Sonic Mary Sue Critique: Susan The Hedgehog
Okay...I’ve been itching to do this character for a LONG time..So, without further adieu, LET US BEGIN!!
Full Name: Princess Susanne Gaia the Hedgehog
Name: Susan (prenounce as Suzan)
Nicknames: Suzany-chan - Suzy
D.O.B.: 18 - August - 1939 (50 years frozen by humanity)
Oh how lovely...Another princess, just what we needed....Seriously though, the princess title is getting over used and cliche. Secondly..This character’s appearance just reeks of overly sexual self insert fuck toy..Classic sue traits people...Overly classic sue traits..Also..Why the fuck does she look like a Sonadow child? The color scheme makes my eyes bleed it's quite obvious that she was trying to hard. Tone down the colors and stick with TWO COLORS! Also..For fucks sake, fix those quills, it looks highly uneven and makes her body unporportioned in comparison. But..Then again..This is a sue...I should be expecting this shit by now..
Birth Place: Twilight Cage Voxai Colony
Kingdom: Dark Gaia Kingdom
So...Is that all? No description of her kingdom or even where in the world this place is..? This is one of my main pet peeves when someone tries to make a bio. If you’re going to have your character come from a different part of this universe, otherwise known as Mobius since this is the Sonic fandom, then for the love of Christ, PLEASE GIVE DETAILS! Where is this place? What’s it like? Why isn’t she there anymore? How does this place intertwine with the Sonic universe?! Not having an answer for these questions literally shows that you haven’t actually put the time or effort into your character’s backstory!
Gaia Drill: When spinning from high in the air fast, she marked a drill shape with darkness aura drilling through the enemies, stunning them or either drilling down the ground to escape.
Gaia Blast: Charges up her darkness energy from the darkest sides of Gaia Hell's domain making her use it in 4 different ways of attack;
BLAST TYPE 1 Fires a huge blast from her arms or firsts at the enemies faces depending on where the are.
BLAST TYPE 2 Swirling the blast up high mixing/swirling Dark fire/electric high up in the air.
BLAST TYPE 3 Fires the blast from underneath her hover boots/heels shaking the ground making enemies hit they're feet or stun them underground.
BLAST COMBO There's only one ultimate combo, using all the blast types at once will cause Susan to faint after using them all at once. When being lucky she will just barely stand up being exhausted after using.
Gaia Spear: Firing 2 different type of spears depending on how being used;
SPEAR TYPE 1 Regular firing many spears when swinging her arm from the left to the right (depending on which arm being swing with)
SPEAR TYPE 2 When spinning a whole round (or a few times) firing spears in any direction small and big.
Gaia Flamethrower: Charges the darkest flames from hell in her left palm, when dashing to the enemy she fires the flamethrower. The attack will get bigger/powerful when dashing faster forward.
Gaia Thunder:: !! Only used when low on health/feeling furious !!
Simple charges electrifying dark energy in her left palm, making herself ready (powering up) to unleash a huge thunder storm. Only hits enemies, no innocent creatures.
Frozen Dark: Summoning dark crystals from the ground hiting through the enemy will make them freeze for a couple of seconds.
Dark Sorrow: !! Only used when memories take over her mind deeply !!
One a memory got remembered or shower in her mind she'll feel weaker by attack all cause of the sorrow. Ghost drops will fall as tiny snowflakes on the enemy, making them badly poisoned.
Dark Shield: When being weak, with one swing she creates a shield in front of her lasting for a couple of minutes.
Dark Boll: When being low on health a dark shield in the form of a boll surrounds her whole self, when being slightly health up the boll disappears automatically.
Gaia Melody:: Sings the song of her Mother in the Lake of Harmony to heal herself up when being teleported by Gaia Hell to the lake itself.
Chaos Madness: !! This form will happen uncontrolled !!
When she's angry for a reason of her memory her eyes will be bloody red as Shadow's ones. Their connected, when Susan became this Shadow's eyes will become blue likes hers. They've kinda change of personality of each other cause their connected.
Well whoopie-dangle-doo, you have an over powered sue! Well, at least I think she is..But oh well~ Now, my biggest question is what in the world her type is? Is she speed, power, or flight? If she’s apart of an actual team, then what is she? Better yet..Why does she have all of these powers? I don’t care if it’s because she’s a princess, but for fucks sake, please explain this shit. Secondly, why the hell does aura powers or even “hell” powers have anything to do with Sonic? Also, why does she have so many powers? This is starting to turn into some anime shit right up in here y’all. Time and time again I’ve said this, DO NOT MIX ANIME WITH CARTOONS OR ANYTHING THAT ISN’T EVEN ANIME RELATED! You know what, she isn’t even a hedgehog at this point..She’s you’re basic demon girl chick. Yep, I solved the problem! But seriously, if you want your oc to be more well balanced and realistic for this universe, actually tone down the OPness level and give her powers and abilities that are actually seen with the hedgehog mobians.
Purple Chaos Emerald: Contains her darkness powers to power up. When stolen she needs to charge up from gaia Hell and her own life.
Mate: Her trustful kitten/pet can transform in any weapon and transportation when having it in her data base (sort of works like a robot with memory and such)
Cute Charm: Without knowing herself males get attracted toward her of her body shape, sometimes she takes advance of it to attack/kill her enemies easily when needed.
Mate Change:: Commending her pet Mate to change in any weapon or transportation when ordered.
She might look sexy from the outside once seeing her for the first time, but when she went on adventure she was pretty cocky, stubborn, selfish and is often better off on her own. Serious most of the time and likes exploring creepy and mysterious places through her adventure.Takes the fights against enemies or rivals to serious and can't concentrate on her deference being a weak girl with high attack. But charging her attack up will also take a while so she often runs off just to charge it up.
When being at school and all (after her adventure and being home at last) she became shy, silent and afraid toward/off everything. Could barely trust anyone to be with and all.
Being adult she became more seductive toward her husband and being all warmhearted toward people and is always glad to help anyone out when needed. Like a real mother.
Good lord please stop! I’m not even halfway done with this shit and it just keeps getting worse! Enough with the fucking hell shit and enough with the overly sexual shit! Seriously man, “cute charm”?! That’s just basically saying all males will fall in love with her instantly..And guess what folks, a female oc who has all the men falling for her like she’s the most desirable piece of ass on the planet is just a sue move. Let me make this clear, not ALL men are going to want to tap that. No one wants a hoe, unless you just want an easy fuck. Secondly, since when in the Sonic universe has a “pet” transformed into a weapon like we’re in Soul Eater? Once again, SONIC IS NOT AN ANIME! Stop trying so hard to portray it like that and just move on!
Also...When the fuck did Chaos Emeralds have elemental powers or anything? I swear to God you’re just making this shit up now. Chaos Emeralds have no relation to elements, they’re only used for the whole Choas Control form. Does this bitch have Chaos Control, no, no she doesn’t. Let me make this clear, THIS HEDGEHOG HAS NO REAL POWER WHAT SO EVER! Stop trying to make her a bad ass!! She isn’t nor will she ever be a bad ass, powerful, female.
Defense is very weak even too weak that she can easily lost her charged up power from a single attack when playing smart.
Flirting males will make her nervous, not knowing what to say something useful.
People who use and bully her cause of how her looks will make her angry and pissed or in her school years shy and afraid.
Saying negative things about her can make her cry and hate you.
Greatest Friends: Lucy the Hedgehog, Polina-Points the Hedgewolf and MANY others (most of her friends of my friends FC's on DA)
Rivals: Sarrah the Hedgehog Was first a trustful teammate but later on knowing Susan's past friend Shadow Sarrah always wanted to steal Shadow just for Susan's misery to suffer.
Scourge the Hedgehog Almost married her by force of her aunt (fake mother) and wanting to make her his sexual slave for life. Always tried to kidnap and steal her from Shadow which cost troubles for both of them.
Sunder the Hedgehog Susan's own Gender Bender clone in his own personality and all, flirting with Susan all the time and showing off on how important he COULD be for her. Consider she isn't interested in him he always tries everything he can to get her.
Enemies: Sue the Hedgehog Susan anti self looking sexual nude dressed just to show off how sexy and all she is. Wanting to make Susan jealous of her small her breasts are compared to Susan. But having a bigger butt trying to tease Shadow consider he's a butt lover (but he doesn't like THAT big butts)
Mephyjana the Dark Hedgehog Susan's shadow side kind of like Mephiles. She always tried to tear the relation of Susan and Shadow apart into suffering sorrow but always fails.
Can I just say that I’m seriously thankful that I’m almost done?
So what we now have here is a sue who other characters are jealous over...and she’s just like Mephiles, well, has Mephile’s abilities or whatever...How “original”...Yeah, just no. Look, being paired with Shadow is overly basic, but what tops it off is that you have a chick whose jealous because she’s with Shadow, the anti-sonic who wants to steal her away, and her genderbent self who wants to tap that...Really...Just..REALLY? Your character is not all that, she is not the most desirable thing on Mobius. You’re continually proving that she is, and will be labeled as a MARY SUE! I literally question if there’s even an ounce of hope in saving this character. If you want this character be well balanced and liked, no, not lusted after or liked because she’s only tits and ass, then change it to where she’s RELATEABLE.
Playing games/video games
Reading interesting books
Dark colors (Black, Purple, Blue and bloody Red are her most FAV ones)
Different kinds of Sports
Dressing up sexy like for Shadow
Watching movies of her likes (fantasy ones mostly with a great story-line)
Being princess (she doesn't feel like one after going through an adventure like that)
The color pink (not dark pink)
Deciding from different options
Accepting money from others
Getting expensive gifts or gift in general (she likes getting gifts but she doesn't feel good when someone spends so much money on such gift for her and barely accepts them cause she's happy with the person himself, Shadow)
Overly basic character with the most basic information...Moving on before I shoot myself from the sheer torture of this basic bitch.
Drawing: She's pretty good with digital drawing, editing and designing on her computer. Often falls asleep through late night when working so hard.
Singing: Sings all different kinds of songs, mostly like singing a lullaby for her children.
Cooking: Had trouble cooking with her own bare hands but after Shadow taught her how to cook like that she loves cooking for her husband like most woman do.
Transforming: With the smallest drop of water she can create anything, objects and food mostly.
Stripping: ONLY for her lovers Shadow and Silver further she's shy doing it for them also at some points.
Holy fuck bunnies, stripping...STRIPPING!? ISN’T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE A PG UNIVERSE!? WHEN THE FUCK DID SONIC BECOME A SEXUAL CARTOON SERIES!? Just...My god. She’s BASIC, BASIC!! And where the fuck did transforming come from? You’re not a water bender, you’re not a water elemental, nor are you a magic user. Stop trying so hard to make your character likable and perfect. It’s becoming more pathetic and painful to read and do this. Also...Seriously....Two lovers...TWO LOVERS..Now you’re really just a hoe. I get people who want to have poly-romantic relationships..But for fucks sake, you just make it seem like she was created for sex, nothing more, nothing less. If you’re that much of a horny bastard, then go take care of that and leave the Sonic fandom alone!
I seriously wish I could take back all the time I’ve spent on doing this...Seductive, anti-hero, overly emotional, cute, blah blah blah..How the hell is this bitch an “anti-hero”? You do realize the “anti-hero” isn’t some overly kind and submissive bitch right? If she was an ACTUAL anti-hero she would be more dominant wouldn’t try so hard to be liked..Seriously, she’s not an anti-hero, nor is she a hero..She’s...I don’t know what she is, but it’s something. I don’t even have the brain cells to actually continue with this...
