C̸̼̏̏̃h̸̰̀͒a̷̡̟̎o̷̖̼͋͛̈́s̸̘͈̪̓͊

In my DareDevil era Just a bunch of random stuff and lack of social skills. Curries in denial. she/her. Usually reposting Hazbin,Mandalorian/star wars, monster fucker, HASO, Spider-man and art related content. 18+ (minors approach at your own risk, I know you won't listen anyway, just a heads up tho)

[saphushia]

make your title 'lurker' and your icon a fucking cheese i don't care. just look like a real person thanks 👍

[indeedgoodman]

[rabbitindisguise]

Me, before I saw this: old timey dancing in cartoons has to be over-exaggerated for effect

Me, now: old timey dancing in cartoons had to be toned down to promote a sense of realism because they were too good at it

[velartis]

“what radicalized you” bro EMPATHY

[puppygirllaika]

"what radicalized you" well in kindergarten they told me to share things and be nice to people.

[estrogenesis-vaporeongelion]

"what radicalized you" the immortal science of marxism-leninism

[average-smoothie-enjoyer]

My favorite “humans are space orcs” idea is that trope where aliens kidnap some humans for their zoo, except it ends up like Jurassic Park. And the poor Alien Humanologists who were invited to the park are like:

“You mean you locked up a pack of curious, highly competitive persistence predators with NO enrichment in the enclosure? You FOOLS! If you had bothered to throw a basketball or half a box of Legos in there, KE-X9 would still be alive!

“Well of course they climbed the retaining wall! Did you think to study their evolutionary lineage AT ALL?”

[what-even-is-thiss]

The humans would find a way to use the basketball and legos to escape. I mean one time a guy somehow escaped from a prison in Mexico without breaking any laws so his escape would be legal so honestly given enough time the Jurassic park situation is inevitable.

[elidyce]

Jurassic Park would be awesome, but now that I think about it I also kind of love love the idea of humans as the alien zoo equivalent of those octopuses that climb out of their tanks and wander around taste-testing other exhibits or throwing sub-par shrimp at handlers. 

Like they’re totally unable to figure out what’s happening because the cameras keep going out, but every night things get moved, or stolen, exhibits are disappearing, WHAT IS GOING ON, they’ve moved facilities twice and it’s still happening, are they haunted, are the ancestors angry, WHAT IS HAPPENING!?

And then a weary humanologist is all ‘… your humans are getting out’. 

“That is impossible.” 

“They’re getting out.” 

“That enclosure is COMPLETELY SECURE.” 

“And yet somehow they’re getting out.” 

“THE HUMANS ARE NOT GETTING OUT.” 

“Oh yeah? I bet you twenty glarks they’re getting out. Stay after closing time with me and I’ll show you.” 

*next day*

“… the humans were getting out.” 

“… why did they keep going back in, then?!”

(In a deeply embarrassed mumble) “They said they weren’t going to escape until they finished their behavioural experiments. Uh. On us.”

[weaselle]

two things come to mind:

1 - at our own zoos the MOST notorious jail breakers are the orangutans, who exploit all manner of methods, including literal lock picking. One orangutan, Ken Allen escaped several times WHILE THE ZOO WAS OPEN TO THE PUBLIC without getting caught by watching Zoo employees, even when they tried to disguise themselves as tourists to catch him at it. While he was being “secretly” surveilled, he managed to escape AND show the other orangutans how to escape. They finally found out he was doing some thought-to-be-impossible rock climbing to escape. To fix it, they brought in a team of human rock-climbers to locate all possible methods of climbing out. So. Humans would absolutely be the worst to try to keep contained. Like, “escape rooms” are currently seen as a fun date idea. I’m sayin.

2 - animals that escape most often return to their own enclosure (after all that’s where their beds and dinners are, and if the zoo is any good it is the place best suited to their species-specific needs for miles and miles) after they have had sufficient excitement. Ken Allen the orangutan would escape and wander around the zoo looking at the animals like he’d bought a ticket. So if the keepers were nice, and formed a bond, and the set up was comfy, once the human knew they could get out if they really wanted, they’d probably go back, depending on how uncomfortable/dangerous the alien environment was.

I mean if they were raised in captivity. Wild-caught humans, all bets are off; depending on age of capture a return home could be a full blown obsession, the sabotage of engineering from mechanisms up to entire facilities is a strong possibility, and they may go on a murder spree with improvised or stolen weapons if desperate.

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Humans consider an Escape Room to be a Fun Courtship Ritual

[roseapprentice]

The wild humans thing does depend a LOT on how good the zoo is, IMO. If you, as the alien zookeeper:

“Rescued” humans who weren’t thriving in the wild. (Aka dire medical debt.)

Made sure to take an entire social troop instead of lone individuals. (Your closest friends/family members are there.)

Offered VERY good care and enrichment.

Then I think you’d have at least a PARTIAL chance of your wild humans proving to themselves that they can escape and immediately going, “Okay but the zoo is obviously better.”

[thatquietkid108]

There will definitely be people who pack their bags and wait in front of the zoo to be taken in

[killadelphia]

[boringkate]

People get so fixated on the rehabilitation of convicted criminals. Nobody ever talks about rehabilitating law abiding citizens. This is because law abiding citizens are a lost cause. The law abiding citizen is beyond redemption.

[reallybadblackoutpoems]

text from my dad (2021) - my dad

“i’ll admit that my main problem with this is that i haven’t asked”

submitted by @cornandcoconutsoup​

[cornandcoconutsoup]

Original text for context

[reallybadblackoutpoems]

op this provides no context

[blankpointdankmemes]

[matt-ruins-your-shit]

[spaceshipoftheseus]

Look, this is my litmus test: I pretend I am the original Earl of Sandwich. I have asked for non-bread foods to be brought to me inside bread, that I might more easily consume them one-handed while gambling.

This does not enable my wretched regency habits. This is not what I asked for. I do not deign to grace it with the name of my house.

[dirkbolero]

This is the most important addition to the sandwich discourse I have ever read.

[gaydogonline]

poking at Ur hand with my nose to get you to pet me

[caitlikescoffee]

you're going to try and bite it aren't you?

[gaydogonline]

im not gonna lie i will straight up be biting it yes

[unyieldingsilence]

‎

[despazito]

Another one for "objectively funny crimes should not be punished"

[the-haiku-bot]

Another one for

“objectively funny crimes

should not be punished”

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[babyanimalgifs]

Marine life specialists noticed a spotted eagle ray mother was having trouble and helped her deliver two baby rays 

(Source)

[fionn-o-nassus]

They’re so cute! Such

[artissijamm]

:3

[thatquietkid108]

I love watching baby animals try and figure out their movement settings

[mockva]

Man notices an Eagle eyeing the fish he just caught

[mexicain-sans-frontiers-v2]

[the-davest-of-uncles]

*gets back to the nest* baby you are NEVER gonna believe how i got this fish

[wizardarchetypes]

like logically ofc i know my sleep disorder is indeed a disorder but it's still crazy to me that i have been taking my sleep meds every single night without fail for 3 months now, and as a result i have been sleeping by midnight and THROUGH the night every single night without fail for three months. but tonight i forgot to take it on time and now it's almost 3 am and i'm awake. it doesn't matter how long i stick to a rhythm, i will no magically become a healthy sleeper. these meds are genuinely life saving.

absolutely bonkers and actually MADDENING thinking about spending nearly three DECCAAAAADESSSS of my life believing i could just "fix" my schedule and get my sleep "on track." LMAO. i was up at 4 am when i was 6 years old sneaking downstairs to watch TV in misery bc i couldn't sleep and then i was still 32 YEARSSSS old like "no everyone listen THIS week i'm gonna avoid naps and go to bed on time and then i'll sleep normal from now on. for real this time." AJVBJAS SHUT UP!!!! NO YOU WEREN'T BABY!!!!!!!!! YOU WERE NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO DO THAT!!!!!!

[wizardarchetypes]

i went to my doctor in march and i was like "man you gotta help me. i haven't slept in 75 hours. and i know sometimes people say that but they really mean they've only slept 2 or 3 hours a night for several nights, which is awful of course, but i mean quite literally i haven't slept in 75 hours. and i keep waiting to finally 'crash' but i don't."

and he was like, "has this ever happened to you before?"

and i said, "oh yeah loads of times, since i was a toddler."

and he said, "why are you just now getting help?"

and i said, "well recently when i hit the 60 hour mark i've started hallucinating birds. and that's new."

and he said, "what do you mean, birds?"

and i said, "i don't know, i think they're house sparrows"

and he said, "i didn't mean what kind of birds"

(true that's not what he said but it was hard to parse the nuances of the conversation because there were a bunch of house sparrows in the room)

[aforest2006remaster]

yesterday i made a beetle out of soda tabs and wire. we took the bus home.

[greelin]

remembering you have organs inside of you is so sickening like man i do NOT need to be fully aware of the fact that like. my appendix is just IN there. doing fuck all

[greelin]

jinxed myself with this one bc my appendix decided Brother, I’m Going To Start Doing Something (Today) and now it’s gotta come out

[greelin]

thanks to everyone who’s said any variation of “happy pride month to your appendix” in the tags. really appreciate that.

[unyieldingsilence]

‎

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[casuallyodd]

Both of these tags are right. I love when a cat will just put up with your silly human games. They love you and know you love them and are just happy with you.

[thatquietkid108]

The cat also did the slow blink at some point.

I heard somewhere that it's important to bother your cat sometimes just so they learn that it's something that happens and it's ok/safe. Good for vet visits

[mysteryteacup]

You reblogged this, giving me the notification, moments after I made a post about how since we've lost another prime minister we should just give the job to Larry the Chief Mouser and I want you to know that for a full thirty seconds I thought you were replying to that and implying Larry was letting us know through slow blink that he'd run the country fine. 😅😂

[thatquietkid108]

Lol, how I wish that was the case. He would definitely be better than anyone else they have to offer. Would definitely last longer too

[depsidase]

[unicorncryptid]

"my life isn't a crime, I'm not one of those people -"

"you sure? new parameters for Those People just dropped. check again."

[lizardywizard]

And if you truly cannot imagine this, if you're convinced that it will never happen to you, consider this one thing.

Would you want scammers to know the state of your loved one's dementia?

[the-haiku-bot]

Would you want scammers

to know the state of your loved

one’s dementia?

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.