“being a man means knowing where you’re needed the most” is really the perfect sokka thesis statement because it’s such an illogically circular motto through which to define your unwavering sense of duty, and yet. every season sees sokka prioritizing his perceived duty over where he’s actually needed the most and dearly paying the price for it.
in “the siege of the north,” arnook takes him off the mission to assassinate zhao so that he can act as yue’s bodyguard and sokka accepts this role immediately even though if it hadn’t been a command from a father figure leader of his people to protect the girl he’s in love with, surely he would have resisted. surely he would have been like “wait actually i am the only person here who knows zhao personally and has intel on the fire navy and has seen combat, what are you doing rn.?” and if he had led the mission, yue probably would have lived, since zhao wouldn’t have gotten the chance to destroy the moon in the first place.
in ba sing se, sokka takes up katara’s offer for her to stay behind while he visits their father, even though he knows logically that it’s his plan and he should be the one dealing with the logistics of that, simply because he is so irrationally desperate to prove himself to his father that he doesn’t even bother interrogating why katara made that offer in the first place (hint: it’s not selfless sibling love). he truly believes that where he’s needed the most is with his father, even though hakoda himself explicitly disagrees. and had he stayed in the city, he would have tried to see suki, realized instantly that the kyoshi warriors were not who they said they were, and maybe even had the chance to foil their plot before it got to the point that aang, too, had to die.
and then “the boiling rock” is probably the most egregious example of this pattern because he genuinely believes that atoning for his sins against his father (within his own perception of what happened, always with the self-blame, always with the guilt) is worth risking his life over, even though he still does have a duty to aang that outweighs any sort of value potentially rescuing his father could bring. dying isn’t even an unattractive consequence to him (in fact one could even argue that he welcomes it), that’s how irrationally guilty he feels for fumbling the invasion, which he takes full responsibility for, even though, mind you, it was kuei who leaked the plans to azula and never mentioned it afterwards, and aang who decided to stay instead of retreat. and this perceived failure brings out his already latent suicidal tendencies to the point that he straight up forgets his promise to his father entirely, forgets that he is desperately needed elsewhere. because he failed one time, so surely that means he’s no longer useful (i.e. worthy, i.e. deserving of existence) at all…..right??
the thing about sokka is that he’s ostensibly someone who values the cold ruthlessness of logic and reason over the sentimental naïveté of operating on pure feeling (something that katara deems him “heartless” for), and yet he also displays a pretty dire pattern of not thinking clearly whenever the question of fulfilling his [perceived] duty to the Father is involved. what imbibing patriarchal logic when your entire notion of masculinity (and indeed the very question of possessing intrinsic value as a person) hinges on the valorization of martyrdom does to a mf…..