you.”
“You have nothing to say.”
“What would you like for me to say?”
“It’s not about what I want to hear, It's about how you feel.”
“How I feel,”
“Yes how you feel. It’s important to me.”
“Suddenly.” She rolled her eyes,tears gathering in the back of her throat. She was so tired of crying for this man. How dare he? What did he want? Her fucking soul. She looked at him, eyes slit.
“We have been together for three years, I was a devoted woman. I was faithful, nurturing, kind. I took care of you and asked for literally nothing but your heart. I wanted you to be honest with me and meet me halfway. I have waited for you to be this man for years and you took for fucking ever. Why would I sit through this! Why would I settle now that you want to get your life together! It’s been three years grow the fuck up! n .” She paused, catching her breath. He looked at her, pacing back and forth. Her chest expanded and she looked like she wanted to scream.
“Lydia I just, I wanted to be honest. You’re always asking for my honesty and-” She cut him off.
“And what. You've been honest, you've told me what you think I want to hear and now what? What happens now, what are you going to do? What do you expect me to do?
“I don't expect anything from you, I just wanted to let you know. You worked so hard and I wanted to try and meet you halfway.”
“Your opportunity for halfway expired a year ago” She plopped on the bed. She was so fed up with his bullshit. How dare he just decide to wake up and complicate her exit.
“I respect that but I don't want this to end and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I never took a real chance and tried to get you to fall back in love with me.” He paused, taking a breath and closing his eyes trying to find the courage to be the man she had always wanted him to be.
“I can’t be the best version of myself without you.” She looked him over, the man that she’d worshiped. The man that she wanted to marry, and have babies for, she realized that he was no longer what she wanted. She softened her demeanor and walked to him with both hands open. He lifted his head, to meet her gaze. She seemed warm again, love was in her eyes again. Had she chosen to stay? He wiped his face and placed his hands in hers. He stood to embrace her. She let him in. She wrapped her arms around him. They embraced long, the warmth of their bodies provided comfort. He towered over her, his 6’2 frame shrinking next hers. She enveloped the room. She peered into his eyes, touching his face, she brought her lips to his. The kiss was warm, he pulled her body into his, kissing her hungrily needing to feel her touch.She allowed him in, allowed him to undress her. Allowed him to please her. Their kisses turned to touch. He picked her up carrying her to the bed. Their bodies collided, they laid intertwined. He grinded against her, breaking the kiss. He looked into her eyes, asking for permission.
“You may.” He smiled then unrobed her , and admired her naked body. He kissed her neck, she melted into him, caressing his head. They sank into the bed. His kisses trailing down her body. He kissed her thighs, biting down at the flesh, he once again looked to her for permission.
“You may” He pushed his tongue inside her, caressing her skin making love to her. He watched her intently waiting to see her submit to his touch. She moaned out, allowing herself to be seduced by his tongue. Her moans filled the room, she climaxed forgetting the moment had just begun. His fingers replaced his tongue, he kissed her again removing his clothes. He rushed; he didn't want the moment to pass. The last of his clothes fell within kisses and the feeling of his fingers melted into the tip of his penis and once again they were one. Between the thrust, moans and kisses. They felt at peace, the only time she could remember peace in their relationship. They laid intertwining, shapeshifting for hours. For him rekindling, for her release. The marathon ended and they lay naked, exposed, restful. The night fell and morning came. The lights burst through the window. He woke, reaching for her waiting to feel the velvet skin that he worshiped.The sheets awaited him, his eyes shot open. His heart thumped in his chest.
“Lyd!” He called her name. The room was cold. He looked for his clothes, jumping into sweats. He scanned the room, her bags were gone. He threw open the closet hoping her clothes were there. He stepped back and sunk into the bed, his mind racing, piecing the night together confused as to when she had decided to leave.He sat for what felt like forever, a knock at the door jolted him. He sprinted through the suite to the door.
“Lydia!” He threw open the door, only to find a small man with a tray.
“Hello sir, this was left at the desk for you. She asked me to wait an hour before coming to give it to you.” He handed him a letter. A scarlett “T” waited for him.
“Um, thank you”
He waved, closing the door and resting on the couch, opening the letter quickly.
‘ There wasn’t any paper in the suite, sorry. I left because I knew that last night most likely would have led to a confusing morning. It was beautiful, you were beautiful and thoughtful. I appreciate what you were trying to do. I apologize for leaving like this. I will always love you, I will always care and yes last night stirred something in me that made me think that this could work. But for the first time in 5 years, I have the courage to be me without you. I’m taking my chance. Love you always T. -Lyd’
She’d really left, she walked away for the last time. She didn't want to take the trip, so he begged her. She came to end it, he saw that now. He laid curling his large frame into the fetal position. She was gone, his Lydia was gone. He cried softly, wondering why? How could she? He was alone. She was hopeful
