How to Stop Caring About What People Think of You and Stop Craving External Validation
Okay, first of all, I’d like to say that I hate it when “how to heal” YouTubers and content creators don’t get straight to the point, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
The truth is, you can’t fully stop caring about what people think of you. That’s just not possible. Many people will try to tell you that they really don’t care, but deep down, a small part of them does.
The first step is to admit to yourself that you do care whether people like you or not and accept that it’s completely normal. It’s human to care about your reputation and how other people see you.
Then, try to detach from that fear. Walk past someone and do something you normally wouldn’t because of shyness. Give them a flower. Compliment them. Tell them they have a nice smile. Do something small that pushes you outside your comfort zone.
They’ll probably remember that for a long time because, whether we like to admit it or not, humans are naturally a little selfish. Not necessarily in a cruel way, but in the sense that we’re all the main characters in our own lives. We spend most of our time thinking about ourselves—how we look, what people think of us, whether we embarrassed ourselves, and how we come across. So when you give someone a compliment or make them happy, they’re much more likely to remember it because they’re involved. It becomes part of their story. But your hairstyle, your outfit, your opinions, or that “embarrassing” thing you did don’t involve them. They might notice those things, maybe even judge them for a minute, but they’ll move on because they’re busy thinking about themselves, just like everyone else.
If you dye your hair an unconventional color or dress in a way that people wouldn’t consider “normal,” people might still look at you or give you unwanted attention. They might even laugh or whisper something to the person next to them. But they probably won’t remember it for very long, simply because your style has nothing to do with them. They’ll think about it for a few minutes at most, and then they’ll go back to thinking about their own lives.
Just think about it. Do you remember every embarrassing thing someone has done in front of you? Do you remember every stranger you saw wearing something you thought looked weird or funny? Probably not. But you do remember the compliments people gave you. You remember your own embarrassing moments. That’s because we’re all naturally more focused on ourselves than on everyone else.
You also have to realize that our lives are incredibly short. In the grand scheme of things, we don’t have nearly enough time to do everything we want to do. Not every dream will come true, and that’s okay. I think a small part of being human is always carrying a little sadness because we know that, no matter how much fun we’re having, everything eventually comes to an end.
When you’re dying, I can almost guarantee that you won’t be thinking about the people who judged you or stared at you because you were doing something “weird.” You’ll be thinking about what you did with your own life. All you get is a few decades. Use them to make yourself happy.
I also think it’s important to stop judging the people around you. It’s okay if someone does something you think is odd or dresses in a way you don’t like. People don’t owe you an explanation for their self-expression or style. The more accepting you become of other people’s differences, the easier it becomes to accept your own. Once you stop constantly judging the people around you, you’ll realize that most people aren’t constantly judging you either.
Honestly, you don’t have much time. Get that haircut. Buy that outfit. Change your major. Go out and do something fun instead of worrying about what people will think of you.
Your time here could end tomorrow, next week, or in a few decades. You never know. So stop living your life for everyone else, and start living it for yourself.
