āTheyāre just best friendsā - on critical thinking
(but always with sprinkles of delulu cuz you MUST)
A few years ago I received an anonymous ask where someone shared a post from some platform made by taekookers. I wonāt talk about it. It is my personal choice to never talk about that other side, except for selected moments or news; some will definitely argue itās wrong but I trust my reasons, that I wonāt share now to avoid confusing digression.
Anon, going back to the point, was talking about how assertive, sure and truthful some peopleās opinions can sound on the internet. Anon was complaining about some kind of āpowerā these types of individuals in fandom spaces have, when it comes to influencing people just by the way they put what they say. Iāll make some examples later to make it clearer.
Usually itās very short and witty posts, where the person sharing it doesnāt include an āI thinkā or āI believeā part; itās straight up facts. What they say, even if wrong, mad, unfounded or misleading, is put in such a firm way that it sounds too real to not be believed. Anon was complaining about this specific thing and the effect it has on the āmassesā who think assertiveness online -> lots of likes -> true.
That sparked in me a HUGE reflection and now Iām here to share it if you care.
A while ago I made this post about a korean couple and a message that reminded me of Jikook; I specified that I donāt like comparing Jikook to other couples, not only because theyāre their own thing but also because every experience is different and deserves recognition for its own story.
For this reason, what Iām gonna share later is not trying to put Jikook in a box with a bunch of other queer couples, where all the nuances get lost and they become ājust another gay storyā. Itās from a fandom, āshippingā even, point of view, considering that some - most - queer stories do have something in common, and it shouldnāt turn them into cliches.
I donāt know how many of you are aware of the recent news happening around October last year. Two youtubers called Dan and Phil shared that the hidden relationship fans had been speculating on for 16 years was real, and that they have, infact, been a couple the entire time.
If you havenāt, I suggest you to watch their video where they speak about it, explaining not only the whyās and howās of it all but also admitting that the way some people tried to force them into confirming it, or brutally invaded their privacy, was very scary and unsettling. I think that if youāre here then you need to watch that video and understand how delicate your, my, our role is as outsiders, when it comes to unconfirmed queer relationships.
After discovering how funny, active in the community and genuine those two guys are, I noticed that a side of tumblr was enjoying the news too. People had been shipping these two for years, some people since 2009, and I stumbled across a fan on the internet saying something like āI told youā or āI always knew!ā.
Now we could discuss whether it is right or wrong to take a couple sharing something vulnerable online and turning it into a ātold you!ā moment, but this is maybe for another conversation. Reading those posts, I actually thought: ādid Dan and Phil have fans who denied their closeness too? Fans who sounded so sure of themselves online, absolutely fiercely against the idea of shipping them?ā. And I found out that OF COURSE there were. And it was fun to read some, with perspective.
Someone, 7 years ago, wrote this online:
ātheyāre not a couple. It's really obvious they're just truly best friends and play up the 'gayness' and fanservice because they know the fangirls will eat it up. It's an image they have kept up because this is their job, and they need people to keep talking about them, they need the views and the attention (nothing wrong with that but its really obvious its just an act).
Dan especially seems straight to me, especially in his old livestreams and videos he talked about how female celebrities were hot and stuff which he obviously doesnt do anymore to prevent young female fans from being jealous as his fanbase skyrocketed over the years [ā¦]. Yeah its obvious they're really close best buddies, i don't think theres anything romantic there at allā.
Now I HAVE TO make some disclaimers here. First of all, Iām not attacking anyone by sharing their words, it would be just too easy to look at the past now and say āthey were wrong!ā laughing and giggling. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, as long as they donāt neglect the very obvious reality of two people who love each other like best friends, like Jikook or Dan and Phil.
Secondly, Iām not a Dan and Phil fan. Iām a supporter and I like them very much, watch a video every now and then, but Iām not as deep into their lore as some people who have known them for years. So while the āfanserviceā allegations on Jikook would PISS ME OFF SO BAD, I donāt know how to feel about those same accusations on Dan and Phil because I donāt know the dynamics of their fandom.
Finally, my entire blog and beliefs are based on opinions. If we stopped sharing them just cuz they could be proven right or wrong in the future there would be no interaction, no community. I wouldnāt be here. So Iām genuinely the last person who can criticize opinions lol; unless theyāre disrespectful.
All I know about Dan and Phil is that they literally lived together since they met and were constantly around each other, so someone denying their closeness would definitely be heavily side-eyed by me. Like people who deny Jimin and Jungkookās closeness. But aside from thatā¦ everyone has a different way of looking at the world and thatās what makes it wonderful.
I have a specialized degree in Jikookery, not Dan&Philism. I know when to BITE and when to retire in the Jikook field. Nowhere else. This is the only class Iāve attended always taking notes MY BABIEEEEEEESSSSSSSS
That example I put above, reminded me of that ask I received. Someone, throughout the 7 years that have passed since it was posted, probably didnāt know how to feel about Dan and Phil. They read that comment, assertive, sure, ātheyāre not a coupleā full stop. āDefinitely, obviouslyā and all that, and thought: āwoah, this person sounds like they know what theyāre saying. Theyāre probably rightā.
Again, itās just a strangerās opinion on the super wide internet, but the more we move forward the more I realize that the internet actually shapes the world and so the opinions and experiences that come with it. The most recent examples I can make in our own fandom are from the smear campaign Jungkook has been a victim of throughout november, with the increase of stalking and harassment.
People online were sharing āfactsā left and right. Jungkook IS a womanizer. I HAVE the proof that he IS dirty. He IS evil. Edited pictures with short and sure captions, and everyone was believing it. Paid or not.
Now we could argue that if you believe unconfirmed rumors or hateful posts about an idol, youāre not a fan in the first place, and youāre an idiot too. But how many fake news have we believed at first? How many viral tweets, posts, comments have we come across, and how many of those were totally fake or unfounded, but sounded real because they were shared as facts?
I think more in general weāve stepped in an era where it gets harder to think with our own heads and discernment. Where peopleās critical thinking is collapsing, because criteria has changed. You donāt look for actual proof, footage, audio, clear evidence to believe that something has happened or is real. All it takes is a āfamousā blog/twitter account sharing a viral post that everyone reposts, that will give us that dopamine-boosting drama, and that gets to the media, and that more people engage with, and that is a new piece of fact. On everyoneās mouth. The IMPACT. From someoneās bedroom. Thatās something people believe because āthat person sounded sure of themselvesā and āeveryone is talking about itā.
And so most people are like: āeveryone is believing it: what if I end up left out?ā
Which is the last thing most people want, right? Feeling like theyāre not part of something. Even if itās hateful, itās painful, itās wrong. Words have a power, huge power, and the way we put something, the way we phrase it, capital letters/non capital letters, full stop or coma, exclamation point or not, has a different impact on the brain of the person reading. And it can escalate.
āJungkook could probably be a womanizer because we have so many unconfirmed rumors and he has tattoos and piercingsā¦ he looks like one and I think heās changing girlfriends every day considering his attitude in the songs he singsā
sounds VERY different from what most people write, which is:
āJungkook is changing girls every other week and doesnāt even hide it anymore. Itās time for people to wake up and realize he IS not the cute boy yāall thought he was LOLā.
The words I highlighted are the ones that I believe, psychologically, have a stronger impact on the average audience. Which one between these two do you think would get more engagement, reposts, likes online? Which one have you read more often?
And imagine this escalating with thousands and thousands of posts per minute, with edits, fake āconfessionsā, āproofā, āconfirmationsā. Itās hell.
The point Iām tryna make is: be careful online. Think with your head. If not first, at least after you read something that sounds good, true, or that is PUT in a way that looks SURE and CONVINCING. This goes all ways: in shipping spaces, in everyday life, on this blog. Donāt put your thoughts and intelligence in the hands of external sources. Read your favorite blogs, but only once youāve established that their way of thinking is compatible with yours, and even then donāt assume that everything they say/write/think is an undeniable truth.
Just because someone said Jiminās bag reflected a shadow that looks like Jungkook and it sounds good you donāt have to believe it. You CAN, but only after that opinion and speculation has passed YOUR OWN BRAINāS test.
Of course the fact that most Jikook theories are believed and supported by most of us doesnāt mean theyāre all wrong: Jikook gets undeniable in some contexts. But yeah, always try to question something at least once, even if it is real and gets later confirmed as true. This viral=true rule just pisses me off.
The people you follow online should be a part of your critical thinking, a piece of the puzzle. But you need to get to the conclusion. Youāre the one you have to trust. With logic, with rationality, making as sure as you can that your own brain is not gonna lead you to a senseless path. I get there too, sometimes, and there I have three choices: stepping back, having a confrontation with someone I trust - this is how our brains stay working! We interact and try to form an opinion based on different types of interactions - or going DELULU.
This last one specifically is fun, joyful, and as long as itās taken with awareness it can be a great path to have FUN in these fucking online spaces where people are getting so mad and angry all the time. Stop the war GOD BLESS THE DELULU.
So many times Iāve clowned about the Keep Going mystery, some delulu theories might even be TRUE in my subconscious LOL. Jimin was in Qatar with Jungkook? Oh, we have just a little blurred video of a tall bald guy or a cough that sounds like him? THATāS JIMIN. YEAH FUCK IT. I WANNA BELIEVE THAT. QUENTIN INVENTINO BUT WHO GIVES A SHIT!
Everyone is having fun, making theories, giggling. No one is hurt. No one is offended. It goes away in a couple of weeks. Fun. Thatās it. Love it. Day=better.
Think with your own brain goes both ways. Just because someone is saying ātheyāre clearly brothers, theyāre clearly buddies, HOW CAN YOU BE A MONSTER AND SHIP THEM AND THINK THEY KISS YOU DISGUSTING CREEP?ā doesnāt mean theyāre right. Actually, they could be ignoring an actual queer couple that would just want to be quietly supported. If their opinion is based on shit, then how can it be better than yours?
Some others posts I read about Dan and Phil before they came out as a couple said:
āI know this is a touchy subject and I don't mean to be a demon, but I truly, with all my heart, believe Dan and Phil are a couple. I have been watching them since 2013 and I told myself back then that it doesn't matter if I have to wait ten years, I am waiting for them to come out as a couple. Can you guys ever really imagine it happening though? The phandom's reaction would be wild. It's just very hard for me to believe that they are both single even though they have been living with each other for the past decade, there are all those phan tweets, etc. I'm not going to get angry if they aren't. I just cannot see how they wouldn't be. I know it's bad and it's their personal lives but it's a question that's been bothering meā.
1)āEhā¦ probably not. They have earlier said they would never ever talk about personal stuffā.
2)āItās always a binary romantic box of a long term relationship. Relationships can be so much more fluid and complex than that...ā
3)āThe people getting REALLY offended by someone suggesting that dnp's relationship could be something other that romantic are naive at best. Y'all do know that romantic relationships aren't the pinnacle of all relationships, right? Some people are in QPRs. Some people's life partners are their best friends. People exist in all different waysā.
These are good takes, in my opinion. This is HEALTHY if expressed as an opinion, not as a fact or with superiority, like āah! Why would you say that? Iām better than you!ā
Conversations like these in shipping spaces not only respect the will of the couple thatās closeted, by giving out possibilities, but stimulate conversation. If two people are visibly close and it would be VERY possible for them to be a couple, you still shouldnāt be sure about something thatās not confirmed - like SURE itās real or SURE itās fake. Yes, even when it gets to ear sucking and neck biting and bed slapping and snow ballās gifts and darker JMās.
You HAVE to support the couple you think itās queer - and that gives TRUE SIGNS of queerness, not some hallucination a twitter user had - but you donāt have to go around screaming āitās real! Itās real because itās obvious and anyone who doesnāt see it or believe it sucks! Iām the one who knows the truth!ā. Yes, love, you probably are, especially if itās Jikook weāre talking about LMAO kidding. But donāt do that. Donāt post leaked content to prove your point, donāt share stuff Jikook wanted to stay private, donāt be a dumbass.
The only thing I feel like saying is that if sometimes people get LOUD in Jikook- supportive spaces is because Jikookās bond is neglected and denied in so many ways in this fandom and it obviously creates an opposite wave of support and belief, where people try to defend Jikookās realness as, at least, besties, by screaming everything that proves that. Itās the result of years and years of ignoring their closeness that gets people so loud.
Another Dan&Phil user said:
āI personally don't ship phan. I don't think that they are gay, they have just been so close to eachother for so long. My theory is that they have entered a level of friendship that is similar to when you stay up until 4am with your friends and you are all slap happy. I actually have a friend who makes me laugh and totally gets me just like Dan and Phil so with each other. Our other friends have made a ship name for us and have asked us if we are gay. Neither of us are but instead of being upset we just laugh it off. Now, that's not to say I don't follow any phan accounts on instagram because whether they are gay or not; that stuff is adorableā.
This is another comment that made me reflect on our fandom. It is put SOOO sweetly and not the type of āIām better than youā shit that goes around, and itās the type of stuff Iād love to see in ARMYās spaces, would be pretty cool. But I also think it represents well some sort of fever going on in our fandom when it comes to Jikook: theyāre so close and so obviously attached at each other, that some people genuinely canāt comprehend how two people can love each other so much while also being partners, and companions, and coworkers, and not hiding as much as most couples would.
All of this leads people to ALWAYS, always try to prove that Jikook is not a couple. Some people genuinely sound to me like: āI have a best friend that sucks my finger every night before going to sleep and also eats ramen from my butt crack. We are so close that one time our parents booked us a wedding seeing how comfortable we are with each otherās families and how easily we kiss with tongue every morning. All friends do thisā and Iām like BRO GIVE IT UPā¦ like seriously LET IT GO LMAO
These people are not necessarily homophobic. Itās sometimes just a matter ofā¦ points of view. Life story. Experience. And itās funny too. But again, it shows how sometimes itās just about proving a point whether it sounds coherent or not. To the point that some of them get to admit that Jikook could have something going on, but assume itās in the past. The exact same happened in Dan&Philās spaces too like the parallels are crazy:
āTo be honest, I'm not sure. If you look back at some of their older tweets, it certainly seems like there's something going on, but as they got more famous, they dialled it back quite considerably. This could be because they broke it off, like a lot of people suggest, but it's also possible that they realized they were getting too well known to have such exchanges on social media, or simply never actually meant anything by it in the first place. Of course, we'll never know which one it was, but we can and do speculateā.
This last comment Iām sharing for this post said this:
āI do believe in Phan, whether it's romantic or purely platonic, and I ship it both ways. I'd honestly like to think that they're together, and sometimes they'll do or say something that makes me almost 100% sure that they are, but if I'm realistic about it, the chances are, they're probably not. I guess it's sort of split half way for me - what I rationalize (platonic), and what I "believe" (most commonly, romantic). Even with my realistic hat on, I often think that Dan has some underlying feelings for Phil, but won't confess them through fear of losing him, though I suppose we may never know. If they are together, and they do come out to us (an understandably risky thing, given how many 'phobic people there are, even now, and within our nerdy community), however, my money's on 2022ā.
This is the healthiest approach in my opinion which is spreading more in our fandom too, but not as much as Iād like it to. Again, thank god things donāt always unfold the way I wish cuz VARIETY, but it would be cool too. The entire āplatonicā - āromanticā discourse has been going on forever, in most shipping spaces, itās so common. Rational-believe and all that, Iāve read it endless times. I think Iāve used that same expression ārealistic hat onā once too LMAO.
All of this, I guess, to say 3 main things:
donāt believe anything you come across just because itās viral, sounds real, pleases your vision or opinion. Question even your favorite creators;
itās too superficial to compare bonds and real peopleās relationships, so if you wanna really compare something stick to the fandomās responses. It will give you an insight on some common behaviors and patterns, and will make you understand that everyone has always said everything about anyone: and everyone is sure of their opinions. So take the stuff you read with a grain of salt and train your brain to become the final, trustworthy judge;
when two people seem to be very close and seem to hint at some form of queerness, I believe it is better to not ignore them and to rather just stick to the āI donāt know but I support them for whatever and whoever they areā. Itās safe, itās not speculative, and it leaves a door open that could make that queer couple feel more welcomed and accepted in a potential out-future.
These are my thoughts, sparked by a lost anon only god knows where is now, and itās important to remember that itās simply food for thought. Every situation in life is still unique and in no way Iām assuming that Jikookās story will unfold the same why Dan&Philās did.
And I also genuinely think that not every person who sounds āsure of themselvesā should be ignored or questioned. Some people truly have REAL things to say and deserve attention. But I believe that the only way to recognize those people and give them a bigger voice is by training our discernment and wisdom, so that the useless noise gets quiter and the stuff that matters comes up.
And itās just a bit of my overall view on social medias and the power they have on our thoughts, critical thinking skills, and opinions, that I wanted to share anyways.
Thanks for reading and GOD BLESS THE DELULU
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