when a twist of fate led their marriage to the path of a quintessential tragic romance, two past lovers go through another series of experiences on love, heartbreak, identity, illness, and trauma along the road to a happily ever after.Â
notes. 12k wc. we're so close to the finale <3 thanks so much for the continued support and for the patience you guys have with this series :')
series masterlist -> episode twelve
For better and worse.Â
Weddings are funny things. Despite the strict adherence to ceremonial traditions, they didnât guarantee a happily ever after. Exchanging vows and the signing of marriage certificates could become meaningless when a couple faces challenges that would drive them apart. Consider the high-profile divorces of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, or Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. Divorce had become so common that it almost seemed inevitable for many couples, even the ones with the most fairytale-like relationships. No one was safe from the idea of a divorce. So, was having a wedding really that important? Would it really define the quality and longevity of a relationship?
Satoru might have been thinking bitterly about it, given that his own marriage wasnât exactly a shining success. However, he was also being rational when he said that weddings werenât necessary to prove your love for each other. Early in his marriage, he certainly wasnât the best husband, but over time, he learned to genuinely become a good partner to his ex-wife. There was no specific time frame for loving someone. You could be together for weeks, months, or years, yet the depth of love you share might remain unchanged. This constancy can be either a blessing or a curse, depending on how deep your love was from the beginning.
Well⊠On the topic of marriages, Satoru had no good thing to say. But that didnât mean he shouldnât participate in it. Weddings were still considered a special celebration for families and close friends, and He would be selfish not to share in such a beautiful event with his best friends. Besides, wasnât it always expected that Suguru and Shoko would end up marrying each other? They were luckyâfortunate because their marriage was built on a foundation of genuine love. In contrast, Satoruâs marriage began out of convenience, which ultimately led to all the terrible things that followed.
As the best man, Satoru strode confidently alongside Suguru down the aisle, both adorned in princely tuxedos, drawing the eyes of the guests as they followed their procession. There were teasing remarks, smiles all around, and even a comment from one of the groomâs female cousins about how handsome they both looked. Despite the gentle commotion, Satoru understood why Suguru remained nervous as they reached the end of the aisle. He comfortingly stood by his side, offered a reassuring pat on the back, silently communicating to his best friend that everything would be alright.
âDonât tell me youâll back out now,â Satoru jested, whispering in Suguruâs ear as they observed the guests entering in accordance with the processional order.
Suguru, with his once long hair now neatly trimmed and slicked back, cleared his throat in an attempt to appear less anxious. âWhat if she gets cold feet?âÂ
Gojou couldnât help but tease. âShoko? You really think sheâd have cold feet?â he chuckled. âSheâd be the one dragging your ass back to this garden if you tried to run away.â
âFair enough.âÂ
Just the night before, they had checked into the Hoshinoya Fuji to celebrate Suguru's last night of freedom. While there was drinking involved, one of the groomsmen insisted it wouldnât be a proper bachelorâs party without some female company. So, inevitably, there were women in the hotel room, one of whom even gave Suguru a lap dance even though he showed no interest whatsoever. It was amusing to Satoru, considering his best friend used to be the biggest casanova, and now he was a committed and loyal man who, not only was terrified out of his wits on his wedding day, but was also afraid that the one woman he loved might run away from him.
Such genuine, pure love.Â
As Satoru pondered, his gaze landed on Akemi, who was seated a couple of rows back among the other guests. She had just arrived, her hair tied elegantly in a low ponytail and her silky sage dress accentuating her womanly figure flawlessly. She was wearing the diamond Tiffany & Co. earrings he had gifted her, which made her stand out among the rest of the people in that garden. Their eyes also met at the perfect moment, her gaze sparkling upon seeing Satoru in his tuxedo. He offered her a smile, one that silently conveyed âIâll be there with you later,â and she immediately understood.Â
How fortunate was Satoru to have her? Perhaps the reason for her late appearance was because she had been looking after Sachiro back home, fulfilling the duties that his ex-wife should have been doing. She was truly a mother who stepped up, especially during a time when both he and his son felt most abandoned.
And what about you? Who knew if you would even attend the wedding? You were meant to be Ieiriâs maid-of-honor, yet you were conspicuously absent. Perhaps you were still in Monaco, enjoying your time playing house with Toji, making a wedding like this seem insignificant to you. You would have informed Miwa in advance and picked up Sachiro if you had returned to Tokyo, right? Suguru also hadnât mentioned anything about your arrival at the accommodation, hinting that someone else would have to step in as Shoko's maid-of-honor.
But who would it be? Shokoâs cousin? One of her other female co-workers? Her high school friend?Â
âLook, mom! Sheâs beautiful~â
Satoru was rendered speechless, utterly captivated by the sight before him. His fingers tingled with anticipation, his heart raced in his chest, his feet felt rooted to the ground, and his eyes remained fixed on the next lady gracefully making her way down the aisle. He couldnât quite pinpoint what struck him the most: was it the sight of you in a stunning light green dress, resembling an angel descended from the heavens, or was it the haunting reminder of his own wedding day, when you walked down the same aisle as his most beautiful bride?
His breath caught in his throat, his chest tightening with each step you took down the aisle. Satoru felt like a statue, frozen in place, unable to tear his gaze away from you. You had become the sole focus of his attention, the rest of the world fading into a blur around him. He couldnât comprehend it. Why was it so effortless for him to let his guard down around you?
This woman, he thought. This woman is Sachiroâs mother. This was the same woman that carried his flesh and blood for nine months, now appearing as radiant as a freshly bloomed flower, as if untouched by the stresses of unexpected motherhood. What had transpired in Monaco to transform you into this vision of beauty?
âYouâre drooling.â Suguru nudged him on the chest. âThis isnât your wedding. You had your chance.âÂ
Yes, he was well aware. This wasnât his wedding, and he needed to maintain composure. Yet, it felt as though he was being drawn inexorably towards the mesmerizing goddess before him. With each beat of his heart quickening, he struggled to remind himself: No, Satoru. She's nothing to you now.
And because he was lost in a trance, he remained oblivious to the brideâs entrance and even Suguruâs emotional reaction to seeing his bride. His attention was solely fixated on you as he stole glances your way whenever he could. It wasnât until the exchanging of rings, when you two had to stand side by side to assist the bride and groom, that he snapped back to reality. With you so close yet seemingly distant, Satoru felt a pang of disappointment as you never returned his gaze. The whispers and side comments from the guests also added to his discomfort, making him acutely aware of the scrutiny placed upon the best man and maid-of-honor.
âArenât they divorced?â
âYeah, their marriage was a wreck.âÂ
âTheyâre bad luck. I hope they donât pass it onto the couple.â Â
For the first time in a long time, Satoru was gripped by an unprecedented desire to retort, to refute the misconceptions surrounding his marriage. Yet, he knew it was futile. Engaging in a verbal sparring match with another guest would only ruin his best friends' special day. Moreover, he might risk causing unintentional hurt to Akemi by defending a marriage that had long ceased to exist. So, despite the internal turmoil, he remained silent, allowing the whispers to persist unchecked.
And, with that, the wedding ceremony ended. Shoko and Suguru were now declared husband and wife.Â
â âÂ
The reception was a time for socializing, enjoying drinks and hors dâoeuvres, and congratulating the newlyweds. For Suguru and Shoko, this part of the celebration felt effortless and their energies were seamlessly complementing each otherâs. Unlike arranged marriages, there was no sense of haste or coercion; theirs was a union born of genuine affection. You couldnât help but feel foolish for ever entertaining the notion that this was merely a conventional wedding experience. Here, before your eyes, unfolded a true celebration of love between two people.
Did Satoru share the same sentiments? You wondered what thoughts raced through his mind during the proceedings. Did the event trigger memories of his own past, or stir feelings of longing for what could have been?
You refused to subject yourself to the torment of dwelling on your past. If anything, your time living alone in Monaco had been a crucial step in your healing journey. While the process was far from complete, that solitary retreat had provided a much-needed respite from the source of your stress. It afforded you the opportunity to contemplate the life you were destined to lead, albeit alone for the foreseeable future.
By allowing Sachiro to spend more time with his father, you not only facilitated the rebuilding of their fractured relationship, but also acclimated your child to your absence. It was a necessary adjustment, one that would prepare him for the reality of your impending solitary existence. At least, Sachiro had a chance to live in a loving household with Satoru and Akemi, instead of a miserable and lonely way of living together with you.Â
In the end, it was all for your child.Â
As for the potential emotional minefield of attending this wedding, you were there for Shoko, who had always been a steadfast and understanding presence in your life. Her genuine friendship meant more to you than mere familial bonds ever could. Even at the risk of stirring up unhealthy emotions by being in a room full of people who hurt you, you couldnât bear to disappoint Ieiri.Â
Admittedly though, navigating the wedding crowd was a delicate balance of warmth and formality. Ieiriâs side of the family, who were doctors heavily acquainted with your family, greeted you with genuine warmth. While Suguruâs relatives, who were more closely tied to the Gojou family, maintained a polite distance. Although there were occasional moments of discomfort, you knew how to maintain composure throughout.Â
As for Tojiâs absence, while a part of you wished he could have been there as a supportive presence, you also recognized the value in learning to handle situations involving your ex-husband independently. He had an unavoidable business trip, but that also provided an opportunity for you to stop relying on him and navigate such occasions like these on your own. He was nothing more than a friend now.Â
While that ex-husband, Satoru, was here with your best friend. It didnât surprise you that he had brought Akemi as a plus one. In fact, you had expected it to happen. It just wasnât the best feeling to be the maid-of-honor when the best man clearly had another lady for it in mind.Â
It was quite amusing, too. Not once had Akemi approached you during the reception. You understood that she wanted to keep her distance, but you found it disrespectful that she was ignoring your existence. Was she scared to talk to you? Scared of what you had to say? You had heard over a million hurtful things from other people, yet she was afraid to hear a few pieces of advice from you? Â
Forget it. Forget her and Satoru. Focus on the reception, Y/N.Â
But really, how could you? As the moment arrived for the newlywedsâ first dance, tradition dictated that the best man and maid-of-honor should also take to the floor. You sensed the tension in the air as Satoru hesitated, surrounded by urging groomsmen, deciding whether or not he should ask you for a dance. He looked like he was battling with what was right and wrong in his mind, yet ultimately he chose to pass by you, extending his hand to Akemi instead.
It wasnât feelings of shame that slapped you to reality. It was seeing Satoru holding Akemiâs hand, another on her waist, as they slowly danced to Canât Help Falling In Love, a song that was played on your wedding day.Â
Take my hand
Take my whole life too
Oh, for I canât help
Falling in love with you
It shouldnât hurt anymore. You were doing better. You were doing so good, you were doing⊠you were okay. You should be okay. Or did you overestimate your emotions a little too much? Because this, seeing the man you loved with all your heart holding another woman in his arms, was tortuous to your soul. You could feel the pains of your past tugging at your heart, wondering why he never danced like that with you on your wedding day? Why he never stared at you like you were the most beautiful girl in the world, why he never showed you off in a room full of curious people, why he never respected you enough to treat you with such⊠with such love.Â
âEverything okay?â
You didnât expect Nanami, out of all people, to be offering you a handkerchief. You hadnât even realized that your eyes were already pooling of the tears if he had not cut you out of trance, offering a comforting and sympathetic smile. You had to blink multiple times just to push your tears back in.Â
âYeah,â you answered with a grateful expression. Iâm strong. Iâll be fine. âThank you.âÂ
Nanami took that as a sign to offer his hand. âCare for a dance, then?âÂ
Wiping your eyes, you nodded, smiling at the man. âWhy not?âÂ
After the dance, the reception continued as follows. The cake cutting, the dinner service, then the toasts and speeches. If it wasnât for Nanami, you wouldnât have been able to pick yourself back up after the humiliation of seeing Satoru and Akemi dancing together. You just needed a decent amount of air to breathe and gather yourself together again. It was a nice help from someone who wasnât a personal acquaintance of yours, that despite being Satoruâs right hand man in the company, Nanami still had some kindness in him that you would forever be thankful for.Â
And when it was time for you to do your speech as the MOH, you didnât let a single vulnerable emotion slip out of you. For that short moment, you tried not to think about who was in the audience, about what they thought of you, and about what other preconceived notions they had of you. You focused on the newlyweds as you stood in front of the mic stand, eye-to-eye with Shoko and Suguru, who were holding each otherâs hands.Â
âShoko,â you began, smiling genuinely at the couple, âThrough the laughter and tears, youâve been my constant, my confidante, my rock. And today, as I watch you embark on this new chapter of your life, Iâm honestly a bit overwhelmed with emotion.âÂ
The bride returned your smile, and you can tell Shoko was holding back tears of her own as she glanced between you and Satoru.Â
You continued your speech, observing Suguruâs supportive gesture towards his wife as you spoke. âShoko, I recall our late-night conversations, the tears shed over broken marriages, and the pain of shattered relationships. Yet, through it all, youâve remained steadfast in your belief in love, in hope, in the possibility of a happily ever after.â Turning to Suguru, although he still had that lingering discomfort around you, you offered him nothing but heartfelt words. âAs I look at you and Suguru, Iâm reminded that true love existsâa love that is patient, kind, and enduring. My wish for you both is a lifetime filled with laughter, joy, and unwavering support for each other. May you cherish each otherâs hearts, protect each otherâs dreams, and weather lifeâs storms together, stronger in your love. Suguru, during your challenging days as a married couple, I pray that you always look at Shoko and remember why you love her. I pray that you will always have the capacity to cherish and respect her as your wife and the future mother of your children. May you keep her in your heart, no matter what challenges may come your way.â
As tears welled in Ieiriâs eyes, your voice faltered, the magnitude of your wishes for their marriage weighing heavily on your own unfulfilled desires. You werenât trying to make this about you, and you hoped they thought that, too.Â
âAs I raise my glass to toast this beautiful union,â you said, raising the champagne glass on your hand, âI do so with a heart full of love and a silent prayerâthat your love story will be one of triumph, of healing, and of endless happiness. Congratulations, Shoko and Suguru!â
â â
Satoru was deeply affected by your speech. Both in good and bad ways. On one hand, he was touched by the sincerity of your words and the genuine wishes you extended to the newlywed couple. On the other hand, he couldnât shake off the pang of guilt and remorse that accompanied your words, knowing all too well the history behind them. When you expressed your hopes for Suguru to always cherish and respect Shoko, Satoru couldnât help but reflect on his own behavior during your marriage and the ways in which he may have fallen short.
Each action he did definitely had a lasting impact on you.Â
But what about the good ones? Had you forgotten about the times he treated you well? Had you forgotten the lengths he took just to prove to you that he was a changed man? That at one point in his life, he would do everything in him just to show you how much he loved you?Â
It was unfair. Why did you only ever look at the bad things he did and never the good ones? Why did you still see him as a villain in your marriage when he knew he had paid his dues after he lost you?
It was truly, honestly unfair, that you get to be happy with Toji, but he ought to feel guilty for being with Akemi.Â
âI think theyâre about to do the bouquet and garter toss,â spoke Akemi, tugging at Satoruâs arm while they sat on their designated table. She held a napkin on her other hand to wipe her partnerâs chin, smiling in excitement. âYou should go and join.âÂ
Where were you? After your speech, Satoru couldnât seem to find you anymore. Where had you gone off to? Did you leave already?Â
âY-Yeah,â Satoru answered, looking around the venue before turning to Akemi. âWhat about you? Wonât you join the bouquet toss thing?âÂ
She shook her head, hesitantly. âIsnât it only for bridesmaids?âÂ
He grabbed her hand and urged her up. âNo, itâs for all unmarried female guests. Come on.âÂ
The reason Satoru dragged her along was because Akemi loved weddings, and she especially enjoyed the traditions that came with it. She herself once dreamt about the picture perfect wedding, but never got to fully have her own, so attending such occasions made up for the lack of personally experiencing it.Â
Gojou couldnât exactly remember if he did the garter toss in his own wedding. If so, who had caught it? Who had caught your bouquet? His eyes swept across the entire venue once more, searching for your familiar figure among the guests. He was too occupied to realize that Shoko had already tossed her bouquet, and the frenzy of eager ladies ensued until it landed in Akemiâs hands.
He genuinely felt happy for Akemi. The joy in her eyes upon catching Shokoâs bouquet was unmistakable. Yet, as the playful teasing about a potential wedding for him shifted in his direction, Satoru couldnât help but feel a twinge of pressure. It wasnât supposed to weigh on him like this. It was too soon to have that expectation of him.Â
âLooks like someoneâs getting married next!â
And while he was feeling suffocated from the pressure placed upon him, the receiver of the tossed garter happened to have been Nanami.Â
Immediately, the teasing ensued, with the other guests urging Nanami to wear the garter on Akemiâs leg. Out of respect, Nanami looked at Gojou for permission, but honestly? He was just grateful he didnât have to do all that and be pressured about another wedding that he had not yet thought about. Fuck it, thank God Nanami had caught the garter because Satoru was sure as hell starting to feel uneasy there.Â
âGo for it,â was the only thing Satoru said to Nanami, gesturing his chin at Akemiâs direction.Â
While everyone was focused on the situation between Nanami and Akemi, Satoru took that opportunity to escape from the crowd and find his peace at the balcony. He hastily made his way out of the reception hall, feeling a sense of relief as he could finally breathe.Â
And there you were, standing alone, lost in contemplation, and your gaze fixed upon the tranquil expanse of the lakeside. The chill breeze caressed your hair softly, as if mirroring the calm that enveloped your countenance. In another universe, this would have been an opportune moment to hug you from behind, sharing the warmth of his embrace around your figure. But he was living in a universe where you and him werenât meant to be together.
In fact, you were probably thinking about another man as you stared at the lake, hoping that he was there with you.Â
âDid you have fun in Monaco with Toji?â Satoru was crazy for going straight to the point, and he knew it was a blunt inquiry, bordering on intrusive, but it tumbled out nonetheless, revealing the thoughts that had been plaguing in his mind. His words spilled out before he could rein them in, a question born of curiosity and perhaps a touch of jealousy.
As for you, with your peace in the balcony now ruined, you briefly opened your mouth to respond, but held back against it as you met Gojouâs eyes with a distant stare. You were even quick to look away and sigh, like he was not worth the conversation. You had not spoken a word to him since the wedding ceremony and you were definitely going to keep doing it.Â
And man, did that hurt his ego.Â
So, for a very stupid reason, he felt the need to hurt yours in return. âDo you know Sachi calls Akemi âmamaâ in his sleep?âÂ
Your eyes remained empty. âGood for you, then. You wonât have a hard time getting him accustomed to it.âÂ
âY/N.â Satoruâs voice came out as a warning, and he was about to start an argument on why you were abandoning him and Sachi over Toji, but he was interrupted at the appearance of Akemi carrying Shokoâs bouquet as she tried to search for her lover. This meant that the conversation with the ex-wife was over.
But as he glanced between you and Akemi, his bitter past and his sweet present, why did Satoruâs heart still lingered with you when it shouldnât?
âYou should go,â you briefly muttered, walking in the opposite direction, âYour future wifeâs looking for you.â
Satoruâs sudden grip on your wrist halted your steps abruptly. His voice carried a bitter edge as he reminded you of the agreement you had made. âY/N, we agreed to co-parent Sachiro properly. Why are you choosing Toji over your own son?âÂ
The accusation left a tense atmosphere, eliciting a sharp response from you as you yanked your hand away, a flash of anger igniting in your eyes. âYou have no idea what you're talking about, Satoru.â
â â
âWelcome to Hoshinoya Fuji, Ms. L/N!âÂ
You stepped out of the car, taking in the serene beauty of the lakeside cabin that would be your sanctuary for the next three days and two nights. Nestled among towering pines and sturdy oaks, the cabin exuded a rustic charm that blended seamlessly with the natural landscape. Its weathered wooden exterior, adorned with a green tin roof, seemed to have grown organically from the earth itself.
The cabin sat on a gentle slope that led directly to the waterâs edge. A wooden deck wrapped around the front, offering a perfect vantage point for gazing out over the tranquil lake. Your room also had the best view of Mount Fuji, which you thought was the highlight of this luxurious accommodation.Â
After the newlywed send-off, you were quickly ushered in by Shoko and Suguruâs staff, who were in charge of attending to the special guests staying a few extra days at the cabin. Though the couple wouldnât start their proper honeymoon until their 6-month long cruise trip in two weeks, they wanted their guests to enjoy the accommodations they had arranged. You were relieved to hear that, despite Satoru and Akemi also being among the friends staying, each guest had their own private cabin reserved.
The thing was, you could leave any time if you wanted to. Shoko also reassured you that it would be okay and that she would understand if you wanted to go home right away. She knew that the situation may be uncomfortable for you, and that she felt bad you even had to deal with it during the ceremony, but you made a promise to her. You were her maid-of-honor for a reason, and part of your duty was to help with the post-ceremony tasks to ensure that Shoko can focus on enjoying her pre and post-wedding activities.Â
So, in some ways, you felt obliged to stay. You didnât need to interact much with others during your stay, anyway. You were content staying in your room, perhaps taking some occasional walks outside. Satoru could do whatever he wanted with Akemi; you were determined to avoid crossing their paths.
Besides, inside the cabin was a cozy retreat. The main living area featured large windows that framed the picturesque view, allowing moonlight to spill in and illuminate the space. A stone fireplace, complete with a rustic mantel adorned with pinecones and candles, stood as the centerpiece of the room. Plush armchairs and a worn leather sofa invited relaxation, while a handwoven rug added a touch of warmth and color.
As you moved towards the bedroom, you found a comfortable queen-sized bed covered in a soft, plaid quilt. The scent of pine mingled with the faint aroma of fresh linens, creating an atmosphere of peaceful haven. An old-fashioned dresser and a bedside table, topped with a simple lamp, completed the room. The windows here, too, offered a glimpse of the sparkling lake, ensuring that the beauty of nature would greet you each morning.
Stepping outside, you walked down a short path to the waterâs edge, where a small wooden dock extended into the lake. A pair of Adirondack chairs sat invitingly at the end of the dock, perfect for soaking in the sunset or stargazing at night. Nearby, a fire pit surrounded by stones and logs as seating promised cozy evenings under the stars, with the gentle sound of lapping water providing a soothing backdrop.
On your first night there, you ended up falling asleep right away. The physical and emotional exhaustion, combined with jetlag, knocked you out. However, the next day promised a few tasks to complete the post-wedding cleanup.Â
The second night, however, was a different story.
When you returned to the cabin, the cool evening air was crisp against your skin. The temperature went down a couple of celsius compared to yesterday, so as you walked down the path toward the lakeside, you were drawn to the flickering glow of a fire pit illuminating the area near the waterâs edge. Drawing closer, the soft sounds of laughter and conversation reached your ears, mingling with the gentle crackle of burning logs.
The fire pit was surrounded by a group, their faces lit by the warm, golden light of the flames. They sat on a circle of logs and foldable chairs, leaning in to feel the comforting heat. Some held mugs of steaming cocoa, while others toasted marshmallows on long sticks, their tips glowing bright orange before transforming into gooey, sugary treats.
You paused for a moment and took in the scene. Was it a safe space for you to be in? You noticed familiar faces among the groupâsome of the coupleâs old friends from the wedding, now relaxed and enjoying the peaceful night. One of the guests strummed a guitar softly, the melody adding to the cozy, inviting atmosphere. Another guest told a story, their animated expressions and gestures causing bursts of laughter from the listeners.
There was no sight of Satoru and Akemi. Perhaps, it might be okay to join in.
As you approached, Suguru emerged from a nearby cabin, smiling in a way that felt unusual. Why was he being friendly all of a sudden? Last time you checked, he still held a grudge against you. But now, he showed no signs of antagonism, and was even approaching you with his usual friendly demeanor.
âY/N,â he said, the fog of his breath visible in the cold air, âI never got to thank you properly for helping us with everything here. I didnât think youâd make it last minute.â
You wrapped your shawl tighter around yourself to ward off the chill. âItâs no trouble. Iâm glad to help out and be here for you guys,â you replied warmly. And while glancing around, you noticed the absence of Shoko. âWhereâs the missus?â
Suguruâs smile took on a mischievous edge. âSleeping. Sheâs still pretty tired andâŠâ
You interrupted him with a laugh, catching onto his suggestive tone. âAlright, you two. Youâre wild.â
His grin softened into a sincere expression. âNo, seriously. I never got to properly thank you. I never got to apologize to you either.â Suguru looked down with guilt. âIâm sorry for being an asshole to you. I was focusing too much on Satoruâs point-of-view, dismissing how it must be like to be in your position amidst all that mess. Shoko helped me understand why you made certain decisions, why you had no other option. She helped me see things from your perspective, to realize the extent of your suffering. We all knew that, I guess. We all knew you were constantly dealt a bad hand, yet you remain kind and resilient. You continue to show empathy to others, even when the world hasnât been fair to you.â
In the ensuing silence, your heart seemed to thunder in your chest. His words carried weight far beyond what he might have intended, and you genuinely appreciated his apology. Even if he didnât need to say them.Â
âI guess what Iâm trying to say is, youâre a gem, Y/N.â Suguru gave your back a gentle pat. âYou deserve to be happy in your own special way. And just like how you wished us well with our marriage, I hope youâll find your own path to a happy marriage, too.âÂ
âThank you,â you mumbled, looking down with a forlorn smile.Â
âWeâre here for you, okay?â he offered, âShoko and I. You can count on us if you need us, if you need help with Sachiro, if you need help with life in general.âÂ
âI appreciate it, really.âÂ
And by then, he cleared his throat, opening up a topic that caught you off guard. You didnât expect it from Suguru out of all people. âY/N, I know why you were in Monaco.âÂ
Of course. Heâd know it from Shoko.Â
âI also know,â he continued, dark narrow eyes staring straight at yours, âwhy you left Sachiro with his father.âÂ
You were a deer caught in the headlights. You wouldnât say it felt invasive to have someone be aware of the reasoning behind your personal decisions, but it was just an altogether different feeling to know that it was your ex-husbandâs best friend who knew.Â
âWhy didnât you tell him?â he asked, referring to Satoru, âThat you broke up with Toji?âÂ
You took a deep breath. âI donât see the point of telling him.â
âWhat if I were to tell you that heâd come running desperately to you the moment he finds out?â he posed another burning question. âYou still love him, right? You and him would likely get together without much difficulty if he were aware. So, why hesitate?â
âBecause I donât want that,â you answered, feeling words caught in your throat in a moment of vulnerability. âBecause Iâm scared to get back with him. Because he has Akemi now. Because I donât wanna keep ruining the lives of the people around me. Weâre better off this way, Suguru. I donât want to mess up the second time around, and I definitely donât think Satoru would be able to fully move on with his life with me still in the picture. He seems to be happy with Akemi already.âÂ
Suguru smiled sadly. âYou donât even wanna get your revenge? Donât wanna get back at your best friend for dating your ex?â he paused to correct himself, âWell, dating is the wrong term. Satoru insists theyâre not exclusive, you know?âÂ
You shook your head, sighing. Satoru, you havenât changed. âIt doesnât matter. Iâm fine with the way things are.âÂ
He was on the verge of continuing, poised to persuade further, but the arrival of the very individuals in question brought an abrupt halt to his words. Descending the cabin steps was Shoko, trailed by Satoru, who, in a gesture of warmth, had draped his jacket around Akemi, with his arms encircling her.
All five of you found yourselves in an awkward situation, now faced with two couples, one of which was at the core of your distress. The tension was palpable, and it didnât help that Satoruâs vivid blue eyes met yours, seemingly trying to decode the conversation between you and Suguru. That was none of his business. He could continue his affectionate display with Akemi, while you had other matters to attend to than be part of an awkward quintet.
âI should go,â you declared, avoiding eye contact with everyone, unwilling to play the fifth wheel. You were hoping to evade Satoru and Akemiâs presence, but both Shoko and Suguru already caught your arm.Â
âY/N, please,â Shoko urged, her arm reaching out to you. âDon't isolate yourself tonight. Come join us.â
The memory of Bora Bora flooded your mind, a painful reminder of a similar situation when Shoko had extended the same invitation, leading to the discomfort of witnessing Seraâs closeness with Satoru. You knew that wasnât Shokoâs intention, but it was your ex-husband who couldnât stop catching himself in these situations.Â
This was a bad idea. You knew that.Â
So, why did you agree?Â
Despite your reservations, curiosity got the best of you. You would vehemently deny it if asked, but deep down, you pondered whether Suguruâs words held any truth about Satoruâs lingering feelings for you. It wasnât out of pettiness, but rather a desire to confirm if Satoru was truly committed to Akemi. You knew this could potentially hurt you, but after enduring so much pain, you couldnât imagine anything worse.
âHey, you guys!âÂ
âItâs nice of you to join us!âÂ
âWhatâs up newlyweds?âÂ
Upon joining the group at the fireplace, you were partly grateful that you werenât exactly a fifth wheel in the situation. There were about ten or twelve people in total, with the earlier group still remaining in their seats. It just so happened that you were seated right across your ex-husband, who was too busy trying to keep Akemi warm and cozy.Â
âSo, Y/NâŠâ spoke a man from the group, who appeared to be Suguruâs colleague. âAre you single?âÂ
The unexpected question caught you off guard, especially the tension it seemed to create, particularly with Satoru who sat stiffly next to Akemi. Even Shoko and Suguru seemed apologetic for their friendâs behavior, but you brushed it off, recognizing that he had probably indulged a bit too much with beer. He was harmless enough when sober.
âDonât be asking questions like that,â Suguru intervened, tapping the back of his friendâs head in a playful scold. âThatâs rude.âÂ
The friend protested, still oblivious to the discomfort he had caused. âI was just asking! Sheâs attractive. I have the right to know.â
You forced a smile, accepting the can of beer he had offered. âThanks, but Iââ
âEven if sheâs single, sheâs not interested in you,â Shoko chimed in, keeping a casual mien. She had to keep things cool, especially with an explosive Gojou around. You were just thankful that she didnât exactly reveal the status of your relationship with Toji, and that she was doing her best to divert the attention away from you.Â
In this little scene, you caught a glimpse of Akemi tugging at Satoruâs arm, like she was uncomfortable with the conversation. Why? Did it trigger an insecurity within her? She couldnât even return eye-contact, constantly avoiding your eyes and reacting to any conversation remotely related to you. But Satoru was there acting like a concerned boyfriend, whispering reassurance into her ear, and rubbing her knee in a comforting fashion.Â
âYou two make a lovely couple,â remarked one of the girls, directing her compliment to Satoru and Akemi.âWerenât you the girl who caught the bouquet? Looks like there might be another wedding on the horizon.â
âOooh!âÂ
âTheyâre an attractive couple, too.âÂ
âYou guys planning for any children?âÂ
Just like Bora Bora. A bitter smile lingered on your face, but you decided not to look at Satoru anymore. He must be enjoying this.Â
Shoko leaned in and placed an arm around you to whisper her apologies. âIâm sorry, Y/N. This was a bad idea.âÂ
âItâs okay,â you assured, not wanting to ruin the moment. âIâll leave after I finish my beer so it wonât be awkward.âÂ
As the night wore on, conversation flowed easily at first, with everyone exchanging stories and laughter, and eventually more beers and liquor were passed around. Shoko and Suguru were lost in the glow of newlywed bliss, while you found yourself increasingly uneasy as memories of the past mingled with the present.
Satoruâs presence beside Akemi was a constant reminder of your failed marriage, and you struggled to suppress the weakness in your chest that threatened to surface. They held hands and watched the fire together, her head resting on his shoulder, his lips on top of her head. She was trying to voice out a specific concern to him, and he was sweetly listening to her. Did they even realize the ex-wife was in the same area with them? It was insensitive. You never knew Satoru could be this insensitive around you, no matter what his reasons were, his romantic gestures towards her was a clear slap to your face. And he succeeded, because you would be foolish not to admit that it broke your heart in half to witness him choosing another woman over you.Â
Again, Satoru. Here we go again. You tried to stop the pounding on your chest. Here we fucking are the second time around.Â
Desperate to ease the tension, Shoko and Suguru attempted to steer the conversation toward lighter topics, but their efforts only served to highlight the underlying tension in the air. You forced a smile and nodded along with the conversation, but inside, your heart was heavy with unresolved emotions.
And then someone had to bring up that stupid truth or dare game.Â
âSatoru-kun, I dare you to kiss the prettiest woman in this group.âÂ
âWhoo! Do it! Do it! Do it!âÂ
Satoru was initially hesitant as he clearly found himself at a crossroads. He had two options here. Should he risk hurting Akemi by refusing to kiss her? Or should he risk hurting you by kissing another woman in front of you?
The clear winner was Akemi, because as soon as Gojou pressed his lips onto hers, you were already walking out of there. You had already excused yourself from the group, your footsteps as heavy as your heart. And unbeknownst to you, Satoru watched you go with a flicker of remorse in his eyes, but it was too late for apologies or second chances. The fire continued to crackle and pop as you left, its flames casting long shadows across the empty space where you had sat.
It was game over. Satoru had won his game.Â
â â
Satoru was puzzled by your behavior since the wedding. You seemed determined to avoid him, which made sense with Akemi constantly by his side, but there was also an air of desperation to your avoidance. What baffled him even more was the jealousy you exhibited, as if you werenât involved with another man, to the point where you even flew to another country just to spend more time with him.Â
Like you said, you two were no longer married. It was about time you moved on. Yet, how come you were acting heartbroken over seeing Satoru with another woman?
Did you really think leaving the fire pit so abruptly had gone unnoticed?
Did you really think he had taken his eyes off you?
If not for Akemi telling him that she was having pelvic cramps, Gojou would have run off to follow you the minute you left the fire pit. Clearly, you still had an issue seeing him with another girl and he wanted you to voice it out. But if there was anything he learned during your time together, you would never be the first one to admit that you were jealous. Heck, didnât you even allow him to bring Sera to Bora Bora that one time?
Look, he didnât want to hurt you all over again. And if you had walked up to him and called him an asshole for having Akemi around, he would even agree with you. But it was your decision to choose Toji, it was your request for Satoru to find someone else, so why did it seem like you were suddenly changing your mind?
âIâm sorry for being a party pooper,â Akemi groaned in discomfort as Gojou helped her back to their cabin. He quickly refocused on their conversation, reminding himself not to dwell on thoughts of you when Akemi needed his attentionâit wouldnât be fair to her. She was suffering from a terrible illness that he wouldnât wish upon anyone and he had to be her rock. âItâs been hurting quite a bit lately. I really should start with my treatment.â
Once inside their room, he swiftly settled her into bed. âWhere does it hurt?â He applied a gentle touch to her pelvic bone, massaging the area to alleviate her discomfort. âHere?â
âMhm. Thank you,â she lightly spoke, her soft hand caressing his cheek. âIâll be fine.â
âYou look really pale, though. Iâm worried,â he remarked, sympathizing with her. Her complexion betrayed the pain she was holding back, though she likely hesitated to admit she wanted to go home and rest. âDo you wanna go home? Even if itâs in the middle of the night, I can have my driver pick us up.â
She shook her head quickly. âNo, no. Please, I'll be fine. You won't get to see Shoko and Suguru for a while once theyâre on their honeymoon, so I want you to spend time with them here.â
âYou sure? But you always come first.âÂ
âIâll be okay.âÂ
As Satoru continued to massage the area where Akemi felt pain, his thoughts inevitably drifted to you. He recalled the time when you were pregnant with Sachiro, experiencing frequent lower abdominal pain as your body adjusted to the baby. Each night, Satoru stayed up, gently rubbing your belly until you drifted off to sleep. It was one of his happiest memories during your marriageâthe domestic bliss of being your husband and the memory of him caring for his wife. He wasnât sure if he was missing it, or if he was just recalling a past memory, but looking at Akemi, Satoru wondered if he was prepared to have all that again but with another woman.Â
He couldnât give himself an answer.Â
âIâm such a terrible person.âÂ
He should be telling himself that, but it was Akemi who said those words out loud as her brown doe-eyes stared at him solemnly, an expression that reflected guilt and remorse in equal measure.Â
âHow come?â Satoruâs voice was barely above a whisper as he asked, gently tucking the sheets around her while perching on the edge of the bed.
Her smile held a touch of sorrow, yet there was a glimmer of relief in her eyes. âI feel like Iâve failed Y/N. She treated me like family, like a sister, and now I canât even face her properly. Iâm just terrified, you know? I donât want to keep letting her down. I never meant to cause her pain.â
For a moment, Gojou fell silent at her admission. âItâs all my fault. You two never would have been in this position if it wasnât for me.âÂ
âAbsolutely not,â Akemi persisted before leaning in to plant a tender kiss on his cheek. âTonight, youâve shown me that youâve truly moved on from her. I was starting to worry, afraid that I could never fill the space she held in your heart. But since the wedding, youâve never sidelined me or made me feel like an afterthought. Youâve never made me feel like second best. Youâve always prioritized me. I understand itâs hard seeing your ex-wife, but I appreciate your efforts more than you know. You make me feel incredibly special.â
Satoru swallowed hard. The mention of your name sent a pang of guilt coursing through his chest. He knew he had hurt Akemi with his lingering attachment to his past and his inability to fully let go of the woman who had once held his heart in her hands. He wanted to agree with Akemi, to reassure her that he had chosen her, but the truth remained elusive, buried beneath layers of denial and self-deception. He even had to close his eyes for a minute, unable to meet her gaze as a tumult of conflicting emotions swirled within him. He wanted to tell her the truth, to confess the depth of his feelings for his ex-wife, but the words were caught in his throat.
In that moment, Satoru felt more lost and alone than ever before, trapped in a web of his own making, and unable to confront the truth behind his true feelings. Moved on? Had he truly moved on from you, or had he simply buried his feelings beneath a facade of indifference?
âYou should rest your eyes,â was the only thing he could tell her, planting a kiss on her forehead before he had turned off the lights.Â
With the clock ticking past 11 oâclock and their recent conversation still echoing in his mind, Satoru felt an urgent need for clarity. He knew he had to confront his thoughts alone. So, without disturbing Akemiâs peaceful slumber, he quietly slipped out of the cabin, seeking solace in the night air. Immediately, as he got out, he was met with the apologetic eyes of his best friend.Â
âHey,â Satoru greeted, confused by the urgency in Suguruâs expression. âWhatâs up?âÂ
Suguru took a deep breath before he rubbed the back of his head. âThereâs something I ought to tell you.âÂ
â â
You had been standing at the edge of the lake for a while now, the cool night air sending shivers down your spine as you gazed out at the shimmering expanse of water before you. The moon hung low in the sky, casting a silvery glow over the tranquil scene, its soft light dancing on the surface of the lake like a thousand tiny stars.
The temptation to dive into the dark waters below tugged at your heart like a sirenâs song, beckoning you to leave behind the pain and sorrow that had plagued you for so long. You longed to feel the icy embrace of the lake envelop you, to lose yourself in its depths and wash away the memories that haunted you every waking moment.
Is this how it feels like to finally let go?Â
As you stood on the shore, your toes just inches from the waterâs edge, a wave of despair then washed over you, threatening to pull you under like the undertow of a riptide. You thought of Sachiro, your sweet, innocent son, asleep in his bed back in Tokyo, his laughter and smiles serving as an antidote to the pain in your heart.
And then himâŠÂ
Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you thought of Satoru. Despite the pain he had caused you, it was impossible not to yearn for him still, because his memory was a ghost that haunted you in every waking moment. But you knew that you couldnât continue to live in the shadow of your past marriage. You had to escape being trapped in a cycle of longing and regret. You owed it to Sachiro to be strong, to find the courage to let go of the man who had once been your everything.
With your empty gaze, the calm lake shimmered in the moonlight like a blanket of liquid silver. You had come to the lake seeking solace, seeking escape from the unbearable pain that gnawed at your heart like a relentless tide. But as tears left your eyes, your emotions threatened to drown you in a sea of despair.Â
Without hesitation, you dropped your shawl to the side, shedding yourself off of the cloth with a sense of reckless abandon. The fright of swimming in open water, especially at night, could have you passed out in a matter of seconds, but you paid it no mind as you waded into the water.Â
Is this how it feels to finally give up?Â
The lake embraced you like an old friend, enfolding you in its cool embrace as you swam out into the darkness. Each stroke brought you closer to the center of the lake, closer to the heart of your pain, and yet you felt strangely at peace, as if the water itself held the key to your salvation. You took time floating on your back, staring up at the stars that glittered like diamonds in the night sky, you felt a sense of clarity wash over you. You knew that your love for Satoru was a burden you could no longer bear.
But more than that, you knew that you couldnât let your own pain dictate the course of your sonâs life. Sachiro deserved better than a mother consumed by sorrow, better than a life overshadowed by the ghosts of the past.
With a deep breath, you let go of the pain that had held you captive for so long. You submerged yourself into the depths of the lake, watching as the night sky vanished beneath the surface like a wisp of smoke in the wind.
In that moment, you felt a sense of freedom unlike anything you had ever known. You just had to stay still. You had to keep yourself underwater, hold your breath until you no longer needed it, andâŠÂ
AndâŠ
You struggled to breathe, your mind consumed in panic telling you that you would die if you had kept yourself submerged for another minute, but you were adamant on staying there. You fought battles in your own mind, despite your body fighting back to keep you alive.Â
At least soon, you would finally meet your mom again.Â
â...â
â......â
â....Y/N!âÂ
â.......Y/N!âÂ
Feeling your vision blur and your limbs growing limp, you surrendered to the natural sway of the water. Bubbles escaped from your nose, your mouth tightly sealed shut. And the next thing you knew, you were back on the water surface, drawing breath like a fish out of the water. You could feel someone tugging at your arm, could feel the presence of another person dragging you out of the water, his arms pulling you into an embrace.Â
âY/N! What the hell are you thinking?!âÂ
You sobbed uncontrollably, your heartache pouring out as Satoru cradled you in his arms, his white hair damp from his efforts to rescue you from the water. How and when did he arrive? Your mind couldnât process the details amidst the turmoil. All you could do was surrender to the flood of tears, feeling paralyzed from head to toe as you cried into his embrace.
Is this another dream?Â
Is this another hallucination?Â
You released a bitter laugh. Please. You closed your eyes, laughing and crying like a mad person. Please stop the pain.Â
âY/N, please,â his whispers were tender, yet tinged with a sorrow that amplified your heartache. âWhat about Sachiro?â He, too, shed his own tears, his ocean-blue eyes shimmering in the moonlight as they filled with tears, his voice breaking. âWhat about me?â
Your face was pressed against his chest, anguish coursing through you, feeling as if your very soul was being torn asunder. âTh-Thatâs the... the same thing... Iâve been asking myself,â you managed between sobs, struggling to draw a steady breath. âIâm... Iâm always th-thinking about other people... and never myself.â
He fell silent, his response lost in the weight of your words, perhaps laden with guilt or his own sorrow. But his presence there, holding you close, as if he still harbored love for you, tore another piece from your already battered heart. He shouldnât be here. He should have been with Akemi. He should be anywhere but near you. With a surge of adrenaline, you began to push him away, propelling yourself through the water, racing toward the shore despite the weakness in your limbs. Satoru called out your name, his voice a desperate plea, as he followed after you, his movements slower but filled with urgency.
âStop!â Your voice rose, echoing against the night as you stood on the shore, water cascading from your body in sync with the tears streaming down your face. âL-Leave me alone... Please. Why are you here?â
You knew Satoru well enough to understand what had driven him to chase after you. Perhaps he had grown concerned, either from noticing your absence or from someone informing him of your uncharacteristic nighttime swim. His actions were undoubtedly unusual; he knew all too well of your fear of open water, prompting him to leap into action to rescue you.
But you didnât need him to be here. You didnât need him anywhere. He wasnât yours anymore.Â
âWhy didnât you tell me?â he asked, his voice carrying the weight of confusion and concern, his steps cautious as he approached you. He looked at you with tears in his eyes, his expression vulnerable and pleading, like a child seeking comfort, desperately hoping to be understood, to be heard. âYouâre not with Toji anymore.â
âWhy should I?â You struggled to compose yourself, wiping away the tears that blurred your vision. âIt doesnât matterââ
âIt fucking matters, Y/N!â
âIt shouldnât matter!â Your voice cracked with emotion, your heart pounding painfully against your ribs. âWhy should it matter, huh?â
âBecause I love you!â His words echoed through the night, raw with emotion that had never been confronted until now. âBecause I canât fucking get over you. Because Iâm a fool for you!â
You pushed him away, a surge of anger and hurt rising within you. âH-How dare you,â you choked out, your fists trembling as you struck his chest. âHow dare you say that to me when youâre with someone else! You n-never truly loved me, Satoru. Y-You never did!â
âYou wanted me to find someone new, Y/N,â his voice cracked with emotion, pained by his own words, âI just did what you asked me to do, even if that wasnât what I truly wanted.âÂ
You vehemently denied his assertion in your mind, shaking your head in refusal. âStop saying that. Just stop. Please.â
He already had his grip on your hand, pulling you closer. âY/Nââ
You jerked your hand away sharply, but then a wave of despair washed over you. âEvery time I see you with her, I convince myself that Iâm fine with it, that this is what I wanted, what I chose.â Tears welled up in your eyes as you recalled every heartbreak. âI tell myself that I deserve it, that you deserve to be with someone who can make you happier. But then I remember our pastâŠâ You paused, closing your eyes to stem the tears. âAnd then I compare it to your relationship with her now. I canât help but wonder, why didnât I receive that kind of love and respect from the beginning? Why did it take me nearly drowning in an ocean for you to realize and try to make things right three years ago?â
His grip on your hand tightened, as if he wanted to hold onto you and never let go, as if he wanted to reassure you with his touch that he was there, listening, understanding, feeling every word you uttered.
âIâm sorry,â he whispered, his voice barely audible amidst the crashing waves and the heavy weight of your emotions. âIâm sorry for everything I did wrong, for every moment I failed to show you the love and respect you deserved, Y/N.â
You hated it. You hated hearing his words now, because it was three years all too late. You had already gone through so much suffering, so much anguish that you didnât deserve, just because you wanted a happy marriage. Just because you wanted to love and be loved. By him. By the person you married.Â
âIt d-doesnât change anything,â you murmured, your voice breaking with sorrow. âI canât undo the pain, the heartache. I canât erase the memories.â
âI know,â he replied softly, his eyes filled with remorse. âBut letâs try again. Let me try again, Y/N. Please.â
You wanted to believe him, to believe that he meant every word, that he was sincere in his intentions. But the wounds of the past were still fresh, and the memories of betrayal were still lingering in your mind.
âYou know what hurts me more?â you asked, âItâs the fact that you didnât lose your memories of me, but you still ended up falling for her,â you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.
Satoruâs silence felt like a confirmation to you. Perhaps he had indeed fallen in love with Akemi, and you were the obstacle standing in the way of his complete commitment to her. You were just a relic of his past, a piece that he needed to discard in order to embrace his future with Akemi. It seemed that fate had already decided that you and Satoru would never find happiness together, and this should serve as nothing more than a closure.Â
But god be damned, it was tearing you apart.Â
You tugged at the necklace around your neck, the pendant bearing half of his heart, and in your trembling hand, you ripped it off. As painful as it was, your next action was to hurl it into the darkness of the lake, discarding the last remnant that linked him to you, watching as it disappeared beneath the surface of the lake with a soft splash.
You know the difference between us, Satoru? You thought silently. I dove into the ocean just to find our wedding ring, but you would never plunge into that lake to retrieve that necklace.
With determined steps, you turned away before he could react, walking away from that place, walking away from him. You resolved that this would be your final encounter with Satoru Gojou in your lifetime, because there was no need for him in your life, just as he no longer needed you in his. You two would remain in the past, a memory best left behind.
This was you letting him go.Â
But then, just as you were about to walk away, you heard a faint noise from the darkness behind youâa splash, followed by the sound of another frantic splashing.
Your heart pounded heavily in your chest. You turned back toward the lake, your eyes widening in shock as you saw Satoru thrashing in the water, his arms flailing as he searched desperately for the necklace you had thrown away.
âSatoru, you idiot!â you cried out, your voice filled with disbelief and concern and pain and overwhelming heartache. Without a second thought, you ran back to the cold water, your feet sinking into the soft sand as you waded into the lake. âSatoru, what are you doing?!â you called out again, your heart racing as you reached out to him, your fingers brushing against his arm as he struggled to stay afloat.
âI have to find it,â Satoru gasped, his voice strained with exertion. âI have to find the necklace you threw.â
Your breath caught in your throat as you looked into his eyes, seeing the desperation and determination that burned within them. You knew then that you couldnât let him risk his life for a piece of jewelry, no matter how sentimental it may be.
âSatoru, please,â you pleaded, your voice trembling with emotion. âItâs not worth it. Let it goââ
But Satoru shook his head, his gaze fixed on the dark waters below. âI have to find it," he insisted, his eyes tearful. âItâs my heart. I gave it to you.â
 I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.Â
The tension between you crackled like electricity in the air. In that moment, all of your walls came crashing down, your heart laid bare before the man you had once loved with all your soul.
With tears streaming down your cheeks, you reached out and pulled Satoru into your arms, your lips meeting his in a desperate, longing kiss. It was a kiss filled with years of pent-up emotion, a bittersweet union of love and pain that left you both breathless and raw. Your lips moved together in a tender dance, each kiss a silent plea for forgiveness, for understanding, for a second chance at the love you had lost. It was a kiss that spoke of regrets and what-ifs, of dreams left unfulfilled and promises broken.
For years, you had been strangers, your hearts closed off to each other in an attempt to shield yourselves from the pain of your past. But in that moment, as you clung to each other in the darkness, you couldnât deny the truth that still lingered between youâthat your love for each other had never truly died.
As you finally pulled apart, gasping for air, you looked into Satoruâs eyes, seeing the depth of his pain mirrored in your own. âI hate you,â you whispered, your voice laced with grief and surrender, "so much."
Satoru reached out and brushed a tear from your cheek, his touch gentle and tender. âI hate me, too,â he murmured, his voice thick with emotion, his eyes shining with guilt, âfor hurting you.â
You couldnât erase the past, nor could you predict the future. But as you stood together in the middle of the lake, your hearts entwined once more, you found solace in the simple act of being together, of sharing your pain and your love in the darkness of the night. And as you held each other tight, the gravity of your connection pulled you to kiss him again.Â
Once more, you met his lips in a deeper kiss. His lips moved in perfect sync with yours, and the taste of his tongue was met with the familiarity you two shared. It was as if your bodies were moving on its own, and you allowed it to dictate whatever action it desired. Forget everything for now, was all you could think of in your head. In your mind, it was all Satoru. It was the man you love. The man you married. The man you share a child with.Â
You were too engrossed with the feeling of his lips that you didnât even realize he had your legs wrapped around his waist. And with your arms around his neck, you could feel him lift you up, never breaking the kiss as he carried you out of the lake. With each step he took, your kiss only got deeper and deeper. You had never felt such intensity throughout your marriage, and you were intoxicated by the feeling of kissing him again.Â
Of feeling his lips around your jawline. Your neck. Your chest. You were gasping on his mouth, had his lips completely enveloped with yours, not realizing you were stumbling inside your cabin, desperate to find somewhere to lay on.Â
And before you knew it, the night had played way differently than expected.
Both your wet clothes were on the floor in a tangle of fabric, forgotten in the heat of your passion. And now, with your bare body on top of him. His arms caressed the smooth skin of your back, his lips feathering kisses along your bust. As you moved your hips slowly, you couldnât stop the moan that escaped your lips. Satoruâs member was warm inside you. Your bodies were tingling from the intensity of your lovemaking in the dimly lit room. And when you pulled away, your eyes were locked in a silent exchange of yearning.
Without a word, Satoru reached out and gently cupped your breast, his touch sending electricity down your spine. You leaned into his touch, your breath coming in shallow gasps as you felt the heat of his body pressing against yours.
Your lips met once more, a tender exploration of each otherâs mouths, and he was taking that chance to shift the position you were in. Slowly, almost hesitantly, he began to enter you again. You were whimpering under him, melting into his passionate movements. You have had sex with Satoru multiple times before, but it was never this emotional. It was never this passionate. You could feel the difference with the way he kissed you, with the way he looked at you, with the way he touched you.Â
âS-Satoruâ!âÂ
âMmm⊠I missed you so fucking much, Y/N.â
And then, finally, you came together in a flurry of hands and lips and skin, your bodies melding into one as you gave yourselves over to the exquisite pleasure of your lovemaking.Â
At that exact moment, as you moved together in perfect harmony, you knew that you were home.
â â
When Akemi woke up, she could tell something felt wrong.Â
It didnât help that Satoru was not by her side as she opened her eyes, blinded by the sunlight that peeked through the window. Was he out for a morning run? Or perhaps he was indulging in a leisurely bath? She entertained the idea of joining him, wanting to express her gratitude for his care and support.
Her heart swelled with love for him, despite all the risks and uncertainties. He was her rock, her confidant, her everything. In him, she found solace and strength, and she couldnât imagine her life without him. Despite the troubles of his past, she felt blessed to have crossed paths with him. She longed for the kind of deep connection and lasting commitment that she saw in othersâ marriages, a dream she harbored for her own future. And in Satoru, she saw the perfect partner to share that dream with, to build a family and a life together that she had always yearned for.
Akemi wasnât ashamed by how smitten she was with him. In fact, she was beginning to have more confidence in her decision to pursue a relationship with him. She just hoped you would understand, that you would eventually let go of the grudge in your heart. At the end of the day, she wasnât trying to hurt you. She was only trying to pursue her happiness.Â
And the exact source of her happiness was someone she endeavored to find that morning. She put on a robe and searched every room in the cabin, calling out for his name, wondering why she couldnât hear his voice.Â
With no response forthcoming, Akemi decided to exit the cabin in search of Satoru. Assuming he had likely been with Suguru all night, she scanned the vicinity, expecting to spot his tall, white-haired figure. Yet, after several minutes of fruitless searching, she couldnât find him and instead, encountered a hotel staff member. That was when she decided to finally inquire about his whereabouts.
âExcuse me,â she began, halting the staff memberâs stride, âHave you seen my boyfriend? Heâs tall, with white hair and blue eyes.â
âAh, Mr. Gojou?â the hotel staff responded, scratching her head as realization dawned. She then gestured toward the last place Akemi wished him to be. âUm, I think heâs in there.â
Akemiâs heart raced as if she had seen a ghost. Her complexion drained of color, her heart pounding in her chest as she realized that the cabin she had been directed to was yours. And in a twist of fate, just as she stood there in shock, the man she loved emerged from the cabin, equally wide-eyed.
ââKemiâŠâ he began, frozen in place, âLetâs talk firstââ
But she cut him off with a scoff. Her hands trembled with a tumult of emotionsâanger, pain, and betrayalâthreatening to overwhelm her. She was on the verge of collapse, her mind reeling with questions. Was he going to explain his actions? No, there was only one question that demanded an answer.
âDid you⊠did you do it?â she asked through gritted teeth, her voice laced with accusation.
Satoru didnât need to respond. As Akemi pushed the door open, her worst fears were confirmed as she saw you standing behind him, draped in nothing but a blanket. Tears welled in her eyes, and before she could think, her body reacted, her hand connecting with Gojouâs cheek in a resounding slap.
âYou never changed!â she cried out, her voice cracking with anguish. âYouâre still a cheater!â
Satoru struggled to deflect each fist she hurled at him, but her rage and despair overwhelmed any attempt to reason with her. She was consumed by her pain and the looming betrayal she anticipated, unable to comprehend that her worst fears were coming true before her eyes.
ââKemi, please,â Satoru pleaded in vain.
â...Akemi, I'm sorry,â you interjected, your voice heavy with remorse as you wiped your tears. âItâs not his fault. Itâs mine.â
Upon hearing your words, Akemi erupted. She disregarded your friendship, cast aside your shared memories, and denied that she had ever considered you a friend. Her tear-filled eyes bore into you with accusation. âY-You,â she began, her voice choking with sobs, âYouâre a hypocrite, Y/N!â
You remained silent, absorbing her words.
Akemi pressed on with her onslaught. âYouâre a hypocrite! Youâve become the person you despised the most when you were married,â she accused, recalling the anguish you endured during Gojouâs affair. âYouâre no better than Sera! And thatâs why youâre miserable, and youâll forever be miserable! If this is your way of getting back at me,â she paused, betrayed by the anguish in her voice, âThen jokes on you, because Satoru will never be faithful to you. Heâll keep cheating on you, just like he did now with me! You two belong in that cycle!â
She fled before she could hear your response, but Satoruâs whispered apology lingered in the air, unclear of who its intended recipient was. At that moment, she didnât care anymore. She raced back to her cabin, tears streaming down her face as she hastily packed her belongings.
She moved mechanically, tossing her belongings into her luggage while grappling with the overwhelming pain of his infidelity. Try as she might to focus on the task at hand, her tears flowed freely, and she surrendered to her grief, cradling her face in her hands.
Amidst her anguish, she couldnât ignore the escalating pain in her pelvic region, a physical echo of the agony in her heart. Each sob seemed to intensify both sensations, leaving her feeling utterly shattered.
With that confrontation, Satoru faced a pivotal choice: to stay with you or to pursue Akemi.Â
While Akemi had anticipated that he might choose you, she was taken aback when she swung the door open,
bags in hand,Â
only to find Satoru Gojou standing on her doorstep.
when a twist of fate led their marriage to the path of a quintessential tragic romance, two past lovers go through another series of experiences on love, heartbreak, identity, illness, and trauma along the road to a happily ever after.Â
genre. heavy angst, amnesia, modern au, 18+Â
tags/warnings. profanity, usage of alcohol, mentions of cheating, implied suicide attempt, toxic relationship, explicit smut
series masterlist -> episode ten
Satoru had a major problem.Â
And it was his self-control. His lack of self-control was the reason he had engaged himself in an adulterous relationship back when he was married. His lack of self-control was the reason why you had become the recipient of his unreasonable anger in the early stages of your marriage. His lack of self-control was the reason why, out of all the women in the world, he was now sleeping with a friend of yours. For Godâs sake, his lack of self-control was probably the reason why you were also pushed to your limits, choosing to cut your marital ties with him and leaving only the scraps of his role as a parent to Sachiro.
Back when he was attending his weekly therapy sessions, his therapist told him that part of what he needed to learn was to control his impulses, resist temptations, and actively exercise his willpower. They were easier to achieve then than now, since he was the loneliest man at the time with no friends, no wife, no son, and no bustling company to run. His decisions remained untainted, his temptations unchallenged, his emotions uninfluenced â a solitary journey at its finest. He was all by himself. How come? It was because he was sent by his mom to Osaka to temporarily seclude him from his harrowing memories in Tokyo, compelling him to sever ties and immerse solely in personal convalescence. Reflecting now, it felt no different than being sent to a psychiatric hospital.
He could say it worked at the time. He learned how to keep his emotions at bay. He learned how to control his thoughts, throwing away the bad and keeping only the good. He was a new man by the time he returned to Tokyo, prepared as ever to take on his role as the Chairman of the Gojou Group, ready to once again try and live a normal life. But the moment news had spread about his ex-wife's marriage to his business rival, all the self-control he had painstakingly cultivated seemed to have evaporated in an instant.
Everything also went downhill after that.Â
He wasnât going to list down all of the things that happened nor the impact it had on him since you yourself were a witness to them. But if he was going to look at the way your return has changed the trajectory of his life 3 years after you first left, he would still at a hundred percent put the blame on his shoulders. None of this domino effect would end up like this if he had been a faithful and loving husband in the first place. The pressure from his father was not the only root of all this, the branches also extended to his corporate greed which ultimately ruined his chance at a blissful marriage with you.Â
But at least, the chaos should have settled by now. You chose to move forward and he decided to respect your decision by finding his way to another. This should free you both from the emotional torture that had you prisoned for the longest time. He would still be there for you as the father of your child, but otherwise, he was happy that you have Toji Zenâin by your side to fill in the gaps that he had failed to complete.Â
A heavy sigh escaped his lips. The warm water fell on his body in rivulets, soaking him completely so early in the morning as he decided to take a long shower. For how long? He couldnât tell. He could stay there for hours if need be. He had to let his mind wander on its own, with a hand pressed against the wall, and another stroking his white hair back. Despite accepting the fact that Toji now owned your love and affection⊠well, wasnât that son of a gun too lucky? Did he even realize that the woman he would marry was once Satoruâs entire universe?Â
Ah, but who cares? Satoru scoffed inwardly, leaning his head back to let the water hit his face. He had Akemi, so why did it matter if you had Toji? He wasnât bitter. He was just trying to reason with himself that you deserved to be with someone you really, truthfully loved. And he deserved that, too. Maybe not now, but at the perfect time, he could relive the life of a married man after learning from his mistakes the hard way. A much better one. A married man who would never in his life betray, hurt, or ruin his partner. A doting husband who would offer his whole life just to make her happy. He promised to himself that Akemi will have that kind of man from him.Â
Though, he could ask himself, how far was he from achieving that? He did practice his self-control last night when joined you in the poolâhis face, inches away from you. Hand gripping your hip. Eye-to-eye. Skin-to-skin. Your warm breath fanning his cheek. Just another step forward and your lips would touch. But he didnât let that happen. He mustered all of his power to pull back from the gravity that was drawing him closer to you. Still, he couldnât deny that you looked absolutely gorgeous last night. As the moonlight illuminated your face, he could swear that the stars also sparkled on your eyes. They must be from the tears you were desperately holding back, but either way, you were still so goddamn beautiful. He almost couldnât keep his eyes off you last night and had to distract himself from looking at your lips, your collarbone, your chest, your curvesâŠ
âFuck.âÂ
Talk about self-control.Â
Satoru had none of that right now. His body reacted involuntarily to the thought of you last night. The sensual thought of you. The what-ifs.
What if he had wrapped your legs around his waist and enveloped your lips into a passionate kiss?Â
He took a deep breath, still holding onto the wall as his other hand traveled to his growing member.Â
What if he had carried you all the way back into the living room and laid you naked on the couch?Â
Closing his eyes, his hand started moving on its own, stroking his hardened cock and feeling every ridge as he pleasured himself.Â
What if you had let him devour you? Let him roll his tongue on your entrance and taste your sweet, sweet flesh?Â
Gojou let out a moan. A quiet yet desperate moan when he continued to jerk himself off faster and rougher. Damn it. He had to keep it low and he better not be heard doing such a sin in the bathroom. Yet, perhaps you were still in a deep slumber next to Sachiro in your bedroom, so he doubted you would hear what kind of mess he was making.Â
After all, it was shameless to know what was driving his feral thoughts right now. Thoughts of you letting him slide his tip along your entrance. Thoughts of him ramming his cock inside your tight cunt, being squeezed by your soft, velvet walls. Thoughts of your breasts bouncing wildly as he continued to hit your most sensitive spot. Fuck. Faster. Heâd have taken you on all fours, too. Heâd have let you ride his cock. Heâd have pressed you against the sofa and put your legs above his shoulders. Satoru would release his warm seed into you in every position. Heâd shoot every drop of his cum straight to your womb, no doubt impregnating you for the second time around. He would absolutely love that. He would love seeing the residues of his love seeping out of your shaven pussy. He would love watching your belly grow a few months after that, knowing that he had created another beautiful life inside of you.Â
âY/NâŠâÂ
Awakened by his senses, Satoru opened his eyes and saw the sticky white mess on his hand and on the wall. What the hell did he just do? More importantly, what the hell was he thinking of?Â
No one should know about that. Not you, not even Akemi. He didnât cheat on her, no. He didnât do anything with you. That shouldnât be counted as cheating. He didnât even touch you.Â
No, noâŠÂ
Absolutely not.
Drowning into a pool of guilt, the first thing he did after that sinful shower session was to contact his supposed girlfriend. And to make things even more awkward, you entered the kitchen in silence, carrying a sleepy Sachiro in your arms, unaware of the dilemma that was sending your ex-lover into a spiral. âMorning,â he greeted almost inaudibly, clearing his throat and taking a sip of coffee afterwards. He had to think straight.Â
âMorning,â was your simple and oblivious reply as you went about your morning routine.Â
Gojou, on the other hand, was typing on his phone because Akemi wasnât answering his FaceTime calls. He had completely forgotten to update her all day because he had been a little bit too occupied the moment he landed in America. She must be overthinking why he hadnât reached out to her until now, and he felt extremely awful and responsible for that, but she couldnât be fast asleep that early, right? It was 7:00 a.m. in New York, so that means it was only 9:00 p.m. back home.Â
He nervously rang her number once more, mumbling a âplease answerâ as he watched her caller ID appear on the screen.Â
âDada,â called Sachiro, looking at him as his mother sat him on the high chair, seemingly about to prepare his breakfast.Â
Still holding his phone, he walked to his son and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. âMorning, Sachi. Did you sleep well?âÂ
The toddler nodded at him, drinking milk from the baby bottle that he was holding with both hands. His eyes were wide and blueâquite the same hues of blue that would remind you of a clear sky. Satoru couldnât help but pinch his adorable sonâs cheeks.Â
And while you were busy picking out food from the pantry, Akemi finally answered his call after the fourth attempt and showed her beautiful soft features on the screen. His eyes immediately lit up at the sight of her. âHey, how are you?âÂ
He could tell she was still a bit distant and upset because of what happened two weeks ago, when she claimed to have heard him say your name during his sleep. He already made an excuse for it as he also didnât know why he even did it in the first place, but Akemi was still understandably hurt. He couldnât blame her.Â
âIâm fine, how are you?â she asked, heading towards her bed as he assumed. âI just got home from work, that's why I wasnât answering.âÂ
He could see, in the corner of his eyes, that you were glancing at him but he didnât return it. All of his focus was on Akemi, feeling bad that he hadnât exactly been a good partner for her lately. Especially after the shit he just did in the shower this morning, but that was a secret that was meant to be buried. âAlright, did you have dinner already? Itâs morning here so Iâm having breakfast.â
She offered a small smile. âI did. Howâs Sachiro doing?âÂ
âYou wanna see him?â He walked closer to his son, showing him on the screen as his big blue eyes stared at the woman on the other end of the line. âSachi, say hi to Auntie âKemi.âÂ
âHiii~â Sachiro happily greeted Akemi, while the latter cooed at his son. She spoke to him with a gentle and motherly tone, weaving warmth and love into her words. It made his heart full knowing that Akemi would wholeheartedly treat his child as her own, because if there was a slight possibility that she wouldnât, she knew that Satoru would rather let her go. His child was still more important than any other woman. And so if his future partner couldnât accept the fact that he had a child with his ex-wife, then they shouldnât be in his life after all. The case was different with Akemi because she was your friend and she had the chance to see Sachior grow up before Gojou even knew his son existed at all. It was a bit complicated, but things turned out to be easier on the part of acceptance.Â
The only problem was you.Â
Because by the time the call ended, Satoru could tell that you werenât in the mood as you ate breakfast next to Sachiro in complete silence. Your eyebrows were curled into annoyance, and yet your eyes held sadness in them, an expression that had become difficult for him to fathom. Were you jealous of Akemi? He assumed you would say no, but your expressions showed otherwise.Â
âY/N,â he called for your attention, hoping that you would look into his eyes for a little bit. Yet, not a chance did you do. âWhatâs our agenda for today?âÂ
You seemed irritated, if anything. You refused to look at him as you gave a curt reply. âI communicated everything you needed to know via email. You should have checked it instead of letting Miwa do everything for you.â
Damn. You were definitely angry. âOkay.â He cleared his throat once more. âI just asked in case there was a last minute change.âÂ
âThere isnât. I would have said so if there was.âÂ
âRight.â
Satoru didnât know how to act in front of his ex-wife. Now that he had seemed to ignite your pique, he chose not to say anything else further as you two finished your meals and cleaned up after yourselves. The only time he spoke again was when he offered to bathe Sachiro so that you could focus on yourself.Â
You agreed.Â
And he did his part.Â
It was simple give-and-take. A transactional relationship, if you must. Nothing else would blossom from that except your responsibilities as parents for Sachiro.Â
The New York trip was already as awkward as it was. And it only just started.Â
ââ
To be fair, it wouldnât have been as uncomfortable if only Gojou had not decided to make it so. He was the one that made the atmosphere unpleasant by trying to savor every inch of closeness he could get to your skin, only to pull away as if nothing happened. As if he didnât care about how it made you feel. He even had the audacity to lecture you on how to go about being good parents and setting a good example to Sachiro. Then, the next morning, he would act like such a loyal and caring partner to Akemi.Â
The thought made you scoff on the inside. He should be the absolute last one to be saying that. He should be the last one to profess how much of a loyal man he was trying to be to his new girl.Â
Besides, you had already kept it in mind even before this trip was planned out that you two would only be here for Sachiro. Any interaction outside the need to be there for your son would be unnecessary. He wasnât someone you still needed in your own personal life nor did he need you in his. Your past relationship no longer mattered in this situation and all thatâs left was for it to be forgotten. But even with your resistance to be anything more than a parent to your son, Satoru still respected you. He still showed, even in little ways, that he cared about your comfort throughout the trip.Â
Five days had gone by and everything you did in New York had been smooth sailing, all thanks to his grand number of connections from across the USA. In a short matter of time, Sachiroâs surname had been legally changed, and everything else concerning his birth certificate had been fixed. All that was left to resolve was your sonâs nationality since Japan doesnât allow for dual citizenship and Sachiro would have to carry a Japanese citizenship and the Gojou name to be able to inherit his fatherâs multinational conglomerate. You would leave that one up for Satoru to deal with, but everything else had been settled on your end.Â
Although this trip wasnât exactly a vacation, Gojou insisted that you two still take Sachiro out to explore the city he grew up in. And you did so by going to Central Park, telling your ex-husband stories of how you used to bring Sachiro there in a stroller when he was still a little baby and plenty of strangers, whether locals or tourists, would coo at him the minute they took a peek at his adorable face. You also took him to the Empire State Building to get the best view of the entire New York City, and Satoru being Satoru couldnât leave without taking a family photo with you and your son, capturing the beautiful cityscape behind you. You could see it in his eyes that even though he was happy to be there, he was also melancholic at the same time. Almost three years of his sonâs life were spent in this city, without him, and it was as though the bitter memories of those three years for him were haunting him back. Sadness was reflecting off of his crystal blue eyes as he took a minute staring at the view of the city, reminding you that you were the reason why he had missed out on his babyâs first memories.Â
If guilt could literally eat you alive, you would have been devoured.Â
âReady to go, Sachi?â Gojou asked your son, tucking his phone away after having (seemingly) sent Akemi a text message, probably updating her of where he was and what he was doing. In fact, he had been texting and calling her every now and then, as if he was doing his best to reassure her that he wasnât doing any funny business with you. Has Akemi always been a possessive partner? Even with your years of friendship with her, she had never acted that way in her past relationship. You wondered if she would go nuts had she heard Satoru tell you how badly he wanted to make more babies with you on your first night here.Â
Sachiro nodded, clinging to your hand while reaching for his fatherâs. âDada!âÂ
Satoru did offer his hand, but mirrored the surprise on your face when your son tried to link your fingers together, urging you to hold hands. You didnât want to get too offended by it, but your ex-husband was the first one to pull away. âI, uh, made a reservation for us in Carbone,â he said, unable to exchange eye-contact, âYuuta will meet us there.âÂ
âHeâs in New York?â you asked, pretending you didnât notice how he acted allergic to your touch and redirected your attention to your son. âDid you hear that, Sachi? Uncle Yuuta will come and see you.âÂ
Your little one was oblivious to the world, too distracted by the throng of people surrounding the place that he didnât even notice how his parents were uneasy with each other. To say that you didnât feel bad for your son was a lie, because it actually broke your heart. Although you and Satoru were working on co-parenting and making sure Sachiro wouldnât feel the gravity of a broken household, you knew that when he reached the right age, all of this would still have an effect on him. One day, he would still be asking questions about his parents. Questions about why you separated, why your marriage failed, and why you had to move to New York while his father stayed behind. It hurt. Deep inside, it hurt so much to know that your only son wasnât given the chance to have a complete family.Â
You were sure that was what Yuuta thought, too. As you met with him at a fancy restaurant in the city, you could see how his face lightened up seeing his nephew bonding with his parents as if it were a family vacation. He must have known what it was like to have a broken household. In fact, he had lived in a toxic one before, but he still grew up to be a mature and dignified young man who never let the horrors of his familyâs actions affect his rational thinking.Â
âSachi,â he spoke to your son fondly, wiping the sauce on the toddlerâs chin. Yuuta chuckled as he watched him grimace from the small piece of broccoli he had given him. âYou donât like vegetables?âÂ
You fixed the bib on your sonâs neck. âHe does, but heâs very picky with it,â you tell Yuuta, glancing at Satoru who was busy speaking on the phone with Nanami about what appeared to be matters concerning the company. âWonder where he got it from.âÂ
âRight.â Yuutaâs eyes turned into moon crescents as he smiled. âI remember nii-san being a little picky.âÂ
âYou hear that Sachi?â you teased your son who looked at you with his puppy eyes. You knew that if you had the ability to peak through his mind, it would be full of fried chicken. The thought made you laugh. âDonât be like daddy, okay? Sachi needs to have his veggies so heâll be strong when he grows up.âÂ
âButâŠâ Sachiro pointed to his father. âDada is stwong.âÂ
Satoru chimed in at the conversation after having finished the call, âThatâs right, Dadaâs strong. Mommy could barely handle me.âÂ
âDo you even know what weâre talking about?â You rolled your eyes, while Yuuta wanted to giggle, but chose to hold it back.Â
Satoru shrugged and sat on his chair, eyeing the scrumptious dishes that were served. âHave you tried the spicy rigatoni before? I heard itâs famous here.âÂ
You casually answered. âYes. Toji used to bring me here every time he visited.âÂ
Look, you didnât mean to overshare nor did you mean to make things awkward. You also didnât mean to slap it in his face about how you were spending your years in New York with Toji. But Satoru, with his pride, took it resentfully.Â
âOh, really?â His words were the opposite of his voice. He was mirthless and full of unenthusiasm before changing the topic, redirecting his attention to his step-brother instead. âHowâs Harvard?â
Yuuta eased the tension by making small talk, sharing details about his university life, and making sure he didnât contribute to the awkwardness. âIâm really just trying to survive this semester so I can head back to Japan as soon as I graduate.â After taking a sip of his Cabernet Blend, he continued, âLike I promised, Iâll help you with the company.âÂ
You were happy, at least, to know that Satoru and Yuuta had fixed their relationship as step-brothers after the whole incident. What used to be a relationship full of envy and competition finally became one that was full of mutual trust and support. Yuuta deserved that since he never once wished for his brotherâs downfall, while Satoru also deserved to have a family member that had his back and helped him with the business without constantly fighting about inheritance. Because technically, Satoru was the sole heir, and his dad only made it seem as though he would give it to Yuuta to make him follow his orders. Satoruâs dad was controlling in that sense, and that was what led to all of this.Â
But the present was more important. Things have changed and mistakes have been learned. It was all up to you on how you were going to manage your new life moving forward.Â
Only, if only things were a little bit different on his side.
ââ
You had raised your son all by yourself for the last 3 years, so the presence of his father wasnât really something you were used to for the longest time. How Sachiro acted around other people was solely a reflection of your teachings, discipline, and guidance as his mother. He didnât really have a paternal figure up until now, and even if Toji was there to support your journey to motherhood, he never fully meddled with your mother-son relationship nor did he act like a replacement to Sachiroâs biological father. He loved him like his own, but respected the fact that the spot was reserved for Satoru. He knew that. He understood that, because he himself experienced raising a child alone without the presence of a mother. And if you asked him, he, too, would not want Megumi to replace the very love that he was supposed to have for his biological mom. Sure, Megumi could love and respect you, but Toji would still want him to save an unnegotiable spot for his mother in his heart. After all, she had birthed him. And in that same way, you had birthed Sachiro and created him with Satoru during your marriage. If there was anyone Sachiro should look up to, it had to be his dad.Â
And quite frankly, the father himself was doing an excellent job.Â
But then again, remembering how hands-on Satoru was to you during your pregnancy, you never doubted that he would be a good father. He may not be a perfect husband, but he loved his child with all of his heart and soul, and he would risk it all just to keep him happy.Â
It was new to you how, throughout the trip, you didnât have to take care of Sachiro alone. You and Satoru helped each other harmoniously, attending to your toddlerâs needs and making sure he was being prioritized. You were glad. Truly. You were grateful to see that he wasnât an absent father and that his words werenât empty when he promised you that he would be a responsible dad to him.Â
Though, at the back of your mind, you wondered what would happen if he welcomed another child in this world? A child that didnât come from you? Deep inside, it hurt you to imagine him neglecting Sachiro on the side the minute he has a new baby with Akemi. The reality was, the father would always prioritize the child of the current wife, not the child of the ex-wife. He would still support him, sure. But would he still pay the same level of attention that he was giving him now? You would probably break in half if Sachiro was thrown to the agonizing realm of feeling like an outsider. No child deserved that.Â
You would be selfish to say this, but you wanted to seize the opportunity while Sachiro was still his only son. Hiding him from his father was your faultâyou had gone through that a million times and you werenât shy at holding yourself accountable through that. However, you were already doing your best to make amends and make up for the years Sachiro had missed around his father. He was Satoruâs first and only child, and therefore he should never fight for his fatherâs affection. You werenât sure what Satoruâs long term plans were with Akemi, but if they were considering having their own children someday, you would never allow your son to be pushed back at the bottom of the family tree.
And so on the night of your flight back to Japan, Satoru asked if he could take Sachiro with him for the rest of the week. You had no problems in saying yes.Â
âWhere are you taking him?â you did ask, waiting inside the car as the pilot and crew prepared the private jet. âPlease send me the full address. I need to know where heâs staying andââ
âYouâll get the details from Miwa,â he casually said, rubbing Sachiroâs back as the little boy slept on his chest. He didnât bother meeting your eyes as he talked. âIâm just taking him to my vacation home in Osaka.â
OsakaâŠ
That was where his mother isolated him from the rest of the world when he was having terrible episodes. Episodes that worsened after he had found out that you âterminatedâ his child and abandoned him. Shoko once said that they felt like Gojou disappeared from their lives while he was there, because nobody else could reach out to him. They couldnât visit nor could they contact him for a year or so until he came back to Tokyo.Â
You didnât want to pry on matters that were sensitive to him, so you chose not to say anything concerning the place. He must have wanted to reflect on his past experiences, allowing him to heal from them as it brought him to the incommutable life he had nowâlife knowing that Sachiro existed.Â
âPlease take good care of him, okay?â It was only a reminder, nothing else.
Satoru kept a straight face, nodding before he planted a kiss on his sonâs forehead. âI got it from here.âÂ
After a minute of silence, you both got out of the car and you watched him carry Sachiro in his arms. You left the sleeping toddler a tender kiss on the cheek before parting ways. âI love you, my baby.â Stroking his hair, you kissed his tiny nose. âMommy will see you soon.âÂ
You didnât even say goodbye to each other as you watched them board the plane. And he didnât even bother looking back at you to tell you to take care of yourself. Not that you expected anything from him, but a quick goodbye would have been nice since you did spend the last couple days together. Or perhaps he actually was upset about the Toji thing?Â
Ever since Satoru went back to Japan with Sachiro, you had been feeling a wave of separation anxiety. Your mind was left wandering towards them; how they were doing, where they were, what they had for dinner. You wondered if Sachiro was giving his father a headache. Smiling at the thought, perhaps he was giving Satoru a hard time changing his diapers.Â
âEverything okay?â Toji, noticing your trance, put an arm around you as you two sat at the VIP lounge of the Miami Grand Prix. This was Tojiâs scene. If Satoru was a fan of horseback riding and polo, Toji preferred big time F1 races. He even personally knew the racers, the type of cars they were driving, and everything a huge fan had to know. You werenât all that familiar with these things, so it was a little hard to keep up with his lifestyle.Â
âY-Yeah, sorry,â you stammered, realizing how distracted you had been all this time. âWhat were you saying?âÂ
He drank from his glass of 30 y/o Macallan, downing the liquor like it was water. A cloud of disappointment settled over his features. âNot interesting to you, huh?âÂ
âNo, IâŠâ You made an effort to cup his cheek, giving him an apologetic peck on the lips. âIâm really sorry for zoning out. I was just⊠I guess I was just a little tired from New York.â
Toji placed a hand on your knee, sighing. âItâs fine. I was just trying to introduce the guys to you,â he said, scooting closer as he pointed to the racers. âYou know that guy? Lewis Hamilton. Heâs quite popular with the ladies,â then he moved his finger towards the other drivers, âAnd we got here for Ferrari, Carlos Sainz and Charles Leclerc, also fan favorites.âÂ
Your eyes suddenly caught sight of Gojouâs favorite car brand. âUm, how about McLaren? Who drives for them?âÂ
Unsure if Toji caught on or not, he did take a minute before feeding into your curiosity. âNorris and Piastri.âÂ
Neither was Toji. He must have experienced being stared at at these events plenty of times, and probably even sent women home crying because of rejection or worse, humiliation. Now that you think of it, how did Megumi feel when his father was being hit on while watching the Grand Prix? Most importantly, why was the teenage son absent at this current event?Â
âLove, why didnât you bring Megumi with you?â you inquired.Â
Toji took a sip of the hard liquor once more. âDidnât wanna go. He was giving me the silent treatment before I left for the US.âÂ
Curiosity blanketed your eyes. âDid something happen back home?âÂ
He let out a deep breath, his face signaling that he was deep in dilemma. âThe Zenâin elders want to set him up for an arranged marriage,â he revealed, much to your surprise, âThey wanna make sure heâs not gonna end up like me, married to someone who wasnât âqualifiedâ to be my wife.âÂ
At first you were confused if he was referring to you, but you realized that he was describing his late wife. Megumiâs own mother, the only woman Toji had ever loved by a mile. He fought everyone for her, even turned his back on his own family for her, but claimed that he also ultimately led her to her demise because the elders of his family harassed her until the day she died. It was a tragic love, perhaps even more tragic than yours, so you somehow understood why Toji was conflicted about Megumiâs personal life.
But you? You were strongly against it. âI donât support arranged marriages, you know that,â you told him with conviction, sympathizing for the poor boy, âItâs not gonna end well. You know what happened to meâŠâ
âI know.â Tojiâs eyes were filled with regret. âI know, but thereâs nothing I can do about it unless Megumi himself tells me he has someone he loves.âÂ
âDid you ask?âÂ
âHeâs tight-lipped about it.âÂ
You sigh. âWell, heâs a teenager. They get pretty shy about these things.â
Forcing a marriage was never a good thing. You couldnât understand why the concept even existed because it didnât benefit anyone aside from the people around the married couple. That was why they called it a marriage of convenience. They were married for everyoneâs sake but themselves; family name, status, business⊠You have had enough of it. If only you realized it from the very beginning, you never would have subjected yourself to a loveless marriage with Satoru. Even if your love did grow eventually, things still didnât work out for the best.Â
Megumi would just be wasting years of his life tied to a person he didnât love and you were hoping that Toji would fight for his sonâs right. Because if he truly understood you, he would not subject his son to the same suffering you went through.Â
âI wish my wife was here,â said Toji, forlornly, âSheâd know how to handle these things better than I do.âÂ
Were you not there for him? You swallowed your pride, hiding the pain in your voice. âRightâŠâ A smile was all that you could offer. âIâm sure she would.âÂ
ââ
Something was different about Toji and you couldnât quite put your finger on it.Â
It wasnât his appearance, and neither was it the way he spoke to you. He was all the same except for one thing; the look in his eyes.Â
He had told you this before. He said that the eyes carry the most truthful and raw emotion that you can see on someone. The presence of love would be visible in someoneâs eyes just as you would see stars in a clear, night sky. The lack, however, would mean that the eyes are blank and empty like the dark void in the expanse of the universe. You didnât have to be poetic to be able to discern the way his eyes communicated his most solemn feelings in spite of trying to show otherwise.Â
He must have been tired. Being caught up in your back-and-forths with your ex-husband, having to put up with your pretentious co-parenting situation, and the never ending need to keep an open mind about your situation with the same man who had ruined you. When your heart was in pieces, wasnât he the one who tried to fix it? Wasnât he the one who remained by your side during your darkest times?Â
Whether that may be true, whether he truly ever loved you, you could recognize the stark difference of the Toji that genuinely cared for you to the Toji that was only actively trying to be there for you. What had changed him all of a sudden?Â
The verdant hues of his eyes werenât present. They were hiding behind his lids, refusing to meet your gaze. But if anything, he did open his mouth to speak, â...You. You wanna know a secret?âÂ
Drunken words are sober thoughts, you reminded yourself. Of the numerous times Satoru had gotten drunk during the early stages of your marriage, it was how you found out that deep inside him, he did care for you. That in spite of his ill-tempered exterior, he was a man deprived of parental love and support. What would be the case for Toji, then?Â
âYeah?â You waited for his answer, slipping his shirt off and revealing his toned body.Â
The scar on his mouth moved when he displayed a mirthless smile. He was as drunk as an alcoholic would be. âI donât⊠think⊠I can love you the same way I loved my first wife.âÂ
Your heart paused. In fact, every heartbeat became heavy. You knew how he felt, but didnât expect him to say that out loud. âI-Is that soâŠ?â
âAbsolutely,â he mumbles, chuckling inaudibly. âEven if you try your best, she was everything I wanted in life and the only woman I could ever offer my heart to. Sheâs irreplaceable, and I donât feel guilty about it, because I know youâre still into Satoru, too.â
âThatâsâŠâ You held your breath, holding back tears. âThatâs not true.âÂ
Toji wasnât done yet, however. He still went on with his drunken speech. âWho knows? You wouldâve had him touch you if you didnât have me. You wouldâve had him impregnate you, have his second child with you, and guess what? He still wonât be loyal to you.â
The pain in your heart increased tenfold. Should you say something? Should you get angry at him? No, no you couldnât. Your chest was tightening. His words were a little difficult to grasp because Toji never in his life had been callous with his words to you. The tears that fell from your eyes were from the betrayal that you felt after hearing the cruel words he had uttered. And yet, you tried to hold on to that thin string of hope that Tojiâs words didnât come from a place of truth.Â
âThatâs enough, Toji. Go to sleep.â You pulled away, swallowing the weakness in your voice.Â
He hummed, unaware of the pain he had put you through. âThe more I look at you, the more I realize how much I actually donât want to spend my whole life with you,â he admitted, with little to no regard for your feelings, âI canât fill this emptiness by being with another empty soul. And if thereâs one thing Iâm most grateful for, itâs that I let you run away that day before I fulfilled my vows with youââ
âEnough!â You shot up from bed and wiped the flood of tears on your eyes. âEnough! Iâve heard everything you wanted me to hear, okay?! Enough!â you raised your voice in despair, almost begging for him to stop tearing your heart asunder. âI get it! I fucking get it⊠so enough. Please, Toji.âÂ
Drunken words are sober thoughts. A drunk mind speaks a sober heart. Alcohol is a truth serum.Â
The revelation of Tojiâs true feelings that night was a reminder to you that he was just like any other man. That you should have never put him in such a high regard, thinking that he would be the prince charming that would save the poor damsel in distress. Why? What would he benefit from someone like you? You only deluded yourself into thinking that a man like him would take a single mother so seriously. You were only meant to be a placeholder for his dead wife after all.Â
ââ
There was a huge contrast between being with you and Sachiro in New York vs being with Akemi and Sachiro in Osaka. The difference? There was no awkward air between his girlfriend and him. They were free to do things as they willâno restrictions, no certain doâs and donâts. They were happy to have each otherâs company, minus the guilt nor the unease of being by each otherâs side. If anything, Satoru bitterly assumed that you were having the time of your life in Miami with Toji. You were so keen to see the man back there before parting ways with your ex-husband and son like you were simply discarding them to the side.Â
If so be it, then fine. Satoru had all the right to have his son all to himself while you were gone. Besides, Akemi was just one call away and she was everything he could ever ask for. She cared for Sachiro as if she was his own mother and Satoru couldnât be more grateful that he didnât need to work on building a bond between his girlfriend and his son.Â
In fact, Akemi very much knew how to win Sachiroâs heart. As they took his adorable son to Universal Studios today, she was nothing short of a caring mother. She had acted as a guardian to his son throughout the rides, letting the toddler enjoy his time at all the wonderful attractions that the theme park had to offer. Not once did his son cry too, so that only meant that they were doing a great job at taking care of him.Â
Of course, it was a different story in the afternoon. After having spent all his energy during the day, Sachiro had become tired and hungry by dinner time. He wasnât such a difficult kid to tend to, so Satoru was proud that his son still wasnât throwing a tantrum.Â
âWeâre gonna get Sachi fried chicken,â he enticed the pouting toddler, kissing his forehead while Akemi carried him in her arms. âIs that what you want?âÂ
Sachiro nodded and wrapped his little arms around his auntieâs neck. âChicken, dada.â
Akemi smiled at the childâs gesture, prompting her to also place a kiss on his cheek. âYouâre so cute and well-behaved, Sachi.âÂ
ââSatoru?âÂ
At the familiar voice, all three of them turned to the woman standing behind. She had long, auburn hair, rosy cheeks, and ivory skin, next to a tattooed man with salmon pink hair and a very defensive stance. Ah⊠How timely.Â
Sera and Sukuna.Â
Satoru wasnât sure if he should openly greet them, after all, they werenât acquaintances. Sukuna wasnât a business partner of his, so the two of them had no actual concerns towards each other. As for Sera, she might be his ex-girlfriend, but they didnât exactly have the healthiest relationship to begin with, soâŠ
âOf all the places,â she mumbled, almost gaping at the sight of him. Her eyes then trailed off to Akemi and Sachiro, with which her expressions shifted to guilt. Did she recognize his son? Did she remember the horrible attempt she did to harm his child during his ex-wifeâs pregnancy? The memory was flooding Satoruâs brain like a tsunami. Yeah, in that case, Sera should definitely be filled with guilt. She tried to kill this harmless child.Â
He cleared his throat. âWe gottaââ
âI guess itâs true,â Sera spoke again, this time redirecting her attention to Akemi. âThe rumors, I mean. Itâs all just surprising to me considering how obsessive Satoru was to Y/N.â She paused, seemingly wanting to comment at her ex-boyfriendâs current relationship in a mocking way. She kept her eyes on Akemi only, while Satoru was left wondering why Sera was acting hostile towards her. âDid you know? He sacrificed everything for her. No one else made him beg on his knees the same way Y/N did.â
He couldnât even tell how Akemi felt while Sera was clearly taunting her with her words, but she still managed to smile and excuse herself, keeping Sachiro away from an environment that should only be between adults. Balling his fists, Satoru turned to Sukuna and spoke to him man-to-man. âYouâd better keep your woman entertained so sheâll stop meddling into other peopleâs business.âÂ
Sukuna, however, found the situation humorous, âDonât worry. We both are entertained.âÂ
Making a spectacle of Satoruâs personal life? No wonder they ended up together. They were both pieces of shit.Â
Before Satoru turned on his heels to follow Akemi, Sera still had one last thing to say to him. This time, she was more calm and less maliciousâher eyes following Akemiâs trail before looking back at him, âSatoru, if you have truly grown as a man, you wonât do this to Y/N.â
ââ
Sachiro was fast asleep when they returned to his vacation home.Â
Meanwhile, since the night was young for the two adults in that house, Akemi and Satoru shared a passionate session in the living room downstairs, letting her ride him as he placed soft kisses on her collarbone. They tried to keep it low, obviously, and all the lights were turned off, leaving only the moonlight illuminating their view. After a few more minutes into their lovemaking, they reached their high and tried to catch each otherâs breath, embracing her in his arms as she fell limp against him.Â
âSatoru, I missed you a lot while you were gone.âÂ
â...Same.âÂ
She then let out an exasperated sigh. âThat girl earlier, Sera, sheââ
âDonât mind her.â Gojou closed his eyes and leaned his head against the backrest. âShe loves riling people up. Itâs ironic sheâs coming at Y/Nâs defense now like she didnât torment her back then. Sheâs not worth paying attention to.âÂ
âOkay.â Akemi pulled away, cupping his face and offering him her angelic smile. âBut you donât feel that way anymore, right? For Y/N?â
Satoru took a deep breath, but steadied the movements of his chest. He felt defensive all of a sudden. âNo.âÂ
Her smile grew more relaxed as she pressed a light peck on his lips. âRight.â And for a while, they both stayed silent. His thoughts ran straight to you, while hers was quite on a different route. âEarlier when I put Sachiro to bed, he called me his mama.âÂ
His eyes widened. âOh⊠he did?â
She answered with a nod. âI donât know if heâs just half asleep calling for his real mommy, but⊠At that moment, it made me realize how much I want to have my own,â she hinted at him, wistfully staring at his blue eyes with her shining ones, âwith you.â
ââ
You didnât take the flight back to Tokyo.Â
What you took was an immediate flight back straight to Osaka where your son and your ex-husband stayed. You werenât sure if it was due to the height of your emotions, but you surely let your impulse win the best of you.Â
You just wanted to escape. It was for the first time in your life where you were dying to escape Tojiâs presence, the very same person who you once likened to a buoy in an open sea. Now he was no longer that. He was far from that. And the pain was still fresh from your heart when you took the earliest flight back home after his drunken confession to you.Â
Despite the many missed calls and texts and emails he had sent you, none of them were returned. None of them were seen, or read, or had been replied to.Â
All you wanted to do was get to your son. Your son. Your only comfort from all the painful things the world has thrown at you. If not for Sachiro, you would have long killed yourself. But because he was born in this world, because he relied on his mother for love and guidance, you had to be strong and you had to seek the comfort in your heart from him.Â
They could all turn their backs on you, but never will your son do.Â
And so, after a few back-and-forth emails with Miwa to confirm the address of Satoruâs residence in Osaka, you ignored the jetlag that was hitting your face and traveled straight to his place. Sachiro. Sachiro was all you ever thought of when you asked your driver to drop you off the park nearby as soon as you spotted his mop of white hair, running across the small bridge and pointing towards the fish in the pond. Your son was happily calling all the fishes, gushing about them to Satory who stood next to him.Â
You didnât even care how you looked at that point. You just wanted to get to your son and embrace him in your arms. He had been away from you for way too long and you had already grown pale and sick from the separation anxiety that engulfed your heart and mind.Â
âSachi!â you called out, a smile present on your face as you made your way towards the bridge. Your son looked at you the moment he had heard your voice, and was already skipping towards you with a bright smile on his face. âMy baby!âÂ
Satoruâs face, on the other hand, turned pallid. His eyes were full of surprise, unable to believe that you were actually right in front of him. Why? Did he not expect you to come when he had let Miwa send the address to you? Were you not welcome to visit your own son?Â
âMamaaa!â Sachiro hugged you tightly, allowing you to attack his cute face with kisses all over.Â
âMommy missed you so much, my baby.â You could almost cry. As young as he was, he had no idea how much comfort he was bringing into your heart. Just to be able to see him, hold him, kiss him was enough for you to feel complete.Â
âY/N, I thought youâŠâ Satoru paused, confusion settling on his features. âYouâre supposed to be back by Monday.âÂ
For a moment, you were reminded of the reason you came home earlier than intended. âChange of plans.âÂ
A small scoff left his lips. âDonât tell me you left Toji back there.â
I did, you thought. Satoru had no single idea how true his words were, but that was none of his business and you had no plans of confiding in him about what had happened. You may be angry with Toji now, but you still respected him enough not to do terrible things behind his back.Â
âI had to see my son,â you lied, although it wasnât exactly one, and got up while holding your toddlerâs hand. âAre you ready to go home with mommy, Sachi?âÂ
Reluctance clouded your sonâs face, and he became more resolute at shaking his head the moment a womanâs voice called for him from afar. A woman, a very, painfully familiar woman came into view a few meters away from you. Standing there was your best friend, Akemi Hirai, looking at you with wide eyes like she had seen a ghost as soon as she saw your presence.Â
And in a snap, Sachiro ran to her. Your son ran straight to her, joyfully and excitedly as if she was his real mother.Â
How many more heartbreaks do you have to go through?Â
How many more tears do you have to hold back?Â
âIâŠâ Your hands were shaking. Your entire body was on the verge of breaking down. All this time, your son had been in this vacation home living like a happy little family with your ex-husband and best friend.Â
Now, he even refused to go home with you.Â
Gojou scanned through the look on your eyes as though he was reading your emotions, but you showed none of it. Not a single emotion could be seen on your face. Not an ounce of pain shown, despite seeing how your son immediately forgot about you and headed straight to another woman. How excited he was to spend more time with his dad and his new girlfriend. How, much to your discomfort, he refused to go back to Tokyo with you. You saw the future family Sachiro was about to have without you in the picture, and damn did it hit you like a truck.Â
Why, why did everyone in your life choose others before you?Â
âIâm sorry. Iâll bring him to your house Monday morning,â said your ex-husband in a soft, delicate voice, almost as if he was being careful with you. âWeâll take care of him.âÂ
You could simply nod, avoiding eye-contact with anyone in the vicinity except for Satoru. âOkay...â you struggled with words. Your entire body was shaking. The last thing you wanted was to sound like a selfish mother, but frankly, you were about to self-destruct. âJust keep him happy⊠that's all I ask.âÂ
Behind your mask of indifference, Satoru knew what right words had to be said. You needed reassurance, and that was exactly what he gave you. âI wonât ever take him away from you, Y/N. I promise.âÂ
You watched them walk away, leaving you alone with a look of sympathy that you didnât need. Sympathy that you despised having received. This should serve as a wake up call to you that no one in this world would ever love you. That even your own child would, one day, abandon you.Â
As tears fell from your eyes, you felt a certain pang on your chest that hurt worse than every other pain combined. âYou know youâre not so good with promises, Satoru.âÂ
when a twist of fate led their marriage to the path of a quintessential tragic romance, two past lovers go through another series of experiences on love, heartbreak, identity, illness, and trauma along the road to a happily ever after.Â
Tap. Tap. Tap. The sound of your index finger drumming a slow and steady cadence against the table was nearly in perfect synchronization to the tick tock of the clock above the wall behind you. An icy, uninviting atmosphere was the best way to describe the current situation inside the conference room at this time of the morning, with the gelid detachment between the boss and her employees as you built a wallâan impenetrable wallâaround yourself to keep the inner turmoil you had in your head.Â
So, you listened. You succumbed to silence as a result.Â
âIâd like to present this new idea that we, along with the ecommerce team, have come up with to increase engagement on our website.â Even as the marketing manager started to speak, you remained frigid. âWe did go through some feedback that people have been posting online and theyâre mostly saying that the current web theme is too plain and that theyâre hoping to see a more engaging website, so we would love to propose some ideas that could improve Hearteâs overall online presence. We know that keeping the brandâs look consistent is very important, especially now that Hearte is still establishing its own name in the fashion industry, and we have currently done a phenomenal job with our brand style. However, as the online website is our visual storefront, not only is its functionality critical, but we also have to ensure that the web design is in line with our aesthetics.âÂ
9:26 AM.Â
You leaned back on your chair with your arms crossed, looking up to speak to the manager from across the conference room. âLetâs keep the unnecessary introduction short and just go straight to the point,â you strictly announced, receiving curious eyes in return as it was their first time seeing you becoming all stern and unamused. Such an odd sight to see from a boss who used to have the brightest of sunshines reflecting on her smile. âWhatâs the proposal?âÂ
The marketing manager cleared her throat and moved her presentation onto the next slide. âYes, Ms. Y/N. So⊠uh, based on the data that you can see on the screen, our online sales increased by 15% for the past two weeks, but we still have about 10% of shoppers abandoning their shopping carts. Earlier this week, we set up email campaigns and social reminders to decrease our abandonment rate and urge shoppers to return to their carts. While working with the IT team, we did some A/B testing to determine which version would drive our business metrics. Weâve also reached out to The Society Management and added Kendall Jenner to our PR list so that possibly, in the future, we can get her as a model for our landing page and attract the western market,â she continuously explained in a manner to convince you of how much effort their department was doing to increase Hearteâs sales, âBut what we believe could bring a tremendous improvement on our website engagement is by introducing style guides. This will capture the interest of the audience now that they can mix and match some outfits based on their own style, andââ
9:32 AM.
Sigh.
âMs. Ono, I have to be honest, but I expected more from you,â you cut her off by leaving a frank comment on her presentation, âFashion brands have been doing style guides for years. You make it sound like itâs unique, but itâs nothing new. How sure are we that it will actually bring a dramatic improvement on our website engagement? I doubt most of them would even browse through it.âÂ
âWell, uhâŠâ The marketing manager faltered, glancing at the head of the social media team for some help, which she didnât end up receiving. âI think itâll work the way we want it to as long as we introduce engaging copies that make buyers fall in love with the designs.âÂ
âYou think?â You criticized her word of choice. âMs. Ono, I gave you enough time to brainstorm with your team, so the moment you step inside of this conference room, you should have prepared whatever strategy you had in mind. I donât settle for ambitious words like âI thinkâ or âI believeâ. I want to hear a proposal thatâs original, unique, and captivating. I want you to be a hundred percent sure that you know what youâre doing before you waste everyoneâs time like this. Do you understand? Am I being clear? I want a proposal that would definitely get us somewhere and not just by assuming we will.âÂ
Were you being too harsh? They said that the fashion industry in itself was harsh, so what was so surprising about seeing you being strict, candid, and business-like? This was the nature of your job. This was normal.Â
9:47 AM.Â
Very timidly did Nobara raise her hand beside you to chime in on the discussion. âI know Iâm not in the position to make suggestions, butâŠâ She pressed something on her laptop before carefully sliding it to your side of the table, showing you what appears to be a classic early 2000s âdress-up gameâ with a base model and a selection of outfits that were inspired by your designs. âI just wanted to show you this, Ms. Y/N. I do agree with Ms. Onoâs idea to introduce style guides, but maybe we can do it in an interactive way. I know the dress-up game idea may look childish and unsophisticated, but I was kinda hoping that we can just make certain adjustments so that it could match Hearteâs classy and simplistic style. We can have base models in different body types and skin tones to show our brandâs diversity, then we can have shoppers try dressing them up using the outfits on our current collection. That allows them to easily visualize how the pieces would look on a certain skin tone and body type.âÂ
The way everyone else in that conference table looked at Nobara was very obvious that they were expecting you to reprimand her for even having the guts to offer such a farcical idea. What does she know? They were probably thinking that. Youâre just an intern. You knew they were saying that in their minds. On the other hand, you surprisingly liked her proposal and enjoyed the unique idea of introducing it to the website because her proposal actually did make sense. People would be curious, people would try it out by interacting with the website, and that means the engagement would rise up.Â
âI like that idea. We can go with that,â you said, sliding the laptop back to her while nodding at the marketing and social media managers, âI need the team to discuss Nobaraâs idea further and polish it thoroughly before we can start adding it onto the website. Make adjustments as needed and ensure that everything is still in line with our brand. If you notice any flaws with this proposal, you can flag them with me and Iâll review them.âÂ
9:54 AM.Â
Just as you were about to wrap up the meeting, a certain someone entered the conference room in hasteâpanting out of breath with her long, wavy hair and creased red pants. âIâm so sorry, Iâm late.âÂ
Her casualness made you clench your jaws tightly, fueling the fire to your already terrible day. You could no longer stop yourself from unleashing your rage as you looked up at her with a critical squint. âMs. Hirai, what timeâs it?âÂ
âItâs ten, I know. Iâm so sorry,â she repeated her apologies and paid an apologetic bow to everyone in the meeting room, âIâm sorry, everyone. I was caught up in heavy traffic today.âÂ
You let out a silent scoff and ignored her compunctious act. âHow long are we gonna keep using that excuse, really?â you questioned her, earning the intrigued eyes of your employees who were all sensing the sudden tension between you and your best friend, âAs the fashion merchandiser and my second-in-command, you shouldâve been here in this meeting with me, but where were you? You anticipated that there would be heavy traffic, yet you couldnât be responsible enough in coming to work early knowing that we have a meeting? Or was it because youâre too busy doing other things so youâre no longer interested in showing up to work on time?âÂ
Akemi shook her head, contritely. âItâs⊠Itâs not like that.âÂ
âNot like what?â Your icy stare bored into her. No trace of compassion was present in your eyes. âIâm sure youâre living a very blissful life outside of work and Iâm glad you are, but is that also why you donât bother with anything else anymore?âÂ
âY/Nââ
âMiss Y/N,â you corrected, âIâm your boss, so treat me like one.âÂ
Wide, chocolate brown eyes greeted you in response. It was clear that she was at a loss of words and could only repeat her meaningless apologies a thousand times. âIâm really sorry, Ms. Y/N. It wonât happen again.âÂ
âYou didnât even let me know that youâll be coming in late,â you continued and ignored the pitiful expression on her face, focusing on her swollen red lips and her dewy, rosy cheeks. She must have had a really good morning to look like a cherry blossom on a spring day. Was she so preoccupied being all lovey dovey with your ex-husband this morning? Did she sleep comfortably on the same marital bed you used to share with him? Your jaw tensed visibly. âYouâre just coming in whenever you want. You donât respect peopleâs time. You donât respect my rules. You donât respect me.âÂ
Yes, you were overreacting by taking things too personally and it was the reason why you got up from your seat and bolted out of the conference room upon realizing your unusual outburst. You could hear the clicking sound of your stiletto echoing across the corridor as you stomped towards your office, swinging the glass door open and heading straight towards the ceiling-to-floor window to have some peace of mind. Peace? How ridiculous. How could you find peace? You couldnât even grasp the fact that your best friend was acting like everything was normal. You couldnât understand why she was rubbing her relationship to your face as if she wasnât just a placeholder to somebodyâs ex wife.
âY/N?â Akemiâs voice cut you out of your toxic trail of thoughtsâyour mouth thinning with displeasure while you didnât bother turning around to meet her gaze. Breathe. You had to breathe and think rationally. âIâŠI understand youâre really angry right now, but I was hoping we can have this much needed talk.âÂ
You could feel her reaching for your hand at the height of your frustration and your defensive instinct led you to angrily swing your arm away, accidentally hitting her cheek as you pivoted on your heel to face her. It took two seconds for your eyes to shift from glaring in frustration to widening in surprise after seeing the small cut your diamond ring left on her cheek. âAre you okay?âÂ
âY-Yeah, no, itâs fine,â she insisted with her palm pressed onto the right side of her face. âI deserved it.âÂ
Good lord. What was happening to you? Despite having all these unspoken rage and unresolved conflicts between the two of you, you would still drop everything and be concerned for her. You would still let your walls collapse. You were the villain that couldnât stick to being a villain. Why? Why did you feel this way? Was it because you knew she wasnât technically doing anything wrong? Or was it because you were just projecting your personal frustrations onto her? Was betrayal really the issue here? Or was it the huge possibility that she could in fact be Gojouâs one true love? You had thought of this before, but the same questions in your head never stopped. And never did they stop from invading your headspace as you made your way towards the small fridge to grab an ice pack that you soon offered to Akemi, leading her to one of the couches while finally coming into your senses.Â
Yet there was silence and nothing but awkward silence when you two sat at a safe distance from each other.Â
âIâm shameless.â She was the first one to break the uncomfortable atmosphere. âI know youâre thinking that and I do agree with you. I really am shameless to even look you in the eye right now.âÂ
You sighed and looked away, only to keep yourself from the furnace of pain that you had been bottling inside. âStop. Youâre making me seem like a villain right now. Iâm tired of seeing myself this way.â
She closed her legs and sat humbly, reaching forward to squeeze your hand. âYouâre not. Youâre not a villain and you never were,â said the same woman you accidentally smacked a few minutes ago, âI understand why you would feel a certain way towards me. Iâd even understand if you hate me so much that you wanna murder me. Iâm your best friend and I know about your history with Satoru, yet here I am seeing your ex-husband behind your back. I didnât mean it. I didnât plan it. I truly didnât. Even though youâre not together anymore and Iâm technically not homewrecking anyone, Iâm still putting usâyou and Iâin a really awkward position. You didnât deserve any of that and Iâm very sorry.âÂ
At least, she was self-aware. But looking at the brighter side of things, you were getting calmer now that you were hearing her side of the story, though that didnât stop you from feeling any less horrible. âI donât really care who you date,â you claimed, adamantly, âAnd I most definitely do not care who Satoru chooses to date. Weâve been divorced for three years.âÂ
âItâs still not right that Iâm seeing him.â She let her guilt speak up for her.Â
And you let your resentment speak for you. âThen, why him of all people?â
âItâsâŠâÂ
âComplicated?âÂ
âY-YeahâŠâÂ
You decided to keep a straight face. âHow did this happen?âÂ
Akemi looked as if you had just forced her to be on the hot seat because of the apathy on your visage. âIt was a drunken mistake at first and we kinda justâŠâ
âIâm not asking about when you two started fucking,â you replied, bluntly. Something you had never done before in your usual sophisticated vocabulary. âIâm asking when you realized you have feelings for him. When did you fall in love with him?âÂ
She had trouble finding the right answer. âIt just happened. I d-donât really know. Whenever you asked me to look after him, I guess the bond he and I developed from that made me see him in a different light.âÂ
You disregarded the pain in your chest and let the volcano explode on its own, because her answer only meant that she was already growing feelings for your ex-husband at the same time you were confiding to her about him. That was the worst part of it all.Â
âWhy do you like him?â you questioned further, âDespite knowing what happened while I was married to him, why did you still end up falling in love with him? If thatâs so hard to answer, then donât think about us or me or our friendship. Just think about the decisions you made for yourself. Why are you with Satoru?âÂ
Her gaze found the floor. Hesitance. Guilt. Shame. Those emotions were all dancing in her eyes in a complete roundabout. While she took a moment to fully reassess her decision, you werenât sure if you deserved to still feel hurt when she gave you an honest answer. âWhen I met Satoru, I didnât meet the toxic, cheating ex-husband that he was known for,â she said, slowly, âI met a man who holds such a high respect for his ex-wife, adores his son like his greatest gift of all, and values his marriage more than anything else in this world. I met a vulnerable man who isnât afraid to open his heart to strangers. A man who gave me emotional support even when heâs the one who needed it the most. I⊠Itâs hard to explain, butâŠâÂ
Was there really anything left to say? Her point was clear, and your silence while she was speaking was more so because you were trying not to let the tiny pricks in your heart affect you further than it already did. The fullness of her voice and the way her eyes shined when she talked about him were enough to tell you that your best friend had truly fallen in love and you would be cruel to take that away from her. Even from him. They would not have been involved in such an intimate relationship if there had been no attraction between them to begin with, so then⊠Why did it feel like you were being cheated on? She was no Sera, and he was not the Satoru that only used you for his corporate ambitions. It was just Akemi and Satoruâthey were each otherâs right person at the right time. The only thing blocking their path to a loving relationship was you.Â
You. The irrational and spiteful ex-wife. The ex-wife who always played the âvictim cardâ. The selfish ex-wife who wanted all the good things to only come her way.Â
Well, god be damned, because you were beginning to confuse yourself with the version of you that wasnât even remotely like you at all. She was just a mirrored image of yourself that you thought people perceived.Â
âYou can do what you want.â The moment you spoke again, you were already creating a huge wall between you and your best friend, making sure that there were boundaries that none of you should ever cross now that she had chosen to be with someone you had sincerely loved in the past. It may sound like you were letting go, but truth be told, you just didnât think that you even had the option to hold onto anything. Satoru wasnât yours and you werenât his anymore. You were two individuals living separate lives. âIf you wanna be with him, thatâs your choice. I donât plan on intervening. It just⊠just really surprised me that you didnât have the decency to tell me at all.âÂ
Akemi nodded, apologetically desperate. âI understand how youâre feeling and Iâm sorry. I really, truly am sorry, Y/N.â Her voice and her countenance did show the genuineness in her plea to be forgiven, but you were too numb to feel anything else. âI hope we can stay friends despite everything.âÂ
How could you even stay friends in a situation like this?Â
First option was to keep pretending that their relationship wasnât bothering you. Second option was to focus on your own relationship with Toji to the point where everything else just didnât matter anymore.
Yeah, you thought. You could certainly choose the latter.Â
âOur friendship isnât my top priority at the moment,â was your straightforward response to her, âI wanna focus on my son and his relationship with his father. Thatâs all.âÂ
Any regular person would have thought: âWow, Y/N. You handled that well.â âYouâre so mature.â âYouâre a lot calmer than we expected.â The thing was, you really did think that you had been way too calm about it. In spite of the scene you caused at the conference room, or the dramatic exchange you had with Akemi in your office, you still handled it much better than one would think. In TV shows or movies, the ex-wife would have dragged the best friend to the ground, slapped her face, pulled her hair, started a nasty catfight, and called her all the terrible labels you could think of. Look, part of you wanted to do that. And the other part of youâthe sympathetic, altruistic part of youâthought you shouldnât do that. You would only look pathetic.Â
Of all the negative things Satoru had made you feel over the course of your failure of a marriage, this aftermath was probably the toughest.Â
You just weren't in the right state of mind to justify why.Â
You also couldnât justify why you had been looking for unhealthy ways to cope with stress and anxiety. If anyone from your family saw you standing at the smoking area near the parking lot right now, they would have given you an earful of how you must be out of your mind for even putting a cigarette stick between your lips. How exactly could tobacco be good for you? You would say, first of all, that nicotine does in fact cause pleasant feelings to distract you from unpleasant ones. You couldnât find any other way to relax your mind any faster than one cigarette stick could. Besides, staying in the office and seeing Akemi around was getting too suffocating and you couldnât afford to have your negative mood lingering in your mind for the rest of the day. One stick wouldnât hurt. Another one wouldnât, too. And another one should be fine, right?Â
âWhat the hell do you think youâre doing?âÂ
The irony. You didnât even have the time to recoil before the main cause of your stress showed up in front of you, frowning after he snatched the cigarette stick out of your lips. He was quick to throw it to the ground, stomp on it like he would do with your heart, and give you a questioning look that made you scoff at the ridiculousness of this situation. This could be a dream for heavenâs sake. Or a hallucination. There was no way Satoru Gojou would be standing right in front of you just as you were thinking about him.
âSince when have you been doing this?â he questioned again, holding your wrist this time to make you realize that his presence or this interaction wasnât just a figment of your imagination. It would have been better that way, but the reality was, Satoru was there and he wasnât the least bit pleased. âI know youâre mad at me and this isnât the right time for me to chew you out like this, butâŠâ he paused, taking your cigarette pack. âI canât believe youâre fucking smoking right now, Y/N. Did you get this habit from Toji?â
Okay. Gojou could be way out-of-line sometimes, but this was the apex of it.Â
âDonât bring Toji into this,â you snapped back, shooting him a glare that could easily kill. âWhat are you doing here?â
You could see how deep his inhale was just by the loudness of his sigh after it. His face showed a combination of yearning, regret, frustration, and pity as if he was deciding which emotion should dominate him more. But among the multitude of emotions that were drowning him right now like a tidal wave, he looked all the more exhausted. Whether it was dealing with you, trying to make amends with you, or simply being around youâyou could tell that he wanted to drop his constant need to care for you because it was beginning to tire him out.Â
He didnât really answer your question, and instead, asked one of his own. âAre you smoking because of stress?â he asked, trying to mask the sympathy in his eyes. âItâs bad for you. Set a good example for Sachiro.âÂ
Youâre bad for me, you wanted to say. Why did it even matter to him, anyway? You were nothing more than just a mother to his child. Anything outside that role was completely not his business anymore. The fact that he was even within the vicinity of your office was ridiculous, because you were already having a bad day and his presence was adding further into it. âDonât you dare talk about setting a good example to my son like youâre so righteous yourself.âÂ
âY/N, come on.â He reached for your hand once more as if trying to show how much he cared or how worried he was with what you were doing to yourself because of him. âI donât want you toââ
âKeep your fucking distance, Gojou. Youâre not in the place to give a damn about me anymore,â you raged, withdrawing your wrist and breathing heavily as you tried to keep yourself from further exploding. You would have. You were so close to cursing him off, but you saw the flash of pure shock in his eyes, and that was how you realized what you just did. All these violent reactions, these unusual outburstsâthese were not you. This was not the meek, soft-spoken ex-wife that he was once married to.Â
âToru?âÂ
Unfortunately, Gojou no longer had enough attention span to listen when he looked away, only to turn to his new woman with a genuinely worried expression painted on his face as soon as he saw her coming out of the building with a hand on her cheek. You realized that he was actually here to pick her up and was doing everything that a caring boyfriend would; checking every inch of her face to see how bad she was hurt and asking her what happened and whether she was okay. You didnât know how to react the moment he turned back to you with his tired, yet passively accusatory eyes. âDid something happen?âÂ
You knew that his question actually translated to: âDid you slap her?â With your thorough knowledge about his acquired trauma from physical violence, you felt the sudden need to clear your name, but you didnât know if you should be grateful that it was already your best friend who did the part in doing such. âNothing happened. It was an accident.â Her tone was almost begging before she started tugging his arm. âLetâs just go, please.âÂ
Satoru didnât want to let it go, but decided that it was best to just leave it be as he glanced at you with a slightly detached gaze. âIâll see you in a couple of days,â he reminded, referring to the dreaded New York trip together with Sachiro.Â
A conflicted look from him and an apologetic gaze from her. That was all that you received before they got inside the car and left you alone and miserable in that parking lot. You watched his car fade into view with her on the passenger seat and him probably holding her hand as he drove through the street. Just when you thought you could actually stomach the sight of him and her together, it would be a big fat lie to say that it didnât sting. It stung worse than the times he ran after Sera than to stay behind with you. Worse than when he used to treat you like a mistress rather than a wife.Â
You must be going crazy, indeed. Who in their right mind would cry over her ex-husband in the middle of the parking lot? Why would you even shed tears when you were the one who wanted him to find someone else and move on? This was becoming a never-ending loop because you were letting yourself be affected by it. It shouldnât be that way. Never.Â
âToji.â You were doing your hardest to conceal the weakness in your voice as you pressed your phone into your right ear. âI-I need you⊠right now. Please.âÂ
âHey, I was just about to pick-up Sachi from daycare. Is everything okay?âÂ
Wiping your eyes, you looked at the dull skies wondering if the universe was trying to reflect all these emotions running inside of you. âYeah⊠Can you come soon?âÂ
He didnât really hesitate to answer, quickly understanding that he had to drop everything else right now and be with you. âAlright, Iâll be there.âÂ
Satoru was conflicted, but he didnât know what exactly made him feel that way. Was it because he saw you smoking in the parking lot? Or was it because he could tell that you gave Akemi a tongue-lashing after catching her half-naked at the penthouse a few days ago? Either way, both options were not very you. And he couldnât understand why you were slowly starting to look less and less like the person he knew, which was confusing on his part because you had been adamant on telling him to forget about you. You were rigid on your decision to not let him enter your life as your husband for the second time around. He told you he still loved you, but you said you loved another. He told you he wanted to work things out and make your family complete again, but you said you were already doing that with someone else. Gojou knew his hands werenât clean and the reason you may be acting that way was because out of all the women he could have been with, it had to be Akemi Hirai. Your best friend. Your confidante. Your business partner. She was a territory he shouldnât have crossed, yet he did.Â
But, at the same time, she was the only person who had been there for him during his lowest. She was the company he needed when his heart was the loneliest. He couldnât even remember the amount of times she came to his aid when he was crying over his memories of you, memories that he could no longer hold onto. Akemi brought peace to his heart, and if there was anyone else he could be with, it would be her.Â
It was becoming more and more clear to him how he felt about her.Â
Although, voicing that out loud was a different story. Keeping it in his thoughts was for the best because he didnât want to lead Akemi on. She didnât deserve that nor did she deserve to feel like a substitute for someone else. He wanted to be a hundred percent sure about being with her before he could fully confess his real feelings for her. It could still develop through time, perhaps far better and more passionate than what he was sharing with her right now, but until then, settling for what they had at this moment in time was for the better. What was important was that both parties were clear about diving into this relationship.Â
He wasnât ready for commitment and she understood that. She was willing to wait for him. She was helping him move on in the least painful way. Where else could he meet such a person like her?Â
She was gentle, motherly, sensitive, and intuitive. She was classy and sophisticated. She knew how to dress nicely. Her nails were always clean and pretty. Her smile was very charming. Her laugh, endearing. She was the perfect woman anyone could have.Â
âWhyâd you suddenly want to go to the mall?â she asked, intertwining their hands together as she looked up at him with her beautiful doe eyes. Her question made him cut out of his trance, remembering that they were strolling around the galleria.Â
He touched the small wound on her cheek as if stroking it could make it heal faster. âNothing,â he said. âJust a last minute idea.â
Truthfully, Gojou wasnât sure why he had brought her there. All he knew was that he had a lot going on in his mind while he was driving through the city and the next thing he knew, he was already pulling up at the galleria out of his natural instinct. But since they were already there, he might as well buy her a little something. Anything. And then his eyes caught sight of Chanel as if the high-end boutique was pulling his feet with such gravity that it led him to go inside the store while hand-in-hand with the woman next to him.Â
âMr. Gojou, how are you?âÂ
Right. The staff knew him so well, especially for the amount of times he had been there with his ex-wife when you two were still married.Â
âAre you looking for anything specific?â One of the familiar ladies that used to assist you approached him with a lingering stare towards Akemi. âPerhaps for yourâŠ?â
He cleared his throat. âYeah, can you⊠uh,â he turned towards the rack of tweed sets, âDo you have any new collections?âÂ
âYes, absolutely,â said another lady, âRight this way, sir.âÂ
It was easy to notice how the staff were exchanging glances at the sight of Satoru and Akemi together, but his mind was far too distracted by the nostalgia of being in that place alone to even care about his surroundings. All he did was look back at Akemi and encourage her to try out the newest collections that they had, thinking that she was oblivious about what was going through his head. âYou go and pick whatever you like.âÂ
Although she was clearly not used to it, Akemi did eventually try on some of the outfits he specifically had chosen for her. They were Chanelâs signature tweed sets that he always found to be very elegant, and he definitely wasnât wrong that they would suit her when she came out of the dressing room to show him how the clothes wrapped her small frame perfectly.Â
He could see your smile through her face, your excitement when you tried the outfits on, and the shine in your eyes when you looked at yourself in the mirror. Except, Gojou had to remind himself that you werenât her. That his mind was just messing with him.Â
No, this was wrong. Why was he thinking about you while he was with her?Â
He had to have some sort of distraction. Something so tangible that all of his senses would go numb.Â
The one way he was able to overcome that dilemma was by sharing yet another steamy exchange with Akemi later that night. He couldnât remember who initiated first, but it must have been the equal desire that they had for each other when they dove straight into a heated makeout session the moment they stepped inside his bedroom. One thing led to another. First he was kissing her lips, then her collarbones, then her inner thighsâdevouring her completely with his lust-driven actions, doing the most by pleasuring her body using his own.Â
She was a giver just as she was a receiver. Not that he didnât expect her to be so experienced when it came to sex, but she definitely knew what she was doing without any guidance from him. Perhaps he just wasnât used to it anymore. Perhaps he had just forgotten how it felt to have sex with someone who didnât rely on him to initiate the next steps they should do. Fuck, he couldnât even remember the last time someone stared at his eyes while putting his hardened member inside her mouth the way she did. She knew her power over him while at his most vulnerable state, ruining his masculine ego and destroying it with her own feminine pride.Â
And in the midst of their intimate session, Gojou was zoning out while he was sliding a condom across his shaft, ready to enter her from the back. His mind was giving him a flash of memory, not a distant but recent one from two days ago.
âI still canât believe you did that, Mom. Youâre being ridiculous.âÂ
His mother wasnât exactly showing the slightest hint of regret on her face despite knowing full well that sending the custody claim almost made you lose your mind. She was keeping a straight face as she sat on the barstool next to him, taking a sip of wine from her glass while he, on his own, was downing a glass of scotch. âShe had it coming.â
Satoru sighed his frustration away. âDonât do that again or todayâs the last time youâll ever see me.âÂ
âWhat are you talking about?â His mother frowned. âWho was there for you when you were trying to end your own life because of the lies she told you, huh? Youâre feeling bad for her now, but did she feel bad for you back then? You missed three years of your sonâs life because she was being too spiteful towards you.âÂ
He had never met someone more stubborn than his own mother, but maybe this was a clear sign for Satoru to realize where he must have acquired that one similar trait of his. After all, people always made it seem that he was more like his dad even though he despised being compared to his father. To say that his mother was a complete angel was a lie. But neither was he. âWhatever, just donât⊠Just leave Y/N alone. Sheâs still the mother of my child and I donât want us to keep fighting. At least, for Sachiâs sake.âÂ
His mother finished her glass of wine before turning the stool towards his direction. There was a minute of silence that passed between them before she spoke again. âI just donât want you to get back with her, darling. You two are toxic together.âÂ
Funny, because he could say the same thing for her and his father. âWell, itâs not gonna happen now. Y/Nâs gonna hate me forever.âÂ
âWhat, âcause she rejected you again?âÂ
âNo,â he countered, shaking his head and chugging all the remaining liquor on his glass. âShe knows about the thing I have with Akemi now.âÂ
Her mouth fell open, gasping as she did so. âY-You⊠and Akemi? Are you together?âÂ
Satoru expected this reaction from her, but didnât think she would actually be more fixated on his new relationship than the effect it would bring on her ex-daughter-in-law. âItâs not something to be proud of, Mom.âÂ
âWell, Iâm proud of you,â she still stressed that fact, âItâs nice to hear that youâre finally moving on, Satoru. Y/N is not good for you, but I know Akemi will be. I like her and I know sheâll make you a lot happier than Y/N ever did.âÂ
âYouâre still awake?â Gojou let out a yawn as he felt the heaviness of his eyelids telling him that it was time to sleep. He tried checking the time on his phone, but realized that he still had the photo of you and Sachiro as his lockscreen. He wasnât planning on changing it anytime soon, but considering that Akemi saw it, he was expecting that she would have something to say, yet nothing came out of her mouth. She simply stayed silent while laying on his chest, letting him touch the slope of her naked back as she slightly raised her head to meet his eyes. He had already closed his phone and placed it back on the nightstand. âWhat, did I not tire you enough?âÂ
âShut up.â She hid her reddened cheeks and smiled on the crook of his neck. Her hand was placed on his chest, fingers tracing his collarbones. âNo, Iâm just thinking about how youâre gonna manage New York and all.âÂ
Satoruâs breathing was still for a few seconds, keeping his eyes glued on the ceiling as he held her on your marital bed. âYouâre scared that the infamous cheater is gonna cheat on you or something?â he joked, a distasteful one, but still meant to ease whatever was burdening her mind. âNot gonna happen even if weâre in an open relationship.âÂ
âThatâs not it,â Akemi quickly replied, denying his claims, âIâm more like hoping that youâll be patient with her. She gets angry a lot these days and we know weâre the main cause of it, so please. Please donât try to argue with her, okay? If she says hurtful things, learn to understand her.âÂ
He wrapped his arms tighter around her smaller frame. Gojou was certain that he was about to doze off soon now that he had closed his eyes and let the exhaustion pull him into a good nightâs sleep. âI wonât,â he spoke his words slowly, drifting off to dreamland, âI wonât make her angry.âÂ
âOkay.â He felt her lips kissing his jaw just before the both of them gradually matched the calmness of each otherâs chest. One heart, one soul, two bodies. âGood night, âToru.âÂ
âŠ
âŠ
âŠ
In the middle of his sleep, he mumbled, âGood night, Y/N.â
âGo to sleep,â whispered a half-awake Toji, stirring from his sleep as he held your waist tighter like you were his comfort pillow. âYou alright?âÂ
Sighing inwardly, you traced the scar on his lips. âYouâre so gorgeous.â
His lazy, boyish smile came into view. âI know that,â he joked, closing his eyes as if succumbing into a few more minutes of sleep. âDonât tell me youâre turned on right now âcause I can go all night. Doggy. Missionary. Cowboy. Reverse cowboy.âÂ
Were you? Maybe a little. And maybe you had to have a distraction from your âsource of happinessâ.Â
âThatâs very naughty of you, Mr. Zenâin,â you replied, cheeks heating up from his vulgar words. Your hand was finding its way to his toned chest, while his were traveling to the curves of your waist and hips. You could feel him angling his body to make sure he had access to slide your underwear just a little above your knee, gliding his hand along your thigh before letting his fingers touch your sensitive bud. âT-Tojiââ
A smirk appeared on his lips. âHm? I thought you wanted this?âÂ
You nodded, taking a deep breath. âY-Yeah, IâŠâ There was no use holding back from moaning because his fingers knew how to move perfectly well, playing with your clit in circular motions before sliding two of them into your entrance. â...Fuck.â
âFeel good?â His hot breath tickled your neck, moving his mouth from your collarbones down to the valley between your breasts. âWish you knew how delicious you are.âÂ
Another moan, much louder this time around, escaped your lips when he attached his mouth onto your breast, sucking the round mass with his tongue doing Godâs work. You were so high into sexual desire that your back arched on its own, dominated by the pleasing sensation all over your body. You could barely even respond to him when he started asking why your mood had been so down when he picked you up after work or why you still wouldnât tell him whatever happened back there.Â
âItâs nothing,â you replied, disregarding the painful encounter youâve had with your ex-husband and your best friend. â...Just work stuff.âÂ
As you closed your eyes, you could feel Satoruâs fingers entering deep inside of you, deep enough to have reached your g-spot and have you moaning wildly. It felt unreal. It felt goddamn out of this world. But since Satoru was familiar with every inch of your body, his touch alone could easily send you to seventh heaven. He was heavenly. He was saintly. That mesmerizing gaze of his paired with his sky blue eyes and messy white hair. His beautiful, beautiful face, watching you beg for him to do more. More. MoreâŠ
âSatoruâŠâ
The intense feeling suddenly stopped, awakening you back to your senses as you opened your eyes and saw the dark, animalistic gaze of Toji Zenâin. âWhatâd you say?â he asked in a deep voice.Â
Out of panic, you slightly pulled away and shook your head. âN-Nothing. What did I say?â
âI thought I heard you say hisâŠâ he trailed off, pulling his fingers out of you and instead, placing a tight grip on your hip. âDid you?âÂ
âNo, no. Not at all.â Your voice came in a hushed tone, looking at his eyes intently. âWhy would I do that?âÂ
He let out an exasperated sigh, falling back into the bed with one arm under his head. âDonât play games with me, Y/N.â
Desperation led you to climb on top of him, sitting on his crotch before encasing your lips with his soft ones. âIâm not,â you mumbled, kissing him again. âI never did. I promise.âÂ
Yet, despite your attempts at inviting him for an open-mouthed kiss, he had already lost the interest to engage in sexual activities with you. He didnât say anything nor tried to argue about the shit that you said, but he did stay silent for a couple of minutes, simply holding you on top of him without another word to utter. It scared you to think what was going through Tojiâs mind, but this was also all your fault. Why, in the first place, did you even let your mind imagine that white-haired toxic ex-husband of yours when you had Toji Zenâin in front you?Â
Perhaps in this relationship, you were the toxic one.Â
You were the poison that could kill the life out of the man who only wanted to love and heal you.Â
âToji, Iâm sorryâŠâÂ
He held his breath. âShould I be concerned that youâre going on a trip with him?âÂ
âNo, itâsâŠâ Pulling away, you gave him a look of combined sincerity and denial. âWeâre just gonna fix Sachiroâs papers, you know that. We wonât even be staying in the same room.âÂ
Fixing Sachiroâs papers. Dealing with his dual citizenship. Changing his last name to Gojou. Solidifying your sonâs identity as the son of Satoru Gojou. Thatâs all there is to it. All the technical matters.Â
âIs he staying at a hotel or are you letting him stay at your apartment in Manhattan?â he asked, although there was no hint of suspicion in his voice. Or at least, he must be good at hiding it.Â
You chose to be honest. âI have to let him stay at my apartment,â was your answer, leaning your head on his shoulder. âOnly because Sachi wants his dad around all the time. Weâre just trying our best to co-parent.âÂ
Tojiâs dry humor took over. âYou sure youâre not gonna let him fuck you senseless?â His tone was laced with resentment. âAnd then youâll come home to me crying about how he got you pregnant for the second time. Youâd better kiss our marriage goodbye if that happens.âÂ
âWhat kind of person do you think I am?â you retorted, annoyed by his word of choice as if you were a cheating scumbag. âIf heâs gonna get someone pregnant, that wonât be me.âÂ
His eyes sparked with curiosity. âWhat do you mean?âÂ
Deciding between telling and not telling, you figured that the latter would only cause more drama to bounce back at you like a boomerang. âHeâs with Akemi.âÂ
It looked like Toji didnât hear it right. âAkemi? Howâd that happen?âÂ
âI donât know what kinda relationship they have, okay?â you snapped, no longer wanting to keep up with this topic further. âI just caught them. They said theyâre seeing each other, but itâs complicated or whateverâI donât really give a damn. But heâs with her is all I know.âÂ
Toji went silent for a few minutes, unable to determine whether he should find the situation pitiful or humorous. One thing for sure though, was that he found it unbelievable. âThat son of a bitch,â he muttered under his breath, smiling in disbelief, âSo this is whatâs ruining your mood these days, huh?âÂ
Your eyebrows furrowed in response. âItâs not.âÂ
âYour ex-husband slept with your best friend. Yeah, Iâd be mad, too.â His comment wasnât really meant to irk you, but he successfully did so. Minus the intention. âGetting mad is understandable, getting jealous is questionable. Which one are you?âÂ
Fuck it. âI said Iâm not jealous. Will you stop now?â You sunk yourself under the covers, turning your back on Toji. âI donât wanna talk about it.âÂ
Now that he knew and you saw his reaction, you wondered what it would be like if Gen and Ian knew. Or if your dad knew. What would they think of Satoru? What would they think of Akemi? No, nevermind that. What would they think of you? Another fool in a deck of cards? Another game that was played with?Â
âEverything okay?â You heard the familiar voice of your past, only to see his dull, blue eyes taking a peek at you.Â
âYeah,â you replied, almost inaudibly. You just boarded the plane while Satoru was talking to the pilot, and found your spot on one of the beds in his private jet. It took a few minutes for him to get to where you were now. âWhy?âÂ
He shrugged, eyeing a sleepy Sachiro next to you. âJust wanna make sure you and Sachi are comfortable.âÂ
You didnât know what else to say, so you just looked back at your peaceful son who was hugging his elmo plush like the cute angel he was. Even though he was growing so fast, you could still remember how he was just as small as a puppy in your arms when he was first born. The memory of it caused you to press your lips on his forehead, caressing his soft, white hair. At some point while observing the scene, your sonâs father thought it would be a good idea to slide the blanket further up your shoulders, acting as though he was only doing it to keep Sachiro warm. And later, he sat on the reclined airplane seat, drinking the coffee that was served to him by the stewardess.Â
It was crazy.Â
Crazy that Toji could be lying next to you and you would feel nothing. But Gojou was meters away from you and your mind was on a never-ending race.Â
Just before noon, the airplane landed safely at JFK airport and Satoruâs driver took you straight to Central Park Towers, treated like a V.I.P. by security just because your ex-husband was Japanâs third richest person and second most influential businessman. At times like these, you would almost forget the power Satoru held even before he was the chairman. You two were almost royalty. Now that he was leading the Gojou Group, his reputation only grew more despite the scandal of your broken marriage. He knew not to share his relationship publicly anymore nor did he expose Sachiro to any of his social media. It was a mutual decision for you to keep your son away from the spotlight knowing the scrutiny and the lack of privacy that would enter your lives once againâall the unnecessary noise, the unwanted comments, the unruly attention. Besides, for safety reasons, Sachiro had to be hidden from the public since he would become the sole heir to his fatherâs conglomerate, inheriting his parents combined assets that could one day make him the richest and most sought after bachelor in Japan.Â
âMamaaa!â A lively Sachi came running to you as soon as he entered the lobby of the apartment suites, his father following him behind.Â
âCareful, baby!â you said, standing at the lobby while talking to your housekeeper, âYou might trip.âÂ
Satoru decided to carry his son after noticing your worried expression and immediately walked towards you. He was all smiles as he looked at Sachiroâs cheerful blue eyes. âHe seems a little excited, isnât he?âÂ
âHe lived here for almost three years,â you answered, signaling a quick âthank youâ to your housekeeper before guiding your boys to the elevator. âHe mustâve missed the place. Did you, Sachi?â
âYes, mama~â
It was a little bittersweet for your ex-husband, though. Especially the moment he stepped inside the apartment, looking at every corner and realizing that it was the same place you had lived in back when he was suffering from emotional distress on the other side of the world. This apartment was where his own child grew up in and he had no idea he had even existen then. Not only did that make you a terrible ex-wife, but it also made you a heartless mother. You had separated them and now you were taking him to the place where you had his son hidden from him.Â
That wasnât your intention. That was never your intention.Â
âIâm glad you chose a nice place,â he complimented, acting as casual as possible. âDoes your father own this place or?â
âGen loaned it to me,â you said, holding Sachiroâs hand while letting Satoru follow you closely. You stopped at one of the guest rooms and urged the tall man to feel at home. âYou can stay here for the meantime.âÂ
âI donât wanna make things uncomfortable for Akemi.â He looked away, avoiding your eyes. âI can just stay at a hotelââÂ
âDada!â His mini-me tugged at his hand along with yours. You already knew that those puppy eyes would look back at the both of you. âSachi wants Dada to stay.â
Frankly, you werenât upset a while ago, but since he had to bring up Akemi and make it seem like her feelings were his priority, you lost all the will to be kind. Was their relationship that deep for him to act like such a loyal, righteous partner? Where was that same loyalty when he married you? âDo whatever.âÂ
Noticing the tension between his parents, Sachiroâs eyes started to well up with tears and that was all it took for you two to completely focus your attention back to your 3-year old.Â
âSachiâŠâ Satoru tried to reach for his son, but you (spitefully) beat him to it.Â
âItâs okay, my baby. Donât cry,â you comforted your son, picking him up and carrying him in your arms, âDaddy will still visit you every day even if he's staying at a hotel.âÂ
Satoru, as guilty as ever, shook his head and wiped his sonâs eyes. âNo. Iâll stay here for Sachi, okay? Donât cry anymore.âÂ
It felt like hours sitting on that enormous sofa, staring at the television screen even though your mind was miles away. You had already texted Toji good night and reassured him that everything was fine, but you still couldnât stop thinking about what he was doing back home. Sachiro had fallen asleep almost half an hour ago, and how you wished you could also enjoy your slumber while snuggling under those heated blankets, but how could you? How could you be comfortable in the presence of an ex-husband who was coming out of his room, freshly showered in his low-waisted sweatpants and tight-fitting black shirt? Not to mention how he was obviously flexing his arms while drying his mop of messy, white hair with a towel. Ridiculous. A little seductive, but definitely ridiculous.Â
âStill up?â His sky blue eyes met yours as soon as he looked up.Â
You adjusted your position on the sofa and leaned on the corner, pulling a small cushion to place above your thighs. âCanât sleep.âÂ
And the night went on just like that. You, sitting on the couch. Him, sitting on the other end as if going near you might suffocate him. It didnât help that the silence was beginning to be too uncomfortable. You couldnât tell what he was thinking of. Perhaps Akemi? Perhaps you? You doubted the latter.Â
âI thinkâŠâ You cleared your throat to escape from the awkward tension. âI think Iâm gonna go for a night swim. You can go to sleep next to Sachi tonight, just make sure not to wake him up.âÂ
Satoruâs curious gaze trailed on you as you got up and tightened your robe. âItâs a little too late at night to go for a swim, no?âÂ
You couldnât even face him as you responded. âI need to clear my mind off some things.â And by things, you meant him and this whole mess of a situation that you had put yourselves together. Two divorcees staying in the same living space wasnât exactly a brilliant idea to begin with.
âWant me to join you?â asked Satoru, and he himself could not believe he asked that question. He may have asked it out of his innate care for you, probably worried for no damn reason. What he didnât realize was how wrong his suggestion was, especially that you two were dating other people now.Â
If only you were such a cruel person, how ironic would it be if you allowed Satoru Gojou to join you for a quick night swim?Â
How ironic would it be for you to feel each otherâs warmth under the crystal pool, getting carried away by the romantic lights that lit the city?Â
How ironic would it be if the intense sexual tension ended with you doing things under the sheets, completely disregarding the fact that the both of you had respective partners who were overthinking this exact NYC trip?
How ironic would it be if, for once in your life, you became the cheater?Â
Thankfully, you didnât have the mindset of a cheating person.Â
However, it was Satoru who took back his initial offer. âNever mind. Forget I even asked that,â he muttered, sounding annoyed more so to himself rather than at you.Â
You offered a nonchalant shrug. âOkay.âÂ
And as you were heading to the poolside, you could sense Gojouâs presence behind even though he just very clearly rejected the idea of going on a swim with you. He was still the same confusing man that you married before. Only now, he was ten times worse. âWait, Y/N.â
âWhat?â You turned around, annoyed at his push-and-pull behavior. At this point, you didnât really care what he was thinking of anymore. All you did was to take off your robe, leaving yourself with only your underwear on before you slowly got down on the pool.Â
Gojou, on the other hand, was ridding himself of his shirt and sweatpants to join you in the pool with just his boxers on. What even was this situation? You two had that same question in your head despite swimming at the edge of the pool to stare at the cityscape. âI only asked to join you because I wanted to talk. Thatâs all.âÂ
You wanted to laugh at how he was clearing his intentions to you.Â
âWhy do you sound defensive around me?â He couldnât see it, but you were rolling your eyes as you leaned against the pool coping. âI never knew Akemi would be the jealous type.âÂ
Satoru looked surprised by your claim, seeming as though he didnât recognize the kind of person you were anymore. You were never this unreasonably sarcastic nor acidic with your words during your marriage even at the height of his affair with Sera, yet you had just become the worst version of yourself. âShe isnât,â he muttered, finding his spot next to you, âBut I donât wanna give her a reason to be.âÂ
You huffed. âDonât get ahead of yourself. You make it sound like Iâm gonna make a move on you or something.âÂ
âI never said that.âÂ
âYou were thinking about it.âÂ
âSays who?âÂ
What is it about Satoru Gojou that makes him so irritating? Was it the way he talks? The way he thinks heâs always right? The way he acts like heâs such a clean person?Â
âPlease,â you retorted, bitterly. âToji isnât comfortable having you around me, either. Just so you know.âÂ
âCan we justââ There. His last string of patience finally snapped and his true colors came to show when he grabbed your wrist and made you face him. The spiteful Satoru. He was back, even just for a second. âY/N, Iâm not trying to argue with you here. Iâm trying to talk to you like a civilized person. Youâre the mother of my child and I respect you. Iâd still care for you and will always protect you, but I want you to at least act like a fucking person around me. Youâre a grown woman.âÂ
Wasnât it bad that he, of all people, was basically telling you to grow up? Memories of your marriage and all the back-and-forth arguments that you had with him flashed before your eyes. He should be the last one to say such a thing. âYouâre the one whoâs been crossing the fucking line with me since day one, Gojou. Donât tell me toââ
âAnd do you wish I had just killed myself for you to forgive me?!â The ridges of his neck became prominent, making his anger much visible now. He was staring down at you intensely, backing you against the edge of the pool, trapping you in between his arms. âIâd have probably done that. But youâŠYou did unforgivable things to me and look how easy it was for me to forgive you.âÂ
You looked away, not trying to have this conversation again. Not trying to have your guilt eat your heart out. Maybe your behavior really had become too much and it was about time you take a step back and realize how ridiculous you had been acting because no way was this man trying to make a better point than you.Â
âI slept with Akemi, I know. Sheâs your best friend, I fucking know. But I never did that to get back at you,â his voice bore so much authority in them. âI begged on my knees just to be with you again. Swallowed my pride just for you to be my wife again!â His breathing became ragged. âBut you chose to move on. You said you love Toji. You said youâd be happier without me, so why donât I deserve to be happy without you?âÂ
The inability to speak wasnât because you were at a loss of words. The problem was choosing the right ones. Words that wouldnât put you in a disadvantageous position. Words that wouldnât make you look like an unreasonable person.Â
âYou wished me well when you first found out about Akemi and I. You said you donât care who I choose to date even if that choice is her,â he said, much calmer this time. He was placing his forehead against yours, body pressed against each other. âIf that was true, then why are you still so angry with me?âÂ
Your heart raced as you locked eyes with him. His eyes were the same kind of blue that reflected off of the surface of the pool. Anyone could easily get lost in it, but you knew where to place yourself in order not to. âIâm⊠not angryâŠâÂ
âBaby, you and I both know thatâs not true,â he said with a serious gaze, lifting your chin with his hand.Â
But you swatted it away, averting your eyes. âDonât call me baby. Youâre being ridiculous.âÂ
With a loud sigh, Gojou gave up and simply placed his forehead on your shoulder, letting you feel the weight of his head and the warmth of his breath. âIf you were still my wife, Iâd have kissed you right now,â he declared, breathing heavily as if stopping with all of his will to do what he just said. âIâd touch every inch of you, tell you how much I love you, carry you back into that room, and make more beautiful babies with youâŠâÂ
âSatoru,â you warned just as he pulled away, smiling despite the sorrow in his eyes.Â
ââŠBut I wonât do that. Iâm not gonna do that,â he claimed and sounded like he was convincing himself rather than clearing it up. âAkemi doesnât deserve a partner who canât move on from his ex-wife, so Iâm doing my best to forget about you.âÂ
Your breathing took a halt. You werenât sure where those tiny pricks in your heart came from. Toji needed the same. He deserved a wife who wasnât pining for her ex-husband. Satoru was just being true.Â
âThen, forget about me,â you gave a barely audible reply.Â
Gojou pulled away and kept his distance now, showing that he was indeed trying to stick to his words. âI will.âÂ
Why did it hurt when it shouldnât have?Â
âGood.âÂ
He looked at you with eyes that carried a million emotions. But what was most visible was him seeing the light, probably realizing that he truly was doing the right thing and that he was proud of himself for being able to resist you. Because then, that only meant he was only a few steps away from the path of moving on. That if he could let you go, then he could live a better life.Â
It only made sense why he pulled that little stunt back thereâbeing close enough to you was probably his way of differentiating how his body reacted to you versus how it reacted to Akemi. And now that he was able to determine whatever difference that might be, it would be easier for him to know what exactly to avoid.Â
After all, you two would be spending the rest of your lives as a present mom and dad to Sachiro. Co-parenting was your only connection and the only way to make that work without falling for each other was to rid yourselves of any kind of attraction towards one another.Â
Good for him.Â
âLetâs be good parents, Y/N.â Satoru looked at you from across the pool. âLetâs set a good example for Sachi and show that divorced parents can still be good parents. Letâs not be toxic to each other, especially not in front of him.â His words were coming from his personal experience and as you knew the whole history behind the mess within his family, you were truthfully considerate of his words. His traumatic experiences were what shaped him to become the problematic man you once married, and he was doing his best not to let his own son be the same. âIâll provide Sachiro with everything he needs and Iâll always be present in his life, so please let me have as much time with him as possible. Iâm making up for the three years I lost with him.âÂ
You nodded. âI donât have a problem with that.Â
As the established relationship you had with Gojou became more professional and strictly transactional, the distance between you two also grew more and more. There was no longer any space for love and intimacy. There was only familiarity and acquaintanceship.Â
âGo to sleep soon,â he said without sending another glance your way, climbing out of the pool and reaching for his clothes, âWe have a long day tomorrow.âÂ
summary. when a twist of fate led their marriage to the path of a quintessential tragic romance, two past lovers go through another series of experiences on love, heartbreak, identity, illness, and trauma along the road to a happily ever after.
genre. heavy angst, amnesia, ceo au, 18+
word count. 103k and counting.
taglist. closed
fic warnings. ooc, profanity, illnesses, toxic relationships, cyberbullying, classism, mentions of abortion, cheating, explicit smut, mentions of suicide (or attempts thereof), mentions of depression + more to be updated. please read with proper discretion. this is a work of fiction. all characters are written to portray roles that are necessary to the plot and are in no way a reflection of their canon counterparts.
general masterlist + playlist + gallery + side stories + ko-fi
prequel + one + two + three + four + five + six + seven + eight + nine + ten + eleven + twelve + thirteen + fourteen + fifteen + epilogue
It has been a really long time since I posted something on tumblr. This was made from the bottom of my heart since I don't want to work, but I have to because I have to pay my bills *sad*. Here it is, I hope you guys like it.
Marquis Vincent de Gramont x f!reader
~
You take off your high heels and put it on the side. Your socks still cling to your feet. You were walking through your bedroom. Feeling the cold ties below you. You look around the fancy apartment, searching for Vincent.
You told him that you wanted to meet him to talk about something, which he did not reply as he seemed to be sulking at you because you were too busy with your work these days. He felt like you neglected him and yes, you have to admit that it is true.
This month was the last month of your contract. Your company wanted to extend it. However, you on the other hand, was not keen on the idea. You just worked there because you have bills to pay. It's not like it is your dream job or something. You just have to work because you need money. But all of it has changed since Vincent entered your life.
That tall handsome man with expensive suits managed to entered your life somehow, despite all the differences between the two of you. It has been a year since you met him. You still remember your first meeting with him. Your company was known to be a technological company who offered a course for a middle aged workers who happens to be lost in this digital era. And it turns out that your boss was an acquaintance of him.
:readmore:
You met him at the company's party. Which he attended and surprisingly you were invited too. Later, you found out that the reason that you and some of the workers were invited was just because of their good looks.
It was clear that everyone who attended this party was out of your league. You were glad that you were not overdressed, however it seems like it was a good idea to search for fresh air for a moment.
You were greeted by a cold air once you opened the glass door. Now you regretted choosing this type of dress where there is a low cut on your chest and a puffy shoulders. Which now make you felt cold. Even if you had a long skirt, it did not help a lot because your feet still have goosebumps.
Maybe it was not a good idea to step out here. However, going back in is not a pleasant idea either because you really loves solitude.
"You must be cold in that dress" Said someone behind you.
"Thanks for stating the obvious" you turned your head, wanted to see who was talking with you now.
"You're most welcome" He said with a smug smile on his oh-so-handsome face. You could see his face as he stood next to you. His tall body towering you even with those high heels on. You can tell that everyone here has expensive suits. However, his was seemed to be on a whole different level. His hair was styled neatly, making his forehead visible. Those long legs bent a little as he was talking to you.Â
"I am sorry if I interrupt your space here" You said with the intention of returning his rudeness.
"No problem" He said as he just standing beside you. You both were just standing there without talking, but it was not a comfortable silence when you see the scenery in front of you and he was just standing there while looking at you, making you felt agitated.
I mean should he introduce himself first since he was the one who interrupted your space?
"My mom said it was rude to just stare and not introducing myself. So Y/n" You introduce yourself first since you know he did not plan on introducing himself first.
"Marquis Vincent de Gramont" well that explains the accent.
"What should I call you?"
"Vincent would be fine"
You actually wanted to just enjoy your time here alone. However, this tall person did not support your idea as he kept staring at you.
"Do you perhaps needs something?" You asked politely.
"Yes"
"Is it possible for me to help you?"
"No"
"Okay"
"I need a coat actually because it is cold here. And from what we have seen here, it seems like you dont have any coat at your disposal"
He was just being a brat.
"Forgive me for not being able to fulfill the things that you need" You said sarcastically.
"That's fine actually, you don't need to feel bad" He said playing along with you.
"You are so ungentlemanly" You said while looking at his face.
"That was my sex appeal"
"âŠ"
You are just keep staring at anywhere but him, but those eyes still clings into you somehow. You pretend like he did not have any affect on you. As if those green eyes did not make your face burning.
"It seems like you have felt warmer somehow" He could see that your face turns redder than before. You open your mouth to say something, but your brain just freeze, so you closed your mouth. Then, you can feel someone coming, you saw someone in a black suit walking closer. You looked at Vincent while he just looking at you. Clearly did not care about the guy who was approaching you.
"Sir" The guy is the black suit gave him a white coat. He take it without looking at that guy, he did not even say thank you. His eyes were locked on you. He put the coat around you. You knitted your eyebrows. So when he said he needed a coat he meant this? For you? When did he even get it?
Now that you are in your apartmrnt with Vincent. You called out his name, but no one answered. You thought that he might not come since he was still mad at you, so when you saw that there is a 6'4" man sitting at the couch in front of the plasma TV you were a bit surprised.
Here is the sulking man sitting there without any intention to move or answering you. He was in his usual three piece suits. His sleek hair was pushed to the back making his forehead could be seen. He was leaning to the couch, his elbow is on the arm rest while his fingers is on his forehead. Seems like someone was bored and angry.
"Well, hello there" You greeted him while you sat next to him. You've got no response from him.
"Did you wait too long?" He was still silent.
You wrapped your hands around his arms. He swayed a little but he held himself from doing so.
"I have a news that I would like to share with you" You tried to be clingy at him, batting your eyelashes as you soften your voice. He seems to be insterested as his eyes were looking at you.
"What is it?" Oh! It speaks!
"You must be pleased to hear it" he arched his eyebrows, waiting for your next words.
"I am no longer working because my contract has ended" You were looking at him in the eyes while you said that. You could see the glimmer in his eyes as you said those words.
"WelI, I have you all to myself then" He said as he starts to wrap his arms around you. His body which seemed to be unmoved was now moving to you.
"What do you mean? I'm always yours" You said with the smile on your lips. You could tell that he was amused when his lips turned into a smile too.
"I like where this conversation is going" he studied your face as you look at him.
"I see that you are now unemployed. Now I hired you as my Personal Assistant"
"Is this serious?"
"Deadly serious. Now come on" He held your hand as he guided you through the front door.
"Where are we going?" You realized that he has changed now, back then he was just dragging you around anywhere by your arms or wrist. Now he he did not do that anymore, he held your hands and pull you with him slowly.
"Your first job, darling. We are going to Paris" he said with a lopsided grin on his face. You could tell that he was no longer mad at you.
"I haven't even packed my things"
"You don't have to do that, it's fine"
"We haven't signed the contract yet"
"There is no contract, you are already a permanent workers" Now you know that he was just joking.
"Wait, my shoes" You are now in front of your apartment without any shoes on. The height difference between you and him are now palpable as he walked in long strides and your short feet need to catch up to them.
"You don't need those shoes"
"It seems more like a kidnapping than a work"
"Either way you love it" his smile got wider as he said that.
"Tu es un morveuse mais heureusement je t'aime" He said smugly.
(You're a brat, but luckily I love you)
"Speak English" You protested.
"Oh wait je t'aime means i love you, right?"
"I don't know. What do you think?" He asked back.
"You should teach me more French"
"Say 'je veux te baiser'"
(I want to fuck you)
He said that with a glint on his eyes and a smirked that fully morphed on his lips. He was still looking at you while walking. Really waiting for you to say those words.
"I got a feeling that somehow it was not the right thing to say"
And just like that you are now on a plane to Paris. You currently have nothing to worry about. The days of having to get up early in the morning to pay your bills were gone. The man beside you could take care of that as his outfit right now costs even more than your salary in one year even with bonuses on.
*fin*
Yes! I fell deeply in love with bill. By the way, I apologize if the French was wrong because I use google translate:). I hope to see you again in my next writing soon. Until then, take care.
A/N:Â This was an adventure to write and took some research lmao. Also, apologies for tagging your other blog. Tumblr never seems to want to find your main one.
Word Count: 1,810
âI didnât realize that was a secret,â
â
Your relationship wasâŠinteresting to say the least. From the first time you met him, there was a special connection between you that couldnât be denied. Hannibal surely knew how to make a lasting first impression on people and you were no exception. You were extremely drawn to his elegant charm and his strokes of being a gentleman. In the beginning, he would have you over for dinner perhaps once a month. It changed to more frequently to where it was every couple weeks. Then, before you knew it, you were his dinner guest a few times a week.
During one of these dinner dates, he had asked you if you would want to pursue a relationship with him. It was obvious you were interested in one another, so he found that it was only logical to ask you out properly. Initially, you hadnât responded to his question right away. You had a few things to consider, despite your fondness of him.
summary. with an arranged marriage set in place, the sacred bond is doomed with a wife who wants to make the relationship work and a husband whoâs ready to ruin it all. unbeknown to him, a tragic fate already lies within the pages of his romance book.
genre. heavy angst, arranged marriage, ceo au, 18+
word count. 213k
fic warnings. mean!gojo, ooc, adultery/infidelity, profanity, explicit smut, violence, emotional trauma/physical abuse from past experiences, neglect, heavy family drama, illnesses, classism, pregnancy, undertones of masochism, undertones of manipulation, abandonment issues, overall toxic relationships, graphic depictions of self-harm, suicide/murder (and attempts thereof), minor character death, plot loosely based on twotm & tre. please read with proper discretion. this is a work of fiction. all characters are written to portray roles that are necessary to the plot and are in no way a reflection of their canon counterparts.
with an arranged marriage set in place, the sacred bond is doomed with a wife who wants to make the relationship work and a husband whoâs ready to ruin it all. unbeknown to him, a tragic fate already lies within the pages of his romance book.
genre. heavy angst, unrequited love, arranged marriage, modern au, 18+
tags/warnings. ooc, and nothing else except gojou is an ass
With over seven billion people around the world, you were granted to have only one person to be your chosen life-long partner. As with every failed relationships, people would tell you that you just havenât found the better half of your soul, the significant other who shared the same heart, or as some liked to put it, your twin flame. Carefully choosing a partner was the advice that you would hear from your elders like a broken record. For years, they have nagged about how you were still single and miserable as a twenty five year-old woman without a lover, but what made up for the lackluster romance in your life was hope. Hope that someday, at the right time and place, you were to be married to the perfect husband who would love and cherish you as a wife for the rest of your life.
That was the beauty of true love. It was unpredictable but gratifying once you had your fair share of it. You seek it, your search for it until you meet the person that was destined for you, then everything else in the world would just take a halt. In that moment, when you and him have finally found each other, you believed that it would be one of the most blissful parts of your journey to adulthood.
All happy couples had their own romantic fate written in the stars, but in a situation where a husband was appointed to you, was that considered breaking the universeâs law of finding your special one?
Was that considered cheating your way into what fate could have had in store for you?
Arguably, you thought that maybe this was a push from fate, too. Perhaps you were just truly meant to be married to the man that you have grown fond of since you were young. Because his and your fathers were practically brothers by virtue, their unyielding friendship had now led you to this day, wearing an immaculate ivory gown in an expensive garden venue, to marry the perpetually handsome Satoru Gojou.
You had not seen him since the day it was announced by your father that you were going to marry his best friendâs only son. The whole marriage preparation was rushed, with everything else coordinated by the people hired by Satoruâs father to ensure that the wedding would be as perfect as it should be albeit done in haste. You werenât exactly opposing the idea, but you were worried that Satoru might not be in complete agreement to be forever tied to a woman he didnât love.
On the contrary, his grandmother told you otherwise.
âDarling, he is excited to see you.â For hours and hours, she cajoled you with reassuring words while she stroked your hair, eyes gleaming with delight as you saw them from the mirrorâs reflection. It seemed as though she had noticed how nervous you were for this big day. âThat young man couldnât sleep. He must be overwhelmed.â
Inaudibly to her, a sigh of relief rolled off your lips. At least, you were glad to know how he felt about todayâs ceremony. You had only ever heard from your father that Satoru had consented to the wedding, but you were spared of the other details for the past few months by being convinced that everyone was busy and that the only thing you needed to worry about was picking the perfect wedding dress.
âI probably shouldâve spoken to him before the wedding just to make sure that heâs fine with everything, Nana,â you mused, staring at your airbrushed face and silently admiring how glamorous the make-up artists and the hair stylists made you look today. âI just couldnât find the right time to talk to him because I was told heâs been on business trips for the past few weeks.â
âWhy, there is no need to worry about such a thing. I guarantee that my Satoru is ready as ever. Heâs blessed to have a woman like you.â The crease on his grandmaâs forehead lessened the more she smiled, but a cough soon erased the gentleness on her face as she rubbed her chest for some relief. With your older sister standing next to her, she caressed the old womanâs back and guided her into tucking a porcelain floral headpiece just above your braided updo. âAh, look how stunning. Iâll bet my buttons you two will give me the most beautiful grandchildren.â
Heat suffused your cheeks at the thought of having your own family with Satoru. As part of a married coupleâs life, the product of your love would be represented by the children that you would soon bear for him. This was a fairytale that you once believed only existed in fiction, but with some inexplicable force of luck, you were now granted a prince charming to live with in real life.
Still and all, your stomach was in knots when you stood at the far side of the aisle with all eyes on you later that day. Your delicate fingers fidgeted as you held on to your bouquet, anxiety filling your heart at a dangerous rate. The garden was filled with people that you knew; from your relatives, friends, to your other acquaintances. On the other side was Satoruâs own guests and perhaps some really important people in his life, even shareholders and investors, who were all waiting to see him finally tie the knot.
âYou know, sweetheart. I was nervous when I married your mom, too,â your dad offered a joke to lighten your anxious state after noticing how you tightened your grip around his arm. You shouldnât be nervous when the garden that held your sacred exchange of love was the most enchanting floral paradise that you had seen in your life. Amaranthine flora covered the trellises, pastel shades colored the seats, ornate candelabras decorated the credence table, all combined with the redolence of vanilla and jasmine that greeted your nose with a creamy, velvety smell.
Timeless elegance and utmost sophistication was how you would describe your wedding day as though you were a modern-day Cinderella without a midnight time frame into being a princess. Chic, refined, coordinated in pearls and pastel palettesâyou were left wonderstruck at how pristine everything was.
As you made slow strides towards the altar, you saw your older sister, Gen, smiling on the corner, unknowingly reminding you of her words this morning. âIt may be arranged and all, but I hope youâll have the happiest marriage. You deserve it.â
And then you saw him.
Standing at the far end of the aisle was Satoru, whose ivory hair was neatly styled in a natural pomade. He donned a classic three-piece tuxedo with a tie of the same color and satin lapels in champagne silk to emphasize the elegance in his look. The man radiated regality like a monarch of ancient times. His appearance was princely enough to make your heartbeat run faster than it already had and you wondered if you elicited the same feeling from him after seeing you in your custom wedding gown.
His hands were buried deep in his pockets as his eyes locked with yours in front of a smiling audience. It was typical for a groom to feel overwhelmed upon seeing his bride. Memories of his relationship with her would flash before his eyes and, most times, it would make the groom cry with the thought of finally spending his forever with her.
Satoru didnât have all of that with you.
You couldnât tell what thoughts were bubbling inside his head as you joined him at the altar. Even though his face reflected a genial smile, his eyes couldnât veil its emptiness. His hands felt cold when you held it. His visage remained impassive even as you two faced the pastor who would be blessing your sacred marriage. It was clear as day that being in here with you was the last thing he ever wanted.
For a bride who was getting married to a man of such saintly features, you certainly didnât expect that you would have a broken heart on the day of your wedding. In an exchange of vows and I doâs, you were awakened to the thought of how this wedding was a torture to Satoruâs soul. He was masking his blues with an insincere smile, standing centimeters apart while his heart was miles away.
Even at that, you remained poised as you listened to the officiantâs words, taking every word deep into the vastness of your heart just like any woman who valued marriage as an important part of her life. You couldnât possibly put the marriage to a stop, not now and not ever. Not when all eyes were fixed on the both of you, having spent the time and energy just to be in attendance to this special day.
âSatoru, do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect Y/N, forsaking all others, and holding only unto her forevermore?â
When he took a moment to answer with a blank gaze, you could feel tiny pricks being sent straight to your heart. Just a mere glance at his stolid mien was enough for you to believe that he was going to call off the wedding and run away. What else did you expect? He clearly didnât want this as much as Nana nor his and your fathers made it seem. It shouldnât surprise you if he took a step back and announced that he couldnât go on in making an oath to offer the rest of his life with you. That he would rather get out of this hell hole and be somewhere else than to proclaim a love that was being forced out of him.
But he didnât. The soles of his leather shoes remained intact on the ground.
âI do,â he professed, despite the inner turmoil that plagued his head.
Being surprised by his conclusion to proceed with the marriage, you made the bold to decision to also continue and return your own âI doâ for when the pastor asked you of the same matrimonial question.
âBride and Groom, you have heard the words of love and marriage, have exchanged your vows and made your promises, and celebrated your union with the giving and receiving of rings. It is at this time that I now pronounce you husband and wife,â the officiant declared, âyou may now kiss the bride.â
As you turned on your heels to face each other, your groom slowly lifted the veil off your face where you had a clear view of his diamond blue eyes that trailed down on your lips before he leaned in to seal this marriage with a kiss.
It was briefâwith his warm lips barely brushing against yours, but affectionate enough when he held your cheek along with it. The millisecond of having your lips enveloped on each other made you frozen in your spot as you absorbed the very idea that this marriage was indeed bona fide. The rings, the vows, the kiss. They were all proof of how real this marriage was. And when he pulled away, he was gazing at you with eyes that spoke a million words left unsaid.
There was no turning back now.
From this day forward, you were officially his and he was yours.
You would give credit where it was due. As much as you presumed that your groom didnât like this marriage, Satoru was surprisingly a gentleman throughout the reception. He did little things that made you feel like you were an actual couple prior to the weddingâbe it with the way he placed a hand on your back during your first dance or how he would scoot closer so you could whisper on his ear as you sat in front of curious eyesâquite the simple gestures, but enough to make your heart flutter.
Even though you had known him for years, you never really had a remarkable amount of interaction together. You two remained as neutral acquaintances throughout your teenage years, merely greeting each other whenever necessary, but unexpected that you would end up having to marry each other as grown adults. To some extent, it might be a little expected. Your father knew about your longtime crush on him back when you were younger, but never did you think that the day would come where your dad would coordinate with the Satoruâs father to make sure that this marriage would happen.
Satoru was a very close family friend. Other than both of your fathers being the best of friends, your mothers were also from the same circle. Photographs of them hanging out since college were enough proof of how small the world was and how everything seemed to have connected yours and his parents to each other. Ironically enough, they both shared the same fate, too. Due to a terminal illness, your mother no longer existed in this world while Satoruâs parents were divorced for reasons you chose not to stick your nose into. His mother was alive, but no longer by his side after having remarried another man and he now had a stepmother who had been taking care of him since he turned eighteen.
It was also mainly the Gojous that wanted this arranged marriage because Nana favored you by a significant advantage. She had long been fond of you way back when your father would take you to their mansion as a kid, claiming that you were the granddaughter that she never had. The thing was, Satoruâs grandmother was battling through the downsides of old age which might have left her grandson with no choice but to comply to her last dying wish of welcoming you into their family.
You were aware of how Satoru loved her with every fiber of his body because she was the only blood-related maternal figure that he had left. You could only imagine how he would chastise himself for not fulfilling her wishes before it was too late.
You were pretty much on the same page, too.
You grew up with very strict parents which ultimately became the reason why you had very few experiences when it came to men. At your current age, it was a true shame to see your friends settling down while you were still claiming to be an independent career woman as an excuse to your lack of romantic relationships. None of the guys you had dated ever earned your fatherâs approval until you no longer had anyone chasing you because they must have realized that you werenât worth all that trouble.
You were the youngest between you and your sister who was happily married by her own choice. Unlike her, you didnât really have anyone that pursued you the way her husband did for fifteen years. Such dedication paid off with earning your dadâs support and respect.
Your father thought that you were better off married to someone that he knew, and that became the very reason of yours and Satoruâs marriage.
At least, in your point of view, you hoped that it could work. You already had a prior attraction to him during your teenage years so it would be easy to fall back into that abyss of overflowing romantic emotions for the sake of your marriage. You were willing to be the best wife that he could ever ask for, only if he was ready to accept you.
âCongrats, you two.â A woman with long brown hair approached you and your husband during the reception. You recognized her as Shoko Ieiri, one of Satoruâs closest friends since high school. You were quick to greet her kindly in return. âI canât believe youâre married, Gojou.â
The man stood high, peering around the ballroom to see the multitude of guests that filled the place. âI canât believe it, either,â his response was rather monotonous, not giving anything away.
You tried to speak your mind and looped an arm around his, smiling gently as you looked at his angelic face, âIâm actually surprised that he showed up.â
âYouâre getting wasted at my wedding?â Satoru joked, exchanging fist bumps with his best friend. âIâm the one who should be drinking.â
Suguruâs eyes turned into moon crescents as he shot you a friendly smile. âHey, Y/N,â he greeted before facing your husband. âYou canât drink, you rascal. You have a long night ahead with your wife. They say honeymoon stage is the best.â
He was teasing the both of you by wiggling his eyebrows that garnered yours and Shokoâs chuckles. On one hand, Satoru was holding his breath with a face that concealed his distaste for the thought. His countenance was what forced you to withdraw your arm that was loosely hooked around his, gauging on his reaction and noticing the way his Adamâs apple rose up and down. It looked like he was almost disgusted.
Before you could say anything else, he snatched the glass of whiskey from his best friendâs hand and took a swig in heavy gulps. âI just wanna get this shit over with.â
You started the day with a half-contented heart. You were made a fool for thinking that Satoru was looking forward to being married to you because you were gullible enough to listen to yours and his familyâs words. Of course, they would tell you that he was excited even if he was far from it. Why would they ruin a special day by telling you that the reason they kept Satoru away from you for the past two months was because they knew that he would tell you just how much he despised this wedding?
There was no doubt that he was only being civil in front of your families. He would hold your hand, walk side by side with you, and even smile at youâbut through it all, there was a thin line between being genuine and simply acting. It was obvious in Satoruâs cerulean eyes that he was doing the latter. Because every time he noticed that no one was looking, he would brush your hand away and walk three steps forward without looking back. He would glance at you with a sharp gaze, never truly looking at you to notice the pain that painted your face in dejection.
He must have dreaded this day too much. Even as the reception ended and both of your families sent you off to a black sedan as newlyweds, Satoru was building an impenetrable wall that bordered his intentions and yours in a way to wake you up from your daydream.
Life was not a fairytale, and he was the reality that pulled you back to your feet.
âYou probably couldnât wait for this day to happen, didnât you?â His question reeked with disgust as the two of you sat on the backseat of the sedan. He had his arms crossed and back reclined against the backrest, staring at the view of the city like they were of better interest than his own wife.
You tried to swallow the weakness in your voice. âSatoru, I-I wouldnât have agreed to this if I knew that you didnât want it.â
For the first time that night, he turned to look at your face with eyes that bore heavily into yours. âWhat makes you think I ever wanted it?â
He didnât hold back from saying those venomous words regardless if they sent knives to your aching heart. He looked even more bothered at the fact that his personal driver could hear just how revolted he was with you, exposing how this marriage was nothing but forced out of his will and that you were responsible for all of this. When you dreamed about weddings as a child, you didnât picture out that you would be fighting with your husband on the first night.
But for what it was worth, he didnât really consider you as a wife. Only by contract did this bond make you a legal partner, not through his personal feelings nor his own wishes.
âIâm sorry.â You didnât know why you said those words in silent acquiescence. You didnât know if you were saying it to him or to yourself for being oblivious to the reality that awaited you.
He didnât care. He stepped out of the car without looking behind to see if you had caught up with his hasty strides. He didnât speak another word as you got inside the express elevator to his upscale apartment building, later entering the penthouse that you now called your home. Such a home almost emitted a gasp from you the minute you entered the topmost apartment. Everything was luxuriousâfrom the high ceilings, the lush furniture, to the infinity rooftop pool. The glass panels offered a gorgeous view of the Tokyo skyline and you stood mesmerized by the cityscape that reflected a constellation of different lights.
âAre you gonna keep standing there or what?â
You got out of trance at the sound of Satoruâs voice who stood outside of a bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt with a moue on display. âIâm just... Is this where you live?â you inquired, following him inside the room where a king-sized bed was laid in front of you.
âYeah.â While you stood meekly on one corner, Satoru had already gotten rid of his shirt to be completely bare-chested and you didnât expect that he was that toned under his clothes. The man may be your husband now, but you felt awkward around him at a situation where he would walk around half-naked as if you had seen all of him before. âYour stuffâs in the closet if you wanna change.â
You gave him a small nod. âOkay.â
What do married couples do on the first night? God. You were panicking on the inside as you made your way towards Satoruâs walk-in closet that housed a significant amount of expensive corporate suits and ties. The right side of the spacious wardrobe was where all of your clothes and shoes were neatly organized and were seemingly done by the housemaids back at your fatherâs house.
It just started to fully sink into you that you were actually married and this setup was what you considered normal now. In two years, five years, or ten years from now, sharing the same living arrangement with Satoru would no longer be considerably new to you. You would be accustomed to his daily routines in your domestic household, perhaps with kids running around the house in a year or two.
For now, the biggest challenge was your own husband. The same man who grabbed you by the wrist and pinned you against the wall, staring down at you in blatant scrutiny. The look of intent that he sent you was close enough to be a glower, one that brought you sudden fright and increased the speed of your heartbeat.
âS-Satoru,â you mumbled, pulling your wrist away. âWhat are youââ
He lightly cupped your jaw and you could feel the heavy rise and fall of his chest that signaled his growing ire. His gaze was sharp and unforgiving, ready to ruin your entirety even with just his rancorous words. âLetâs set things straight here,â he spoke in a domineering voice, âYou and I will never work.â
It was pointless to restrain your emotions with no one else around for you to play pretend. In spite of that, you held onto the ring around your finger to try and clear your intentions, âI know youâre not happy with this... but I wanna try.â
âTry?â he scoffed, leaning in closer until you could feel his warm but minty breath against your cheek. âYouâre the one who initiated this marriage, right? Since you had that stupid crush on me for fuck knows how long and no one else wanted you?â
You immediately shook your head in denial. How did he even the get that impression? âTh-Thatâs not true,â you stated firmly, âIâd never force anything! I was just complying to our dadsâ requests just like you did.â
His eyebrows furrowed at your claim. âBullshit. Why did he say heâll pull out all of his investments if I didnât agree to marry you?â
Your eyes widened at the newfound information because never did it cross your mind that your dad would even do such a thing. Moreover, it wasnât in his character to give an ultimatum of that scale for the sake of marrying off his youngest daughter. Was he bluffing? With those facts alone, you refused to believe your husbandâs words. âMy dad wouldnât do that. He would never say that.â
âWhatever, then.â Satoruâs frown lessened, but the hand that cupped your jaw remained still. âIf you really wanna try, then stay the fuck away from me when no oneâs around. Get it?â
You couldnât understand this. No, you were failing to grasp why you were being subjected to such hostility when you had no ill intentions when you agreed to this marriage. Had you known that Satoru would treat you unfairly for it, you never would have agreed. You would have continued your life as a lonely woman in her mid-twentyâs without a husband who was ready to give you hell.
The antagonism in his stance induced a faint tear on your eye as you searched for the minuscule kindness in his. âWhy do you hate me so much?â you asked, chest heaving from the oncoming surge of tears. âYou werenât like this before.â
While he released his hold on you, he spat out words that stung your heart with fatal poison. âYou married me,â it was his simple answer, âthatâs why.â
He was already walking away before you could respond. He was already stepping on your heart, thrashing it, pulverizing every artery before you could even think of living in bliss at the false pretense that he could learn to love you just as how willing you were to love him.
âYou can sleep on the couch,â he offered, apathetic to the pain that swallowed you inside, âIâm not sharing a bed with you.â
sensing when youâre scared/anxious so they place their hand gently on the small of your back
knowing you donât like certain ingredients (ex. chives, parsley) so when they make dishes that call for it, they make the effort to leave it out of your half of the dish.
doing the small things like setting the dinner table, scraping the ice off your car before you go to work, or picking up flu medication from the drugstore when you donât feel well (and you didnât have to ask)
maybe they just know you've been super overwhelmed lately and want to help out to hopefully make things easier for you
or omg when itâs cold out so they get out of the passenger seat and fill your gas tank (that is if youâre driving)
alright now hear me out:
you get so shitfaced, absolutely hammered. And youâre dancing with them, trying to make ~moves~ but they donât accept your advances bc youâre drunk right. Then when youâre puking in the toilet, they donât leave your side. Theyâre holding your hair away from your face, rubbing your back, and wiping your face for you.
And when you cry, instead of saying âno, donât cryâ they tell you to let it out. They know you need a good sob and they donât stop you. They reassure you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with crying.
maybe you have some physical marks/body parts that you consider flaws but they absolutely adore them. They kiss you on those places, lightly brush over them, and tell you how beautiful/handsome you are.
and of course the cliche "giving you their jacket when you're cold" but they don't stop at that. They give you their hat and oversized mittens to ensure you stay warm, even if they freeze. And the hat smells just like their shampoo which is even better
UGH
when you're sleeping/half asleep and they brush your hair out of your face, pull the blanket up to your chin (and make sure it's covering your feet), AND they plug your phone in to charge.
Maybe they make sure your alarms are also set :')
they always go out of their way to make your day
it doesn't even have to be a special occasion and they get you flowers just because they thought of you. It doesn't even have to be flowers. They can just message you saying they were thinking about you. That shit is so meaningful.
or when you overhear them talking positively about you to their friends or family.
Even when you aren't in the room.
They are just so proud of you and love to talk about your accomplishments.
summary. with an arranged marriage set in place, the sacred bond is doomed with a wife who wants to make the relationship work and a husband whoâs ready to ruin it all. unbeknown to him, a tragic fate already lies within the pages of his romance book.
genre. heavy angst, arranged marriage, ceo au, 18+
word count. 213k
fic warnings. mean!gojo, ooc, adultery/infidelity, profanity, explicit smut, violence, emotional trauma/physical abuse from past experiences, neglect, heavy family drama, illnesses, classism, pregnancy, undertones of masochism, undertones of manipulation, abandonment issues, overall toxic relationships, graphic depictions of self-harm, suicide/murder (and attempts thereof), minor character death, plot loosely based on twotm & tre. please read with proper discretion. this is a work of fiction. all characters are written to portray roles that are necessary to the plot and are in no way a reflection of their canon counterparts.
Summary: you're insecure and think Gojo deserves better.
A little ooc i think(?)
It's been a long time since i write, i hope you like it.
-
You didn't feel well these days. There were so many things bothering you, but the thing that stands above all is your inferiority feelings towards your partner, Gojo Satoru. You tried to mention all the good things about him, the list were endless. Now, you tried to name all the good things about yourself, but you can't find any.
He literally out of your league, his face is the one you classified as enchanthing, ethereal, exquisite. While you just... well, you.
Now, you are on Yuuji's birthday party, it was just an ordinary dining at a restaurant, while everyone is still allowed to eat at the restaurant. You can hear people whispered about Satoru, they were all smitten with him. Well, who wouldn't? You were like them when you first met him too.
"Look at that man. We should ask for his number"
"I bet he already has a girlfriend"
"Well, I'm sure she isn't there, just look at that group, there wasn't anyone worthy enough to be his girlfriend"
"What if the blonde one is his boyfriend?"
"Well, at least we tried"
You just couldn't hold it anymore, so you decided to be home first. You told Yuuji that you are not feeling well and then you take a cab and go home. You didn't even say goodbye to Satoru.
You take a bath and sleep on the bed, you were just about to sleep when you heard Satoru arrived. He cleaned himself and got into the cover beside you. He sneaked a hand around your waist and pull you closer.
"Hey, I heard that you're unwell. Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's okay, I'm fine"
He knew there was something wrong about the way you act, but he can see that you're tired. So he just let it go and let you sleep.
-
The next day he asked you to come with him to his friend's wedding. "I already booked the boutique for tomorrow, so you could find a dress or two, you can choose as many as you want"
You wanted to refused, but he looked so excited about it. You feel like you're going to embarass him if he really is coming with you. However, if you refused you're afraid he will be mad at you, you don't want to lose him.
That night you can't fall asleep, your thoughts were filled with negativity. You kept tossing around, thinking that he was sleeping. Suddenly, he pulled you closer, his chin is on top of your head. While, his hand secured you.
"What's wrong, hm?"
"Nothing, I'm fine"
"Just tell me the truth" It was silent for a moment, then you can feel tears slowly made its way to your eyes. You bit your lips to keep you from making any sounds, but the tears kept on going, and you just can't help to let out a few small sobs.
"Hey" Gojo made you face him, you put your hands om your face. Blocking him from seeing your ugly face.
"Who made you cry?"
"What's wrong? Just tell me, it's fine"
"I'm sorry, it was just-"
"I feel like I couldn't come with you to the party"
"What? It's not just about that, is it?" He urged you to say the truth, he can tell by the way you act these days that there were something on your mind.
"I feel like I don't deserve you"
"I mean, I don't know why you like me. It was just weird, you're too good for me"
"I just can't understand why someone like you wanted to be with someone like me. You're too pretty and awesome, and I'm just me. I will embarass you. If you come with me" you said in between the sobs.
"Where did you hear that from?"
"It's clear already. Everyone can see it"
"Who is this everyone we're talking about?"
"Well, every girls who asked your number was shocked when they knew I am your girlfriend"
"They were just jealous that they are not as pretty as you. And because they don't have a boyfriend like me too" it's clear that you don't believe in what he said. He removed your tears gently.
"How can you think like that?"
"I should've been the one to said that, Nanami always said you're too good for me, even Megumi sometimes said he pity you as my girlfriend"
"Nobara said if she can, she would've helped you find someone better, it was just Yuuji that said we deserve each other. He said you and me are pretty people, our visuals really matched"
"I could never be compared with your visuals. Yours were too striking" you said.
"You are extremely pretty. I'm Gojo Satoru, I deserve the best. And what's best for me it's you"
"Next time if there are anyone who said something like that to you, just tell me instantly" he continued.
"So I could kiss you and they will be jealous" You just playing with the duvet, still afraid to see him eye to eye.
"Is there something I do that make you feel like that?"
"No, it was just everyone will ask for your number everytime we were outside. I don't know, please don't talk about this anymore" you said as tears keep flowing like a river on your cheek. He knew you still haven't aware of your beauty yet.
"Who would dare asked your number when I'm around?"
"Huh?"
"There were thousands of men who wanted your number, but I always managed to scare them of"
"I'm not lying" He wasn't lying, everytime there are someone who looked at you to long or smile at you even when you didn't realize that, of course, your boyfriend realize it. He will glare at whoever it is, and the nect second he will smile warmly at you while putting his arms around your waist.
"You're beautiful" he kissed your wet cheek, then your nose. He looked at you in the dark, yous eyes were glistening, your face were red. He kissed you, slowly. You can feel an electricity around your body. Then, he kissed you hungrily, his lips were trying to taste every inch of your lips, he bit your lips, making you open your mouth.
He can't stop, his tongue was going inside of your mouth, you pushed him away, trying to take a breath, even the sound of you taking a breath pleased his ears.
"Fuck. I can't control myself, you're just too pretty" then he bit your cheek. You laughed. "Why did you do that?"
you both will definitely getting punished together
everyone in the classroom will not afraid if they havenât finished their homework, because they knew toji never done it, so at least they got a friend to accompany them while getting punished
and a hot one too
Jin
will say no at first
but how can he say no to you when you begging to him like that
you said your cat was sick, thatâs why you canât finish your homework
âalright, just this onceâ
of course the next time you still copy his homework too
he is just too nice, you donât deserve him
Gojo
will say no and mocking you
âyesterday a student from another class didnât finish the homework and he was punished by washing the toiletâ
âyou are on a real troubleâ
âmr. yaga may seem nice to you, but he is not, he will surely punish youâ
âyou can even get expelledâ
would love to see you beg
âwait what? you will buy me an ice cream?â
âwhat? and a mochi too?â
you said yes at all of them, then he let you copy his homework
Nanami
a strict no
he will lecture you, saying you should be responsible for your assignment
you sighed, not only a lecture from the teacher later, you also got a lecture from your boyfriend
at the end he will let you copy his homework
he will remind you everyday to do your homework
even when you donât have one
Geto
will propped up his head with his hand while he saw you begging
âplease, just this one time?â
âreally?â
âyes, yesâ
âlet me help youâ
he guide you and help you finish it
he explained all of them clearly
funny, he should be the teacher instead
you would love to see him teaching all day
you donât know how did you manage, but somehow your homework was done before the teacher entered the classroom
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I read those dilf vampires headcanon and OMG YOU KNOW BLACK DAGGER BROTHERHOOD?? *SOB
Ayyy it's been a long time since I read those novel tho but it's good, it's rlly good books ( ïŒâïŒ)
My fav pair is Blaylock x Qhuinn and Butch x Vis, how about you? âš
I'm still on book 6 by the way. The vampire is literally everyone's dream guy. My favorite is Rhage and Mary, they are so cute. OMG, YOU KNOW HUA CHENG?!
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