“And then I told Louis that -”
“Niall! You’re not helping!”
“Right, right, I’m sorry,” he mumbled as he jumped off the counter. You were baking a special homemade brownie recipe that had been in your family for three generations. Your doting boyfriend Niall had agreed to help you, since it was for a barbecue with his family the next day, for which you had agreed to bring dessert. He got home late from the studio as it was, and instead of jumping right in to help, he’d launched into a story about his day. Normally you loved to share stories with each other about your days, but now was not the time!
Niall grabbed the eggs out of the fridge, and cracked two of them into the bowl, as per protocol from the recipe. You threw in the remaining ingredients while Niall plucked each of them from cupboards and drawers, and soon the batter was ready to be placed into the pan.
“Wait!” he shouted just as you were about to start pouring. “Can I try something?”
You were taken aback, and frankly a little upset. You’d been working on these for a while after a long day of work, and you were exhausted. You look at him inquisitively and replied, “What could you possibly want to try?”
Niall grabbed the bowl from you and dipped his right index and middle finger into the batter. He looked determinedly back up at you, and swiped the chocolate on each of your cheeks. At first you were pissed, and you nearly interrupted him when he leaned in and licked the chocolate off your cheeks leaving lingering, sloppy wet kisses as he made his way across your face. Shit. You grabbed the bowl from him and placed a trail of batter from the top of his nose, across his lips, and down his chin, and then proceeded to complete the same actions that he did to you. Before you could even finished he had grabbed your head and forcefully placed his mouth on yours, you reciprocating his emotions by putting an enormous amount of passion into the makeout session. It turned heated rather quickly as he began to remove your sweater and unbutton your blouse, and you violently ripped his t-shirt from his torso. You ripped your mouth from his and dropped to your knees on the floor, smirking up at Niall, who knew fully well what was coming next. You unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down slowly, leaving large open-mouthed kisses on the top of his boxers as you made your way down. You heard him hiss, and you could tell he was growing impatient from the rising surprise in his boxers. You finally freed him from his cotton prison, licking a stripe across the tip, teasing him just a bit more. Then you proceeded to lick a stripe up the entire shaft, making him hiss again and push your head more towards where he wanted it.
“All right, all right,” you giggled, and then you went to town. You took him entirely in your mouth suddenly, working your magic as you had done plenty of times before. You continued to swirl your tongue around the tip like you knew he loved, and alternated between sucking and blowing motions which you knew would drive him crazy. You noticed something out of the corner of your eye - after each time you made the motion of blowing, it seemed as if his head grew larger… No! Could it be?! You tried the sucking and blowing once more, and then you screamed and jumped up from the floor. Your boyfriend’s head had swelled to five times its original size, and it was red as a new balloon.
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” you shouted.
“What?! What’s wrong, darlin?”
“Your..your...your head! It’s huge!”
“Aw shit, is it? The doc said me new meds might have some side effects.”
“Was one of those side effects having a blowjob literally blow you up?!”
“Eh, I think he mentioned somethin’ like that. It’s not a problem! It’ll swell down as soon as I come, I promise.” You looked hesitantly at him. “C’mon darlin’, I’m about to bust here and I could really use your help. It’ll all be fine, I swear.”
You shrugged and decided to get back to business. After all, it couldn’t be THAT bad, right?
You returned to your actions you were doing before, alternating your motions for a few minutes, when suddenly a loud explosion interrupted your actions. You screamed in fright as your boyfriend’s head had been removed from his body and exploded in a crimson waterfall all over your walls. Brains, blood, and guts, rained down from the ceiling and onto your half-naked body, and the headless corpse of your once boyfriend. You decided to do what any sane, rational person would do, so you placed the corpse outside in the front yard to be picked up by the garbage people the next morning, and gathered up the brains and shipped them to your mother in a beautiful vase for her mantle.
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