why the heck not @drunk-not-dead-bitch - Tumblr Blog

I was a professional juggler for like five years and all of my friends politely pretend it never happened.

Sometimes I will be holding three or more similarly sized objects and they will all shoot me the kind of warning glances typically reserved for cats who are about to swipe a fresh and crispy fish stick from a small child’s hand.

c3rvida3

I gaze wistfully at a basket of apples and they all think, “Don’t you FUCKING dare,” so hard that I take psychic damage.

darrenpillowscriss

To the customers who apologize repeatedly for “bothering” me, or offer to clean up their own spill if I just get them some paper towels, or walk all the way around an aisle so as not to disturb me when I’m blocking their path, I just want to reassure you that you are NOT the annoying customer we complain about in retail. You are very kind and you clearly respect me and my time and I appreciate you. Also I am happy to help you with whatever you need and it is not at all a bother.

To the customer who shouted “EGGS?” at me from twenty feet away because apparently it was just too much trouble to come a few steps closer and use a complete sentence like “where are the eggs, please?”: fuck you.

trix-witch

Hot take but sign language should be taught in schools as a language option and all cinemas should provide subtitles on all their movie screenings

tonightweredrinkingfromthebong

the crew goes out into the forest just to film random b-roll shit and the director accidentally finds the like..rarest worm on earth so they run back to their house like COYOTE LOOK and then there is a very heartfelt and sincere response to weird worm including an entire mounted piece of wall art apparently

recoversuggestions

recovery is scary, but it’s always for the best. you’ll never regret recovering and getting your life back.

weepycat

peak fantasy environment designs:

floaty islands

glowing mushrooms

bigger versions of normal animals

animalistic dragons

deep, sentient forests

sky/space whales

artist-tae

uhtaemins

taemin: im innocent jonghyun: *chokes on water* kibum: watch out babe

fuckingcatalinawinemixer

The Man

The Myth

The Legend

parsleysage-rosemarythyme

*eats snack while looking for a better snack*

constantly-annoyedperson

this kid that sits next to me in math class said to me today, “you’re my favorite person at this table because u don’t talk to anyone and u just sit there” and I said “ I don’t know how to respond to that” and he replied with “that’s because u don’t talk”