Dump Daily

This blog is a cry for help. Feel free to cry for help with me. Find links here to my Art Reblogs , Memes , Poetry and other original content , Doll Stuff , Game Reviews

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I need to figure out what my issues are health wise

But I doubt that's ever going to happen

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Part of my problem is that I actually want to be respected as a human being but all of the people who I talk to are only chill with me when I act a very specific way.

When I start showing symptoms of my disorders or start being passionate about stuff it's suddenly no signal.

Also one of my friends who used to talk to me all the time is suddenly going through experiences that makes him realise that maybe some of his past opinions weren't the best. But I'm realising that he truly is dumber than I ever thought because instead of actually changing his opinion he's just doubling down and resigning to suffering. I think he's gotten dumber in the years we didn't talk.

Wish I could connect with people but no I had to get autism and end up with dissociative identity disorder.

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I'm constantly envious of other people

I think the most fucked up one so far is being envious of ironmouse. Because she has people who care about her.

Also mad because now she's able to walk for longer than me in one go.

She also sings really well too. Which I enjoy. But also envy. My throat got damaged when I was a teen and it's never come right since. I used to love singing but now it hurts so I don't do it.

In some ways it's a good sign that I'm feeling this sort of stuff because I'm not as kill or be killed high alert trying to survive. I actually have space for feeling things. Even if it includes feeling like an alien etc

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Soul exhaustion

Too sensitive

Taking everything too personal

Too insensitive

Disconnected from the emotions

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For some reason all the suggestions stuff is ED related and genuinely have no idea why. It's really annoying because most of it is just mean nasty shit .

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I think I have like 1 moot

Which is nice

We don't really talk

But I was about to be really fucking sad if I didn't even have 1 moot

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How am I supposed to make friends when I can't go outside

How am I supposed to make friends when I'm afraid to say anything especially online

It's rough

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I'm so tired of talking to myself

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It's so devastating being unnoticed and/or ignored. And then on the occasional interaction being told that whatever you said is unwanted. It's happened so much in my life already.

And if it's not that it's being tolerated because it's more convenient to do so and then ignored or abandoned entirely.

It's been said that humans need other human interaction to survive. I seriously don't know how I'm alive then.

How cruel it is to desire a friend.

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Cool cool the only time people are interacting with me is to tell me off

I hardly ever say shit on reblogs and this is why

Yet the one time I was asking about how to make friends everyone was telling me to interact with stuff? For what? So everyone can tell me I'm thinking wrong?

I'm so tired of having nobody to talk to. I'm so tired of doing everything on my own.

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There's a horrific sadness in my soul

The isolation never leaves me

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I'm becoming a miserable person

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I need new friends. Always have. I need friends who will actually treat me like I treat people.

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I keep talking to myself

It's really the only option

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I fear I am deeply sad.

I want to outlive my grandparents.

And I want to make sure that my step mum will be okay (physically) for the most part.

But I don't know how to live

I don't know how to be human

When I was working no one said anything about it

But when I mentioned it afterwards people thought I was crazy for working so much

"that's not really living"

Just existing

What else is there really

The moments of stability I start processing some of the trauma ass bs

But there's constant instability when you aren't working and trying to find a place to live

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Btw not only do I get ads on my feed, I get that live tv BS, AND "communities"

And there's NO way to get rid of them permanently

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Count your blessings not your curses

Everything is a little bit shit tho