mxcdxnxlds:
Mary had suspected it was coming, but she’d been desperately hoping that it wasn’t this, that it wasn’t what she feared it would be. But she knew Dorcas. And she knew this was hard for her, that eventually, the other shoe would drop and they’d end up caught somewhere in this limbo of discomfort and worry. She did her best not to sigh, and shook her head.
“Look, Doe, if you’re not…” She didn’t want to say it. She could’ve caught the words with her hand and threw them away if that was possible. She looked up at her and tried to meet her gaze. Or try to, at least; Dorcas wasn’t looking at her, which only made her feel worse. “It can mean whatever you want it to mean. I don’t want you to be unhappy, or–” Maybe she was misreading Dorcas’ expression, but she didn’t think she was. And it crushed her to think that. She adjusted her hijab and closed the fridge after putting the milk in it. “What do you want it to mean?”
She felt terrible, like an enemy, an antagonist. Why, she didn’t know, but she knew that she had caused this, this conversation, this feeling of queasiness in her own chest and awkwardness between her and Mary. Maybe this conversation was happening too soon, or maybe it was much too late --- she didn’t know. All she knew was that she should stop thinking about things like that, and focus on this in stead.
“I --- I don’t know,” she said, meeting Mary’s eyes finally. Dorcas moved closer, taking one of the other’s hands -- she tried not to think about what that all could mean, because she was spinning already -- and squeezing it mildly. “It was good, wasn’t it? It was ... I mean, it wasn’t just good because you’re a good kisser -- which you are, apparently -- but because ...” She trailed, off shook her head. “There was something there for me. Something more than just a kiss, it was right.” She frowned, pushed her lips together. “I love you Mare, that much is clear, and I don’t know what this means, but I do know that it was real, real good.” Her frown became deeper, then, and her voice was quieter when she asked, “Was it for you, too? What do you -- what do you feel?”















