Waiting For Baby

24 years old Lesbian, happily engaged, wedding 7/4/2017 WTTC summer 2017 PCOS sufferer, using the next year to get my body as healthy as possible Please feel free to recommend anything that has worked for you!

[willieowinsbury]

remember being an eleven year old girl and being filled with rage? everything i did was from a place in my head where tiny daydream me was smashing plates.

[willieowinsbury]

eleven year old me at a sleepover: how about instead of talking about boys we go to the park and like idk play some sort of game where we fight eachother with swords to the death

[hareofhrair]

woof, yeah. i think it has something to do with that being the age you start to faintly glean how absolutely fucked and unfair everything is always going to be for you, and you don’t have the language or reasoning skills to really process it, but you can just grasp the edges of the existential nightmare enough to feel how utterly, infuriatingly helpless you are, and that just makes you want to go full Kali and burn everything down. An ape confronted with the incomprehensible, triggering fight or flight with nothing to fight and nowhere to run, so you just scream and throw shit until you eventually achieve abuse apathy and learn to just lay down and take the beating life has elected to give you. Being a little girl with no agency or rights just old enough to understand that there is no inherent justice or fairness to the universe and that your life will be shaped by man made systems designed by people who have anything but your best interests in mind is one of the most terrifying things I can think of.

[terven-hooves]

I became very fucking angry when I hit puberty and I have been very fucking angry every day since.

[now-exiting-fuckability-deactiv]

I find it amazing how many girls have issues like self-harm and disordered eating and extreme sexual behavior and it ties directly back into that intense rage.  Unlike boys and men who lash out, we swallow that anger and let it poison us.  Every adult woman I know is still trying to recover from that. 

[deadmomjokes]

We watch a little girl about my daughter’s age while her mom works. A real cute, sweet thing who only communicates by humming and smiling and waving. Precious beyond words and so, so gentle.

She has this odd quirk where if you tell her “no,” which has only happened about twice or three times in the month and a half we’ve been watching her, she freezes and looks like you’ve ripped her little heart out and stomped on it. We have since tried to avoid saying it because she looks so upset and scared.

Today we found out why and my heart is breaking.

When her mom dropped her off, the little girl saw our neighbor’s potted plant on the doorstep. She went over and ripped a leaf off, because she’s a child and doesn’t know better. Her mom told her “no” and hit her hands. The girl immediately lost her smile, became very reserved, and didn’t want to come in and play, where usually she bounds up the stairs to see her best friend (my daughter).

Later in the morning, I was watching as our little friend tried to take something out of my daughter’s hands, so I told her “no-no” in a gentle voice, just as I do to my daughter when she’s trying to take something. She jumped back and held her little hands, and looked absolutely terrified. I immediately knelt down to offer a hug and tell her sorry, but she flinched away from me and was scared to let me touch her. So I just talked to her soothingly and eventually put a hand on her arm and rubbed it softly, and she launched herself at my neck to hug me and demanded I hold her off-and-on throughout the rest of the time she was with us today.

This tiny child is afraid of getting her hands hit when she hears the word “no.” It doesn’t leave bruises when her mom does it, it doesn’t even leave visible redness or marks, but it has absolutely left a mark on this tiny baby’s mind.

How is a child supposed to know why they’re not allowed to hit when you hit them? How is a child supposed to know why the person they go to for comfort is suddenly trying to make them uncomfortable and scared? How is fear and pain a teaching tool? And if it’s not about hurting or scaring them, why do you have to hit them at all? Because they don’t like it– and why don’t they like it? Because their trust in you is being undermined, because they’re afraid, because it hurts in their heart.

This little girl can’t even talk, but she hears one word and instantly freezes up and feels terror because the hands that are supposed to help and comfort and hold her suddenly turn into something scary, and she doesn’t understand why.

My husband and I had a good cry about it, but I’m still just sad, and mad. That sweet little thing who beams and hums and giggles when she sees us in the mornings, who runs up to my daughter and gives her little bunny kisses, who takes my finger and leads me around the house just because she wants me to hang out with her…

Don’t hit kids. Spanking, swatting, whatever you want to call it– a) it’s been shown to actually increase problem behaviors, and b) it’s wrong. Why do you have to put a hand on a child to teach them? If it hurts, that’s wrong- we don’t hurt people to get what we want. If it doesn’t hurt, then what are you doing it for?

And I guarantee you it does hurt, even if it’s not physical. The look on that little girl’s face is going to haunt me for a long, long time.

Discipline is the goal- teaching, not punishing. And hitting, no matter how soft, doesn’t teach. Rather, if it does, it teaches the wrong things.

[szczur-deactivated20251129]

not to sound like a boomer but having internet access at a young age fucked a lot of us over and continues to fuck over younger kids even more

[szczur-deactivated20251129]

i’ve literally seen porn browising google images for my little pony fanart. i’ve seen so many people be inappropriate in literal children’s multiplayer games before that i started doing it too at the ripe age of 10. i honestly do not blame my parents because it’s such a normalised thing nowadays. why has my nephew known how to use a tablet since he was 2yrs old? why does he act like he owns it? why are we giving little kids phones in general, why are we letting grade school children watch social media influencers. sorry for sounding so ominous but it makes me think we are literally screwed, the internet is such an unsafe space for kids and internet addictions are normalised between them more and more.

[bakwaaas]

wow

[bakwaaas]

[coffee-and-sarcasm]

I went and read thru a lot of the comments on this, and so I just want to put my own two sense in as well...

This is not an excuse or justifying any of this behavior, it is solely a comment on our society and it’s unspoken rules.

With that said, it’s so fucking true. This unspoken expectation that you have to be better than what your mother was, they made sacrifices for you so you have to pay them back, etc. This hit home a little too hard for me, and it really put in a neutral voice this feeling, that there is things the child does because the mother gave up their time and energy to raise you. Not that you feel a need to accomplish these things, but they are expected out of you bc if you don’t do them then all of this effort exerted by your mother will be wasted.

Anyway, I really like how this was written, and before anyone is claiming anything about it, go fucking read it carefully and don’t add words.

[real-pcys-deactivated20190118]

hot take: moms need to learn how to listen to and comfort their daughters without making everything about their own traumas

[real-pcys-deactivated20190118]

a classic example

daughter: hey this thing you do bothers me very much and i wish you wouldn’t do it

mom: well my parents abused me and im not even as bad as they were and i had to sit through it so you gotta sit through whatever i do to you too

[daeranilen]

a common variant

mom: well i’m having a really hard time right now and you know that i’m doing my best and that i didn’t mean to hurt you ergo you are in fact the asshole for asking me to consider your feelings and change my behavior during this hard hard time i’m having

[thetrekkiehasthephonebox]

least favorite

mom: fine. you’re right and i’m wrong and i’m a horrible person. there. are you happy now?

see also

mom: you can’t be mad at me. you’re not allowed to be mad at me. i can’t stand it.

[sasstrek]

daughter: There’s this thing that bothers me about school/life

mom: well I’m so sorry that I’m a terrible mother and that I can’t fix every problem

[giant-black-cat-huh]

daughter: when you’re doing that it hurts me and makes me not want to tell you about my problems

mom: yes yes I ruined your life, you’re traumatized because of me and I’m the worst mother on the world

[ineffectualdemon]

9 year old me: mom you’re beautiful!

My Mom: no, I’m ugly. The ugliest. I’m a horrible pig of a person

Other people: (to me) you look just like your mom

Me: so I’m ugly

Now:

My 9 year old: mom you’re beautiful

Me: thank you! I don’t always see it very well in myself though because my brain lies to me a lot and tells me I’m ugly even though I’m not. But I can’t be ugly because we look a lot alike and you’re beautiful. My brain is just a bully 

My kid: that’s right! We’re BOTH beautiful!

​Me:​ yes we are!​​​

_____

And that my friends is called thinking about how your self depricating words can hurt other people around you. I can’t see that I’m beautiful most of the time but I can acknowledge that the issue is my ability to see myself in a positive way. 

But calling myself ugly just hurts the people who love me. It could even convince my kid that they are also ugly and further the cycle 

And sometimes it’s really hard just by saying “I’m being mean to myself because my brain lies a lot matters

[neveranyshame]

My daughter: “mama, your belly is chubby.”

Me, internally: ouch

Me, out loud: “well, yeah! Because I am chubby! But also because I grew TWO WHOLE BABIES in it, and that stretched it out a bit!”

My daughter, in the most encouraging tone possible as she reaches up and pets my belly: “it did SUCH a good job.”

And y'know what? Hell yeah it did. #rockon

[the-butt-hut]

I have NEVER forgotten how we were passing around a photo of my mom when she was my age (at the time is was 22-ish) and everyone just kept wowing at how much I looked like her. And then she casually goes “ha, well I was a pretty unattractive kid” and fam. I was SHOCKED. She saw my shock and hurt on my face, realized with horror what she said, and apologized a thousand times. That was 9 years ago and I still think about it. I know she didn’t mean it how hit hit. But damn.

[durnesque-esque]

“Flowerd” - a better alternative to the “hangman” game.

[oneawkwardcookie]

[image: two screenshots of tweets.

First screenshot is of a tweet by queenyennifer_ “ Today I was left speechless by an 8 year old, who politely told me that it was inappropriate to play hangman with them because of the lynchings of black men and the current state of the world and you know what? He was totally correct. I’m bringing him a prize tomorrow”

Second screenshot is of two replies. Reply by LvngLaVdaHrmosa “ We play “flowerd” (flower + word) because hangman didn’t seem right. We put petals and leaves for the wrong letters until the flower is complete.” Reply by violetmoon “ hi I just want you to know I’m a (future) teacher and I’m so glad I went to the comments to find alternatives to hangman. this is such a better alternative. are you comfortable if I use this and tell my other teacher friends about it as a change from hangman?😊 obvi crediting you”]

source: https://twitter.com/queenyennifer_/status/1295444426458828800

[chronically-ill-dandy]

Kids don't forget

Kids don't "bounce back" without guidance

They learn that the adults in their lives have higher priorities than them

They adapt to the lack of support

Then they get therapy in their 30s to learn that "Yeah, being told 'you're fine' every time you're not is kinda soul-crushing."

Validate people's pain even if you can't help.

[esmethesciencewitch-deactivated]

Revolutionary parenting hack:

If your child is in the middle of some activity and clearly enjoying it (and wasn't supposed to be doing something else instead), DO NOT interrupt them and have them do chores that will "only take 5 minutes or so!"

You haven't asked them to do anything before they got out the Legos, started reading a chapter of their book or painting the complicated picture, or began playing their video game.

As a result of being repeatedly interrupted, they will learn that their presence in public space of the household=availability to do chores, so they will make themselves scarce so you can't find them and order them around. They will also become suspicious of your efforts to engage with them as they play, as they've learned that these pleasantries are a prelude to "Take out the trash", or "move your boots and vacuum the entryway, there's dirt everywhere ".

"But I need my children to help me around the house!", I hear you cry. I understand. Children should not be treated like royalty and left to their own devices 24/7.

An alternative is to give the kids a clearly delineated chore chart and stick to it, resisting the urge to add anything to it. There are some chores that are easier and quicker with two people, though. A (in my opinion) even better option is to divide the child's day into "on-duty" and "off-duty " time. When they're on-duty, you can interrupt them as before, but you have *consulted with your child beforehand * and they understand that during this time they can relax, but they must be ready to jump in and lend a hand.

That way they won't start trying to level up in their video game or break out the clay and make stuff. When they are off-duty, you leave them alone and their only responsibilities are to clean up whatever mess they make at the end of this time.

Also, if they are tearing around the house or whining about being bored, don't make them do chores so they will "have something to do"; this could make the child conflate extra chores with punishment for whining and make them reluctant to help out when you randomly tell them to at other times because they might think they're being punished but they have NO IDEA WHAT THEY DID. And IMO children should see chores as things everyone has to do no matter what, not punishments.

I may seem unqualified to offer parenting advice as I have no kids, but I was talking with my dad today and he said: "I wish you didn't hide from us in your room so much, but every time your mom walked by she'd give you a chore to do, so I can't blame you for that." A kid who hides in their room to play has an entirely different relationship to the family than the child who sprawls on the livingroom floor and excitedly describes the city they are building out of Legos.

And today, in times of Covid I play a complicated game of hide-and-seek with my mother as I try to do my online coding homework and apply for jobs. I am now attempting to turn my bedroom into my own tiny office because if I work in our home office, she'll find me and go "I can't attach this file to my email," and so on.

Children *have* to obey their parents when they are young. But true respect and honoring collective responsibilities is stronger than forced obedience. If you demonstrate to your children that you respect them and their time, they will reciprocate.

[esmethesciencewitch-deactivated]

Tl;dr if your child is "always hiding in their room", there is a reason for it and setting a regular routine and boundaries will benefit both of you in the long run.

[jathis]

MFW I realize I still hide in my room because I’m still yelled at whenever I’m seen enjoying anything

[luimnigh]

[id: A gif of Nick Wilde from Zootopia, an anthropomorphic fox, that zooms in on his face as his eyes widen and start darting around in shock and dawning comprehension. end id.]

[lord-kitschener]

Also, I hate abstinence-only, and I absolutely agree that teenagers need accurate information about sexuality that isn’t shaming or meant to “scare em straight,” but I feel like social media (especially fucking Instagram) has reeeaally pushed this “hoe culture” thing that tells especially underage girls that the best way to own your sexuality, be “sex positive,” and be #empowered is to act out this really porny hypersexuality to appeal to boys. (And also to be hypersexual for boys on demand but never expect anything like emotional reciprocation in return, because that’s prudish and whiny and not what Baddies™ do.)

Even on places like tunglr.hell; of a clearly underage teen girl deepthroating a banana in front of her cheering peers at a party, and the reactions were all “yaaaaasss what a queen lmaaaooo #baddie,” with nobody really stopping to ask if maaaaybe that doesn’t really look like a really great situation, also why are you sharing a clip of a teen faking a sex act, let alone cheering it on as badass.

The only people who expressed any kind of concern were the people yelling about how “if that was my daughter I’d whoop her hoe ass and lock her in the basement.” It seems like young girls are caught between the left and right wall in a maze, one being this porny sexiness for boys, he other being this controlling and shaming insistence on “purity”, and in between are predators who know how to corner you against either of those walls

[dawnthekitty]

It’s weird that girls are taught that being sexually appealing/enticing is empowering instead of being aware of and okay with their own sexual desires. And by weird I mean malicious and intentional.

[theonlyleftydesk]

If you spend your formative adolescent years (when you are supposed to be figuring out your own sexuality and emotional workings) being trained by the media to PERFORM a pornified idea of sexuality to impress the boys and men around you, then you don’t get to learn your own body. You don’t get to learn what you like, or what you need.

why are 12 year old middle school girls now getting inch-long fake nails? Why are people applauding when 15 year olds are “makeup gurus”? Why does society expect girls to go from playing with toy ponies and dolls to transform into Victoria’s Secret models overnight? Half these girls are also on diets, before they’ve even finished growing! So you never get to have ANY kind of free relationship with your body! Before you even know what all your parts can do!

Also, and I used to wonder this as a horny teenage girl myself, how the fuck do yo figure out how you like to be touched intimately, if you have little plastic claws glued to your fingertips, and you can’t touch yourself and experiment????

Why is so much “femininity” based on making your body into a decoration that actually hinders the way you can experience life? Can’t hug too close because you’ll mess up your makeup. Can’t kiss your friend on the cheek because you’ll mess up HER makeup and your lipstick. Can’t pick up a fucking coin off the countertop because your fake nails. Can’t open a can of soup because you’ll scuff your nail polish. Can’t go swimming because your hair will turn back. Can’t have a slice of pizza because that’s “too much carbs and grease” and you’re on a(nother) diet. Can’t go out in the sun because you’re doing a skin peel because your face looks “dull”.

Do men sacrifice ANYTHING on this level, to get and keep women’s attention? No! And then the double-whammy is, after we spend all that time and energy performing ALL that physical labor and maintenence, they don’t even want women to ask for affection and emotional support or comfort.

Seriously, what the fuck is the point?

[omnivore-odyssey]

I’ve never seen “sex positivity” tell girls and women that they should focus on developing a healthy relationship with their bodies and personal sexual selves. It’s almost always about performance and self objectification.

[inthenameofsephiroth]

[user87262893]

The type of the mother I’m trying to be. Not just encourage bodily autonomy, but reward displays of it, even when it might make someone else in the room uncomfortable.

[swedepea]

I’ve made so many people uncomfortable in supporting my daughter’s personal space. People will try to hug her, she’ll sometimes say “No, thank you” and the adult will look at me to make her do it, but I just say “It’s ok honey, you don’t have to hug anyone you don’t want to.” It makes people irrationally huffy, making me feel even more justified in supporting my daughter’s choices. Creeps.

[misharoux]

I legit had to mom-voice some random woman with a “she said no!” when she tried to force a hug on Madison. (who was not very good at verbalizing to people she didn’t know/trust at the time)

She replied, “I just want a hug, it won’t hurt her.”

Me: She. Said. No.  

There aren’t many things more important than letting my daughter know that I have her back when it comes to something like this. 

[ineeduhnap]

I work with five year olds and I had a very long talk with them about permission and that your body belongs to yourself and no one else. “Even if you want to hug your friend, you need to stop and ask if it’s okay and if they don’t want you to touch them, you should respect that choice and not do it.” they were like “cool” and then every time after that they had no problem asking their friends “can I give you a hug?” Or “can I hold your hand?” Very politely. If their friend said no, they shrugged and went on with their life. They even started asking me if they could hug me or if it was okay to hold my hand when they were sad. And I always ask when they need comfort “do you need or want a hug?” If they say no, I ask “okay, let me know what we can do as a class to help you feel better. Quiet time? Do you want a stuffed animal? Sit on the couch? Do you need some time alone?” They verbalize what they need and they become aware of their own autonomy and their ability and power to say “no.” Just because someone is an adult does NOT give them the right to hug a child who has said “no” or “no thanks.” Teach then that they own their own body, and no one else is in charge of it. Teach them the power of NO.

[lazy-polyglot]

^^^^^this is so important

[publiusmaximum]

Whenever a kid refused to high 5 me for whatever reason, I make a point to say “thank you for stating your boundaries”.

[angiethewitch]

My husbands family get so offended when my stepdaughter doesn’t want a hug. I just tell them “no, she said she doesn’t want one”. They often try to force her to hug them or just grab her. It starts young, and they learn their body isnt their own.

When I first met my stepdaughter, if I asked for a hug, she wouldn’t say no, but she’d go into a protective stance and just wait. She was waiting for me to violate her boundaries. I told her “you don’t have to give me a hug if you don’t want one. You’re allowed to say no”. It took a while, but now she’s happy saying no.

Children have a right to boundaries as much as an adult does. Don’t violate a child’s boundaries.

[strange-lights-and-stardust]

It means a lot to me, for reasons I won’t go into, that you’re teaching your stepdaughter that. We need to teach more kids about this, and for that matter, need to teach adults to respect kids’ boundaries. 

[colehence]

Very important to tech both, children AND adults!

[spoonie-isms]

Adults who insist on touching children against their will ick me out to no end.

[living-with-autism]

As someone who has issues with being touched I totally support this

[fanandsword]

I am actually making my thesis about teaching self-determination and consent etc. in early childhood education. Teaching children about their rights and bodies and the importansce of saying “no” when your uncomfortable is EXTREMELY important and should be a given part of educating children

[tastefullyoffensive]

(photo via princessmisery)

[ajax-daughter-of-telamon]

This is a great idea!

[chemicalheart-deactivated202009]

this is really cool. Kids hate the big plastic keys cos they’re not interesting, they wanna see the things the grownups use all the time

[callmebliss]

I kinda want one of these.

[voidbat]

DUDE. it’s a giant fucking stim board! GENIUS.

[rootbeergoddess-deactivated2017]

This is brilliant 

[elionking-deactivated20191020]

Shit, I might make one of these for myself

[moonmoyo]

^^

[aughtomaton]

This is extremely devopmentally appropriate and smart

[specificfuckery]

[abthepoet]

A little louder, please.

[iamatinyowl]

4. Violence is what love looks like

5. Lying, sneaky, hiding, pretending, and acting are the only way to survive and stay safe.

[whatbigotspost]

Children Won’t Say They Have Anxiety, They Say ‘My Stomach Hurts!’

As children grow and develop, they experience a number of emotional reactions that they know are different or even negative feelings, but th

Who’s having some realizations about their early childhood right now 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

[riggedforsuccess]

yeah i did exactly this. this is how children interpret panic attacks and such, so if your kid tells you they have stomach aches, especially sudden, around certain times of days, certain places, or certain events, they are likely having panic attacks

[brosandprose]

really puts into context all those times I laid on a cot in the nurse’s office because my stomach would start hurting during my most stressful classes

[narutwitter]

[ham4harrypotter-blog]

Way too many parents need to learn the difference between “a child being disrespectful” and “a human person expressing an opinion that differs from theirs”

[jumpingjacktrash]

my mom had a nice technique for this. when i’d give her sass, she’d say, “i don’t speak rude, what’s that in polite-person-ese?”

basically, she’d encourage me to rephrase my opinion without the attitude. so “UGH, you NEVER let me do ANYTHING!” would (often after quite a bit of bitching and grumbling) turn into “it feels like every time i have a fun idea, you say no, and i just end up sitting around the house.”

and at that point we could troubleshoot like civilized people. she could explain that she didn’t want me to go to jimmy’s sleepover because jimmy’s dad creeps her out, and i could suggest maybe i could have andy over instead, and she could say sure, why not call peter and stacy and brianna and have your own party, i’ll pop some popcorn and rent a movie, and i could add what if we put up tents in the back yard and have a bonfire and roast marshmallows, and she could laugh and say don’t push it.

[hermioneindisguise]

I really like this technique because it addresses the OPs comment but recognizes that the two can coexist. The problem is often the child is expressing their opinion in a rude or disrespectful way. And as humans we automatically become adverse to opinions we feel are aggressive toward us.

[sodomymcscurvylegs]

This is good parenting.

[femaleintimacy-deactivated20210]