surprisingly, carson had gone half his shift without feeling like he should quit so maybe things are looking up for him.
he's been having this thought a lot lately, too tired and too overwhelmed to be able to shift his focus and remind himself why he actually likes what he does and so maybe, just maybe he should leave. and then he remembers his responsibilities, the people who depend on him—and realizes that leaving is definitely not an option. push comes to shove, maybe he could fake his own death. god know some people here would love to see that happen.
with a sigh, carson presses the heels of his hands to his eyes for a couple of seconds, shakes whatever the fuck is causing him to be on the verge of having a pity party off, puts his glasses on and goes back to his chart.
" five minutes, i'm begging, " carson says when he notices someone approaching him. he looks at the screen but he's already lost it. " screw it. okay. i'm already distracted. what's up? "
" jesus christ, i can't wait to get out of here, " calvin says, then groans as he stretches his back out. if he sees another gurney roll in through these goddamn doors he will start throwing things. thirty minutes and he can leave. " can someone make me the happiest man on earth and discharge ... " he pauses, looks at his screen, " three people in the next fifteen minutes? two, at the very least. i can do with two, " he looks back up, rubs at his eyes because the coffee stopped working like four hours ago. still, he pushes on, with enough energy left to put a smile on his face. " i need a vacation. a long one. "
“𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗵𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 ,” 𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘂𝗽 ⸻ there was no real reprimand , no bite to the words . in fact , it sounded amused more than anything as he flipped through a file slowly . "either come in or ask what you need ." it was blunt , but not unkind . "i don't mind helping — but i can't do that if you make it a guessing game ." he teases, closing the file , dark eyes finally looking at the other . zachary gould had a way of easing the silence , easing the tension of his surrounds in a sort of effortless way .
⌗ 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗧𝗨𝗦 : open !
⌗ 𝗟𝗢𝗖𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 : neurology ward office !
⌗ 𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗘 : any time !
⌗ 𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗚𝗘𝗗 : nil !
⌗ 𝗗𝗘𝗦𝗜𝗚𝗡𝗘𝗗 𝗙𝗢𝗥 : everyone !
most of the time, carson keeps his trips to other departments to the minimum, usually tends to force people to come to him even when he's the one who needs something but this morning feels like he'll benefit from the walk. he's been on edge ever since he'd woken up and currently he's about ten minutes away from snapping someone's head off. he's smart enough to know that it's time to walk away and take five and hope that everything won't go sideways while he does. well, for carson it feels like things can't get any worse these days.
" oh, this isn't hovering. i'm way more in your face when i do that, " he says with his arms crossed in front of his chest, sounding almost casual, even though he's still trying to regulate whatever the hell is making him feel so strung out today. " but come on, thought that we're past guessing at this point. if i'm here then i need ... " carson pauses, brows slightly arched, leaves some room " ... a bed. i need a bed. i can't move things forward if you guys don't cooperate here. " it sounded less accusatory in his head, he realizes when he says it. " i'll beg if i have to. but i'd rather not. "
𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗲𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 ⸻ but the hospital at night , it had a way of thinning out , less frantic . yet , no less demanding and lorelai seemed to fit into that quieter rhythm with ease . tucked away in the break room , a gone cold coffee in her hands as she scanned over reposts with an eagle eyes precision . every note , every number was processed — like she was waiting for something to go wrong rather than hoping it wouldn't .
footsteps squeak — shoes on polished linoleum , the tell tale sign of interruption , she didn't look up . she never bothered to unless she knew it was important . "if you're here for a consult ." voice carries before they could even speak , her tone even , calm almost . "make it quick." it was not out of impatience , just expectation . she didn't fill silences , she didn't soften edges , not for anyone .
⌗ 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗧𝗨𝗦 : open !
⌗ 𝗟𝗢𝗖𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 : hospital break room !
⌗ 𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗘 : late night !
⌗ 𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗚𝗘𝗗 : nil !
⌗ 𝗗𝗘𝗦𝗜𝗚𝗡𝗘𝗗 𝗙𝗢𝗥 : everyone !
this is cal's fifth attempt at taking a ten just so he can go get a coffee refill and wolf some food down—every single time he's tried that so far tonight, something would inevitably come up. which he's obviously used to but tonight it's pissing him off more than necessary. still—there are way worse things happening so he shakes the feeling off, leaves the hub in some capable hands and tells everyone to not bother him for, at the very least, next five minutes. says that he won't be answering his phone, which is a total lie, because of course he will. besides, nobody is probably taking his words seriously.
he pushes the break room door open, sees it occupied already, smiles—even though the woman doesn't even look his way. " doctor winthrop, " calvin says as he heads for the fridge first, digs out his assortment of snacks and then heads for the coffee machine and the pot. which is goddamn empty. " no consult. well—not yet anyway, " he says as he goes about making a fresh pot of coffee. ignores the fact that this is significantly cutting his break time short. he did not account for that. " break room's a sacred space for me. i don't talk shop here, " calvin flips the switch, brings the machine to life then turns around, leans against the counter and waits. and waits. oh, this is going to take forever. " but they are looking for you on the floor. the elderly woman who took a fall in the morning? her brain ct was—well, i am not gonna tell you that now. second we're outside this room, then i will. "
01. it takes time to get through to carson—his walls are thick and he doesn't let people in easily but they managed to worm their way into his life to the point where it's difficult to imagine it without them. he'd never call them best friends, thinks he's too old for a bond like that to develop so quickly but that's essentially what they are. each day, he shares a little more. confides, even—discovers he really needed that. taken : dante headrick
02. someone who helps out with his dad; the circle of people who actually know that he's the primary caretaker of his dad is very limited, carson barely ever talks about him but when he does, it means he trusts the person he's talking to. it's an hour drive but they're happy to make carson's life easier for him—drop off food for his dad when he has to stay behind at work, sit with him, make sure he's doing okay, that he's taking his meds, especially when the nurse carson hires can't be there. they've become someone for him to rely on, a kind of person he hasn't had in years. it's comforting, he finds solace in that relationship, tries his best to show that he appreciates it, even though he has trouble saying that out loud
03. the person who put in a good word for him at the harbour; a friendly face he's met at some point in his career, never really friends, colleagues at best but they didn't mind helping carson find his feet. there was an opening, they knew he was good, it made sense. carson's grateful for the help and now feels like he owes them. he's tempted to get to know them better, get close but he's worried he might be coming off fake. maybe they have an ulterior motive, though? carson does owe them and maybe if push comes to shove, they'll need to cash in on a favor as well?
04. someone who reined him in a little; when he started at harbour, carson was lot more explosive, all over the place, move first, think later but it didn't always end well. with some tough love, a few pointers, a couple of that's not how we do things here, carson mellowed out, became more balanced. they're always here to keep him in check
05. someone he chewed out once for fucking up—rightfully or not—and there's been a grudge ever since. multiple people have told them to talk it out and put it behind them but they refuse to; when they're on shift together, it's hell for everyone involved
06. dinner and a movie; work is great from distracting carson from his current home life but sometimes even that doesn't do the trick and he needs an easy and classic reset. it's a couple hours every other week when the two of them decide to ignore their responsibilities and just spend quality time with each other until they inevitably have to face real life again. it's a highlight for carson, he can vent if he wants to—usually chooses not to, not too much at least, but the knowledge that he's got the option is comforting
07. romantic relationships of any kind, hook-ups—those which turned into casual friendships, those which ended up messy, maybe something ongoing, no strings attached because one divorce is enough to last him a lifetime. carson's difficult—he doesn't like opening up, plays better short-term because most of the time he doesn't know what he wants anymore.
01. the person who showed cal all the ropes when he started ten years ago; someone who took the time to show him what's what, to help him settle in with the harbour's workforce, make him feel like he belonged. it was a ling time ago, so maybe they've drifted a little? both changed as people so it's harder to feel like they belong together anymore. they try or they don't.
02. the best friend, the anchor, the one person who knows everything there is to know about him. his rock during his flightier periods when all calvin wanted to do was to throw in the towel and just leave. they're the reason he stayed, keep staying.
03. the roommate he gets on too well with; two clowns with a combined energy that gets people rolling their eyes at them. they understand each other without words, comes with being in each other's space like that all the time. or alternatively—a complete opposite of calvin, cool, collected, quiet but doesn't mind cal's excessive energy, finds it endearing, even
04. the person he took under his wing, preferably a nurse, but we can make it work with anyone; similarly to the person he had when he started out at harbour, calvin took notice of your muse, maybe a little uncertain, a bit insecure and keeps trying to help them build the confidence they need to thrive; big older brother energy, he just wants what's best for them
05. something rocky—calvin's overly extroverted, has a big personality and an even bigger heart, which doesn't always sit so well with everyone; they think he's too nice, too loud, obnoxious and annoying with how much he wants to help. cal pretends like it doesn't bother him, cracks jokes at them all the time, teases them about their dislike but the truth is that he hates it. cal's got the incurable condition of needing to be liked by everyone and their attitude keeps ruining his vibe
06. his professional other half; calvin's usually working the night shift and when the two of them are scheduled at the same time, it means business. cal's got jokes and a very chill attitude, might seem like he's incapable of being serious but when duty calls, he can do his job and he can do it well. especially with them at his side. taken : dante headrick
07. day off trip buddy; whenever work gets to be too much, cal leaves the city, usually goes somewhere upstate, somewhere with thick, tall trees, fresh air, a cabin somewhere or just a night in a tent, works wonders when it comes to resetting. it was a one time thing at first but then they started tagging along and the two of them made it a thing. outdoor activities as therapy
08. romantic encounters of any kind—though cal's not really a one-and-done kind of person; he likes connection, building something solid; some pining, some will they won't they, friends to lovers, that kind of vibe. enemies to lovers-ish is also an option, started off on the wrong foot, maybe it's a bit confusing, do they get along or not, they're still figuring it out
someone page carson callahan, now ! we got a trauma incoming , what do you mean you don’t know ? emergency medicine attending , the forty-eight year old who looks like daniel henney, they’ve been here at the harbour for 2 years now specialising in pediatric emergency medicine. no ? jesus , move i’ll do it . how do you not know them , they're compassionate & avoidant. get back to work , they’re on their way .
full name : carson isaac callahan face claim : daniel henney age : 48 birth date : june 28th, 1979 gender : cis man pronouns : he / him sexuality : gay
born and raised in a small town just outside of new york city, carson left home at 18 and was never meant to come back. growing up with a single father in a place like that felt suffocating to him so when young adulthood rolled around, carson fought hard for an opportunity to get out. it worked — scholarships and growing student loans got him to college and med school in washington. and even though the beginnings of his education and medical career were an absolute nightmare, carson never looked back.
then fate drags him to madison, wisconsin for a guy — a pediatric surgeon he met at a conference. long-distance was not cutting it with their lifestyles and after a few months of tying loose ends in d.c., carson moves across the country to be with mark. carson finishes his residency in a new environment and, like everywhere he's lived before, he gets comfortable pretty quickly. he calls and visits home a few times a year but the more distance between him and his father, the better.
carson and mark get married the second it becomes legal but it's mostly because of a need to keep their relation ship afloat rather than to strengthen what they've already built together. they work at the same hospital but barely see each other. they stay together because it's easier and more comfortable that way. they talked about kids a few times but never committed to it — not that carson didn't want to, he pressed a few times but it never yielded any results so at some point he just gave up. and then mark decides to give up completely and files for divorce. he met someone else and while it stings, carson doesn't try to fight it. he signs, they split and carson's left with the house, which he starts avoiding like the plague and throws himself into work to avoid thinking about his decomposing personal life.
six months into carson's single life, his father asks for help. his pension is no longer covering all his costs of living and his worsening alzheimer's is preventing him from picking up any part-time work. carson starts with sending money at first but then he starts getting phone calls from his father's friends who grow even more worried by the day.
carson looks up care homes in the area, calls and asks for details, sets up appointments but once he visits and sees how much his father doesn't want to leave the house he's spent his entire life in, he takes pity on him and makes the decision to relocate. there's nothing keeping him in madison anymore and the house is easy to sell. he debates over getting his own place but ends up moving back in with his father to be close in case something happens.
he gets a job at the same medical center he used to go to when he was a kid and it's the kind of place where everyone knows everyone and their business. it's small and he settles for a job in family medicine, which is so far from what he's used to—the price to pay for being able to be there for his father. it makes carson miserable though, the burnout from not doing enough is even worse than the one from doing too much. so he asks around, sets up a couple of interviews, cashes in on some owed favors and after a couple of months of figuring out the details, carson starts his new job at harbourview metropolitan hospital.
he struggles at first—he needs to recalibrate and get used to an enormous amount of responsibility again, the commute from his father's house is a bitch most of the time, his father's bad days are more frequent than the good ones, the private nurse he hires is expensive, the house is starting to fall apart and, frankly, so is carson.
two years at the harbour and things aren't really any better, carson's just got good at handling them. but he's a firm believer—if you ignore your problems long enough, they disappear, right?
someone page calvin washington, now ! we got a trauma incoming , what do you mean you don’t know ? trauma nurse coordinator , the forty year old who looks like brian michael smith, they’ve been here at the harbour for 10 years now specialising in emergency room nursing. no ? jesus , move i’ll do it . how do you not know them , they're easygoing & insecure. get back to work , they’re on their way .
full name : calvin marcus washington face claim : brian michael smith age : 40 birth date : march 22nd, 1986 gender : trans man pronouns : he / him sexuality : gay
cal has always been conflicted about the place he grew up in; on the one hand, there wasn’t anything that he wanted more in this world than to get out. there’s always been this uneasiness that cal carried within himself that he tied to his tiny, upstate new york town very early on so whenever someone would ask him what he wants to be when he grows up, he’d ignore the question and say where he wants to be when he grows up. answers varied, a town over, a state over, the other coast, another country. anywhere but home. and then on the other hand, he’d feel conflicted about the idea of leaving because this was, after all, his home. this is where his family was and family is something that always mattered to him a lot. leaving always sounded like the escape he needed but at the same time, separating himself from his family seemed like something he could never do.
despite that uneasiness, cal got on well. while many kids never want to think about their high school years, cal looks back at the time with a sense of fondness. he was a track star, popular with the jocks, had all the friends in the world that adored him and whom he adored back. trouble started when it was time to graduate and make plans for the future—cal didn’t really see a future for himself. whenever he’d try to think of something he’d like to do, he’d blank and panic. to have some sort of a safety-net and because all of his friends were going to college, cal applied to a few places, eventually even landed himself a track scholarship. his parents were proud and couldn’t wait for him to start the new chapter of his life. except he didn’t.
truth be told, cal didn’t want to do college. at least not now, is what he’d say. but the need to get out of his hometown struck back, even stronger this time around, and cal decided he was going to do it. technically, he didn’t run away—his parents knew that he decided to ditch college and that he was going away somewhere; they just decided to ignore it and act like cal wasn’t actually going through with this. all sorts of threats commenced, mostly centering around cal’s parents cutting him off financially. he was sort of prepared for this (or so he thought, his savings didn’t really last him long) and he wasn’t backing up. just a few weeks after graduation, he packed up all his shit into the beat up truck he begged his father for when he was sixteen and set off. the relationship with his parents was left a mess but cal was convinced that this was what he needed to do.
there wasn’t much of plan but he’s always been an adjust and adapt kind of person; whatever happened, he would find a way to deal with it. for the first two months of his soul searching, he stuck relatively close to home and settled in pennsylvania. the decision was mostly random, though the fact that it’s where one of his high school friends moved to was a major factor in the decision. it gave him the feeling of something familiar in a completely unfamiliar setting. but soon enough cal got antsy and eager to see more so he packed his stuff, thanked his friend for the couch and went back on the road again.
cal’s next destinations came at random. some places he only spent the night at, others became more permanent. he made many friends along the way, but also had a number of shitty run-ins with people who wanted to take advantage of how friendly, open and free-spirited he was. but cal always pushed through whatever life had in store for him. money started to run dry really soon so whenever he was staying somewhere for longer, he’d pick up any odd job he was good for—it wasn’t many, but he always somehow made it work.
he made it to the other side of the country and picked nevada as his more permanent dwelling—he was there for close to a year, the longest he’s ever been in the same place, save for his hometown. he thought that this was it, that he’d found a new home. he liked reno and for the first few months, it felt right. but then soon enough, the odd feeling came back, the one where he both did and didn’t feel at home. something was off and he blamed it on his surroundings again
cal became lost. for the first time in ages he cried because he missed his family, he didn’t know what to do with himself; nothing was making him happy anymore, not even packing his things up and going on the road again. so he did the only thing he could think of and came back to new york.
it was weird, being back. it was the first time in three years that he got to see his family in person (short phone calls and postcards just weren’t the same) and it hit him harder than he had thought it would. upon coming back, his mental health was all over the place and his parents saw that so they just let him stay with them, allowed him to rest and reflect, think about what he wants to do.
cal spent a year back home and tried to regain the sense of self that he felt he had lost. he also put a lot of thought into his future—this time it was easier. no looming graduation to urge him into making a decision; he had all the time in the world to figure out what he wanted out of life. after many back and forth conversations with his childhood best friend, he followed their advice and applied to college. the next year, he was moving to chicago for a nursing degree, but this time he was leaving with a plan; with a purpose.
first few months were tough. cal couldn’t get himself to make any friends, he was just about managing the classes but other than that he was exhausted. something felt off again but this time cal decided to tackle it head on instead of just ignoring it or leaving. cal knew that therapy was something he would have a hard time affording but it felt like something he could benefit from so he went with it and thank god he did. after getting to open up and talk through his thoughts and issues, it felt like a weight being lifted off his shoulders. things finally started making sense. he’s pretty sure that it save his life.
cal came out and began his transition at 25 and he had no idea what he was doing. but, what’s important, he had his family support—something he was surprised by, considering all the shit he put them through before. with that, the quality of his life increased significantly; he was visibly happier, started going out and meeting people; made friends, started doing amazing at school. things clicked and he was finally getting somewhere.
after graduation, calvin weighed his options, spent a long time trying to figure out if he wants to once again go back home or try somewhere completely new. in the end, he settled for something in-between—same state. new york city has always been on his list and he had a couple college friends applying for jobs there so he figured he could try too. he sent out a dozen applications, got interviews for a couple but only one offer—harbourview metropolitan hospital.
he wasn't going to stay there for too long, that was the initial plan. calvin was just going to get some experience that would look good on his resume. and then a year turned into two, three, four years and then that became a decade. his entry position has now become a managing role and it seems like cal's finally grown some roots. he hasn't felt the need to leave in a very long time—but who's to say it's never going to come back?
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