chronic rambler.

a head filled with dismal ranting and neat video games.

[ekusei]

going on a ramble in the tags only to find out i’ve been tagging the wrong post

orz

[on-poetry]

y'all make it sound like drinkin water will make me mentally stable like sip sip I’m still depressed motherfuckers

[3frraa-deactivated20170721]

scary how fast someone can mean so much to you

[ekusei]

years later and i’m still astonished by how insanely fast my mood drops.

[jamausis]

everything feels a lil sad and unreal. i do not feel too alive anymore. im just kinda floating through time

[ekusei]

not feeling too swell, kinda??

feelin’ really lonely in a lot of ways but i’m too tired to reach out to people

but at least fixing my music collection is helping me out with it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[ekusei]

i can’t stop imagining ryuji in a team skull outfit and making those gangster actions while he talks im cryin

[gulaabs-deactivated20230921]

self-destruction doesn’t always look like taking too many pills or cutting your skin open. sometimes it’s drinking coffee when you know caffeine gives you panic attacks. sometimes it’s crossing the street without looking both ways. sometimes it’s showering with the water a little too hot. sometimes it’s avoiding eye contact with your reflection in the mirror or ridiculing your problems rather than addressing them. sometimes it’s walking out without sunscreen in scorching heat and not wearing enough when it’s freezing out. self destruction isn’t always physical mutilation, mostly it’s masked as little things so never assume what someone may be going through just bc they don’t show you visible signs of suffering.

[ekusei]

im just still incredibly paranoid that people i know in real life will find this blog and all my attached trash thoughts with it like??? why did i have to use my fave handle as the blog’s name in the past aaaaaahhhhhhh

[justtryingtabreathe-blog]

Do you ever just shut off?? Like you could be feeling okay and interacting with people and then all of a sudden *boom* you’re empty. Not hating yourself, not caring about anything… Just feeling disassociated and indifferent to live around you.

[ekusei]

i just want to be called cute and have my hand held and flirt ironically and seriously with someone i’m feeling excruciatingly lonely rn 

[ekusei]

it’s very tough having to blacklist persona 5 spoilers for the greater good (of being completely blown away when i play it myself)

[ekusei]

i feel like i’m in a point-of-no-return moment with deciding whether to go hunting for the demo spoilers or keep myself in the dark until release for persona 5

[ekusei]

for some reason whenever i hear the song insecure by shane i automatically think of scorbus like i cant explain it but it fits rly well for me

[ekusei]

i mean, if igor took over the fool arcana out of the blue, maybe it wouldn’t be so farfetched to see the phantom thieves as a group represent justice this time. they are all about their own brand of right and wrong after all, right?

[bpdgenji-remade]

tfw you’re already fully aware of the unnecessary self destructive bullshit you’re doing but you cant bring yourself to do anything to stop it

[ekusei]

messages are a plague on my social anxiety i’m very very sorry i just freak out when people start talking to me idk why i’m a little anxious shit why am i like this