Bleeding of the heart

[drybleeding]

Sometimes I just want to be selfish and say fuck everyone else. I just want to apply to University of Rochester nutritional medicine, become a doctor, and then do research studies like the China Study. So many times I wonder what would have happened if I had rebelled against my parents just a little bit more and gone to Rochester when I got accepted out of high school. Instead, they told me no and o decided not to go. Looking back it sounds crazy to say no to such an opportunity. I can’t even imagine all the opportunities I would have had and how far I could have gone. I far I could go if I was selfish. But I’m not.

[drybleeding]

Will I ever be done trying so damn hard, or am I running for miles trying to get somewhere on a treadmill?

[drybleeding]

I want to run away

[drybleeding]

I don’t really understand how people stay happy?

[drybleeding]

I’m sorry I try to help and I just break things. I’ve always been that way. Trying to fix things that I thought needed help and breaking them. But I guess you’re right. It’s me. I’m fucked up and it’s my fault. And maybe you are manipulative but maybe it’s true.

[drybleeding]

Lilac Whiskey

You were my best friend for a year. That doesn’t seem like long, but to me, it felt like we had been friends my whole life. It clicked. Life clicked as a whole when we were together. Somehow I fucked that up with this boy. Maybe you were right the whole time, but I just couldn’t listen. I found my escape and I hope you find yours.

[drybleeding]

And maybe this is my last effort, and maybe I've said that a million times but I am wholely and deeply in love with you and I won't ever be able to let you go.

[drybleeding]

In love again with a character in a book. Sigh...

[drybleeding]

No one's ever said no to me before

Oh god, the irony

[drybleeding]

Uniformity is the plague of saneness.

[drybleeding]

Left for work at 7am. Got home at 5:30pm. Spent 1.5 hours taking Luna to the park and playing with her. Spent my other 1.5 hours before bed making dinner and cleaning it up. Tomorrow I have to be at work at 6am. And yet it’s okay if you don’t have to do anything but play video games and load 4 things in the dishwasher? Like DUH I am not attracted to someone who is selfish and lazy.

[drybleeding]

I JUST WANT TO BE SKINNNYYY

[drybleeding]

Tired of faking it

[drybleeding]

Came home from camp to the stark contrast of reality.

[drybleeding]

Don't tell lies

I was going to post something, but that would give the illusion that we are a happy couple and we aren't.

[drybleeding]

Yesterday I stopped a panic attack before it happened and if that's not progress then fuck the world.

[drybleeding]

Yes please just go play your stupid fucking video games while I come home after fucking 9 hour work day and being at the vet with out dog for the past 4 hours and have to be at work at 7am. Fuck. You.