#i statements

[positiveupwardspiral]

Eight Communication Rules Of The Most Successful Relationships:

If you already use these rules of engagement when you argue, your relationship is more successful than most:

1) We will be honest but not cruel.

2) There will be no name-calling or shaming.

3) Our goal will be to resolve this so we can move forward.

4) We will not leave the conversation, but it's okay to ask for a 20-minute break.

5) We will assume that we both want the same things — to connect and to improve our relationship.

6) We will take the stance of "it's you and me against the problem, not you against me."

7) We will try to use "I feel" statements instead of blaming each other.

8) We will state positive needs (e.g., "I need to feel closer to you.")

- Dr. Jessica Griffin

[borderlinereminders]

I-Statements are a useful skill when it comes to communicating within your relationships. These can help to minimize the defensiveness the other person may feel. Even if you believe you are right, approaching a conflict with an accusation is likely to put the other person on the defense and is unlikely to reach a resolution. I-Statements should focus on resolving a problem instead of placing blame. 

I-Statements should start with “I feel”, followed by whatever emotion you are feeling. These helps not put the blame on the other person and allows them to take responsibility for their actions. You would then tactfully describe the problem. If you have a proposed solution, you might include it here or wait and see if the other person offers a solution/feedback. 

For example: 

Blaming Statement: You didn’t call/text me when you said you would!

I-Statement: I feel really worried when I don’t hear from you when I’m expecting to because I want you to be safe and okay. 

Blaming Statement: You embarrassed me the other night in front of our friends!

I-Statement: I felt really embarrassed the other night when the topic of ___ came up because... 

Blaming Statement: You ignore me and are always on your phone when we’re out together!

I-Statement: I feel unappreciated and unimportant when you have your phone out when we go out to dinner. 

(Please note that this advice comes from a place of wanting to resolve conflict in a relationship. It is not at all saying that you should accept being treated poorly. And a lot of this comes down to whether you want to resolve the conflict. While you may technically be right in some circumstances, approaching situations with an idea of who’s right and who’s wrong is unlikely to lead to resolution.)  

[esperantoauthor]

When Esp is at the end of her patience but clinging to the last remnants of peofessionalism it sounds like:

“I feel stressed when you all talk at the same time. Please raise your hand when you want to talk so we can all hear each other.” 😭

[ivebeenmade]

Can we talk about "I statements" for a minute?

"I think"

"I feel"

"Personally, for me..."

If we can't be civil, can we bring this back?

[passive-aggressive-fandom]

hey folks, just a quick reminder that not everyone has had the same experience with something as you have. for example, i have autism. if someone without autism walked up to me and told me stimming wasn’t useful, i would be able to tell them stimming was useful for me since i have firsthand experience with it. for other people with autism, what i said might not be true for them. everyone’s experiences differ.

[intentional-relationship]

Conflict is inevitable in relationships: Make a commitment to evaluate your next conflict

If conflict is inevitable in relationships, if dealt with in a healthy, productive, and respectful way, it can bring you closer as a couple and make your relationship stronger. The next time you find yourself on the verge of an argument, focus on using “I statements” and take responsibility for your own feelings: “I felt _ when _”. Since it often takes time to learn new strategies and because…

Conflict is inevitable in relationships: Make a commitment to evaluate your next conflict

[intentional-relationship]

When conflict arises, avoid using blameful language towards your partner as that invites negativity into the situation

Pick your battles is often given as advice for avoiding unnecessary conflict, but if you apply this advice to serious issues, it can be detrimental to your relationship. Pride, bias, and defensive mechanisms prevent us from dealing with conflict in a healthy, productive manner. But it doesn’t have to be that way. There are strategies that you and your partner can use to effectively deal with…

When conflict arises, avoid using blameful language towards your partner as that invites negativity into the situation

[intentional-relationship]

Assertiveness is expressing your feelings and asking for what you want in the relationship

There are two skills that will help shape a positive environment for communication in your relationships: assertiveness and active listening. To be assertive, it’s important to take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings by using “I” statements instead of starting with “you.” In making constructive requests, be positive and respectful in communication. Use polite phrases such as “please”…

Assertiveness is expressing your feelings and asking for what you want in the relationship