The Official Earth Changelog

Not this Earth. Dimension 2150-AJ. Just letting you 2151-BG losers know what you’re missing out on.

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.21 Update 🌲🌎

Removed the entity known as “Straight Person” because it was causing too many simulation issues with our Society Engine v2.3.

Added the penis explosion framework for upcoming features.

Untamed raccoons can now be pet, but only once, or else…

Reduced the brightness of the sun by 0.16% because it was causing clipping issues with OBJECT=COFFEEMUG_1384729.35cv

Added ENTITY=JANETTE. She will be there or not.

It is now a felony to posses kaleidoscopes in the European Union.

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.20 Update 🌲🌎

Undid all changes introduced in Update 1.0.19

Removed all prior mention of Update 1.0.19

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.18 Update 🌲🌎

Replaced Lana Del Ray with a block of finely aged Parmesan.

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.17 Update 🌲🌎

🎃 Our long awaited Halloween update! 🎃

Made ghosts ghostier.

Fixed a translation issue where skeletons would announce that they were “boned up.” We’ve since fixed the dialogue, which should now says “I HAVE AN ERECTION!!! A FAT HONKING ERECTION OF MY BIG FAT SKELETON COCK!!”

The moon will now turn red on Halloween Day.

We’ve given demons the ability to kill humans, but only the YouTube vloggers.

There is now a 0.05% chance that Entity_53C (aka the Nameless Entity) will spawn in the back seat of your car.

Human children now have a 16.925% chance of retaliating against inadequate trick or treat candy via launching an apple at the forehead of the culprit.

Added Entity_1759W, Bjørn. He is a talking bear wearing a Jason Voorhees mask. Bjørns have a high tendency of spawning and standing animationless in open fields. If approached he will maul you.

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.16 Update 🌲🌎

!!!Emergecy Hotfix!!!

We’ve removed any trace of H̵̷̢̨̧̨̛̓̓̈͛̒͐̔ͥ̔̃ͧͧͩ̐͐ͭ͛̀ͦͪ̌̆̾̏ͤ͊͋͛ͬ̋͑ͧ̈́͑́̕̕͢͟͠͠͏̴̵̷̴̢̛̀́͢͢͡͡͡͏̵̴́̀͏̸̵̷̧́́̀̕̕̕̕͝͝͡҉̵̶̷̡̡̛̛̀̀͜͠͡҉̸̶̡̛̛͘͜͢͜͟͟͏̴̴̴͟͏̴̵̢̛̛̬͕̥̙̗͙̝̰̹͇̰͖̯̫͈̺̻̠̝͕̖̞̩̭̬̝̦͙͢͠i̧̐͋͐̊ͭ̔̐ͮ̌ͮ̇̊̿̏̇ͫ̊̾̍͐̊͂̊̀ͥ̓ͧ̂ͦͣ̽͋ͦͩ͑͗ͯͧ͆̍̐͒̔ͤ̉̃̋͋̌̏ͣ͗̀ͯ̎̎ͨͧ͌ͭ́ͮ̔̑ͫ̏͛ͪͯ̌ͪ͌̊̑͋̔̓ͮ͋͑̓̑̽̆ͥͪ̀̔͑̌ͬ͛̊̔̒ͮͦͯ͑ͣͥ̅ͯ͆̊̓̿̉̏ͦͯͫ̑̒̊̊͗͌̔̒ͭ́ͩ̍̔ͭ͋̈́̋̎͌ͩ̚̚҉̷̢̧̕͢͡͠͠͝͡҉̵̵̵̵̴̷̴̸̵̴̢̡̧̛́́͘͘͜͜͞͡͡͡҉̷̴̶̧̧͎̥̤͍̤̩̲̣͎͓̣͖͓̭͍̬̲̠̥͎͉̻͍̣̳̠̖̤̬̹̼̜̻̺͖̗̪͔̝͉̤̠̘̟̺͉̩̜̼̳̞̲͓̻͉̠̹̱͈͇̫̮͓́͘͜͟͝͡ͅm̄͂ͤ̍̒̅́ͦ́̓ͬ̎̈̅ͫ̄͋͑͗́ͤ̎ͯ̽͊̀̋̑̋ͯͧ͒̐͆̈́͐̈́̅̍̂̏̔̅̈́̀ͬ̅ͩͤͮ́͒̐̂͂̄̓̌͋ͫͤ̓̎ͨ̐̃͌̉͒ͪ̀̾̑̾ͦ̓ͩ̄̾͛̑̈̐̽̓̂͑͐͆̇͊̚͠͏̷̧̕҉̸̶̡̢̀́͘͠͝͏̶̷̵̢̨̨̧́́͟͢͠͏̗͎̝̞̩͘

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.15 Update 🌲🌎

Fixed a bug that would replace all song files with “The Name Game” by Shirley Ellis.

All sharks can now breathe outside of water.

Introduced a new furniture piece: the Squouch.

After many user complaints, we’ve finally reduced the Tree’s explosion trigger radius by 50%.

We’ve banned the human name “Samantha” due to syntax errors it caused within our coding language.

Thanks to user feedback, Cucumbers now come with twice as many eyes.

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.14 Update 🌲🌎

Hornets now have nine lives.

Salamanders™ can now recognize faces.

Fixed a bug that allowed Humans to become allergic to perfectly safe items.

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.13 Update 🌲🌎

In our haste to push out the 1.0.12 update, we accidentally broke intelligent spawning, forcing new entities to spawn at the default position (Venus). We have since fixed this issue, and we apologize. Unfortunately, entities spawned on Universe™ Systems running EarthOS 1.0.12 cannot be restored. This includes respawns and new entity creation events (births). Once again, we apologize.

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.12 Update 🌲🌎

Made leaves leafier

Made wood woodier

Made roads roadier

Made tires eatable

Made paint huffable

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.11 Update 🌲🌎

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[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.10 Update 🌲🌎

Our Biggest Update Yet!

Added a new weather type. Don’t know what it does yet. Guess y’all will find out sooner or later.

Fixed a bug that prevented Teslas from spontaneously decimating your home.

Renamed Joe Biden to Boe Jiden due to inter-universal copyright conflicts.

Updated the Tree’s walking animation.

Due to a mass traumatization event, we have removed any hint of the burglar emoji.

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.9 Update 🌲🌎

Eliminated Mariah Carey

…For Now…

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.8 Update 🌲🌎

In our last update we accidentally made automatic_soap_dispenser.mp3 play when a human ejaculated. This has been patched.

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.7 Update 🌲🌎

Updated grass to be greener. Except when it’s not.

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.6 Update 🌲🌎

Made the moon 0.01% bigger just to fuck with scientists.

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.5 Update 🌲🌎

Unfixed a compatibility solution where the Nissan Leaf and Roomba i7+ had noninterchangeable motors. It is now possible to have an impossibly slow car and an automated home cleaner that will rock your tits off.

[earth-changelog]

🌳🌍 Earth 1.0.4 Update 🌲🌎

Due to popular request, women now have a 0.0000001% chance of spontaneously turning into a worm.