you ever have to go sell some guy's goku car after work but he might be a vampire
go listen to unincorporated Part 1 & Part 2 free on youtube or on the fatt patreon podcast feed~~~
Transcript:
Ali: I could be, I could be Joey Trevino [laughs].
Sylvi: Oh my god.
Ali: And call up Nate, and be like, what’s going on with the car, buddy?
Keith: Would that too easily solve that I don’t know where I’m supposed to take it? Or, do I think you’re lying to me?
Sylvi: It could be— it could be him calling being like, why haven’t you picked it up yet?
Keith: Oh right, this is the seller of the car.
Janine: What— I have an idea, I have an idea. What if he just got his wisdom teeth out, and he’s got cotton balls in his cheeks, and you think he’s a vampire.
[Keith howls with laughter, Ali wheezes]
Sylvi: Oh my god.
Keith: Does that too easily solve anything for ya?
Ali: chuckles]
Keith: This smacks of the undead!
[Janine and Ali chuckle]
Ali: Brrrrrrng brng! Brrrrrrng brng!
Keith (as Nathaniel): Uh, yeah.
Ali: [wheezing] It’s real— I have to do this?
Keith: Yeah.
Janine: You can put—
Ali: [muffled noises, and then muffled laughter]
Ali (as Joey): Hello?
Janine: Maybe less. Maybe a bit less.
Ali: Okay. Yeah, okay.
Ali (as Joey): [muffled] Hello? Are you there?
Keith (as Nathaniel): Hello?
[Ali wheezes]
Ali (as Joey): [muffled voice] It’s Joey.
Keith (as Nathaniel): Uh sorry, who’s calling?
Ali (as Joey): It’s Joey.
Keith (as Nathaniel): This is Joey’s phone, who are you?
Ali (as Joey): No no no, I’m Joey. I’m calling Nate.
Keith (as Nathaniel): Speaking.
[Ali wheezes]
Ali (as Joey): What’s up, bro?
Keith (as Nathaniel): Uh, nothing. What’s up, what’s going on?
Ali (as Joey): You didn’t pick up the car yet.
Keith (as Nathaniel): Yeah. I’m at work, like I said.
Ali (as Joey): I know! But like, come out.
Keith (as Nathaniel): It’s the middle of the day, can’t you come outside?
Ali (as Joey): No bro, I can’t. I’m hurting extremely. Because I’m on medication.
Keith (as Nathaniel): Medication.
[Ali wheezes]
Ali (as Joey): Yeah, I—
Keith: Okay.
Ali (as Joey): Put two and two together.
Janine: Is there any vampire medication?
Keith (as Nathaniel): I think I’m very quickly putting two and two together.
[Ali laughs]
Ali (as Joey): When are you gonna pick it up?
Keith (as Nathaniel): Look. I’ll come right after work.
Ali (as Joey): When is that?
Keith (as Nathaniel): If. If, you can do me one thing.
Ali (as Joey): Um. It depends on the thing.
Keith (as Nathaniel): Get a newspaper with today’s date, take a selfie of you outside in the sun, and send it to me?
Ali (as Joey): What are you talking about? I can’t—
Janine: Mirror selfie. Mirror selfie would work too.
Ali: [chuckles]
Ali (as Joey): Bring me a newspaper. I can’t go get a newspaper, I can’t drive.
Keith (as Nathaniel): I can’t bring you a newspaper, you don’t have a— you don’t get the news?
Ali (as Joey): No! What are you talking about?
Keith (as Nathaniel): How do you get your news?
Ali (as Joey): [short pause] TV.
Keith (as Nathaniel): Oh. Sure. TV.
Ali: [wheezes]
Ali (as Joey): You don’t watch Channel 3?
Keith (as Nathaniel): I don’t watch Channel 3—do they even make channels that low?
Ali: [laughs]
Ali (as Joey): You don’t watch Primetime? You don’t watch Weather Hour?
Keith (as Nathaniel): No!
Ali (as Joey): You don’t watch the Weather Hour DJ set?
Keith (as Nathaniel): No! I have a—
Janine: Frying Time? Is one of those Frying Time?
Keith (as Nathaniel): [chuckles] I actually didn’t catch that last one, what was the last one?
Ali (as Joey): [laughs] The Weather Hour DJ set?
Keith (as Nathaniel): Weather Hour DJ set—no, I have a subscription to an observatory and they call me twice a day to tell me the weather forecast.
Ali (as Joey): When are you picking up the car?
Sylvi: [laughs]
Keith (as Nathaniel): I’m picking up the car when you take a selfie in front of a bathroom mirror.
Ali (as Joey): Um, I don’t recall that we know each other that well, I’m really flattered? But I’m on medication right now, so I don’t think that like—
Keith (as Nathaniel): Nor– just a normal picture! Just in the bathroom!
Janine: Just FaceTime in the bathroom.
Ali (as Joey): I just think that like, you know, when I feel love, we can go out to dinner or whatever? But I’m not gonna like send you a picture.
Keith (as Nathaniel): What do you think I’m asking you for?
Ali (as Joey): For a selfie. With myself in the bathroom, bro.
Keith (as Nathaniel): Yeah. It’s not that weird.
Ali: [wheezes] Sorr— [laughs] I just— [wheezes]
Sylvi: Yeah, you—
Ali: I’ve been biting off the fucking— [wheezes] sleeve of my sweather this whole time— [laughs]
Keith: [bursts out in laughter]
Janine: You committed so well, you deserve to— you deserve your rest. You’ve never committed to a bit more.
Sylvi: It’s so—! That was so good.
[Hard Luck Transition Music]
Ali (as Joey): [muffled] I sent the picture.
Keith (as Nathaniel): Okay. What is that?
Ali (as Joey): What do you mean?
Keith (as Nathaniel): Why are you all bloody?
Ali (as Joey): I’ve just got surgery, man! I can’t open and see, I got my teeth out.
Keith (as Nathaniel): Teeth out?
Ali (as Joey): I got my teeth out! I tried to get it—
Keith (as Nathaniel): Teeth out.
Ali (as Joey): Yeah yeah yeah. Doctor Yanko.
Keith (as Nathaniel): This is bad.
Janine: Doctor Yanko?
Ali: [wheezes]
Ali (as Joey): When are you picking up the car?
Keith (as Nathaniel): Doctor Yanko? I don’t even think Doctor Yanko lives in this town anymore.
Ali (as Joey): When do you get off work?
Keith (as Nathaniel): 5 o’ clock.
Ali (as Joey): And, you’re getting here 5.30? 6? 5.15?
Keith (as Nathaniel): Yeah. Be there at 5.15.
Ali (as Joey): Okay. I just want you to know—
Keith (as Nathaniel): I can’t understand you. Bye.
[Ali laughs, Janine chuckles]
Ali: Wonderful.
Keith: How wet is your sleeve?
Ali: [laughs] Not as bad as you think, I think the first bite was worse than the second one, obviously?
Sylvi: Damn, vampire moment.
[Hard Luck Transition Music]
Keith: No, I don’t knock on the door. I go over to the car, and I yell for Joey— do we know who Joey is? Who’s playing Joey? Wait—
Sylvi: It was Ali before.
Keith: Ali was playing Joey.
Ali: I was Joey at the time, yeah.
Keith: Yeah. Would you like to remain Joey?
Ali: Sure… [wheezes]
Keith: Sure.
Sylvi: [chuckles]
Keith (as Nathaniel): [shouting] Joey!!!
Ali (as Joey): Hold on. Hold on a second. Okay okay okay. What’s poppin’, bro?
Keith (as Nathaniel): Come on— come out!!!
Ali: I come outside. [laughs]
Keith (as Nathaniel): Oh! Well what the fuck!
Ali: [wheezes] I’m like standing on the deck. Like the door. You know how—
Keith: Are you— is there an awning over you?
Ali: I think so, yeah. So like a concrete sails/step situation.
Keith (as Nathaniel): Come here! Come over here!
Ali (as Joey): What are you talking about?
Keith (as Nathaniel): Come give me the keys to the car!
Ali (as Joey): I’ll throw ‘em to you.
Keith (as Nathaniel): No! Come. Over!
Ali: [wheezes]
Ali (as Joey): Why do you keep fucking around, man?
Keith (as Nathaniel): I’m not fucking around. You’re fucking around.
Ali (as Joey): I just need you to drop off this car.
Keith (as Nathaniel): I’m being serious about this. Deadly serious.
Ali: [snorts, chuckles]
Keith (as Nathaniel): Okay, lemme—
Janine: Bring a stake— did Nate bring a stake? I need to know.
Keith: Yeah, I almost tried to grab Jenny for this scene, and give her a backpack full of stakes.
Ali: [laughs]
Sylvi: We could’ve done that!
Keith: But I just had a different idea.
Janine: [chuckles]
Sylvi: Yeah, no worries.
Ali (as Joey): Okay. One second, one second, one second.
Ali: I go back inside. I put on a hoodie. I zip it up. I put the hood up [wheezes]. And then I— I’m holding both of my hands in the kangaroo pocket, you know, how you put it in a kangaroo pocket.
Keith (as Nathaniel): What are you doing? Why are you doing that?
Ali (as Joey): It’s cold out.
Keith (as Nathaniel): Why didn’t you just come here? It’s not cold out! It’s four forty-five in July! It is eighty six degrees.
Ali: [wheezes]
Ali (as Joey): This weather is making me sleepy, man. And I’m cold. And it’s not a great day for me. But I’m about to sell this car, it’s all about to turn around.
Keith (as Nathaniel): Here. Catch!
Keith: I throw a head of garlic that I stole from produce.
Ali: [wheezes]
Ali (as Joey): What are you messing about my lawn for, man?
Keith (as Nathaniel): What, you just let it fall?
Ali (as Joey): Yeah, the birds will have it. I can’t chew, bro! What am I about to do with garlic?
Keith (as Nathaniel): Pick it up and toss it back to me.
Ali (as Joey): Oh my god. You want it back?
Keith (as Nathaniel): Yeah, I want it back.
Ali (as Joey): You’re going to eat the floor garlic?
Keith (as Nathaniel): It’s covered in skin, it’s fine.
Ali: I throw the keys next to the garlic.
Ali (as Joey): Go get it.
Keith (as Nathaniel): No, you go get it.
Ali (as Joey): What are you talking about, man?
Ali: [wheezes]
Ali (as Joey): You’re acting really silly right now. And this isn’t really a silly day for me.
Keith (as Nathaniel): It’s insane that you think that I’m the one that’s acting silly, because you’re the one that’s acting silly, man!
Ali: [laughs, stifles laughter]
Ali (as Joey): Okay, fine.
Keith (as Nathaniel): Okay.
Ali (as Joey): You throwing things on the floor, expecting me to go get it.
Keith (as Nathaniel): It’s not the floor, it’s the grass. And I was throwing it to you, and you let it bounce off of you. Hands in your pockets!
Ali (as Joey): This isn’t really the energy you had on the phone, by the way. I don’t think—
Keith (as Nathaniel): The stakes have been raised, Joey!
Sylvi: Oh no.
Keith (as Nathaniel): You better watch it that they don’t get raised any higher.
Ali (as Joey): I beg your pardon?
Keith (as Nathaniel): Cause when those stakes come down, it’s your heart it’ll be piercing!
Ali: [wheezes]
Sylvi: Holy fuck.
Ali (as Joey): You keep acting like that, you’re not piercing anybody’s heart, man. It was cuter before you know, send me a picture, send me a picture! I don’t know about this garlic shit.
Keith (as Nathaniel): I didn’t say send me a picture, send me a picture!
Ali: [laughs, wheezes]
Keith (as Nathaniel): I said, if you want me to sell your car, I need a photograph! It’s different!
Ali (as Joey): Yeah, okay so you—
Keith (as Nathaniel): Take your hands out of your pockets, pick up the garlic and the keys, and pass them over here.
Ali: [wheezes] I do that. I go and pick them up— I pick up the keys first,
Keith: Okay.
Ali: And then I hold the garlic in your hand.
Keith: In your hand?
Ali: Over, like I hold them both. [wheezes]
Keith: What do you mean, describe what’s happening. What am I seeing?
Ali: So the— the keys are against my palm.
Keith: Okay.
Ali: The garlic is on the keys. And then the tips— [wheezes] the tips of my fingers are squeezing the garlic.
Keith: Okay.
Sylvi: Yeah, this is the type of guy who’d paint Goku on his car.
Ali: [wheezing]
Keith: I’m running up to Joey— I’m running up to Joey, I’m going to pick him up—
Ali: What!
Keith: Take his hoodie off, and run into the sun.
Ali: [wheezes]
Sylvi: You gotta roll!
Ali: Yeah, you’re gonna have to roll for that.
Keith: Yeah! This is a roll, this is a Jock roll, yes.
Janine: But also, two Jock. This is— yeah, Mega Jock.
It’s called the crayola colorcycle program! As on its FAQ, they mention the following:
“Crayola ColorCycle will accept all brands of plastic markers, not just Crayola markers. That includes dry erase markers and highlighters! ColorCycle will eliminate placing hundreds of tons of markers into landfills.”
There do seem to be some limits, however, as far as I can tell, anyone can ship in a box of markers. “Any sturdy cardboard box with minimal outer markings will work. The more markers you ship, the more efficient this program will be. We suggest a minimum of 100 markers and a maximum of up to 40 pounds.”
This is a really good idea, especially if you are trying to find an economic friendly way to get markers or crayons out of your abode without throwing them in the trash
