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I just imagine Tairn and Sgaeyl narrating Xaden and Violet’s love life like they do on Big Brother -

Tairn: It’s 8:34 in the Basgiath murder college and the silver one is pretending she’s not about to mount the wingleader over her cereal

Sgaeyl: It’s 9:05 in the Basgiath murder college and the wingleader is pretending he’s not about to combust because the mind reader smiled at silver one

Andarna: IT’S 10AM IN THE BASGIATH MURDER COLLEGE AND IM STILL COOL AS FUCK

thestarseternaal-deactivated202

xaden riorson sitting on the roof of riorson house waiting for his dad to come home

violet riorson sitting on the roof of riorson house waiting for her husband to come home

court-of-secrets

Xaden: I don't want Violet to die

Xaden: You don't want Violet to die

Xaden: So now we need to make sure that Violet doesn't make Violet die

Mira: Fantastic plan, but have you fucking met her?

stupidlybookish

Violet, drunk: *points to Xaden* That’s my boyfriend, suckers!

Xaden: Your husband, honey.

Violet: MY HUSBAND! Even better!

fryingpan1234567

“would you slap your best friend for a million dollars?”

Sawyer: “I would slap Ridoc for free”

Ridoc: *tearing up* “I’m your best friend?”

Violet: “if you slap me and then I slap you we each get a million”

Rhiannon: “great thinking, fuck the system”

Garrick: “fucking FINALLY”

Xaden: “bold of you to assume you can even get close enough to my face to… what are you— Garrick— Garrick NO STOP TRYING TO HIT ME THAT WASN’T A CHALLENGE—”

Quinn: “no.”

Imogen: “for a MILLION? girl I’ll slap YOU if you don’t start acting right”

Liam: “I would never hit Violet.”

Vi: “what if it was during sparring?”

Liam: “well—”

Vi: “what if Xaden said you could?”

Liam: “he can’t give me permission to hit you??”

Vi: “what if you were being held at sword point”

Liam: “do I still get the million dollars?”

Vi: “yes.”

Liam: “still no!”

Vi: “WHY NOT?”

Liam: “DO YOU WANT ME TO HIT YOU??”

Vi: “IT’S A MILLION DOLLARS I JUST CAN’T FIGURE OUT WHY YOU WOULDN’T TAKE THAT OPPORTUNITY!”

bonus:

interviewer: “would you slap—”

Cat: “yes.”

interviewer: “I didn’t finish the—??”

Cat: “the answer is yes, I will slap anybody you put in front of me.”

interviewer: “…even Maren?”

Cat and Maren, at the same time: “yes”

Maren: “I’m still mad at you for that”

Cat: “you shouldn’t have tried to take my fucking strawberries??”

annoyinggirl67

Xaden: dear diary, today violet threw a dagger at my chest

passerbyyye

love how xaden told violet once that "the right way isn't the only way" and she never did anything the right way again

yelyahrodrigo

Six times Xaden Riorson is the funniest character in Fourth Wing

♡ because my boy contains multitudes ♡

1. when he was trolling Vi right from the beginning

2. when he was fucking done with Tynan's shit

"nO, bUt I cAn NaRrAtE" lives rent free in my head

3. when he manages to lighten the mood right before making out with Violet for the first time

4. when he cannot contain his giddiness that he can now bother Violet without having to utter a single word

5. when he decides honesty in the best policy with Mira

6. when he is offended by breakfast

✰ Xaden Riorson, born to be a little shit, forced to be a revolution leader ✰

greenmaskedmarauder

How I imagine Sgaeyl was during Vi's threshing.

Sgaeyl: my love I think you need to come check out this cadet. She's ballsy and perfect for you.

Tairn: I wasn't planning on bonding again.

Sgaeyl: no seriously I think you need this rider. Plus my human gets all weird around her and I want to mess with him.

Tairn: Sgaeyl I'm not going to bond a rider just to mess with your moody teenager.

Sgaeyl: OK but Andarna is in danger and this tiny girl is fending her off alone while injured.

Tairn: ....I'm on my way.

helenaschmalz

Liam ”It‘s been. My honor.” Mairi

mysterylilycheeta

Violet: Sit down, I'm gonna torture you now Xaden, smirking: kinky. Violet: I think you're sweet and breathtaking. Xaden: What— Violet: You deserve to be cared for. Xaden: Stop, now— Violet: Your feelings are valid and deserve to be heard. Xaden: I need a safeword!