I haven't been on my tumblr in years so I doubt anyone still follows me. But I've been having a lot of trouble lately dealing with all this aftermath to the most recent suicides lately. I can't go on Facebook because it's filled with people exclaiming "YOU reach out". When I've spent the last decade in therapy of being told to reword myself anytime I used a 'You-Statement'. I've spent ten years learning if you're depressed, you have to be the one to reach out or you'll never get better. That we need to be sharing feelings and expierences, not putting blame on others.
So because of all this 'I-statement' training I've been doing for a decade now. I can see how the words "YOU need to reach out" has the double meaning of "YOU didn't/don't do enough". To those who are grieving or lost somebody to suicide. Do you really think they want to be seeing these statements of blame all over their news-feeds? I personally don't. I've heard from every single therapist I've ever met that it is not your friend's jobs to reach out to you. Don't expect anything from them because you're the one going through something right now, not them. You can't blame your friends, or friends of those suffering for being too occupied with their own lives.
People might think this "YOU reach out" is the new movement to remind people to help others. But it's not. It's just shitposting and spam. I know this because I've been very open about my current struggles on my private social medias and yet the ones reposting these "YOU reach out" posts are the exact friends who haven't bothered to check in with me once since I started sharing my latest life struggles. It's all preach and no practice. So I continue to tell my FB friends, write something inspring you did for someone, instead of harmful 'You-Statements'. If you're in any kind of talk therapy and you start to say, "well if just 'so-and-so' bothered to reach out", the therapist will tell you to put those words back in your mouth and try to say that again. And remind you that that person has their own life and struggles going on, don't assume anything and create a meaningful 'I-statement' you could tell so-and-so when you're more comfortable to talk to them.
I've struggled not only with depression and suicide, but with mental illness in family and friends and became quite literally the therapist to my peers by the time I was 14. During this time I learned that depression and suicide is a Professional's game, not your friend's. And because after over a handful of all-nighter phone calls to keep my friends alive one more night, and the last resort cries for help. I learned whenever I get depressed, and I just want someone to ask me how I'm doing so badly. I know what it's like to be the friend that always reached out. And I will never let my friends suffer just because I am. I know someone with depression needs to talk, and when I think of all the things my own friends have vented to me, and the thoughts inside my own head. I would never put one of my own peers/family members in that situation to listen to my sorrow filled voice ever. It's fucking cruel to your loved ones. It was once I got to school for Psychology that I realized I was not strong enough for this and I truly believe most people aren't. And if you do have a strong enough heart for this, please for the love of god get your degree and help fix this corrupted system. Because I couldn't handle it, and I want to be ashamed every day.
I want this system to change so my mentally ill sister can get the psychiatric help she needs for her delusions. So if my friends are depressed I can say, "go talk to a therapist" and it isn't hundreds of dollars out the door. Because it should not be your friend's job to save you(reach out), if you're going through something. That's a lot of pressure to put on someone who isn't prefessionally trained in helping you properly.
If you want to get more people checking in on their friends and family more often, share a kind story, maybe with a picture of you and your friend as well(with your friend's consent of course) about how you helped them out that day. Don't start shoving 'You-Statements' all over our news-feeds. We're a generation that always talks about avoiding triggers. This "YOU reach out" can really trigger those who are struggling because reaching out only seems to hurt their loved ones. Or even worse if they're loved one is already gone, how does that sound to their ears. It might be enough to convince them they didn't do enough. Which is emotionally cruel and abusive to those already grieving over a suicidal victim.
When it comes to mental health:
Remember the difference between progressive 'I-Statements' and harmful 'You-Statements' when you're communicating with anyone and everything.
Also choose to INSPIRE others and don't ever put blame on anyone. If you want to help, begin to work with your local government and hospitals to make mental health care more accessible.
I don't mean to spread any hate, I'm just trying to inform those who don't understand how triggering 'You-Statements' can really be, while getting some venting out myself.
Thank you for reading this if you managed all the way through. 😊
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