What To Do

[earlymorningwritings]

Just want you to hold me tight

And for everything to be right

[earlymorningwritings]

Like Us

I held her after

For a long while

All of the things I would have liked to say stuck in my throat

Ready for me to choke

I asked you what you were thinking

A pause

I would like to say that pause made my gut wrench

That I was terrified to hear your answer

But I was ready for anything

Any string of words that would make or break my emotions

But before I could overthink my question that lingered in the air

You spoke first

What are you thinking

I said as our bodies clung to each other and our hearts beat erratically to their own rhythm

It felt like us

It felt like us

The simplicity of it

It hadn't felt like us in a long time

And I missed us

I would go looking for us in the darkest parts of the night

In the few memories we shared

In my dreams where I could have you

And in the nightmares that would pull you away from me

I couldn't say what I wanted to say

It didn't just feel like us

It felt like home

My body somehow became even closer to yours

Though I haven't felt like I used to in months

The jaded words I've coined for you

The lies I've told myself about you

All crumbling

And the girl who adores you feels your soft skin in her hands

Your hair wrapped around her fingers

I've controlled her for so long

But she was bursting at my seams

Words found in poetry ready to leave her mouth

Words that have all been true

Hurt her in the end

Not this time

Not now

But how she adores you

I can't deny her these simple pleasures

So the fingers tracing your back

And the lips softly kissing you are what I will allow her to give you

She cannot be broken anymore

She cannot hear your words and trust you

Believe you

Think they are everything

When they were just for you and her

In that moment

Where it felt like us

[earlymorningwritings]

Water In My Hands

Months without you

I still know what you feel like

It's so soft

So smooth

My hands are like puddles running against your skin

The dips in your bones

Like the edges of a slick rock

You feel like water in my hands

And if I don't hold tight enough

You'll slip through my fingers again

[earlymorningwritings]

Doesn't Feel Like Home

I don't feel like I'm home anymore

This city lived and breathed

I lived and breathed in this city

But it doesn't feel like home anymore

Subway cars are empty

Smiles covered

And it doesn't feel like home anymore

My favorite places have closed down

There's no shows

And there are no shows

And it doesn't feel like home anymore

[earlymorningwritings]

No Time For Us

It felt like no time had past at all

Like I had seen you just days before

Because now all of the other hours are simply to count when I see you next

The time in-between means nothing to me

[earlymorningwritings]

Colder Like the Seasons

It's Fall again

I'm seeing you soon

Just like every Fall

We have our fun in the Summer

Our sweet sun kissed romance

Of maybes and somedays

And the promise of an endless love

Fall always hits me

Like I'm holding onto us

Holding onto the words that we whispered in the early mornings of Summer

These words now sound like nothing more than a howl of the wind blowing through the leaves

Our love never seems as strong around this time

As if you become colder just like the seasons

The suns rays don't kiss your burnt smooth skin

And I'm not there to hold you under the covers

I don't matter now

You become distant

And just like the flowers our love will bloom again in the Spring

[earlymorningwritings]

Mine & Yours

Your hands

My hands

Your lips

My lips

That smile

I could die looking at

I can feel your fingers grip parts of me

Your eyes defining my every move

My hands

Are only your hands

My lips

Are forever your lips

What do you want

What do you need

I'll give it to you

You dont go away

[earlymorningwritings]

A Need

It's the most shallow thing I'll ever say

I don't care

I need her body

[earlymorningwritings]

My Greatest Love

I breathed in the cities air again

But this isn't the city I left behind

Coming back feels like a lie

A different reality

Around dusk a white haze coats my city

To symbolize something I'm not quite sure of

Is it hope?

Renewal?

Or a blanket to hide and capture what once was

The city skyline represents a dream now

A dream that is being shown to us

Projected to the cities surrounding it

I'd love to go back to that dream

If only for a night

Appreciate it one last time

Before we all changed

[earlymorningwritings]

Break Us Again

I haven't cried in a long time

But I did tonight

Because I can feel me getting lost in your words

Like I always do

But I am not crying for the pain of not knowing if our love is the same

But for the pain I know is coming

When you break us again

When you tell me it's not enough

I'm crying for the end

Because we've had too many beginnings

[earlymorningwritings]

When We Were Younger

When I ran my hands through your hair those mornings in the beginning

When we were younger

And you were traveling

I didn't think it would last

I didn't think I would fall and hit the floor so many times

I didn't think I would be so deeply in love with you

That I never needed to hear it back

That I just knew there was no one else

That I would wait until you came around again

Only to be crushed like all those times before

Wondering if my heart will open up for you another time

And it always does

My red string

May the pulling never stop

My tether

May the wire never break

I loved you then as much as I love you now

Like we were never apart

Like your scent still lingers in my hair

Like your touch left burns in my skin

Like I said goodbye to you only yesterday

Like all of our goodbyes were lies we told each other

And the in-betweens didn't last longer than the turning of a page in our story

Until I would see you next

[earlymorningwritings]

Wake Up Love

Wake up love

For yours are the eyes are desire

Your touch the one I want to feel

Your voice the only one I remember

[earlymorningwritings]

Like You

This time she looked like you

Her body

Her hair

Her hands

The way her eyebrows would raise

The slight smile

Even the way she danced

It felt like you for a second

The way you would control me

But when I stopped

And pulled back

Gazing into her eyes

They were almost your color

But they weren't you

They weren't swirling pools of blue and green

Sometimes even silver

The way they would haunt me

Controlling me without touching me

[earlymorningwritings]

My Crumbling Walls

We said goodnight

With no tomorrow at the end of your sentence

No intent on their being a tomorrow for us

I hovered over your name for awhile

Ready to say what I had to say

You picked up again

I paused

Like when I told you I loved you

I paused for so long

But it felt like vomit I had to get out

Something I can't swallow

Because it's you

You're you

And it's always going to be you

I miss you

And you said it back without hesitation

And then you said it again

As if you knew I needed to hear it again because it may not be real

Because you know I try not to trust you

You know I'll paint you as the devil so it won't hurt me like it always does

You said don't overthink it

And I wasn't

I was only scared of what comes next

Scared of the wall I just let down for you again

But it's you

And my walls never last long with you

[earlymorningwritings]

Just Out of Reach

I can find all of these distractions

But none of them last more than a month

A week

The hour

No none of them last a second

My distractions can never distract me from you

Can never make me faulter how I feel

It only prolongs when you make your way back into me

Back into my thoughts

Back into the corner of my eye

You seem to always stay there

Just out of reach

You're there

Just out of reach

[earlymorningwritings]

When Will It End?

The line goes dead

After months

We talk for 2 hours

Goodbye

And the line goes dead

I whisper into the air my truth

The only truth

I love you

And it just won’t stop

It just doesn’t seem to end

I love you

It’s so simple

And I want it to go away

But if you were in front of me now

It wouldn’t stop

I would keep saying it

As if I didn’t know anything else

[earlymorningwritings]

Limbo

I feel nothing now for you

But I know that if I was with you

If I even saw you from a distance

I’d feel everything

And that’s why I am in this limbo

In this circle alone surrounded by mirages of you