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THOUGHTS ON HAPPINESS

As I approach my 62nd birthday and it hits me that I most definitely have more behind me than ahead of me, I have been taking stock of my life. I have realized that while there are many things I may have done differently, I don’t think I would have changed much, if anything. We all have those “woulda, shoulda, could have” moments, but the thing is, it never changes anything, and it only fills you with regrets. I have come to look at it this way, everything I have done, everyone I have known, every decision, good or bad, I have made has led me to this moment. And when I really look at my life, reach deep down, I realize I am a very rich man indeed. Not in material things but in the things that really matter.

I have found a place of great peace for myself. I have an abundance of love around me. I have an abundance of happiness. I am at a place in my life where I treat every day as the gift that it is and an opportunity to make my mark, no matter how small, to help leave the world a better place than I found.

I now take great joy in little things. My early morning walks, quiet and dark before the sun rises, so peaceful. As I am writing this at the beginning of October, the changing of the leaves and the cool, crispness in the air. I love the sound of the children playing in the street I live on. The crunching sound that the leaves make as I walk through them. Most of all, I take great happiness in watching my husband achieve his dreams and get excited over hard won victories. For each goal he checks off his bucket list, my heart grows fuller.

I have found that I love the sound of laughter, both mine and others. As I am an early riser, I also go to bed somewhat early. Freddy is the night owl in the family, and I love the way he stops whatever he is doing to come to bed with me each night so we can cuddle a little before I go to sleep. It’s our little ritual. We play with our dog in bed and laugh at how silly she gets, we talk about plans, and other things we want to do. Then he gives me a kiss goodnight and turns off the light for me so I can fall asleep.

Sometimes, I wonder if I deserve to be this happy. God knows, I certainly don’t feel I’ve always been the best person I could be. How have I landed in this place of contentment?

I have discovered that life hands you choices. And you can choose to be happy just as easily as you can choose to be unhappy. For a lot of my life, I choose not to be happy. To dwell on what I didn’t have, what I couldn’t afford. Material things and status where what I thought would finally make me happy. What I found however, was that the more material things I had, the more status I achieved, the more unhappy I became. That is when I realized that I needed to change my priorities. Don’t get me wrong, I still like nice things, it’s just I don’t need them in my life to make my life happy. I already have everything I need at this very moment to bring me happiness and contentment. What a wonderful way to start the rest of my life.

Thoughts on Getting Older

You know, most of us spend our young lives fearing getting old. We fight it every step of the way trying to hang on to our youth by any means necessary. It’s not necessarily our fault. Advertisers and the Media glorify youth. If you’re old, you don’t matter. So, we spend our lives hating the fact that we age.

I always felt that way too... especially being gay. The gay community takes that precept that youth is everything to new and dizzying heights!

Well, now that I am on the eve of my 62nd birthday I have realized a few things. Getting old is a gift. Being comfortable in your skin is your reward for embracing your greying hair, growing pot belly and all the little aches and pains that constantly remind you that you’re not in your 20’s anymore. Not that I would want to be. I remember those days… the striving for youthful perfection. The constant insecurities. The worrying what other people would think… no thank you! Embracing your wrinkles gives you a certain freedom to, frankly, not give a damn what anyone else thinks. It brings a calm to your life. A contentment. You realize that happiness is not bought. It doesn’t reside in that fancy new car, that big house or those expensive clothes. It resides in your heart. It’s taken me 62 years to learn this. I only wish I had learned it earlier. I feel sorry for people that have gotten to this stage of their lives and have still have not learned this.

One of the many, but most beneficial things that has changed as I grow older is my penchant for waking up between 4:00 and 5:00 in the morning… every morning… no matter how late I went to bed. Now, I could choose to do one of two things.

#1. Take a pill. Our societies answer to everything. Drug yourself into submission so you can get that extra hour or two of sleep, then being in a kind of hazy state most of the next day (at least for me).

#2. Embrace it. I get up, I’m not tired, I do things. One of the first things I do is take a long walk. I love going out for a walk early before anyone is up. Even when I really don’t want to go for a walk, I force myself and am always glad I did. Walking through my neighborhood, everyone asleep behind their doors, it’s so quiet and peaceful. The air is so clean and crisp – especially as we start entering autumn. I get to just be with myself. My “me time” that belongs to me and me alone. I talk to myself and work out issues. I think and ponder life (I actually thought about writing this all down during one of my early morning walks). I also get the extra bonus of watching the sun peak over the horizon and turn into a new day, hearing the birds joyfully chirping as they awake. It’s a wonderful way to begin your new day.

Another wonderful thing that has happened is I have come to like myself. The person I am. And, now this is important, APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE DAY YOU ARE GIFTED! Contrary to how we think when we are young, we do come with an expiration date. And the older you get, the closer it is. When I was younger, I would throw away the days like they were infinite. “I can’t wait till I leave on Vacation”, “will Friday ever get here”, etc. We have all been guilty of this. It took getting older for me to realize that each day is precious. I don’t care if it’s a bad day or a good day. Every day has something to offer. I have finally come to the point, with age, that I realize it. To LIVE in each day and not be preoccupied with next week or next month or next year. I can’t credit this realization entirely to my aging, I am extremely fortunate to have a husband, while significantly younger than me, that already knows this. He embraces life and enjoys every single moment and he has led by example. Freddy has taught this old man so much and I am eternally grateful.

Finally, having lost my mother last year, I have also realized how important it is to let everyone you love in your life know how much you care about them. Remember, you can never give out too many hugs or say “I love you” too many times. Even when your husband calls you sappy! Trust me, there will be a day when they miss that and only have those memories to keep with them.

Well, it has taken me 62 years to embrace life and I can truly say it’s a lesson well learned. I can absolutely say I am happy. Contentment is a wonderful thing!

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I know it’s been awhile...

Hi all, Just using this space to vent... As a lot of you that have followed me know, a little over 4 years ago (right about the time I met Freddy) my medical billing company which had been doing pretty good took a dump. I almost lost everything and through hard work and struggle, over four years, I had started to see a little light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn’t have done it without Freddy by my side. He has made my struggle worth it in every way, always giving me an encouraging word, supporting me in every way he can. Never complaining when money was so tight that we couldn’t do anything. Today, however, I found out one of my biggest clients, one that I took from hemorrhaging money into making an amazing profit in just 3 years has decided to sell her practice to a national chain. In a meeting today with this company, I was informed that they will be taking the billing in-house and here I am, after 3 years of hard work and 12 hour days, out in the cold... AGAIN... Starting again from scratch... at 60 years old.... I am so tired. I am so close to just saying fuck it and giving up. and if it wasn’t for Freddy I just might. I know I will get through it.. I’m a survivor, but loosing 60% of your income after working so hard to get back to where you where is so discouraging and frightening. Sorry for venting but I just needed to get that out.

It’s been a while.....

I just got a message from one of our followers asking why I haven’t posted any updates or pictures recently. I have no good excuse other than time flies and we both have been very busy. Me, with crawling out of the disaster that happened to my business right before I went down to Argentina in June of 2015 (we are FINALLY starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel if the stress doesn’t kill me first) and with Freddy working 2 jobs now to help keep us a float. He is a proud employee of Apple (which he LOVES) and of a company called B-Cycle (if you’ve seen the rental bikes around - that’s the company). He always remains cheerful and happy and positive regardless of what hell is falling around us! I have no idea how he does it but thank god he does... it helps me keep sane!

In other news we went through Hurricane Irma last year. It was his first hurricane and I think he was a little nervous and excited. Thank god we didn’t have any serious damage but we almost got flooded out. I’ll post some pictures for y’all to see. Also, I had to go up north to help close up and sell my childhood home. We had to put Mom in a long term care unit as her alzheimer’s had progressed to where she could not be alone any longer and she refuses to live with either my sister or myself. It’s so hard to see a person you love fade away like that. I miss my mom.

On a positive note, Freddy was able to check a couple of things of his bucket list this past year... he went on Parahoy! which is a cruise hosted by his all time favorite band, Paramore...I stayed home and listened to MY music LOL....I also got him an Xtreme Xperiance! which meant he got to do a couple of laps around a race track in a LamborghiniI - his dream car. I was so happy to see him so excited about something, he works so hard he deserves so much more. He is now getting ready to make the trip home to Argentina next week for his sister’s birthday. Again, he is so excited to see his friends and family but he will be gone for two weeks and this house is going to feel so empty without him.

Otherwise, we have just been living out lives, it’s hard to believe we have now been married almost 2 1/2 years.. it has gone by so fast. Life in general has been very good to us. I know this is kind of short and crappy but I just wanted to do a quick update to let you all know what’s been going on. Maybe I will be motivated to write more while he is gone to help me pass the time.

Thanks for sticking with us and Ta! Ta!

Take out your frustrations with President by pushing him off a virtual cliff, or into a virtual volcano.