sad vibes only

19,pan, they/them 🖤🤍🖤 pfp by Baydews, picrew

[dyslexicditch]

I fucking hate being autistic sometimes

eating chili is like a 5 minute process for most people

but thanks to my sensory issues i physically Cannot eat tomatoes, so i spend about 20-30 mins picking around all the tomatoes just to get to the good shit

and by the time I'm done all the picking, I'm still hungry, but its just not worth the fucking effort 😐

i cant believe I'm this close to relapsing over some fucking chunky tomatoes

[dyslexicditch]

gonna go lay in the forest until the earth reclaims my numb little mortal body and i can return to the mycelium system where i belong

[dyslexicditch]

starve, lay, tiktok, repeat

[dyslexicditch]

it feels like I'm just waiting for something to give me a reason

a reason to just

stop.

I've been stuck in a vicious cycle for so fucking long and i literally just want it to fucking stop but that won't happen until i do something to stop it

and honestly it feels easier to just leave

[dyslexicditch]

the autistic urge to punch yourself bc your shower wont just Go To The Right Temp

[dyslexicditch]

it hurts different when you realise that youve shoved yourself out of your family, and youre not as close to anyone as you were when you were younger, but you dont know what to do or how to fix it without putting yourself through emotional turmoil first 🥰

[dyslexicditch]

being an ex addict is so word bc like-some days are fine, no cravings, no triggers, but other days the order things can set me off.

I'm smoking thca diamonds and they look very similiar to crack and its uhhhh idk uncomfy

like ill smoke them but it's gonna give me flashbacks everytime i look at them vyvhbh

[dyslexicditch]

do you ever see a candid pic of yourself and you're just like,

"oh, right-that's me-disgusting"

or is it just me lmaoo

[dyslexicditch]

i love how was soon as I'm almost alseep my cats start to fight hubuub

[dyslexicditch]

i hate being mentally ill lmao. just knowing that is never gonna get better, not totally. my brain is always gonna go straight to self harm ideation as the go to, suicidal thoughts whenever things go wrong- all because my fucking chemicals are fucked up

[dyslexicditch]

if my attempt last year had just worked everything would be fine

[dyslexicditch]

i think the worst part about feeling suicidal but also trying to get better is the constant train of thought-

"kill yourself kill yourself kill yourself, slit your wrists, drink the isopropyl, kill yourself, you're worthless, everything is your fault anyway, just do it, just stop, just fucking kill yourself"

its a good time🙃

[dyslexicditch]

i think this is the most suicidal I've been in awhile

[dyslexicditch]

feeling very relapsy tn we'll see how it goes

[dyslexicditch]

feeling very "if i weren't here this wouldn't be happening" rn

[dyslexicditch]

feeling very much like the rat at the bottom of a subway dumpster

[dyslexicditch]

gorgeous gorgeous gxrls get high to be productive,

gorgeous gorgeous gxrls can't do shit because they got too blasted 😬💅