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@dreamsthroughthelens
ratatootie
𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔
i just had the weirdest moment, i was feeling my front teeth with my tongue because they’re the tiniest bit crooked, and then i had the thought “i’ll check if they’re also crooked in my other mouth” and then i realized to my shock and confusion that i have only one mouth, leading me to believe that in a past life i was a terrible monster with two mouths
A few months ago, I thought to myself “Mmm I’m so tired… how much longer in this one again?” and I knew instinctively what I meant by ‘this one’ was this body and this life. I then spend a few wide-eyed moments having an identity/existential crisis like how many times have I been on this earth to have such an instinctive response to being bone-weary to my soul? No one can really answer, especially not me.
In July 2017, one night I woke up around 2 a.m and blurted out in a quasi professorial voice “the Equinox Bird has infinite beaks, all in the wrong direction, and infinite eyes” and I don’t know what the fuck I was dreaming about but it still haunts me. It seemed like a very important information for a few seconds.
i really appreciate the last commenter giving us an exact date and time like that information needs to be preserved
One time I passed out on the couch after going a few days without sleep, and when I woke up mom said I had been speaking in German in my sleep, and it sounded like I was ordering people to build something
When I was like 5 my mom took me to the grave of her friend that died of cancer and I asked what happened and my mom explained that she died and i fucking said “I died once” and my mom asked me to explain and I went into pretty detailed explanation about how I died in a war because “I got stabbed by a gun with a knife at the end” (my exact words) and I met god and she (she’s a woman obvs) asked if I wanted to stay or go back to earth and I said I wanted to go back so I chose my mom cause she was struggling to have a baby (she had me through IVF) and lemme tell you that changed her like nothing will make you second guess your religious beliefs like a five year old explaining heaven and god to you
this post is a fucking ride and it reminded me of something i forgot
one time i was playing on my wii (like 5-ish years ago) and i thought to myself “i haven’t checked on rowan in a week, has he died from the plague? :(“ and i didn’t think anything of it for a bit until later when i had a “what the fuck” moment
I love this kind of shit because it happens to me all the goddamn time. Like:
-The other night I rolled over in the middle of the night to shake my partner awake, proceeded to tell him how I was glad that ‘this time round we would truly have the freedom to love each other properly’ and how his hands belonged to his last self, but his eyes had never changed in all the lives I’d known him. And he just laid there in the dark like wtf because I was asleep. Like I’d woken him to tell him that all in my sleep and then left him to have a crisis.
- Watching the history channel with my Pop on the couch, tender age of 7, and they’re talking about crucifixion. And my pop, ever the funny man, is like “that looks like it aughta hurt”. And I just turn to look at him and without hesitation reply “only at first”. And he’s like “what do you mean” and tiny me just shrugged and said “well there’s a place beyond the hurt where everything just stops” and he turned the telly off and left the room.
- night before Christmas 2012, dreamt I’d been stabbed in the lungs by an angel with the face of a falcon. He looked at me and told me he had to do it, so that ‘my next breath would come as a rebirth’. When he started to glow so brightly that it burned my eyes, I woke up to all the lights in my house on and a dark bruise beneath my rib cage. Will admit, that one freaked me out.
- walked past a graveyard with a friend back in middle school on the way to her house, and mid conversation I stopped talking and stood stock still, looked over at the walls,and quietly said “I have a friend in there”. Then picked up the conversation and continued strolling like nothing had happened. To be fair, I didn’t realise what I’d said. She still tells me I’m the reason she can’t walk past that graveyard anymore.
- a couple of years ago when I was in Wales I walked past an old stone house just outside of Aberystwyth, and just started to weep. I had the overwhelming thought that I needed to be in there to get dinner ready for the children, but in a different life so long ago and so impossible to reach, that thefeeling of loss was instant and overwhelming.
- was about to use a pedestrian crossing, when my whole body just sort of went hey don’t do that, and so I stopped and put my arm out to stop the woman who was crossing behind me, and 2 seconds later a car came skidding around the corner and crashed into the tree on the other side of the crossing, and I just whispered “ha, not this time” and didn’t really think about it until later when I realised I’d nearly died again. (Btw i waited for th ambulance to show up and the dude driving the car was fine, just hit his head and was drunk af at 10:30am on a Thursday).
- another dream I had just this week, I was sitting in an otherwise empty cinema with a tall, thin man. I can’t really recall what he looked like, except he was well dressed, impossibly pale, and he kind of blurred when you looked directly at him, so I mainly watched him out the corner of my eye and looked ahead at the blank movie screen. He was holding my hand, and he asked me if i enjoyed my life. I said yes and explained why. He then said, almost verbatim, “And how does this one weigh against the last? Can it tip the scales, or is it, at last, to be found lacking?” And I replied, almost verbatim “I weigh my lives against my joy, and each life I find there is more joy to be discovered.” He replied with a laugh, lifted my hand to a kiss and said “till next time then” and disappeared. I woke up in the dark with both my cats sitting on me, alert, and staring out my bedroom door.
So many more, but these are the first that come to mind.
When I was little, my mother, my sister and I would dream in unison so often that one time when my mother was having a rather dull dream about golf my tiny 3 year old self shook her awake and told her to stop because it was boring. She dreaded having nightmares because both of us would wake up shrieking.
My sister and I have also been known to argue in our sleep. Witnesses assure us that whatever made the shouting start, we both knew what it was and were mad about it. We don’t need to be in the same room for this.
We also stayed in a haunted house for a while. An old lady had fallen in the chilly hallway just outside the warm kitchen, broken her hip, and couldn’t reach high enough to open the door, so she died of hypothermia a foot away from a telephone and warmth. Without fail, every person who stood in that spot and tried to open that door - the single most used door in the house, being between the kitchen and the bathroom and front door - felt cold and found themselves scrabbling frantically at the door handle, which was always strangely hard to open from that side. You got used to it to an extent, but it always hit strangers hard.
O céu em meu teto
Quando estamos sozinhos
Todo aquele céu estrelado
Se enche de nuvens densas chamadas solidão
Nossa vida se tornou um caos
E assim, perdemos todo o controle
Mas não há como ter controle sem algo para controlar
Você me ensinou que as nuvens
Não precisam significar solidão
Por isso a cada noite
Eu olho para cima
O teto do meu quarto fica maior as madrugadas
Nele eu enxergo o céu estrelado
E o infinito toma conta de mim
E aquelas nuvens
Se tornam eu e você
Podemos estar distantes
Mas nunca estivemos tão junto um do outro
Pois em meu céu eu ouço seu coração tocar
E ele me acalma como uma melodia na escuridão
Curando cada ferida
Que o medo algum dia já fez
Dizem que é impossível tocar as estrelas
Então me explique como existe um universo em meu teto
Um universo
Que só se torna maior quando penso em você
can you please make it stop
Her (2013)
always.
Wanna be this fantasy all night with you
Em épocas mais extremas que diria que nunca dará certo, mas como isso soa muito dramático vou me contentar em apenas dizer que a probabilidade desse sentimento dar em alguma coisa é bem pequena, minúscula, microscópica, é tanto que, essa possibilidade não mais se passa pela minha cabeça… Só de vez em quando naquelas noites.
Pensando racionalmente não há nem dúvidas, somos de universos completamente diferente, vimos certas coisas de modo quase oposto e a distância entre nossas realidade são grandes, é simplesmente sem lógica ficar criando expectativas sobre algo que não irá se concretizar. Mas, durante aquelas noites… Quando passo horas falando contigo naquele clima de calor noturno, todos esses sonhos, toda essa fantasia de que poderemos no futuro viver juntos se torna tão real, de repente todas as pessoas que eu tenho um maior laço desaparecem e você se torna o foco central de meus pensamentos, só por aquelas noites, as noites em que começo acreditar numa ilusória história de que tudo vai acontecer e dar certo pelo simples poder do nosso sentimento. Eu sei que não, mas nesses momentos mudo meu pensamento pra “quem sabe”.
Sei que não vai acontecer, e antigamente eu odiava esse sentimento de esperança crescendo em mim, mas com o passar do tempo eu passai a gostar de sentir isso, é um sentimento tão único, algo que só a vossa pessoa proporciona a mim, só a sua presença consegue criar esse frio na barriga que se mistura com nostalgia e expectativa, é uma coisa muito particular exclusivo dessas noites, e de um certo modo fico feliz de eu ainda ter esse lado de inocência em mim.
Sabe, eu não sou um homem sério, gosto de brincar, de faz de conta, de imaginar que apesar de todas as complicações, todos os fatores e trajetos que nos separam, todos esses anos, os nossos caminhos irão se interlaçar de forma definitiva. Eu gosto de criar essas narrativas clichês em que o final feliz acontece, mesmo acordando na manhã seguinte achando que tudo anteriormente imaginado foi apenas uma piada bem distante e sem sentido, mesmo que com a rotina do dia eu me entregue a realidade que é a mim apresentado e eu esqueça de ti, quando chega a noite você se torna a pessoa especial.
Eu creio que tenha uma coisa muito pura e bonita continuar criando essas fantasias, então, por essa noite inteira, por madrugada a dentro, eu quero ser essa fantasia com você.
R + E y’all!
via weheartit