close your eyes and surrender.

no halo; she's my saint, she's a villain.

[eldkine-archive]

#ELDKINE   ----  I’D TAKE A BULLET FOR YOU  /  ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU’RE THE ONE HOLDING THE GUN  .  

mun  :  moth  ,   she  /  her ,   21  ,   gmt london time.  description  :  highly selective & independent oc multi muse  ,   verses include red queen  ,  grishaverse  ,  dead by daylight  ,  the 100 and more .   google doc  .  please read rules before following  . other socials  :  discord available on request  &  pinterest  . current focus muses  :   alecto hayfield, lunetta roseridge, rhea carver, valarie durare .

[eldkine-archive]

anyway tumblr rp is dead to me. catch me on discord. 

[eldkine-archive]

sorry i’m not here. lost motivation for a lot for various reasons and my mental health is shit and i have looming deadlines.

[eldkine-archive]

omen sends this to val

val responds:

[eldkine-archive]

stalks your blog stalks your blog stalks your blog

buy me dinner first

[littlelovelymemes]

(    *    & .    —    BILLIE  EILISH  LYRICS .

‘  don’t  you  know  i’m  no  good  for  you ?  ’

‘  nothing  ever  stops  you  leaving .  ’

‘  i  could  lie ,  say  i  like  it  like  that .  ’

‘  don’t  you  know  too  much  already ?  ’

‘  i’ll  only  hurt  you  if  you  let  me .  ’

‘  call  me  friend ,  but  keep  me  closer .  ’

‘  nothing  is  better  sometimes .  ’

‘  let  me  let  you  go .  ’

‘  i  just  wish  you  could  feel  what  you  say .  ’

‘  i  know  you  too  well .  ’

‘  if  ‘ i  love  you ’  was  a  promise ,  would  you  break  it  if  you’re  honest ?  ’

‘  i  don’t  wanna  be  you  anymore .  ’

‘  losing  feeling  is  getting  old .  ’

‘  only  you  know  the  way  that  i  break .  ’

‘  if  we  were  meant  to  be ,  we  would’ve  been  by  now .  ’

‘  all  i  see  is  him  right  now .  ’

‘  go  ahead  and  watch  my  heart  burn  with  the  fire  that  you  started  in  me ,  but  i’ll  never  let  you  back  to  put  it  out .  ’

‘  your  love  feels  so  fake .  ’

‘  if  i  could  get  to  sleep ,  i  would  have  slept  by  now .  ’

‘  when  you  call  my  name ,  do  you  think  i’ll  come  running ?  ’

‘  so  good  at  giving  me  nothing .  ’

‘  when  you  close  your  eyes ,  do  you  picture  me ?  ’

‘  you  should  see  me  in  a  crown .  ’

‘  your  silence  is  my  favorite  sound .  ’

‘  i  like  the  way  they  all  scream .  ’

‘  i  think  you’re  pretty .  ’

‘  i’m  not  your  baby .  ’

‘  where’s  my  mind ?  ’

‘  what  an  expensive  fate .  ’

‘  my  v  is  for  vendetta .  ’

‘  thought  that  i’d  feel  better ,  but  now  i  got  a  bellyache .  ’

‘  i  wear  my  noose  like  a  necklace .  ’

‘  i  wanna  make  ‘em  scared .  ’

‘  don’t  be  cautious ,  don’t  be  kind .  ’

‘  i  don’t  belong  to  anyone .  ’

‘  by  the  way ,  you’ve  been  uninvited .  ’

‘  why  so  sad ,  bunny ?  ’

‘  call  me  calloused ,  call  me  cold .  ’

‘  you  better  love  me .  ’

‘  i  would  hate  to  see  you  go .  ’

‘  i  hate  to  be  the  one  that  told  you  so .  ’

‘  you  just  crossed  the  line ,  you’ve  run  out  of  time .  ’

‘  sorry ,  sorry ,  i’m  sorry ,  sorry …  sike .  ’

‘  wake  up  and  smell  the  coffee .  ’

‘  is  your  cup  half  full  or  empty ?  ’

‘  i  love  it  when  you’re  awfully  quiet .  ’

‘  you  don’t  have  to  keep  it  quiet .  ’

‘  i  know  it  makes  you  nervous ,  but  i  promise  you  it’s  worth  it .  ’

‘  i  promise  you  it’s  worth  it  to  show  ‘em  everything  you  kept  inside .  ’

‘  too  shy  to  say ,  but  i  hope  you  stay .  ’

[holyisthenameofmyruthlessaxe]

I’ll recognize you by your heartbeat

Waiting for the Twelfth, Kaveh Akbar (via decreation)

[heartate-aa]

callout for raphael @indeath / @hemorage / @qinqov

trigger warnings include: abuse, sexual abuse, verbal / emotional abuse, mentions of guns / shootings, sexual harassment, cheating, heavy usage of gendered slurs (c*nt and b*tch), extreme amounts of gaslighting and manipulation and guilt tripping, mentions of suicide, mentions of self harm, suicide baiting, ableism (especially of bpd and the demonization of people with bpd, gatekeeping disorders), racism (especially making asian stereotypes and asian fetishization, and antisemitism), fatphobia, mentions of pedophilia, brief mentions of rape. 

if i missed any triggers, please let me know. i tried to detail them all here.

please read this with caution, should you choose to. if you cannot at any point continue, please do not, for your own sake. i don’t want to trigger anyone or upset anyone. i just want to share my story and thank you to everyone giving me a chance to speak and hear me out.

** and please, raphael prefers they / them pronouns from people who are not mutuals with them. please respect that.

and once again please do not message them, or anyone else, on my behalf. just please do not. i am happy that anyone wants to defend me or any other victims, but please don’t. i don’t want any more problems and i am capable of speaking for myself.

here is the link to the google doc containing the callout. please reblog this post if you feel comfortable sharing. thank you.

it is extremely lengthy. there are A LOT of receipts. i can’t blame anyone for looking at this and feeling like it’s ridiculous for the length and i don’t expect anyone to actually look through everything that’s in there, but i ask that you give me a chance to hear me out on some of these things. i won’t have raphael or their friends slander me anymore or make up lies about me. i disprove all of their lies here. many of the links redirecting to imgurs or twitter posts are also extensive and long. i didn’t mean for things to get as long as they did but i’m wordy and just … raphael is genuinely so horrible and there was just. an immense number of things to unpack. i apologize.

this post is a long time coming and i am sorry this took so long and to drag it out this far. i struggle a lot with adhd and just managing my spoons but i finally got it done. this comes on the heels of my original posts i wrote here, but i finally finished the doc that is a culmination of that post and more, including things i posted on twitter and MORE things i hadn’t shared on twitter yet.

i truly didn’t want things to have to come this far but idk i didn’t have a choice anymore. raphael continued to lie and undermine me and continued to try to slander me to people and blame me and scapegoat me for things THEY did. i can not give them any benefit of the doubt at all. i cannot listen to ANYONE who tries to defend them saying that raphael wanted to genuinely say sorry to me because every step of the way, with them continuing to make up lies about me and show people out of context one-sided conversations as “gotchas” against me, they proved that they didn’t care and that they’re not sorry.

this is not meant to isolate raphael or push them out or whatever.

i don’t care if people are friends with raphael. what i do care about is accountability, and that’s something raphael has never known for all of these years. raphael has apologized for the events of the past callout, but i’ve since dug out proof that it was just performative and they didn’t mean it. so i’m not interested in their apologies either because i know it won’t be sincere.

all i am asking for is that raphael admits to being wrong and that they did abuse me and other people. that’s all. they don’t think they’re in the wrong so i know they won’t say sorry, but i just want acknowledgement. they abused me. they abused me for nearly four years. and for years, they twisted the narrative to their friends. my friends. so for years these people also pretended to be my friend and would shit talk me behind my back and share screenshots of my vents to raphael and listen to a one-sided story from raphael and not even ask me for my side. on one hand i can’t blame people because raphael has spent YEARS warping their perception of me with lies and manipulations and gaslighting them too but there’s only so much i can excuse. when i show people screenshots of the horrible way raphael spoke to me, i’m still/?? the aggressor? 

anyways i don’t know what else to write here. i’ve said so much as it is. i just want people to look critically at what raphael put me through for the last 4 years. i want raphael to evaluate their own actions and take responsibility for their actions. it’s not ok. what i went through was not ok. what everyone else went through wasn’t ok. i didn’t deserve this and neither did anyone else they abused or hurt.

my dms are open to anyone who wants to make a comment about raphael, close some old wounds, talk things out, etc. but anon is going to be disabled the second i get anything shitty. i don’t want to hear from raphael, ana, forza, or lazarus in my dms. the only thing i ever want to hear from any of these people are apologies and it better be publicly because i never want to open my messages to find they’ve block evaded me to harass me.

i just want raphael to admit they’re in the wrong and try to change and do better and take responsibility and hold themselves accountable for their actions but i don’t believe it’ll happen. raphael hasn’t changed at all over the years.

IF YOU ARE RAPHAEL’S FRIEND, please read this. please look through even any bit of this, especially anything with big long screenshot evidence. please be critical of who you’re friends with and the lies they’re feeding you and how they manipulate the narrative to slander me and anyone else who has fallen out with them. i am begging you to look at this. i do not care if you remain their friend. all i am asking of you is that you do not DARE try to tell me that raphael isn’t abusive or that they’re remorseful or sorry for anything they’ve done because they aren’t. they ARE an abuser. to deny that is to step on all of their victims and our experiences and the things we had to endure because of them. stay their friend all you want. i do not care. help them get better. all i am asking is that you SEE this for what it is and you don’t let them get away with it and you BELIEVE US. the victims. please.

thank you to everyone who has supported me through this. thank you for giving me a chance to tell my side of the story. if anyone manages to get through this at all, thank you for bearing with me and sticking through it.

[eldkine-archive]

‘lacruor​:

surprise is not something often felt by the android , always preferring to know in advance what might befall her . in this case , there could have been no possible warning for the words that leave valarie’s mouth . eyebrows peak for a moment , disappearing into a synthetic hairline before falling back down into their usual laidback position . a smirk etches into weary features , and she nods in agreement .  “  seems like you know enough about me already .  ”

elbows drop lightly onto the countertop , leaning over it with an eagerness that exposes her desperate need for friendship . she likes valarie much in the same way that she likes omen . perhaps that is why he chose them to fill the void while she was gone . there’s a tug at her stomach . her smile doesn’t drop .  “  don’t tell me you’re a whiskey drinker , please tell me you have taste .  ”  she is hardly one to talk . days spent throwing back glasses of cheap - yet - popular beverage are not uncommon to her , especially in recent days . 

“  so…  a vampire , huh  ?  ”  much has changed in her absence , it seems . she recalls the days where omen could not even show his face among the crowds for fear of ridicule or worse , yet here she is standing before a full blooded freak .  “  omen find you through aven  ?  ”  the name of her mentor brings a warmth to her , a home amidst the chaos . a text every now and then is all she can spare for the vampire woman , promises made to spend time with her face to face once serenity springs is dealt with . it seems for now , at least , aven is just happy to hear she’s alive . 

fingertips tap against the cool glass , chasing condensation as it races towards the bar . something about her senses still doesn’t feel right  –  it’s not human , the way she processes what she’s meant to feel instead of experiencing them in full . head heavy , she lifts glowing gaze to meet with the sweeter hues of her vampire counterpart .  “  how long you been like that , anyway  ?  ”

      valarie subtly noticed the dodging of their words  .  it almost made them smile  ,  to recognize the similarities between akali and omen  .  they were certain he would have done the same  .  they supposed that the sentiment that like attracted like could not be falsified  .  ‘  i think you’ll find i know little about you  ,  actually  .  but i trust you  ,  ‘  they state  .  ‘  and that’s what matters  .  ‘

and then  ,  they do smile  ,  and with it they laugh  .  ‘  i am going to disappoint you sorely i’m afraid  .  ‘  they’d liked whiskey for as long as they could remember  .   it was their father’s drink of choice  ,  it might have been over two hundred years ago  ,  but they cherished the memories they had of the family evenings  .  they glanced at a decanter sitting on the bar shelves  ,  the last thing they have from their family  .  ‘  i’ve liked it since i was allowed to drink it  .  reminds me of home  .  ‘  and the fireplace where their father would regale tales of his own youth to his children  .  where their mother would read to them before ushering them upstairs to bed  .  but those were only memories now  ,  no matter how tangible the desire was to relive them  .  they forced the smile to remain  ,  akali hadn’t signed up to learn everything about them  .   

‘  there are at least four types of whiskey here  -  but i have anything you could want  .  so what’s your choice  ?  don’t tell me you like shit like tequila  .   ‘  they retorted  ,  with a slight eye-roll directed at the other  .  ‘  at least have some class  .  ‘  it was a teasing commentary  ,  intended to remove any apprehension between the two  .  valarie wanted to be her friend  . 

a short shake of their head  .  ‘  omen and i met differently  .  i was causing trouble for him and his people  -  i guess  .  he didn’t know exactly who i was  ,  guess he took pity on me for messing with the wrong people  .  ‘  gently mocking tone finished their sentence  .  crimson hues brightened with amusement  ,  he was the only person they’d met that was able to push ravenheart aside entirely and find them  .  else their story might have ended entirely differently  .  ‘  think i should have caused far more trouble than i did  ,  maybe then i wouldn’t be stuck with him  ,  huh   ?  ‘  they laugh  ,  placing two glasses on the bar  .  one they filled with whisky  ,  the other  ,   with akali’s alcohol of choice  .  

‘  i’m around two hundred and thirty years old  .  i died  -  or was turned  ,  when i was eighteen  .  aven was a family friend  ,  close to papa  ,  when he was alive  .  ‘

[eldkine-archive]

this is a callout for @bloodiyr as they think that pinhead (specifically his chains) are sexy 

[eldkine-archive]

𝐢'𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭, 𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 '𝐨𝐡'

𝙖𝙡𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙤 : 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙥𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙮

this one comes with a pang. it is the wrinkled brow of something unpleasant sinking in. they've left to find some new adventure. or they've met someone else. and you have only just begun to understand their true importance to you. you watch them drift toward a future without you, and in that stark numbness of their absence, it hits you. Oh. oh, you want them close. you hopelessly, selfishly want them all to yourself. you'll support them no matter what, but you don't want them to want a future that doesn't involve you. you want them to read the near-invisible signs of your love and decide to take a chance on you. you never want to say that you *used* to know each other. so what are you going to do?

[littlelovelymemes]

*   ‘ 𝐇𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐄𝐍  𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐒 ’  𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 .

all  quotes  are  taken  from  the  book  hidden  bodies  by  caroline  kepnes .   the  second  book  in  the  you  series .

(   WARNING :   some  quotes  are  graphic   &   include  mentions  of  murder ,   death ,   &   may  contain  strong  language !   )

‘  it  is  possible  to  know  people .  they  show  you  who  they  are .  you  just  have  to  be  looking .  ’

‘  we  all  get  our  hearts  broken .  ’

‘  to  be  alive  is  to  do  it  again .  to  love  is  to  risk  everything .  ’

‘  the  real  horror  of  my  life  is  not  that  i’ve  killed  some  terrible  people .  ’

‘  the  real  horror  is  that  the  people  i’ve  loved  didn’t  love  me  back .  ’

‘  the  real  horror  of  my  life  is  not  that  i’ve  killed  some  terrible  people .  the  real  horror  is  that  the  people  i’ve  loved  did  not  love  me  back .  ’

‘  love  is  kind ,  love  is  patient ,  but  also ,  mainly ,  above  all  –  yes  –  love  is  perverted .  ’

‘  there  is  nothing  more  terrifying  than  realizing  the  one  who  knows  you  best  loves  you  least ,  pities  you  even .  ’

‘  a  book  lets  you  choose  how  much  of  the  blood  you  want  to  see .  a  book  gives  you  the  permission  to  see  the  story  as  you  want ,  as  your  mind  directs .  ’

‘  memories  are  all  the  same  at  their  core .  it’s  just  us  trying  to  keep  each  other  alive .  the  best  parts  anyway .  ’

‘  your  skin  is  a  waste  of  space  because  there’s  no  heart  inside  of  you .  ’

‘  i  can’t  stand  the  way  you  make  me  feel  so  good ,  like ,  better  than  i  ever  felt ,  and  then  you  tear  it  all  away ,  like  deep  down ,  you  don’t  want  me  to  be  happy .  ’

‘  the  girl  at  the  register  winked  and  said  she’s  also  a  big  fan  of  ‘ fifty  shades ’  and  this  is  what  has  become  of  our  society .  fucking  and  killing  are  the  same  damn  thing .  ’

‘  you  can  love  someone  all  you  want ,  but  you  can’t  go  into  their  past  and  become  part  of  their  formative  years .  ’

‘  i  wish  it  were  socially  acceptable  to  brandish  a  knife .  ’

‘  just  eat  it  and  shit  it  and  be  done  and  don’t  feel  special  cause  you  eat  that  shit  with  someone  because  in  the  end  we  all  shit  alone .  ’

‘  you  are  not  burdened  with  a  sensitive  heart .  yours  just  beats .  ’

‘  we  don’t  care ,  you  know ?  do  whatever .  chill  out .  be  gay .  be  straight .  i  mean ,  what  is  the  big  deal ?  we’re  all  gonna  die  anyway ,  you  know ?  who  wants  to  spend  their  precious  life  hating ?  ’

‘  this  town  is  full  of  places  to  hide  a  body ,  but  when  the  person  inside  the  body  doesn’t  love  you ,  it’s  not  an  easy  thing ,  turning  that  breathing  person  into  a  bad  one .  ’

‘  there  is  nothing  remarkable  about  this  ‘ guac ’ ,  about  any  ‘ guac ’ ,  and  california  needs  to  calm  the  fuck  down .  ’

‘  you  wasted  my  heart ,  my  time .  ’

‘  i  don’t  like  this  culture  of  reading  a  book  and  spitting  out  an  immediate  reaction .  ’

‘  there  is  no  such  thing  as  a  one - night  stand .  sometimes ,  what  you  do  for  one  night  destroys  your  future .  ’

‘  do  i  speak  english ?  no ,  but  i  speak  cunt !  ’

‘  it’s  not  the  past  if  it’s  not  finished .  ’

‘  it  would  be  nice  to  have  something  alive  to  hold  on  to  right  now ,  something  to  love  me ,  something  with  a  beating  heart  that  i  can  feel ,  something  to  be  with  me  as  i  sit  here ,  in  hell ,  trying  to  figure  it  out .  ’

‘  i  gave  her  as  much  as  i  had .  ’

‘  there  is  something  wrong  with  me .  ’

‘  i’m  like  an  asshole  in  a  sitcom  who  learns  the  same  fucking  lesson  every  week  and  this  is  my  life .  ’

‘  all  of  life  is  slightly  dependent  on  magic .  so  is  death .  ’

‘  i  go  over  the  mistake  in  my  head  a  dozen  times  a  day .  ’

‘  the  key  to  life  is  to  believe  in  something  that  matters ,  something  big  and  beautiful ,  something  more  profound  than  fame ,  money .  ’

‘  just  be  in  it .  you  earned  it .  ’

‘  i  am  done  with  all  that .  and  i  will  not  let  my  past  dictate  my  future .  ’

‘  somewhere  along  the  way  you  broke  your  own  heart  and  without  a  heart  you  can’t  get  better .  ’

‘  you’re  not  a  good  killer .  obviously .  ’

‘  i’m  relaxed  just  knowing  that  he’s  going  to  be  dead  soon .  ’

‘  your  life  is  supposed  to  expand .  your  bed  is  supposed  to  have  enough  room  for  someone  else  and  when  that  someone  comes  along ,  it’s  your  job  to  let  them  in .  ’

‘  he  became  a  cop  because  of  the  simplicity  of  the  uniform ;  you  don’t  have  to  think  about  what to  wear  every  day .  ’

‘  being  together  is  the  best  feeling  in  the  world ,  better  than  sex ,  better  than  a  red  convertible  or  that  first  ‘ i love you ’ .  ’

‘  i  can’t  stand  the  idea  of  being  asleep  and  missing  one  second  of  our  life  together .  ’

‘  the  best  role  models  can  be  the  worst  role  models .  ’

‘  life  is  cruel  and  the  word  ‘ love ’  shouldn’t  be  plastered  all  over  the  fucking  place .  ’

‘  we  are  perfect  together  and  i  am  better  for  knowing  you .  ’

‘  when  you  are  in  love  you  listen .  ’

‘  it’s  true  what  they  say  about  happiness .  if  you  approach  life  from  a  place  of  gratitude ,  you’re  more  apt  to  enjoy  things .  ’

[metamorphesque]

Celebrating Childhood, Adonis

[davikahoorne]

[eldkine-archive]

@lacruor​ asked  :   ‘ why would you save me ? ‘

           things were getting worse by the day  .  experiments  ,  revolver and gambler  .  two of them died today  -  and the party got ever closer to death with every battle  .  they need to strike hard at fletcher  ,   and they needed to do it soon  .  before the only people that seemed to resist this monopoly were wiped out from the board for good  .  the gods would get tired of them soon enough and wouldn’t keep handing out second chances  .  valarie turned when they heard akali address them  ,  whilst in the process of cleaning ichor from their blade  .  ‘  why did i save you  ?  why wouldn’t i  ?  you’re one of us  ,  akali  .  ‘  the answer curtly  ,  they didn’t know what solace they could offer with her injuries  .  they assumed mei would repair any significant damage in a few hours  .  

they had known what they were signing up for when they helped omen  .  when he told them everything about the assassin  .  and they had known what would happen when she returned  ,  because how could you replace that relationship  ?  it hurt  ,  often   ,  to see them together  .  happy  ,  where they wanted to be  .  but akali’s question almost made them laugh  .  did she really think their jealously could have condemned her life  ? 

‘  why wouldn’t i save you  ?  if you died there  ,  you’d haunt me  .  ‘  they smirked  ,  casting their blade aside for now  .  their attention full on the other now  .  ‘  i imagine you wouldn’t take anything else but dying as you kill fletcher  ,  at this point  .  ‘  a small laugh  .  their office clearly wasn’t safe for now  ,  so they’d encouraged the rest of the party to use their apartment as their temporary safe house  .  

they moved over to their fully stocked bar  .  ‘  come on  ,  drink with me  .  when we’re pulling each other back from the edge of death so often  -  we might as well get to know each other better  .  ‘  they say  .  

[eldkine-archive]

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐛 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮  ?

ᴠᴀʟᴀʀɪᴇ  :  ɢᴀʀʟɪᴄ.

You leave an impression wherever you go. Your heart is so strong, so determined, so willing to go after whatever hole you see in the world, whatever wound you need to fix next. You're there. You're justice, hot red and pure gold, fairness incarnate, a paladin in shining armor come to protect and cleanse and heal and yet sometimes you wonder if you're the most corrupt, dirty being in the world, a fraud, a monster in hero's clothing. The world is so intense and you are so small, so fragile, and no matter how hard you try you're never good enough. You want to be good. You want to be good enough. You try so hard and yet the world is so dark and angry and cruel. Perfection is always just out of reach and you want things to be okay so bad you bleed with it. You just want things to be right, to be good, to be fair, but you don't know if they ever can be. If you can ever be.

[eldkine-archive]

*taps my microphone* if ur here u are my friend and i love you all so fucking much