I am a bloodmelon

Age: too late to call me anything but an adult, too soon to know if I'm an immortal yet / pronouns : don't care / sexuality: none of your bees wax, muchachos.

[fangirltothefullest]

Can we please bring male corsetry into style it’s like a basic vest but laced up all pretty.

Anyways, male corsetry by Innova is really cool. 

[glumshoe]

Is there anything more nauseating than ‘expensive heterosexual wedding’ culture?

[glumshoe]

My dream wedding: outside, illegal fireworks, shoes are optional, mostly potluck, someone’s dressed as a wizard, I get to insult my relatives, hopefully some live music.

[norrington-hell]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[callmedaddy-42]

[artissijamm]

HERE’S THE DUCKS.

[furbyhater]

you missed the best part 

[coolskeletonmemes]

[unflirtatious]

“this baby came out of you but im not 100% sure its yours”

[viergacht]

Funny thing - a woman who applied for welfare after her husband left her hadto supply DNA evidence he was actually the father. The results: he was definitely the father, but she wasn’t the mother. Her children were removed from her custody and she was sued for fraud, even though she insisted they were her children. 

Turns out, she wasn’t a surrogate or a kidnapper (the two most obvious explanations) - she was a chimera. As an embryo, she fused at a very early stage with her twin, forming one individual. Her ovaries apparently developed from cells that had originally belonged to her vanished twin. Later on more tests showed that while the woman’s skin and hair DNA did not match her childrens, DNA taken from her cervix did. 

[strawberrymilkshakeearrings]

WHAT THE FUCk

[boots-n-cats]

This went from stupid to really interesting in point 5 seconds.

[devillikeme]

It’s so fucking funny that Present Mic is a well known radio host like imagine being a villain on the battlefield and the guy who told you about the 9am traffic punches you in the face

[uwutraman]

A sudden inspiration came to me

[princess-mononoke]

[cookiekappa]

movie vs book (i adore them both) 

[pigeonsympathiser]

How could you leave this in the notes, excellent addition

[dimetrodone]

Hot take: on a scale of nerd vs jock, LARPing is a more jockish activity then fantasy football.

[dimetrodone]

LARPing: people going outside and being physically active, requires working as a team with people

Fantasy Football: poindexters on the computer, playing with stats 

[dimetrodone]

[memesandlaughs]

[socialistexan]

Boomer: Classicalism (man vs man)

Millennials: Modernism (man vs self)

Gen Z: Postmodernism (man vs reality)

[jontronshat-deactivated20150806]

4 word horror story

“I heard my wife knock on the bathroom door, but then I remembered…. our bathroom doesn’t have a door”

[imhangingwhataboutyou]

I’m sorry, but the confusion of why your bathroom doesn’t have a door far outweighs any feelings of horror this might evoke.

[jontronshat-deactivated20150806]

can’t afford door.. the horror here is the realities of life

[pajamazam]

So what fuck was your wife knocking on

[jontronshat-deactivated20150806]

this dick

[mitochondrionion]

It’s not even 4 words???

[just-shower-thoughts]

If you get married in Japan then fly to Hawaii and immediately die after you land, your marriage certificate will be dated after your death certificate

[frogmoss1]

weekend plans!

[tastefullyoffensive]

[rat-femurs]

I showed this to my friend sitting next to me and he didnt even laugh he just got really quiet and then said “I have seen the Creatures in those machines and it has nothing to do with the gas” and gave No further explination

[melonmemes]

Life imitates art

[ampervadasz]

Unmute !

[queerdungeons]

my 19 yr old brother puts sports bottle lids on his chocolate milk

[shinespike-deactivated20181205]

thank you for sharing his wisdom with us