River couldn’t even look at her daughter, averting her eyes as best she could
manage when she entered her line of sight. She didn’t want to see the
judgment there, too.
Even if Brooke didn’t say she thought her mother was crazy, River wouldn’t
blame her if she thought it and took Gray’s side in the matter. She would, too,
even if the thought of it made her feel all the more alone.
Her eyes moved to her daughter’s as she spoke reasonably. River knew she
meant well, but each word of logic, each possibility that she introduced, only
made the ache in her chest that much stronger.
So Brooke did doubt her. Just as Gray had. The only one who truly believed
her was herself – nothing new in that at all.
“I don’t know. Your dad was always the one to start the telepathic connection,
not me,” she whispered, her gaze dropping once more, “I barely had enough
to strongly suggest an idea into someone’s mind, and I never did it on Gray.
Not that it matters now. She wouldn’t let me close enough to see if it sparks
any recognition anyway.” Not that River wanted to.
River was silent again as Brooke argued for Gray. It made sense, it all made
sense, but did nothing more than feed her guilt. It would have to be a traumatic
change for Gray to completely forget her family, and there’d have to be a
reason it hadn’t come back yet. But why she couldn’t ask the woman who
would do literally anything to save her for help didn’t make sense.
“She hates me, Brooklyn. She thinks I manufactured this all as a harsh, cruel
game for God’s sake! As some petty revenge scheme. Just because I think
she’s the Doctor, she thinks I abandoned her, that I knew the truth all along!”
She sighed heavily, shaking her head. “Besides, it doesn’t matter if I forgive
her or not, she never will return the forgiveness. Even if we could, I can’t
see her again. I can’t talk to her. I… I just can’t.” Her heart wouldn’t be able
to take knowing, but having to remain silent. She couldn’t take any more lies
or hiding when it came to the Doctor.
River smiled softly at her daughter. “You keep your relationship with her, love,
she’s been good for you. But I can’t.” So she stood, moving to her things and
trying to collect them all up once more.
“She doesn’t hate you,” Brooke said. “She thinks you hate her. God, you’re
both idiots.”
She shifted to a crouch again, then got to her feet as River moved to go back
to her things, collecting them like idle thoughts that she wanted to hide or
shove in a dark bag somewhere.
“Gray’s human, mum. Right now, regardless of whether or not she’s dad, she’s
human. Of course she thinks that you abandoned her. You’re thinking of it like
she regenerated. She doesn’t have that piece of information.”
Another breath. She ran a hand through her hair. “Rule 7. Never run when
you’re scared. Right? I’m not letting you. Apologize for being cross with her
for something she didn’t do-- because that’s not a lie-- Gray didn’t.”
She walked over and took River’s hands. “We’ll figure it out. We’ll find a way
to get her memories back, but pretending like she doesn’t mean anything won’t
help either of you. If she is dad, then she needs you now more than ever. If you
abandon her like this then you’re doing exactly what she accused you of. Don’t
do that to her. You’ll regret it.”