Drown Your Disorders

[drownyourdisorders]

My bones are aching.

The trees are dancing.

The world is white,

but I'm living in night.

I'm starving for light.

[drownyourdisorders]

When you've spent your whole life being treated like you're nothing.

It can be hard to feel anything at all.

[drownyourdisorders]

In eighth grade, I never ate

and everybody called me pretty.

[drownyourdisorders]

[drownyourdisorders]

Just an object.

[drownyourdisorders]

Sorry —

I was down for maintenance.

[drownyourdisorders]

I think it's those very small yet candid moments (unfiltered, raw) that can give you all you need to know.

And it was that moment I knew that boy was in love with you, and as long as he kept looking at you like that. Everything was going to work out just fine.

[drownyourdisorders]

My love for you wavers and waines like the seasons.

It fleuries and freezes.

[drownyourdisorders]

“What are you looking for so intently?” The sky asked me.

“Nothing and everything.” I cried.

“Answers to the questions I don’t have. A hint, or maybe a clue; something? Anything that can help me to understand, because I can’t ... I don’t get it; any of this. You need to help me make sense of all of this."

[drownyourdisorders]

There’s an important note to be made --

On the grounds that becoming older in age does not directly correlate with:

Knowledge, wisdom, or maturity

All of the above need to be worked on and examined.

[drownyourdisorders]

Generational Trama:

She wears failure as flawlessly as her mother.

[drownyourdisorders]

I never could quite understand why people would tend to waste so much air saying things the they don’t mean.

Distant family members, discussing how you need to see each other more.

Hang out, have dinner, and see one another more than once a year.

The conversations are always the same; you laugh, smile, nod in agreement, embrace and disband until next year.

The same formalities drawn out and lines read off, according to procedure.

But why?

[drownyourdisorders]

It’s the things we keep deep inside ourselves—that kill us.

That we never quite get over. That claws into our back and makes a home inside our guts.

We’ll make good haste to bury them down deep, hide them away in the corner of our voids.

But They’ll find their way out, they always come back.

Those shadows, demons, monsters, beasts. They bite into all of our weaknesses.

[drownyourdisorders]

One day I’ll be better than I am today.

I’ll be wiser, kinder, and more patient than the day before.

One day, I’ll have less doubts.

One day, I’ll hold my head high; I’ll be sound.

One day, I’ll accept myself.

[drownyourdisorders]

Over buttered toast and room temperature coffee remind me of home. 

[drownyourdisorders]

Those shadows, demons, monsters, beasts. 

They bite into all of our weaknesses.

[drownyourdisorders]

He paused and breathed “if not, well ... then we’ll always have the moon.” 

A soft sad chuckle came next. It was meant as a joke, but it wasn’t. 

He made my face flush, and I tried not to cry.