Getting my shit together
Ive spent way too long complaining about how things are just not working out. I’ve also exhibited odd behaviours like being proud of all my dysfunction. How fucking odd is that. I am the sum total of all the things that I do and I haven’t really done shit. Im still tugging at my past in so many ways to give me the illusion of purpose and value.
Lots of things are worth driving toward head on, but seriously nothing is worth fighting for. Nothing. Losing peace of mind and joy for life is not a price worth paying for anything. My valuable lesson in these months of perceived nothingness.
As I write I want to go back and change so many things I say, as my words seem to reek of ingratitude. But it’s so real the self absorption and therefore so must be the ingratitude. On the days that I can intentionally take a step back and see things as they really are, every fucking thing is truly as it should be.
I have the ‘luxury’ to complain and nit pick on things that are good, very good. I don’t want it or this is not for me are phrases that come out of my mouth way to often. And in all honesty its a losing battle cause I don’t know what is for me, or what it is I do want.
Step 1: Discover what I want & Get my shit together