Journey of a Man

My life, My Philospy, Maybe a little wisdom

[dxbgentleman]

A new step in my journey 2020

I haven’t wrote in a while, life caught up with me and kept me pretty busy, but I’m in the mood to share some unfiltered thoughts. Universe, you are wild I’ll give you that, just when I had given up on things on finding something true and real, out of a clear blue sky you smacked me in the head with it like a baseball bat. Thanks Universe, you brought me something I know will bring me joy for all the years I have left on this spinning rock in space. Made me realize while I’ve known lust and companionship well throughout my life, I had no idea what love was before now, all those cheesy ass songs on the radio finally make sense!!! To those of you out there still hoping, don’t give up, if this old redneck found his all the rest of you beautiful people can too, never give up, don’t stop at failure, take the next step in your journey.

[dxbgentleman]

[dxbgentleman]

Beauty in the strangest places

[dxbgentleman]

Deep thoughts about happiness

It’s funny how you can find joy and fun in the strangest places, working in a Warzone right now I am enjoying myself more than when I was in a big city full of things to do, it’s funny how simplicity and boiling things down to the most minimal of things, can remind you the true joy in life is making others have joy and finding that satisfaction in those moments

[dxbgentleman]

I crave for that kind of love in particular. the genuine one. the kind of love that can translate silences to nothing but sincere conversations. i want to feel the delicate surge of emotions— in every kiss and in every word between them. i want the kind of love that tastes like coffee on Sunday mornings— the one that covers my skin with warmth; the one that literally wakes me up anticipating for more. i want the kind of love that would make me question the idea of time and its validity— the one that could make days feel like seconds especially when the two of you have been spending them quite a lot together. i want the kind of love that feels familiar. i want someone to read me like a book— to analyze the sentences i have to utter; and to be aware of the words i’d rather keep in my mind. lastly, i want the kind of love that locates the origin of everything. the one that traces every route, every way, and every path that leads to me. because most of all, i want that love to find me.

Isabella Anes

[dxbgentleman]

Yep

[dxbgentleman]

“I’m not good with relationships, Shallan.” “Is there anyone who actually is? I mean, is there really someone out there who looks at relationships and thinks, ‘You know what, I’ve got this’? Personally, I rather think we’re all collectively idiots about it.”

Brandon Sanderson, Oathbringer

[dxbgentleman]

Life is Funny sometimes

Been a while since I wrote last, I've been in the middle of one of those self assessment periods of life. Asking myself many questions, I've started to find answers though. 

First Why did I let myself do a particular thing I never let myself do. This was an easy one in the end, because I decided long ago I would not let my past color my future or make me fear things in life that could be wonderful. I forgot this for a minute, It took me a second to come back to this reality. To be honest I was not surprised by it, one thing I have learned in life absolutely is no matter what I want or do, people leave. So I should burn bright with them while they are there that they remember me fondly. I do that each and every time. While there is a significant personal toll when I do this I can say unequivocal with no regrets that I lived and loved them with all in me and showed them what love should be. They will move on and be with someone else eventually and be better for having met me and learned there are kind people out there. Just the curse of my Good Luck Chuck nature, to care then see them be with the next one. I have accepted this as my lot in life and will not let it hold me back because after all even in the movie, Chuck eventually found his love. I will push forward till I find mine, maybe we have already met and they weren't ready and life will bring us back together. If not I wont be angry or upset, Ill trust in my journey and keep stepping forward, hoping our paths converge again. The next step, that is my focus now. One step at a time in my Journey, I almost forgot this in the midst of heartache, Keep to my path, Journey Before Destination. 

[dxbgentleman]

Video Games

Yes you saw right, I’m talking about video games today and why they are important to me. Many of us have coping mechanisms in life to deal with our daily stressors. We usually form them young and continue them into adulthood.

For me growing up that was always video games, I’ve continued that into adulthood. It’s served me well, anytime my mind was a jumble of incoherent thoughts and or emotions. A day at my console helped me to focus, it’s my therapy if you will. Life takes us all on twists and turns, we all need something, videogames have saved me more times than I can count in life, they have been the constant that never lets me down and I’m thankful to have been born into an age I had access to them.

[dxbgentleman]

The beauty in pain

I have walked so many paths in life so many mistakes and so much pain as many of us do. The below quote is one that deeply resounded in me. Pain isnt a bad thing in life. Pain is a catalyst for change for the better if you accept it and learn from it. I try to do that each day and while I fail often, I rise from each failure a better man. That is the best I can do. the best any of us can do, accept our pain not because we deserve it, but because it is ours and without it we would never grow. Think of going to the gym to build your body, you must cause pain for the growth to occur, this is the same with our emotions. We must feel pain for growth, we must make mistakes to become wise. This is the beauty in pain, none of us seek it but it makes us better in the end. 

[dxbgentleman]

The Next steps 2

High school was a strange place for me, I had to learn not every situation was a battle or a opportunity to be smarter than everyone else. High school was important because this is where I learned what friendship really is. My dear friends out there know Though I rarely talk with you I love you all and appreciate everything you have ever done for me for no reason at all. 

I made and lost friends and had my share of puppy love in those days, but the most important lesson from high school was simple, it was the smallest inkling of how much bigger the world is, it showed me so many different perspectives from many different people, It in it’s own way was the beginning of my wisdom, not because of the things taught in class but more importantly the multitude of different backgrounds and perspectives. My time in the army furthered this more. 

[dxbgentleman]

The most important words a man can say are, “I will do better.” These are not the most important words any man can say. I am a man, and they are what I needed to say. The ancient code of the Knights Radiant says “journey before destination.” Some may call it a simple platitude, but it is far more. A journey will have pain and failure. It is not only the steps forward that we must accept. It is the stumbles. The trials. The knowledge that we will fail. That we will hurt those around us. But if we stop, if we accept the person we are when we fall, the journey ends. That failure becomes our destination. To love the journey is to accept no such end. I have found, through painful experience, that the most important step a person can take is always the next one.

Brandon Sanderson, Oathbringer

[dxbgentleman]

[dxbgentleman]

The next step in my Journey 1

So I grew up on the poor side of town, we did not have much but we were happy. The rough kids were my best friends back then, these were the kids adults avoided. It didn't take long before I was the shadow leader of the group. From a young age we were always fighting with each other and kids from other neighborhoods lol even adults on occasion. 

Even fighting with each other we always were friends after and looked after each other above all else. Honestly I suspect if I called up any of them to this day and said we needed to fuck someone up, they would be down. To me then this was the norm, I didn't understand how different we all were until I reached high school and I met what most would call normal kids. That will be my next post. 

[dxbgentleman]

Today

Today I mark one year since I took a chance changing jobs and moving forward in my life with something new. I am honestly happier than I have ever been I took this risk and moved forward to the next step in my Journey, My great adventure. Life has been good and while there have been Stumbles and a few stubbed toes. I am better for having taken this chance and learning what it means to simplify your life and serve others serving us so completely. Thank you to all the Servicemen and Veterans out there, We are here and support you for all you do and will continue to do so. 

[dxbgentleman]

What Love means to me

This is an interesting subject, I feel we all see it differently. In my life Connections and love have never came easy to me, but here it is what love means to me. 

When I love I do it deeply and true, I don’t know how to hold back once I open the floodgate, It can be intense, Too intense for most and for that I apologize but I cannot change and wouldn’t want to change myself. Loving you means I simply do, I don’t expect it reciprocated like I feel, I do not expect you to do anything for me when I love you. It means little things matter to me, It means I like to help you with your life, Do the dishes with you, cook for you, give you advice about things when you ask for it and the truth is  I don’t need these things back. I don’t love you because I expect to get anything from you or want anything from you. I simply love you and want you to be happy. Its not easy for me to say these things, It is not even easy for me to tell you. I will have to work hard to say these things but, I will do my best to show you I care by these acts I do for you. You don’t need to reciprocate this for me. I do not do it because I want anything from you in return, I only want to see your smile, see your happiness.

[dxbgentleman]

My Little Box

Many of you out there know what I am talking about here. It is that little box we put away things we don’t want to deal with like some emotions or trauma. This was the way I also learned to deal with things growing up. As I get Older, I realize I should not do this but, how is one to change something about their selves that was almost a fundamental survival tool most of their lives. I have experienced many things in my life and that little box saw me through them relatively unscathed and unscarred emotionally.

So now I find myself at a point in my life where I want to share the things, I used to lock away with someone special. FUCK that is hard to do, I’ve always been invulnerable in life, how do I open myself up in that way? What if it overwhelms them and they can’t handle it? What do I do then? Put it back in the box and drive on is the only response I have. It is truly my default setting.