dulcesofthelabyrinth

[dulcesofthelabyrinth]

a song i wrote about regrets and wishing i told my friend how i felt about her.

i wish you had dipped my face in ice cream rearranged the cotton candy strings of my heart careful not to mess it up yeah, if we’d had a fresh start

so that waves of hands were not so familiar and instead replaced with ocean tides of innermost parts but no matter how much i wish you’d done, the fault was all mine i was too scared to initiate anything more

a quiet feeling aches of regret i should’ve screamed your name and opened up a multiverse of paradise instead of letting you walk away it will never be lost what we could’ve had but if i had opened my heart, would you not be the grief of my past?

some bodies kiss pinky fingers our legs crossing on the sidewalk pavement would’ve been enough i let silence fill the space imagining an unattainable love

and i suppose i’m chained to remembrance May woes find me in the strangest spots when i’m feeling lonely, i wish for you and then hate myself for keeping my feelings locked

i’ve never believed my feelings mean much but damn it, what if my voice had brought you to realize who you love?

a quiet feeling aches of regret i should’ve screamed your name and opened up a multiverse of paradise instead of letting you walk away it will never be lost what we could’ve had but if i had opened my heart, would you not be the grief of my past?

i know heartbreak breaks a person’s soul into shades of white, black, and gray but when i think back to those nights of cold, i only see colors pop up in my head nothing would ever be the same nothing would ever be the same nothing would ever be the same nothing would ever be the same

nothing would ever change and i certainly wasn’t brave so i watched you leave a beautiful arcade of the memories we could’ve made

a quiet feeling aches of regret i should’ve screamed your name and opened up a multiverse of paradise instead of letting you walk away it will never be lost what we could’ve had but if i had opened my heart, would you not be the grief of my past?

a quiet feeling aches of regret i should’ve screamed your name told you i loved you if it could’ve made any difference instead of letting you walk away i’ll never forget what i lost what we could’ve had but if i had opened my heart, would you have taken my love in your hands?

[dulcesofthelabyrinth]

smiles (a poem).

in every smile, i saw passion. there’s no greater satisfaction than seeing that twinkle in someone’s eye; or the raising of clenched fists into the air, victory coming into fruition. yes, in every scene, when one person finally completed their great mission, that so talked about purpose in life, i felt called. my mother told me everyone is here for a reason and goodness knows society blasts about it. you must understand, i am merely a speckle in a world full of greats. but, there’s just something about those smiles. sparkly white teeth that hit you like a reflection of what you’re missing. could one actually awaken to life? look no further; those pearly grins opened my soul to welcome the age of discovery. once meaningless, now found. grab a rope and take me out of the sky, everybody, fore’ i am forever a goner to my dreams. it’s rather amusing, isn’t it? i always longed to be free, yet i led myself onto a narrow road of infinitely pursuing success, no matter how open the form. my hair is always messy, no matter how hard i try to fix it; my childhood was external frames barely fitting into that perfect role model image despite its opposing nature to my wild soul. though, in a moment of admittance, i now knew why these faces called to me, reeling me in, leaving me bound to my fate. joy, widened spirits of endless enlightenment. waves are to my piscean essence as freedom is to my happiness. creative paths ripen my pessimistic mind, providing an escape from the shadows of life. most of all, they help me comprehend what it is like to be happy. matter is so dull, and all that matters is a palette of colors. paint the night and you’ll feel alright. in my heart lies the childhood dream of becoming a singer. living of moments of harmonies, syncing with other people and realizing i’m not alone. escaping dread with nostalgic beats. i even envisioned dancing in my future; endorphins do hit like a brain wave. these imagined scenarios all do tie to fame, fortune, known success. and do not blame a girl for wanting a shiny trophy; they glitter like dreams. but, just like the shimmering reflection of sunsets on the water, the end of the day showed that they all tied back to smiles. soft smiles of peace. i just wanted that. i still do yearn for that feeling, that natural feeling of happiness. whether it comes from the energy of helping the world or fulfilling my passions or feeling truly seen. oh, yes; in grinning honesty, i knew in those moments of familiar recognition that i would do absolutely fucking anything to experience happiness with myself for once. just once. because only then would i finally feel free.

[dulcesofthelabyrinth]

“Why, Yes, I slightly dabbled in Byler quite a while back in my time.” - (the all time, ultra shipper of byler says in 2086)

[dulcesofthelabyrinth]

there was a Bridge.

there was a Bridge in my Hometown you would think It was made by an Impressionist And the sprouting flowers added vividly imagery all Around

an Account; faded, yet Lingering Do not count on me for Accuracy but the Emotions felt so real i Loved going to that park

Life is a Wooden journey A connecting path; Forwards and Backwards when i feel that aching pain, from the Hard times in my current age, Looking back into that beautiful picture brings back My spark

Because, when girls were Mean, and boys wanted nothing to do with me, i Sought the comfort of Something Anything

The mechanics of life work funny You may grow older; Yet experience the same event twice when the darkness hits like a Bitch, i feel Connected to my younger self’s mind

And then; i Know Me, Going back to the safety Isles— those Nostalgic factors soothing my brain Oh, I wish you could See; See, the world I’ve envisioned inside

a Childhood Revisit a reaching feeling of Happiness for the Smiles, the laughter, the playing around the Being myself, the act of feeling Genuine

As the glass becomes half-Empty, and Time wheels its time ever fast and ever slow, I’ve been noticing patterns from my Youth So, to the comfort Memories i shall Go

[dulcesofthelabyrinth]

Mark of the Dreamer.

So times will tell Tales will unfold Maybe I was the exception life is nothing, purely dull

My head was clouds And clouds of endless dreams But when I climbed up the ladder, It collapsed upon me

Too close to the sun, Oh, Icarus, I understand Too fooled for your own good Encapsulated in a fantasy land

But we are of the Same Escapists think alike i never called myself a traveler, But perhaps the nostalgia of Childhood movies were indicative of my mind

Let the Film reel unravel until reality seems unpleasant And Dream; Dream of Love That deceiving Figure on Television

In all timelines; in All endings Could you ever say I was truly happy? Following the rules when I wanted to Paint the lifeless sky And even when the mission proved to be Impossible, I never could accept this grim reality

[dulcesofthelabyrinth]

i don’t know how i didn’t fully realize i was bisexual until recently when this is how i’ve been staring at the girl i now know i definitely have a crush on since last year

[dulcesofthelabyrinth]

hypothetically, if you started to realize you might be bisexual and you are now in the process of discovering you might like your friend, but you also have social anxiety and shes really extroverted and she has a girl best friend that you do like but you feel a little bit hurt seeing them hang out all the time, what do you do?? how do you go about maybe even hinting to her that you have a crush on her if youre like 99.9% sure she’s straight because her reposts are all basically about attractive guys??? please help shes so pretty and i feel so comfortable and happy around her in a way ive never felt with anyone else but idk what to do

[dulcesofthelabyrinth]

a buzzing feeling (poem)

—————————

i feel buzzing, encompassing my fingertips, from the ache of not being able to feel your hand. fantasies of possibly reaching out just one inch seem too unrealistic, for the chances of reciprocation are buried in the grave deeper than this secret of mine. i know i’ve caused the distance, in fears of getting too close to people, but i’ve never experienced greater discomfort than being near you and yet not nearly close enough. the pain of that heavy distance in the air feels like it could never be beaten by another measure, but there are never too many surprises in life. the distance of our friendship hurts on another level. laughter and passionate eyes have turned into a mere glimpse and casual conversation. i despise you for changing into an acquaintance when we were so close. close enough that i waited for our lips to touch despite the fact that they never did. and, i hate even more that i’ll still wait for them because there is a deep hunger that i cannot control. one that longs for your taste. in risk of sounding desperate, please just stop growing comfortable in our slow isolation and kiss me already. i may not have the confidence to make the first move, but feeling any portion of your body against mine makes me feel confident inside. and that would make me the luckiest girl on the planet. if only you would take my hand and escape from the deep vines of secrecy.

[dulcesofthelabyrinth]

late night findings (a poem)

in the dark hours of night, when one should fall into slumber, only my deepest thoughts remain. i cannot drown them out with sleep—although they carry heavy weight on my shoulders. no, i am stuck here in isolation with myself, dealing with these complex emotions. so stupid. should i settle for loving someone who doesn’t love me back or ache for another who will not consider me at all? one or another. a crucial choice. yet so meaningless in the end. love will forever be doomed. only sleep can get me out of this pessimistic spiral. and, yet, i am still trapped in consciousness. i envy the unaware.

[dulcesofthelabyrinth]

my personal unsent email.

open letter?

💌

- - - - - - - - - - - -

dear lenora, could you accept the silence? i know it isn’t fair to you, nor is it to myself. yet, i remain still anyway. i only hear one thought and it repeats until my brain hurts. ‘depart from my head’, i dare say. you’re there, anyway.

legend goes the best way to defeat overcome the villain is to push and shove and ignore the being above. there’s just one fear i’m dealing with.

what do you do when the being is too strong? when—in a sick, sadistic, ever twisted way—you fall for evil?

fight, flight, or freeze. and i choose ignorance.

no matter how beautiful the matter of the subject is. no matter the pulse in my veins. veins meaning places of shame. —veins meaning areas of the warming of el corazon—

it’s better to live unaware than fight meaningless battles in your stomach. all inside. no one to talk to.

the window is cold. i am foggy, deep in hazing thoughts. you cross my mind. i figure i must tell somebody. who does not deserve to know about lenora? but it hits me that the glass is closed. mother dearest will not accept this. not in my way, but the shriveled, shut case of hers.

denial is never the bridge to peace.

i should tell that to myself more often.

all this to say we have not talked in a while. conversed, sat next to each other in the candle-lit rooms of second guessing and analysis. it pains me to miss your laughs. oh, your daily laughs.

you have been my source of comfort for ages. or what feels like it. confidence has risen out of stone, finally rocking out of safety zones. i look into your eyes and i see a mentor. most of anything. one that helps me be myself, no matter the cost. total comfort and safety, yes.

look. but, look under the surface.

because, in the deepest, smallest corner of my pupil, there lies something else.

a spark. the spark of hope, lighting up. why, from you? from you, lenora.

you.

lenora.

and i hate it.

so, i have been tying up the rope of a journey to living in freedom. twisting it and turning it around in my head. replacing that spark with a massive, raging fire of frustration, and, burning myself on fire.

imagining you on the other side, giving me a hell of a good time, and sending it all up to flames.

i’d rather cut you off of the tightest knot within than risk your rejection of this passionate burn.

one that warms up the cold, the aching blues. the ones of my darkest, pessimistic mind.

it has not been just. i am sorry for that. i know you have told me we have not talked. perhaps, i have shut you out of my life. but, you have, too.

the sight of your laughter not being used in my presence leaves me angry. you never notice my feelings, only yours. yes, admittedly so because of my absence, but that only hurts more. because, as much as i hate to say it, oh, dear lenora, you will never read this letter. or even care. it’s not even a possibility. you like weasels, i like weasels.

but, weasels are nothing compared to you, lenora.

i saw you today. you’ve always had nice things to say about me. at least, i hope so. honestly, i hope many other things in addition. i looked in your eyes—for just a second— and that closeness was still there. but, the distance, the pure distance between us, was far much more apparent.

and, so, like the miserable fuck that i am, i messed everything up. you probably feel like i don’t care. you should know better. i’m like a warped time machine from back to the future. you should think of me—whatever your thoughts are—of the opposite. maybe, then you’d realize i overthink every little conversation i have with you. maybe then, lenora, you’d have a feeling, a strong one, an urge of something unspeakable.

in the meantime, search deeper. have hope.

i have been avoiding you, because you have been avoiding me. no. fuck, i suck at this.

look. i have been avoiding you, because i desperately want to avoid the part of me that wants this. that likes this. that really likes this.

i viewed your hand once—just once— and felt truly mortified afterwards.

miss lenora, may you now know i never stopped wanting to speak to you. we’ve just grown apart. i am not a priority, i understand. it just feels hurtful knowing you can live your life without thinking about me. even if you miss this. because, deep down inside, i know. i know many things, but if anything, i know this. i am writing this letter for a reason, a purpose, and you are not.

you don’t. you wouldn’t.

at the inconvenience of my presence, at least accept my explanation of the shitty human i am and how much it self-sabotages itself at the thought of comfort.

someone to bring that. i could never bring that.

you deserve better. better than me.

i send you off with an understanding that the only reader of this message will be the loser of the battle.

you have won.

you have defeated me.

and so i surrender.

i go.

and so it hurts.

you. and me.

something that could never be.

yet, in a weird way, maybe that is better,

lenora. - - - - - - - - - - - -

💌

🔃 press send?