Dear trans women:
I know it makes a lot of you uncomfortable to face certain realities about biology and socialization, but there’s a fact you absolutely need to face. Not facing it causes many of you to act in ways that cause problems for other women. This causes them to react negatively to you. That’s not transphobia. That is women reacting to a negative pattern of behavior common to our male oppressors.
In short: you’re acting like a guy, in a really bad way, and a lot of women won’t be comfortable around you until you stop.
If part of your transition doesn’t include recognizing, examining and discarding your toxic male socialization, you’re not done. You’re retaining the worst and most damaging part of modern manhood.
You need to drop your denial and recognize the following:
You are not better than other women
Your needs are not more important than those of other women
When you’re a self-centered, sexually entitled dick who attacks other women and makes demands of them, you’re not fighting for your rights, you’re acting like an entitled, aggressive male and that is neither feminine nor Feminist
Being trans doesn’t mean you can crowdsource pressure on women to fuck you and feel righteous about it
It doesn’t oblige women to silence themselves for you
It doesn’t give you the right to weaponize your emotional fragility and/or instability and/or violent temper to make women do what you want
It doesn’t give you a pass to throw childish, alarming tantrums, glorify violence against women (yes, even TERFS), take leering knife selfies talking about harming women, threaten to beat people, ACTUALLY BEAT PEOPLE LIKE YOU DID MY SISTER, talk gleefully about murder and rape of women, incite others to ostracize, “punish”, beat, rape and murder women, or generally be a violent, threatening, misogynist prick who damages other women’s lives because you don’t like them
It doesn’t make it cool to start screaming like a salty-ass MRA whenever someone brings up female biology, pregnancy, periods, the horrifying realities of growing up biologically female, or other stuff that temporarily takes the spotlight off of your specific situation
It doesn’t oblige anyone to give you more than the baseline respect and support owed to everyone
It doesn’t mean you can sit there screaming for support, recognition and pussy while doing absolutely nothing for your fellow women in return. Don’t talk about Stonewall, don’t scream generalizations, I’m talking about you. What have you done for your fellow women lately, compared to how much you want from us?
Not sorry for pointing all this out. These are all repeated problematic behaviors that I have witnessed again and again for twenty goddamn years.
Individual bits may not apply to you, and that’s great. None of it may apply to you, and that’s awesome. If so, this lecture ain’t for you in the first place, sorry for taking your time.
But the bottom line is, non trans women are not second class citizens who should defer to trans women. Thinking that way is thinking like a sexist male, and acting on it is acting like a sexist male.
Sexist male behavior makes everyone else uncomfortable and should never be catered to. Recognize when you’re doing it, and stop it. Or don’t be surprised when you get a lot of rejection and negative reactions from women who are FUCKING TIRED of being treated this way.
