[elegyinthree]

Back on Tumblr for probably just 1 day and remembering that these gifs make me laugh and my brain numb.  What if there was something that was a cros between Tumblr and Twitter? Where people write out their thoughts, but without that 140 character limit?  Nah, no one would use it. 

[elegyinthree]

What is social media? Part 1

What compels people to post things on social media? When someone sees an article, what exactly is the motivation to click on the “share” button, write a neat little summary of your thoughts, tag friends who you think might like it, and press “post”?  It’s not much of a surprise that this is a mystery to me. Really, most things that people do are a mystery - and to live is to find our way out of that seemingly bottomless hole. Or is it the other way down - the more we know, the farther down the rabbit hole we get?  There’s a few sides that have led to my curiosity about this topic. On the widest level, you have the societal narratives about social media: waste of time, millennials, self-indulgence, social network, globalization, narcissism, hashtags, filters. You know, stuff about social media that you hear out there. On a personal level, I’ve seen multiple people talk about their own perceptions of social media. One of movements towards “consciousness” regarding it is the idea that it’s a person’s “highlight reel”: where they show off the best parts of their lives, and generally not the mundane, dreary, or downright sad. I find this perspective interesting, but it still doesn’t feel like quite a complete picture.  Before social media was created, people got along just fine. It’s not a need; people will live if Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram disappear overnight. And of course, it’s not difficult to understand the bigger picture of the *why*. Ask anyone and they’ll have their own motivations. Personally, I’ve been an advocate of keeping my Facebook account just for the sake of opportunity. If I want to connect with any one of my friends (who are on Facebook), it just takes a few clicks and a few seconds of typing to convey a message. It’s also a way of being personal without having to be *too* personal. You can “snoop” in on everyone else’s lives without actually putting in the in-person time. Efficient: that’s something we love in the 21st century, right?  I’m perplexed by why I do things, and why I don’t. If you’re my Facebook friend, you probably, well, haven’t noticed me on the site much. I really rarely post anything at all, and if I do, it’s something somewhat detached. Pictures of food, checking in at a location, maybe an article I found interesting. But for a site that’s so focused on yourself, I feel like the caveat is that you have to try at being myself at the will of thousands of other people.  That’s where the idea of the “composed self” comes in: the pictures that you post; the articles that represent your intellect; the comments that depict your opinions - whether you like it or not, it’s how everyone else sees you. Who cares about the intent of all of these things? We’ve all been there where we meet someone new, “Facebook stalk” them, and make some kind of qualitative judgment, whether conscious or subconscious. 

And yet if I don’t have any content on social media, where does that put me? Everything that I’ve done with friends is just a memory - which is a fine thing, which is how people have lived for ages - but in the end, *should* I make an effort to put my print on my narrative? After all, while past generations didn’t have a Facebook, they still had their own ways of depicting themselves. Anne Frank’s struggle lived through her diary; Beethoven’s personal strife resonates in his symphonies; the Brownings’ love endures from their love letters. And while none of the above were *social media*, they were social in the sense that expression was captured beyond our heads. 

You know that old paradox about if a tree falls alone in a distant forest and there’s no one to hear it? Expression that is created alone might not be inherently social. But it’s a transformation of the personal, which has the *potential* to become something felt in peoples’ hearts. After all, if just one person heard that tree falling, they themselves know it happened, and that is infinitely greater than the previous void. 

So perhaps social media is one of the greatest narratives of society captured yet. Each post, tweet, and picture is a part of a story from people - people who are meant to be social - and capturing that *potential* to share ourselves. Sure, it might be an artifiically crafted self, but when there’s no way to truly tap into one’s brain (as of yet), the closest we can get is what people choose to show. And from there, there’s the chance of engagement, communication, and the development of true social bonds. 

[elegyinthree]

Political Rhetoric, or “Please Shut Up”

As I’ve never been a particularly political person. In 2008, when my high school friends were all up on the Obama campaign, I appreciated what Obama represented, and enjoyed his suggestions. But if you compared my thoughts and feelings on the election, they were much more lukewarm than any of my friends. I suppose part of that can be attributed to my upbringing: household discussion hardly, if ever, involved politics. In fact, my parents asked me to advise them on who to vote for a few times. Me, an un-worldly high schooler! More and more, I’ve become wary of elections. Don’t get me wrong - I actually enjoy *thinking* about the topics - economic inequality, environmental protections, civil rights, campaign finance reform; these are all topics that must be discussed. What my brain can’t handle, however, is all of the rhetoric. Politics and elections are, theoretically, agents for progress. Ways to address issues in society. Coming up with a collective agreement for approaches.  Populistic rhetoric *is* a force to fight for the “common people”. Historically, it has been a tool to empower millions of the disadvantaged. Simultaneously, it’s a means of manipulation: the leaders must convince the masses that they will get what they want. Historians have documented the dozens of populist movements throughout societies, and unsurprisingly, in retrospect, they are represented all among the spectrum between “positive forces” and “negative forces”. (From a majority perspective, of course.) In the US, the left-leaning folks often see the Republican party as an example of a populist negative force. You have political leaders trying to elbow each other out for the most extreme positions. You have fact-twisting and claim-making, allegedly helping the masses who (in the liberal view) are actually hurting them. This is what’s most commonly heard and seen in my part of the world (the SF Bay Area). The liberals here criticize Republicans for their polarizing rhetoric and outrageous statements, and no one would bat an eye during conservative-bashing.  Some people claim the same about the progressive wing of the left. It is very much populist - rooted in labor rights and unionizing, and the self-representing faction of immigrants, radicals, and activists. When I was at Cal, I associated with the progressive wing most of my “politicized” time. I’ve come to agree with so much of their policies and goals, theoretically.  So why am I so annoyed at politics, conflicted about my own allegiances, and overall, confused? As I said earlier, I’m not very political - but what I often mean by that is that I don’t have a solid political identity. Although I’m registered Democrat, I don’t particularly care about party loyalty. I don’t have allegiance to factions, groups, associations - and dare I say - even race, sexuality, or gender. My philosophy has always been akin to this: Vote rationally. Be open-minded and have empathy, but in the end, the rational idea wins.  But in context of how politics actually works, that’s so difficult to achieve. I’m also “guilty” of having emotions. I live contextually; I don’t live in a textbook. Many different explanations can be rationalized; rhetoric can sway me, as it sways people across time and land.  San Francisco/Bay Area politics have taken a nasty turn, and my emotions and thought have gone into hiding. There are so few actual conservatives here that instead of Democrats vs Republicans, we have Progressives vs Moderate Liberals. Mix that in with everything else: racial tensions; the “tech influx”; housing crisis; the history of SF politics - it is messed up.  I have friends all over the (left) political spectrum. My Cal friends are decidedly on the progressive side. My high school friends are smack in the moderate, as most Millbrae-ites are. And I’ve made plenty of friends post-university who are in tech. It’s just how the demographics of my generation work - I enjoy meeting people, and inevitably, some of them will be in tech.  In the past 2 years, I can’t recall if I’ve ever seen a thoughtful, well-reasoned, and most importantly, calm discussion between progressives and moderates in the Bay Area. 95% of the time, people who are firmly in one side only discuss political issues between one another. And that’s natural: many people don’t like discussing politics with people who don’t share their view. People are non-confrontational. People don’t want to be attacked - perhaps they don’t want to be challenged.  But I think the biggest issue is that here in the Bay, politics are personal. They are all over the world, but in the Bay, it can’t not be personal, somehow. The area is often quoted as one of the most diverse in the country - with that, comes an unpredictable array of backgrounds, along with their political baggage. The vitriol in politics is cyclical: it goes back and forth like an infinite ping-pong match, with defenses increasingly ramped up.  (At this point, I’ve been writing this free-form without much of a break. I haven’t gotten to the actual content and thoughts yet, but it would make me sad to just erase this whole post...so I’m gonna put this up as Part 1, and there will be a Part 2 at...some other point. I haven’t even gotten my thoughts together - I wanted to write something after reading an article on SF propositions that completely played off the reader’s emotions, and being extremely annoyed at the rhetoric. This was also after reading about the GOP debate from yesterday - if I recall correctly, they barely actually debated any genuine topics, and made wide-sweeping polemical statements) 

[elegyinthree]

Snippets

You know, sometimes it’s a little cathartic to just blame everything on racism.

And the next morning, you know it’s not true, but there’s enough resentment there to still be able to do the same in the future. 

There are times when my confidence depends on racial perspective.

Where is the line between indifference and self-assuredness?

At times I wonder when I’m bluffing confidence. And other times, I wonder if what I think is confidence actually comes across as insecurity. Rarely, I ponder if there’s actually no confidence on the outside at all, and it’s just for my own satisfaction. 

There’s only so far you can go off pretending you know where you’re going. 

There are no worse people than strangers.

[elegyinthree]

Sometimes I get this sense of impeding dread that I will eventually succumb to becoming a Software Developer...

...especially when the non-technical jobs that I apply for are in tech companies.

Not that there’s anything *inherently bad* about working in tech. I’ve just never particularly wanted to do that. But my desire to move out of living at home and the financial consequences of generally *not* working in tech in the Bay Area suggest an elegant solution to both my problems. 

On that note, I got a call from a company that I had applied to a few weeks back - in fact, the first application that I had sent out. Interestingly enough, they were asking if I’d be interested in a different position than the one that I had originally applied for. My intent was for an Account Support position (very Customer Service-y, but a little more on the technical side). They asked if I would like to consider applying for the Risk Analyst position...which involves international financial institutions and things that just sound way out of my league. Erm, okay? I’ll consider this. 

[tastefullyoffensive]

by It’s the Tie (previously)

[elegyinthree]

Hi

I’m back! I don’t have the energy or time to do a hella long, detailed post. But just to summarize my past year and absence:

- Started my legal assistant / paralegal job at the immigration firm. Did that for 15 months or so.

- Got incredibly bored of it. Wanted something different and more challenging. Desired to be in a space hat wasn’t so confined. Wished for a work environment of more than 3 other people. 

- Quit on a whim and went to England, where I was in the chorus for a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta in an outdoor cliffside theater. Did all the actings and singings and dancings. Hung out with Brits and learned some of their quirks. Drank a lot of cider and gin/tonics.

- Traveled on my own for 5 weeks (including that musical stint). Learned a bit more about being alone and loneliness. Stayed in hostels. Made short-term friends. Wandered a lot. Visited an old friend. 

- Got to use my Spanish (ahem, Duolingo-assisted Spanish). Managed to get around without using much English - even though everyone would’ve understood my English more easily. 

- Met a guy October of last year. We hit it off. Been dating/boyfriends since then. First serious long-term relationship of my life. Many more thoughts on this for future posts. 

- Have somehow gotten a bit into watching basketball and football...who would’ve thought.

- Been doing more singing. Sung my first short solo piece in England. 

- Been getting back into running recently. Chugging away at that mile/9minute pace. That half marathon is in sight at some point, yeah? 

- Cooking is still good. Trying to do more “basics” and “staples”, as a result of being unemployed. 

- Still at home. Pros: free rent. Cons: living in the suburbs, parents on your case, living on the top of a hill in the suburbs, no interesting restaurants because of the suburbs. I sound like an entitled brat now, don’t I? (Really though, I hate the suburbs). 

And of course, what was supposed to be a short post became a freeform essay. That’s what you get when you try to summarize a year. It’s nice to see all y’all familiar faces around Tumblr. I’ve been intending to hone my serious writing, but in lieu of that effort, Tumblr, you’ll do. 

[elegyinthree]

Music of the Night

And this is the point where, after 1.5 bottles of wine and some whiskey, I listen to Autre Ne Veut’s “Anxiety”. Truly music for the night, though i might have to turn to some Phantom at some point...if I don’t get a headache in the middle of this...

[elegyinthree]

I crave...

- Connections. Human connections; emotions, touch, conversation, that *knowing look*, empathy. Instant “clicks”. Jigsaw pieces with people - I want to find others whom I click with! (grammar)

- Realness. No hiding behind facades. No half-truths an half-lies - just being honest, face-to-face. I feel like people live trying to cater to each other - including myself - and I don’t *want* to do this anymore. Can I be blunt? . 

- Depth: exploration of the unknown; taking chances into dangerous territory; striving to go further each time. I want to go into psyches, and I want people to dive into mine, like an undersea exploration into a trench, looking for new forms of life! 

- Validation. For I am only human, and I have my moments of weakness - same as everyone else. 

- Comfort. Feeling safe. Never being left alone. I expose my faults and struggles; sometimes all I want is something to hold onto. An anchor; some railing; a form of security. 

- Strength. I want to be in charge of my own life. I want to be aware of others’ desires, while having ones of my own. I want to have a true sense of *self*. I want to be able to charge through obstacles in life.  On a side note, at volume 0, my computer’s headphones settings still release sound...so interesting...

[elegyinthree]

Drunk thoughts after a year’s absence

- What will people think of me writing a drunk post after a year’s absence? 

- How much should I really care about what Tumblr people think?

- Why do people care about what other people think of their social media posts? 

- I don’t want to work tomorrow. I fucking hate analyzing investment immigration business documents. 

- Who’s real in my life? I have all these friends and acquaintances...does it matter who’s close to me or who’s not? I assume it should, but I’ve constantly felt disappointed by both other people and by myself. 

- It would be an awfully sad existence to live solely based off oneself. Sure, I only know myself - that silly solipsistic existence - but that doesn’t mean I should only live with myself, right? 

- I have an awesome boyfriend. I’ve thought a lot about whether I love him - it’s been eight months. People have used “love” much earlier and much later. I don’t particularly care when I say it - it’s more the matter of what it *means*. If I say it, do I really mean it? Do I know what love is at the moment - and have I ever? Will I know, when I say it? Does saying it invoke anything different from thinking it, feeling it, or just acting on it?

[botanize]

[robofalconry]

[elegyinthree]

Pokemon Variations (Source with sources)

[best-of-imgur]

[peterfromtexas-deactivated20250]

Some statistic for today

[tropiuz-deactivated20200618]

I HATE THIS

[bluntforcetanya]

[elegyinthree]

Feeling so INFP right now.  I don't believe in Myers-Briggs.  Can I state both of the above statements truthfully?  (Also, hi Tumblr. I yet again failed at updating consistently. Haha.)

[oddlyaquaria]

This sign is in my doctors office above the scale and I really love it. It actually made me feel a lot better after reading it

[iamboundtowin-deactivated201501]

I am a very private person, yet I am an open book. If you don’t ask… I won’t tell.

(via im-simply-me)