why am I like this

[numahachi]

[severalowls]

The story of the Distant Goddess is absolute proof that it’s a crime that Ancient Egyptian mythology hasn’t entered the popular conciousness in the same way as Greek stuff.

[severalowls]

Short, super paraphrased version: Ra is sick of humanity being rebellious wee bastards, so he sends a goddess as an embodiment of his vengeance, usually Sekhmet in the form of a great fuckoff lion - first to the southern deserts to wipe out the followers of Set. She does so, and then for unspecified reasons, Ra decides maybe humanity is redeemable hey call off the murderlion. But being an embodiment of pure divine retribution, she isn’t really having it.

So Ra sends Thoth out in an effort to soothe the goddess before she arrives in the north and wipes out everything including the gods (she’s just that strong). He’s terrified, but he tries all sorts of cunning and wisdom and trickery and tells her moral tales and all that, but all he can do is delay her.

In the meantime, Ra’s priests of the north are hard at work. They brew thousands of barrels of beer, and mix pots and pots red dye. And when the goddess inevitably arrives, they mix it up and pour it into the reeds of the nile. Believing it to be the spilled blood of her enemies, she drinks it up proudly… And gets EXTREMELY drunk, calming down and transforming into Hathor, goddess of joy and love.

And once a year to celebrate this momentous occasion, Egyptians would get Absolutely Plastered.

[canis-luna]

I didn’t find details on the exact date, but some cross-googling suggests the festival occured around the start of the Nile flood season, which is in mid-July.

Anyone got a more precise date?

[severalowls]

Well, the traditional beginning of the flood season varies from year to year based on the first rise of the star Sirius before sunrise, and also marks the beginning of the ancient Egyptian new year. The Festival of Drunkenness would be held about 20 days after that.

Sirius’ rise - which varies around the world based on longitude, but basing it on Egypt for consistency’s sake - happens on the 24th of July in 2018.

So if you want to get smashed on behalf of an angry cat, the 13th of August is the day to mark down.

[severalowls]

Today’s the day fuckers, get smashed on behalf of a cat.

[backofthebookshelf]

I am Upset that I was not informed of this in time, so I am scheduling this post for next summer so we can plan properly next time

[severalowls]

Thanks for the reminder.

This year the ancient new year is roughly the 2nd of August in Cairo.

Therefore Turbosmash For Angry Cat Day 2019 is the 22nd of August

[walkwthoutrhythm]

@spiritspodcast

[art-thropologist]

I missed it

[keepingupwiththecullens]

Is there a Carl Isle?

[byjove]

Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

[cryoverkiltmilk]

The spiritual successor to Miette

[manicgoblinnightmarewoman]

Might I also add

[keepingupwiththecullens]

How are the cullen,s handleing the virus?

[terodomm]

This shouldn’t be as funny as it is lol

[phoenixyfriend]

[medievalthymes]

after social distancing is over everyone is gonna be so touch starved every contact with another human will be like the hand flex scene in pride and prejudice (2005)

[medievalthymes]

social norms after the pandemic are going to be like: "did you hear? miss Katherine brushed hands with the starbucks barista the other day when getting her morning coffee. quite the scandal if you ask me, exposing herself in such a manner… and with gloveless hands!“

[laylainalaska]

While walking the dog yesterday, we found the tracks of a pack of wolves that had passed across the edge of our property. (I live out in the highway in Alaska.) I took a picture of my hand next to a wolf track for comparison. 

Now here’s a picture of my hand with one of our dog’s tracks:

And he’s not an especially small dog; he’s a 55-lb retriever mix.

And the dog’s tracks next to wolf tracks:

Wolves are huge.

[weaselle]

dude, i’m tellin you, for real Sometimes people ask if my klee kai is a wolf, like, seriously. And I’m always like oh no, ha ha he kind of looks like one, though, hunh? But inside I’m always like “uh, my dog weighs thirty pounds, wolves weigh more than me and my dog put together – if he was a wolf you wouldn’t be asking if he was a wolf, you’d be peeing your pants and demanding we leave”

like, a wolf is as tall when lying down as most dogs are standing. here, see for yourself. Labs are a very dog-sized dog, wouldn’t you say? Check this out

(this is a wolf in Alaska that found an unfenced dog park and slowly over the course of months learned how to hang out and have fun with the dogs)

[weaselle]

SO BIG THO - here, have some more examples

[shrewreadings]

I love how wolves & humans - so disparately sized - looked at each other and said, ‘Huh. That looks friend-shaped.’

[soloh]

I will never understand girls who throw their bras at guys on stage those things are fucking expensive and he has no use for it like what do you want him to do pass it down to his first born daughter

[thebaconsandwichofregret]

I thought this was going to be slut-shaming but it’s glorious

[eclogues]

men with earrings are just men without earrings with earrings

[algernonmoncrieff]

I can’t stop thinking about how men with earrings are just men without earrings with earrings

[littlemedievalbitch]

evary cat is a little celebrity 2 me

[okaymad]

[schistcity]

we’re all getting “older” but age is a relative thing. i’ve licked things that are 250 million years old. you’re not that old and you’re not worth licking. 

[random-cluster-missile---moved]

Clare this is by far the most terrifying post you have ever made

[iriisid]

Is this person an archaeologist and referring to the “lick test” for fossils or does she go down on the old gods…?

[schistcity]

[ripcstiaalisonsselena-deactivat]

notre dame students walk out on pence during his speech at their graduation

[artistofthemillennium-deactivat]

[smooththegoofyshark]

The people with the gay flag on are

Iconic

[daingertmadelyn-deactivated2025]

[nyctosaurid]

it’s a tragedy that dinotopia was adapted as a weird gritty looking tv movie with bad cgi when it’s, without exaggeration, the most ghibli any book has ever been

[nyctosaurid]

hmm

[greenbaconsmoothie]

Oh these are some of illustrations my moms cult used to use as proof that dinosaurs and humans co-existed lol. Ill have to check out the book

[tricornking]

BaSCUUUUSE ME HWHAT??? WHAT CULT???

[possessedscholar]

[veinitas]

me when i see a cat: CAT! cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat cat

[lurknomoar-deactivated20151109]

Fun fact: when I see cute animals, I forget English and automatically revert to my native Hungarian. I don’t know what bystanders make of me, reciting guttural gibberish to rabbits.

[quizzicalqueek]

But the real question is, what are you SAYING to the rabbits? Is it ‘RABBIT! rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit rabbit bunny bunny bunny awww cute bunnyyyyy’?

[lurknomoar-deactivated20151109]

Well, I usually say the Hungarian equivalent of ‘bun bun bun lil bun look at your tiny spoon-shaped ears awww bun brave little lawnmower bun’, but sometimes I say ‘hey rabbits, my sister’s gonna go to med school’ because I think everyone should know.

[littlegaywitch]

I live in Japan, and I always revert to English to talk to small animals, and I was cooing at this tiny little fluff machine of a puppy in baby english like “hello you’re so cute such a cute hello hello yess you’re good” and the 70 year old Japanese lady that was walking him started to *translate the baby talk english into Japanese* for her pup. She wanted to be sure he understood it too.

[sindri42]

https://xkcd.com/231/

[wind-voice]

ACCURATE.