Elliott Cryptid

Elliott, she/he/they, adult || Founding member of the D.U.M.B. || RP blog || main is @morporkian-cryptid

[elliottcryptid]

OOC post

Yo! This is a (long overdue) side-blog of @morporkian-cryptid, to reblog my RP stuff and avoid clogging my main.

The person speaking on this blog is a character, similar to but separate from the real me.

Character!Elliott is friends with a bunch of murderers, and ignores morals if it's in her interests. That's the main (and only) difference with Real!Elliott.

I'll still comment and like stuff with my main, this blog is for reblogs. Please DM @morporkian-cryptid and not this blog, since that's where all my RP-related DMs already are.

Flamethrowers

[paininmyassachusetts]

A hitman who advertises his services the way a commission artist does

[paininmyassachusetts]

“Um hey guys. I’ve been hit pretty hard with financial difficulty lately. I’d really appreciate it if you’d consider commissioning me.”

[the-mighty-birdy-deactivated202]

Stabbings: $45

Gunshots: $100

Poisonings: $200

Thanks you guys please share if you can!  ❤️❤️❤️

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

Commissions I will NOT take:

👎 Kids (Teens are fine tho)

👎 Bystanders

👎 Other Hitmen

If you want to know why, message me, but otherwise no hate pls ✨

[jelloapocalypse]

hey guys, normally i try to keep drama off of my blog but this is really important. I just wanted to let you know that someone named WetWorkKing05 has been taking credit for MY kills over on redbloodle.com and is making money off of my hard work. When I messaged him directly he blocked me and threatened to kill ME >_> I’ve tried talking with the mods about getting his account taken down, but redbloodle has NO policy for this and they are no help at all. i don’t know what to do??

PLS signal boost if you can! And in the meantime, if you need somebody killed, do NOT hire WetWorkKing05! he is a THIEF!

[jelloapocalypse]

repeat after me:

MURDER 👏 THEFT 👏 IS 👏 A 👏 WORSE 👏 CRIME 👏 THAN 👏 REGULAR  👏 MURDER  👏

[uncklerman]

Credits to the murderer

[vashito]

“Why are your prices so high???? I could kill him myself for free! whatever, ur not even that good at murder anyway”

[alertmode]

Emergency Murder Slots available!

First Person - $450, additional bodies add $375 each

(Basically a steal still my normal rate is $650. Cmon guys it’s $200 off!)

Serious inquiries only. EXPOSURE IS NOT A CURRENCY!

[klubbhead]

Guys please support all these hardworking Individuals!

Good hitmen are hard to find so it’s up to us to raise awareness!!!!

[slumberinggirl-deactivated20210]

Omg I love this guy’s work! He’s new and not so well known in the hitman community, but he’s so amazing and is appreciate it if you guys have him some love ❤️❤️

[thatquietkid108]

Support your local assassins

[helloareyouheremdfan]

”um why would I pay a hitmen would I could just steal military ai and have it kill anyone I want for free”

[shr00mie-rat]

Ai military robots can not murder like real hit men, they’re messy and lack the spirit that involves murder

[cliodevotus]

I’m never leaving this fucking app.

[elliottcryptid]

@whosayscrimedoesntpay

[the-magpies-men]

Mr Kamal just happened to be in the area?

Exactly~

[elliottcryptid]

Not to sound like I'm questionning your activities, but uh... why did Mr Cian have 1) a bodyguard who clearly wasn't doing their job + 2) Colonel Moran + 3) you just... hanging around? I'm staring to think it's almost a little unfair for the muggers.

[the-magpies-men]

All good questions. Here's some answers:

1.) Not sure but he'll never mess up on active duty again.

2.) The Colonel was there by chance I believe. (Or just in time one could say.)

3.) I like hanging around. I'm a night owl.

Maybe unfair but they should have just stayed away. Now they will. Forever~

[elliottcryptid]

I thiiiiiink Colonel Moran was there to throw hands??? For some reason??? Or did I misunderstand?

[the-magpies-men]

Mr Kamal just happened to be in the area?

Exactly~

[elliottcryptid]

Not to sound like I'm questionning your activities, but uh... why did Mr Cian have 1) a bodyguard who clearly wasn't doing their job + 2) Colonel Moran + 3) you just... hanging around? I'm staring to think it's almost a little unfair for the muggers.

[jimconsultingcriminal]

Permission to give Jabbers a butt kicking, sir.

Granted. No permanent damage, though. It's still James's body as well.

[hibernia-1]

Colonel @ofmagpiesandtigers no. No. Just no.

[ofmagpiesandtigers]

Understood. Thank you sir.

Hib- stay out of this. This does not concern you.

[hibernia-1]

This very much does concern me. Don't touch him.

[thetravelsofadreamer]

Fuck yeah, touch me. I wanna see you try, Sebastian. Nice to be off the leash, eh?

[elliottcryptid]

Please tell me this isn't about the photos???? What's going on?????

[elliottcryptid]

How much will it cost me to see more of these Kenough photos?

Whatever it might take to keep Colonel Moran from murdering me 😅

Joke aside, I would take it up with him first. As much fun as it is to share pics of our time in Paris, if he doesn't want them on the Internet then I'm not going to put them on the Internet.

@ofmagpiesandtigers penny for your thoughts?

[thetravelsofadreamer]

Boooo. You're no fun.

[elliottcryptid]

Hey you know what would be fun? You should go thrift shopping with him!

[thetravelsofadreamer]

Hah! As if he'd do that with me.

[elliottcryptid]

Again, @ofmagpiesandtigers penny for your thoughts?

[elliottcryptid]

How much will it cost me to see more of these Kenough photos?

Whatever it might take to keep Colonel Moran from murdering me 😅

Joke aside, I would take it up with him first. As much fun as it is to share pics of our time in Paris, if he doesn't want them on the Internet then I'm not going to put them on the Internet.

@ofmagpiesandtigers penny for your thoughts?

[thetravelsofadreamer]

Boooo. You're no fun.

[elliottcryptid]

Hey you know what would be fun? You should go thrift shopping with him!

[elliottcryptid]

How much will it cost me to see more of these Kenough photos?

Whatever it might take to keep Colonel Moran from murdering me 😅

Joke aside, I would take it up with him first. As much fun as it is to share pics of our time in Paris, if he doesn't want them on the Internet then I'm not going to put them on the Internet.

@ofmagpiesandtigers penny for your thoughts?

[jimconsultingcriminal]

I would be happy to share those pictures, but I'm worried I'll get on Colonel Moran's bad side if I do. I'm not quite sure what the pros/cons ratio is...

Well, ask yourself - would you rather be on Moran's bad side or on miiiiiiine?

[ofmagpiesandtigers]

Harumph.

[elliottcryptid]

...yeah that's fair, I brought that on myself.

Colonel, any advice?

[jimconsultingcriminal]

[ofmagpiesandtigers]

Jim... I swear to God....

Just ONE more photo! ONE!

[elliottcryptid]

Thank you for your blessing, Colonel! I aim to please 😇

Frankly, you should wear colors more often!

[ofmagpiesandtigers]

Oh fuck my life...

[elliottcryptid]

You are completely right, the headband should have been more pink.

[jimconsultingcriminal]

I would be happy to share those pictures, but I'm worried I'll get on Colonel Moran's bad side if I do. I'm not quite sure what the pros/cons ratio is...

Well, ask yourself - would you rather be on Moran's bad side or on miiiiiiine?

[ofmagpiesandtigers]

Harumph.

[elliottcryptid]

...yeah that's fair, I brought that on myself.

Colonel, any advice?

[jimconsultingcriminal]

[ofmagpiesandtigers]

Jim... I swear to God....

Just ONE more photo! ONE!

[elliottcryptid]

Thank you for your blessing, Colonel! I aim to please 😇

Frankly, you should wear colors more often!

[elliottcryptid]

So apparently we're all just slowly gaining embarrassing blackmail photos of each other then haha

Wait, this is news to me, who do you have blackmail material on? 👀

[whosayscrimedoesntpay]

Well no one except Lexi, I guess.

But I know people have some on me

[elliottcryptid]

Yo @hibernia1 spill the tea!!

[elliottcryptid]

So apparently we're all just slowly gaining embarrassing blackmail photos of each other then haha

Wait, this is news to me, who do you have blackmail material on? 👀

[jimconsultingcriminal]

I would be happy to share those pictures, but I'm worried I'll get on Colonel Moran's bad side if I do. I'm not quite sure what the pros/cons ratio is...

Well, ask yourself - would you rather be on Moran's bad side or on miiiiiiine?

[ofmagpiesandtigers]

Harumph.

[elliottcryptid]

...yeah that's fair, I brought that on myself.

Colonel, any advice?

[morporkian-cryptid]

How did you manage to get the Colonel to dress up in these atroci- interesting outfits?

-Lafayette

Why, with my natural charm and charisma, and the deep trust brought on by nearly ten years of friendship!

Just kidding, I honestly have no idea. I mean, I did insist a bit saying that he was the one who'd asked me first. We were just playing around so I don't think I had too much convincing to do ^^

[the-magpies-men]

Hahaha. I must say I'm deeply impressed. Some of the choices were rather....daring.

[elliottcryptid]

Not any more daring than wearing a bowtie and suspenders in the year of our lord 2025.

[the-magpies-men]

Daring? Eh? How so?

[elliottcryptid]

I'm just saying that true style comes with uniqueness, and it takes a daring mind to stand by such personnal fashion choices - mine, the Colonel's, and yours!

[morporkian-cryptid]

How did you manage to get the Colonel to dress up in these atroci- interesting outfits?

-Lafayette

Why, with my natural charm and charisma, and the deep trust brought on by nearly ten years of friendship!

Just kidding, I honestly have no idea. I mean, I did insist a bit saying that he was the one who'd asked me first. We were just playing around so I don't think I had too much convincing to do ^^

[the-magpies-men]

Hahaha. I must say I'm deeply impressed. Some of the choices were rather....daring.

[elliottcryptid]

Not any more daring than wearing a bowtie and suspenders in the year of our lord 2025.

[morporkian-cryptid]

How did you manage to get the Colonel to dress up in these atroci- interesting outfits?

-Lafayette

Why, with my natural charm and charisma, and the deep trust brought on by nearly ten years of friendship!

Just kidding, I honestly have no idea. I mean, I did insist a bit saying that he was the one who'd asked me first. We were just playing around so I don't think I had too much convincing to do ^^

[elliottcryptid]

@ofmagpiesandtigers Happy birthday, and thank you for trusting me! That thrift store run was a lot of fun, we should do this again sometime. I've got a toooooon more outfits you should try~

[jimconsultingcriminal]

Sebastian, I need to see you in that "I am Kenough" shirt.

[ofmagpiesandtigers]

Oh God... No, no you do not. You very much do not need to see me in that shirt.

[jimconsultingcriminal]

Sebastian dearest, did I stutter?

[ofmagpiesandtigers]

Ugh. I hate you. Fine.

[elliottcryptid]

I maaaaaaayyyyyyy have more photos in my back pocket 👀